


Wan High Weeping

by TalesOfOnyxBats



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Age Changes, Alternate Universe - High School, Bulimia, Bullying, Character Death, Confusion, Drug Abuse, Drunk Tattoos, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Financial Issues, Homophobia, House Party, Jocks, M/M, Medical issues, Mental Health Issues, Past Rape/Non-con, Pink Eye, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slut Shaming, Sports, Stalker, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Underage Drinking, Volleyball, Weight Issues, anger issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-08-25 06:37:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 54
Words: 133,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16656100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesOfOnyxBats/pseuds/TalesOfOnyxBats
Summary: Avatar high school AU. After a long summer, with Sokka in college, Katara is left  to fend for herself at Wan high where rumors about her are still running wild and her new teacher June is out to get her. Sokka also leaves Suki behind when she needs him the most. Aang, newly out of the closet becomes a target for the school jocks. The summer has been cruel to Toph, whose family has lost everything. And it has treated Azula, Zuko, Mai, and TyLee less kindly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN: A few of the character’s ages have been tweaked to fit the plot frame. 
> 
> Content Warning: rape mention, abuse, drug abuse, eating & mood disorders, and self-harm.

Katara weaved her way through the crowd. She found herself more nervous than usual. It was her junior year and her first year wandering the halls of Wan High School without Sokka for company. Without Sokka for protection. She took the care to be as quiet as possible, the less attention she received the better especially these days. 06-31-09, at this point in time she knew the combo like the back of her hand and felt as though I would be ingrained in her for years after she graduated. The locker door swung open. She had hoped that summer vacation would be enough to let old problems be forgotten, she truly hoped. That’s how these things normally went. “Normally,” she muttered to herself as she plucked a sheet of folded paper from her locker. She hadn’t even had the time to arrange her books and the notes were already appearing again. With a scowl contorting her face, Katara stomped up to the rubbish bin and ripped the paper to bits. She already knew the basics of what it would read. After all the shreds had drifted to the bottom of the trashcan, her anger subsided and a helping of despair filled its place. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone already? It wasn’t even true what they were saying. She wrapped her arms around herself, willing herself not to cry.

She wished she had Sokka right now, she could really use his support.

 

“Hey Kat!” Aang greeted cheerfully. She didn’t know how he did it, how he managed to hold his chin up so high with jocks like Chan and Jet pinning him up against the lockers between verbal beatdowns. An activity they part-took in since middle school. And when they moved onto high school, a boy named Hide filled in their shoes for another two years.

 

“Good morning, Aang.” She tried to return the greeting with a smile. But she wasn’t in the mood for conversation—much less a smile—with her day starting the way that it had. 

 

“How are you?” He asked.

 

“Oooh I’m fine.” She replied.

 

“You seem down.” He cocked his head. He always did seem very sensitive to others’ emotions.

 

“Just sad that the summer is over, ya know?” She fibbed. “Sokka and I were having an amazing one but now he’s at college so I don’t get to talk to him much…” Now that wasn’t a fib at all. That had been bothering her since Sokka stated that he was moving states away to attend a rather prestigious school. She could only imagine how hard it must be on Suki.

 

“I’m gonna miss him too. You’re brother was a pretty cool guy.” He rubbed the back of his head, “not that I’d know much about that, ya know.”

 

“Don’t let them get to you Aang, you’re a pretty cool guy yourself.” She nudged him on the shoulder. “Soon enough guys from all over this school will line up to date you.”

 

“That would be nice.”

 

“Hey, twinkle toes!” Came an energetic shout.

 

“Who is that?” Katara asked.

 

“Oh, that’s Toph, she’s from my soccer team.”

 

“Our team is co-ed?”

 

“It’s not the school team.” Aang replied. “I don’t think I could handle being here for extra hours.”

 

Now there was something Katara could completely understand. Aang gave a quick wave and a ‘talk to you later’. It was nice to see that he had at least one person on his side.

 

Katara unfolded her schedule. Math with June…what a great start to her morning.  She just hoped that Jet wasn’t in her class, that would make it at least a little more tolerable. She found herself wishing that she was a year older, that way there would have been a chance that she’d have Suki in her class. Naturally though, everyone she liked was either a year or two younger or a year or two older. And even more naturally everyone who made her time at Wan High difficult were just the right age to earn assigned seats next to her.  Katara rummaged through her backpack—a kiddish looking thing, iridescent shimmery teal in color with golden seahorse, starfish, and mermaid patches. It was just another thing people jabbed her for. “You’re in high school.” She recalled Azula asking with an eyebrow raised and arms folded over her chest. 

“Yeah, why do you have a kiddy bag?” TyLee asked with an eye-roll from Mai to annunciate the point.

 

If Katara had her way she would have had a new backpack something in a sleek and solid metallic blue. They couldn’t pick on that. But her mother refused, telling her that getting a new backpack when that one was in perfectly good shape was a waste of money. Sokka didn’t help her case either, but at least tried to appeal to her; “Aww but you love that backpack? Are you really going to stop using it because three people don’t like it?” He smiled that charming smile and ruffled her hair. So she promised him that she’d keep using it and that she’d text him a few pictures of herself holding it by her locker. She looked to the left and then to the right—no teachers. She snapped a quick photo and sent it off. Hopefully it would make college move-in that much better for him.

 

She quickly put her phone back in her backpack and continued ruffling through it. _Water bottle, check. Summer reading assignment, check. Pencil and highlighter, check. Spare pencil, check. And calculator, check._ Katara smiled, never a day unprepared. She slung the backpack over her shoulder and sprinted across the hall, _never a day tardy either_ , she noted to herself. And she planned to keep it that way no many how many jocks and jerks she had to plow through.

 

“Kiss ass.” She heard a girl scoff. She knew she shouldn’t have, because it only made them laugh harder to know that they got her attention, but Katara looked back. It was one of Azula’s friends. Not Mai nor TyLee, but the one with the pigtails. Katara could never remember her name, Osha or Usha, or something like that. She just knew that the girl was on Azula’s volleyball team and was on par with Azula herself in terms of relentless bitchiness. Katara cringed, if her mother caught her saying something like that…

She cringed again harder, realizing that she just winced for something she thought about. It’s not like she said it aloud.  “No wonder everyone things I’m a dork.” This she did vocalize. She looked at the clock, she had about three minutes left to get to homeroom.  Deciding that, that wasn’t enough time for her to get to class and get settled in, she beelined it.

 

Wrong move. With an soft oof, she collided with another student. “Hey” Katara greeted awkwardly with a sheepish smile.

 

“Hey.” TyLee returned quietly.  So long as the rest of the poms team wasn’t there, the girl was actually pretty decent to be around.

 

“I can pick that up for you.” Katara offered, scrambling to pick up a rose gold iPod with a bunny key ring, some stencils, and a scatter of glittery gel pens.

 

“No, I got it.” She muttered. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

Katara bit the inside of her lip. Since the beginning of last year the other girl seemed quieter, a lot less bubbly. “Are you sure?”

 

“The bell is going to ring in one minute. Everyone knows you don’t like being late.” There was a bitter edge to this refusal that made Katara wonder why she offered to help in the first place.

 

Katara scooped up her own things and shuffled to class. No sooner than she sat down, did the bell ring. Quickly she splayed her pencils and notebooks over the desk. “And here I thought I’d be giving you your first tardy strike.” June remarked.

 

Katara stammered out an apology, despite not really having anything at all to apologize for. Katara watched those who should have been muttering apologies saunter into the room without a hassle from June save for a half-hearted, “don’t be late again.” Already, Katara was getting a sense that she and her teacher weren’t going to click—this would be a first. For the most part the teachers at Wan high were focused and firm, but easy to talk to. She could already tell that June was going to have a rather laidback manner of teaching. On its own math was a task for her, she feared for her grade now that she would be learning in a style that didn’t bode well with her.

 

“She’s fine as hell.” Chan remarked, dropping into his seat. Katara closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. At least he wasn’t Jet. She could tolerate Chan.

 

“Alright.” June declared, slamming a stack of papers onto her desk. “Here’s how this is going to work.” She leaned herself against it. “I’m going to teach, you’re going to learn. This will be the easiest class you’ll ever take, or you’ll go home crying every night. I’ll let you all decide.”

 

Katara cringed, what a promising start to the class. She had half the mind to shoot her hand up and ask, “aren’t you supposed to pass out a syllabus.” Instead she remained as quiet as possible, hoping that she wouldn’t go home crying every night.

 

“Let’s start out with a little icebreaking activity. I’ll tell you all about my tattoo and you’ll tell me anything you feel might be worth sharing.” Lowering her voice some, she mumbled, “you’d be surprised at how boring you all are.”

 

This drew a few chuckles, apparently June was going to be a hit with the rest of the student body, especially the boys. This time Katara couldn’t hold her tongue, “what about attendance?”

 

Chan sniggered. Turning to one of the guys on his volleyball team, Chu-Leng, he mimicked “what about attendance?”

 

“Attendance?” June asked.

 

“Before class starts, especially on the first day, you’re supposed to take roll.” Katara continued, fighting hard to ignore the snickers from behind.

 

June shrugged. “You’re either here or you aren’t, it’ll show up on your report card.” She moved to sit on her desk. “Besides, I’m a math teacher, I can count. I have a class of twenty-six students, only twenty-five are here.”

 

“Yes!” Katara replied, trying to sound as level as possible. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but shouldn’t you know _who_ , is missing?” Frankly, Katara wanted to know who she was supposed to be sitting next to. The only two open seats were the ones next to her.

 

“Well, since you seem so eager to run the class, how about you start. Introduce yourself and tell the class a little bit about you.”

 

“Big nerd.” Chu-Leng remarked.

 

“Big slut.” Chan added, quiet enough for her ears but not June’s.

 

Katara stood and made her way to the front of the class room. “Hi I’m Katara, I love with my mother, father, Gran, and brother…well my brother just moved out to go to college. You all know him though, or most of you do.” Why did she have to ramble when she was nervous, it was almost as bad as stuttering. “Anyways, I’m going to try out for the swim team…”

 

“Of course she is.” Chan commented, “has to put her swimsuit pics in the year book.”

 

“…If I don’t make the team I’ll be running for student council.” She didn’t know what else to say, she didn’t feel as though she was as interesting as Sokka or Suki. The thrill of going back to her seat was overpowered by Chan ramming into her as he made his way up to the front.

 

“For those of you who don’t know, not that there are many of you, I’m Chan. I throw the best parties this school knows…”

 

Katara felt herself zoning out for the rest of the class, it was all the same year after year and next period she would be in for a different version of the same icebreaker games.  She didn’t see Suki at lunch either so her spirits dimmed that much darker. Hoping that she wasn’t in class, she sent her a quick text, ‘when do you have lunch?’ She unpacked her lunch as she waited for the reply. She smiled as she drew the note from her lunch bag. It was simple, as it always was; _Good luck with your first day. Enjoy lunch. – Love, Mom._ She wished that those wishes of luck were more than just that, but she would apricate lunch. Her mom took the care to pack it for her.

 

Her phone buzzed and the words, ‘fourth hour’ appeared in the chat bubble.

 

‘Me too. Where are you?’ She hit send.

 

This time the three little dots appeared right away. ‘Doctor’s.’

 

Katara bit her lip. ‘On the first day? Everything o.k?’

 

For a while the dots didn’t reappear. Katara finished peeling her orange by the time they did.

 

‘Yeah. Everything’s fine.’

 

 _As fine as they could be_ , Katara thought, Suki didn’t have to say it for her to know. Her fingers hovered above the touch screen as she thought of what to say next. But it was hard to think with the cafeteria chatter and banter.

 

“Hey! Give that back!”

 

Katara looked behind her to spy a game of keep away, a classic among Chan’s lot. Should Teo or Haru be particularly unlucky, Jet’s team would join in too. She always wanted to step in and say something, anything, but as soon as she stood the words left her tongue and her nerves plummeted away. When had she become so…terrified? Back in elementary school she was reprimanded almost daily for throwing crayons and erasers at kids who took them from others. She would give an earful to any playground bully that needed a lecture. But now, when it seemed to matter the most, she sat uncomfortably, her stomach squirming as Teo’s lunch sack was tossed from one person to the next. The game only met its end when Chu-Leng fumbled it. “Nice going, dipshit.” Chan grumbled.

 

“Hey, the point is to keep it away. I think we won.” He shrugged. “He can lick it off the ground if he wants to eat so bad.”

 

“Can he?” Chan sniggered, giving the boy’s wheelchair a good shove.

 

This time Katara opened her mouth. All she had to do was push it out, a simple, “leave him alone” or a bolder, “eat this” before chucking her own sandwich in his direction. How satisfying would it have been to see a paste of peanut butter smeared all over the jock’s face. She balled her fists but by the time she decided that she’d intervene Chan had found his seat and Teo wheeled himself away. Katara slammed her fist on the table, an outburst that was mercifully unnoticed. She hadn’t even had a chance to offer him some of her food. If only Sokka were there she would have sprung right into action. Hell, if Suki had been there it would have been the extra boost she need.

If only, if only, if only!

It was driving her crazy.

 

With her mood more somber than before, Katara worked on finishing her sandwich. Suki had stopped replying to her texts, probably wrapped up in her appointment. For the time, Katara was wholly alone. Aang, Toph, Haru, she had a healthy amount of friends but so typically, none of them shared the same lunch hour with her. She swore that headmaster Roku had to be doing it on purpose, not that he actually kept track of the cliques and dynamic duos of Wan high. So it was that Katara found herself peeping in on various conversations. It wasn’t her intent to do so, but with no discussion of her own to uphold she found it unbearably hard to tune everyone else’s out. In her defense one boy a few tables over practically screamed, “have you seen Miss June’s ass yet!?” Katara’s attention left that discussion very fleetingly.

 

“Is my mascara running?”

 

“I heard that Long Shot’s joining the chess team this year.”

“Really, I thought that he was in archery?”

“Can’t expect a nerd to keep up with anything cool.”

 

“I think that I should join theater this year…”

 

It took her awhile to find a voice she recognized. “It’s actually disappointing really.” This was Usha’s slick mutter. Katara assumed she was catching the tail end of the conversation. “But I guess I’m the captain now.”

 

So she found another one to follow.  “You know what, Zuko? No, I have my own things to deal with…” The girl paused. “How about this? How about instead of…hold on.” She fixed a set of dull eyes on Katara. They were so thickly coated in black eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara it was almost menacing on principle, never mind that the glare was a very pointed one. Katara mouthed a quick apology for eavesdropping.  “Whatever.” She grumbled and at a much lower volume, she carried on her conversation.

 

Officially flustered, and rightfully so, Katara decided to curb her curiosity, lunch was almost through anyhow. She began tucking away what remained of her lunch, she never did eat the strawberries. For the remaining minutes spent in the cafeteria, she dutifully went over each and every one of the syllabi—cursing June in particular for having such a vague one when she finally did hand it out. With the bell’s ring she slung her backpack on and huffed, she was long overdue for a trip back to her locker. Only three classes in and her textbooks were practically conditioning her for the school wrestling team.

 

She read over her schedule as she fought her way through a swarm of peers and groaned to herself. She had June for Chemistry too? For the first time in her educational career, Katara thought about taking one from Sokka’s book and playing hooky. She fumbled with her locker. “Are you kidding me!?” She tried the combination again and gave it a good pound.

The hall was nearly empty, but it wasn’t like anyone would have come leaping to her aid anyhow. “Come on, open. Please.” She winced. She looked at the time, two minutes left to get to class. She groaned, looks like June would be giving her, her first tardy after all.

 

With the hall so nearly vacant the slam of a locker near her own caused her to jolt. She should have ignored it, it was always best to ignore loud sudden noises when on Wan high territory. But she didn’t, instead she locked eyes with the only other person in the hall. Straggly locks obscured much of her face, but not enough to spare her an intense furious glare—she wondered just how many of those she’d be on the receiving end of that day. Though these eyes had an exhausted undertone that took the edge off of the anger. She was paler than Katara last remembered and had put on some weight, wearing less makeup than Katara herself. And the makeup that she had bothered with was applied with a degree of carelessness. Overall, she was disheveled, leaving Katara with the impression that she wasn’t the only person having a tragic first day.  She heaved herself away from the locker she was slumped against, allowing Katara to assess that even her posture was wrong.

Everything was off to the point where Katara almost didn’t recognize her.


	2. Ribcage

An athlete since she was a child, Azula had come to expect breaking a bone at least once. Really it was hard to say what aspect of the breaking would be the worst; she always imagined that it would be the pain. A sharp, searing feeling. It was true, the pain was pretty horrible. The sensation that something was not right followed by the dawning and dreadful realization that there was an injury was equally as terrible. She imagined that the look of a broken bone would be nearly as bad the previous two aspects.

But it wasn’t any of that.

No, it was the cracking sound.

That had been the worst part.

 

There was something about it, that sickly pop. It touched her ears in all the wrong ways. It echoed there and it still seemed to be stuck in her mind five weeks into the six-week healing process. _Healing_ , is that what she was doing? It certainly didn’t feel like it.

 

She thought that she shouldn’t even be in school yet. It was the last place she wanted to be, she wasn’t ready in the slightest for a plethora of reasons, some rational and some shallow. No she didn’t think that she had done any healing. At the very least, her healing process has been ugly.

 

**.oOo.**

 

_She was two months into the summer already and things were still running smoothly. That morning she had finally  landed her first jump serve. She was proud of herself really, it was a move she had been practicing since the last season had ended. She supposed it helped that her father converted one of the larger rooms in their estate into a gym for her. Her own personal volleyball court. With it in place, she had finetuned many of her skills. It would seem that it was finally paying off. Her serve had been a success, evading Usha—who, for the time, was posing as someone on an opposing team._

_It worked best that way, to pit herself against Usha. They were the strongest of their teammates, she couldn’t see herself getting adequate practice if she wasn’t facing someone of her own caliber._

_It was Usha’s turn to serve. Though she favored the very common, and rather easy overhand serve, she was an expert at it and could land the best of them. She tossed the ball and smacked it. Azula had to toss her some props, she almost hadn’t been able to bump it back. It took dropping into a dive of sorts, but the ball was over the net where it belonged. She hopped that Innika could handle the next attack because she wouldn’t have her bearings back on time. It wasn’t Innika who filled in though, it was Kori. Timid Kori Morishita. The new girl—new to the team anyhow—whom Azula had her doubts about. Perhaps she was wrong, the girl was showing some promise. Her counter attack made it through Oni and Kazar._

_Frankly they weren’t doing bad for practicing in three-man teams. Coach Ming would likely be impressed._

_A few more serves and spikes later, Azula suggested calling it a day. There was no sense in using all of their energy up in one day. “Next practice will be the two days from now. Does that sound good to everyone?”_

_“It sounds perfect to me.” Usha declared. As it usually did, her agreement sparked a chain of yeah’s and affirmative head nods. All except for one person was in agreement._

_“I actually had plans to go to the beach with my family and Sneers.” Kori confessed._

_“Do you want to be a part of this team or not?” Usha scoffed._

_“Of course I want to…”_

_Azula cut her off, “well then you better start taking it seriously.” Azula added._

_“I am. I just already had plans.”_

_“You just made the team, don’t think that we’re going to bed our schedules for a newbie.” Usha shrugged._

_“I didn’t ask you to.” Kori defended. “I was just saying that I couldn’t make it.”_

_Usha opened her mouth to argue, but Azula held up a hand. “Thank you for letting us know. We’ll find someone to fill in for you. The least you can do for us is play a game of beach volleyball with your boyfriend.”_

_“I—”_

_“No excuses.” Azula cut in. “I expect the best from this team. You don’t get special treatment because you are new. Unless of course, you consider being pushed harder to be special treatment.” And that was the end of it, Azula would hear no more. Kori could go screw around as much as she’d like so long as it didn’t impact the team’s chances that year._

_She waved her goodbyes and went on her way, blissfully unaware of how diligent karma could be. She didn’t think she had been_ that _cruel to Kori, certainly she had said worse things before. And maybe it was those things that she was paying for._

_The incident itself was almost comical if it hadn’t done so much damage._

_She was on her way to talk with Mai. The girl had grown distant and she had this nagging desire to find out if it was something she had done or if it was just another one of those things that TyLee had dubbed as a ‘Mai-ism’. TyLee had giddily explained that a Mai-ism was any mannerism unique to Mai. She missed TyLee, but apparently bullying Katara was too much for her. After years of teasing and gossiping many classmates, apparently Katara was where she drew the line._

_Azula sent out a quick text, asking if Mai was at the Jasmine Dragon yet. After sending that one, she added that she was on her way—of course that was code for, ‘you better be there already.’ As she walked, she re-tied her ponytail. Her phone buzzed and she took a look at it. In this aspect she blamed herself for what happened. If she had been paying attention…_

_All she heard was an abrupt cry, a sharp warning delivered too late. She only had a chance to look up and see a weighty extension ladder toppling. The thing was much heavier than it looked. The construction workers moving it had underestimated its weight as well, they didn’t have a good hold on it, and it fell. Or so she was told. The how’s didn’t matter. And their profuse apologizing meant less._

_She could barely hear them because the pain was so intense. It had taken them awhile to remove the ladder. When they did, she wished that they hadn’t. Maybe if they would have left it to the professionals, she would have come out with only a bruise—albeit a very large and harsh one._

_Instead they tried to help. They shifted the ladder in just the wrong way and there came that sickly snap. Azula dared to hope that it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. She wasn’t a woman of reactions, but she cried out, her vision going fuzzy and dizzy for a second._

_Her father was going to have a riot. He’d have their careers and their futures in one merciless lawsuit and she would help him every step of the way. She thought that she would anyways…_

_The trip to the hospital was frantic. She remembered texting her father first. She then sent Usha a rather strongly worded account of the event and a resentful instruction to cancel their practice—boy Kori was going to get a thrill there. Finally, she got around to Mai, stating that she wouldn’t be able to make it after all with a brief explanation._

_‘Pics or it didn’t happen.’_

_It was just the kind of sardonic response that Azula wasn’t looking for. But she snapped a picture of herself in the ambulance anyhow. For it she was scolded by the paramedics who had, had it up to there with her texting as they scrambled to help her._

_She sincerely doubted they could do anything at all until they were in the hospital._

_Until then every little bump and rock was jarring. No, the bumps were downright agonizing, no matter how hard they worked to keep her stable. Every breath hurt to hell and back. She found that she couldn’t move without feeling as though she were making things worse._

_Oh, God, she was going to have her father ruin those men…_

**.oOo.**

_She was sent home with a bottle of painkillers, a bag of ice, and instructions to breathe deeply—lest she get a case of pneumonia on top of it all—and not exert herself._

_It turned out that there wasn’t much they could do for a set of broken ribs._

_So she found herself frustrated, quite literally, to tears. She had never been useless before. But, lord, if she wasn’t then. She couldn’t even walk properly, much less carry on with her volleyball._

_Six weeks._

_That stole from her, her last month of summer. Her last month of practice._

_Six weeks, that stole from her the first week of the official volleyball season._

_Six weeks, and that was only the ‘average healing time’. There was always the possibility of a slow recover or another accident._

_Six weeks. That didn’t factor in a seventh week just to make sure she was safe to resume her regular activity._

_And those first five weeks were horrible to her. It was excruciating to sit around doing nothing. It was more so to physically feel herself getting weaker and losing all of the progress she had just gained and then some. Even if she made a full recovery, she wouldn’t be in the same place. By the third week all of her hard work was gone, wasted away and she was helpless to stop it._

_Even if she wanted to go spike the ball a few times or go for a run, or even a walk, she couldn’t. Her ribs couldn’t take it yet. She couldn’t risk hurting herself worse, so she let herself waste away._

_Somehow, she managed to sink lower still. By the fourth week three things had become apparent; Usha was unbelievably unsupportive, Kori had some fire in her and a good set of balls, and her lack of activity had begun to catch up with her._

_Usha was her first problem. The girl had come over once or twice, offering what Azula ultimately decided was faux sympathy. She was a very glib girl, much more than Azula herself, which was saying something. She brought her some flowers, a get well soon card, and a muffin. She stopped by a thrice more after that, one time was strictly business. Azula told her to resume practice without her, instructions that left a hollow feeling in her mind and an unpleasant tickle in her stomach. After than Usha hadn’t stopped by once. When she realized that Azula truly was in deep, her texts stopped coming too._

_No doubt, Usha made quick work of sharing her condition with the rest of their circle. She received well wishes from the rest of the team and then from Chan and Jet’s lot. They wouldn’t have done so if they saw the state that she was in._

_They would soon._

_Conversation with Chan grew tiresome after a while, less because of his own words, and more because she was tired of seeing his social media filled with parties and summer festivities that she was too unwell to attend. She was particularly bitter to miss his end of summer party. The one that always got the most talk. Chatting with Jet was much the same._

_So she tried texting Mai, who was terribly uninterested. The girl had her own problems, the main one was a few doors down the hall, smoking a cigarette. She wouldn’t be surprised if Mai cut ties with her to avoid Zuko. TyLee was the next person she tried to contact, but the girl had well and blocked her. She didn’t think she had been that mean to TyLee._

_In a last ditch, wholly pathetic effort, she tried Kori. Timid Kori. Timid Kori who essentially told her to fuck off after a very snide, “you’re not taking practice very seriously, maybe you should get off your lazy ass and join us sometime.” There was a smiley emoji in there somewhere. She had to admit she was impressed with the teeth on that girl, but was irked to the extreme no less._

_Evidently, this was also what kickstarted her first bought of insecurity. What lead her to notice the third evident thing. The implication that she had grown lazy hit hard. She didn’t want to think so, but she believed that it was true. At least so some degree._

_Mostly because of her injury and partly of her own doing, she realized that she hadn’t exactly been taking care of herself. Even something as mundane as a shower had become a task so she admitted to neglecting them on some days. She hadn’t really made any effort to exercise any. Granted, she truly was reluctant at the thought of breaking her ribs further. Still, she wasn’t doing herself any good simply lying in bed eating her feelings, and wallowing in her self-pity._

_No one was really around to remind her of that._

_She wished her father were there, he would have._

_She didn’t know when exactly her physical appearance had begun to diminish, if she had to guess she would have thought somewhere around the third week—it would explain why Usha was acting different. But the when’s didn’t matter. What mattered was that she was a wreck. Her bedbound state had paled skin that used to sport a very pleasing tan. Her bedbound state had left her hair untamed and unclean. Above all else, her bedbound state had taken from her, her lean, athletic figure. That is what she was struggling to come to terms with more than anything else. She had taken a large degree of pride in her toned abs and arms. There was something satisfying about beating Jet out in that department. And now? Now it was just gone. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been quite so bad if that was as far as it went, but somewhere down the road her body began to go in the exact opposite direction. The change was rather slight, but painfully obvious after years of having the same build. She was growing softer in the most unflattering way and curvier in the exact wrong places. She didn’t know how she hadn’t caught it sooner._

_Her father was going to kill her just as well as he ruined the workers who had her bed-ridden in the first place. He was going to kill her for tossing her volleyball career away. She almost more afraid to face him when he got back from his business trip than she was of facing her schoolmates in a week._

_For the first time she was truly afraid for herself and truly embarrassed by herself. For the first time she felt out of place in a body that didn’t seem so familiar anymore._

_There was a bigger sense of helplessness, an overarching loss of control, in that she still had two weeks left of her recovery period._

_A whole two weeks for her to stumble in her newfound insecurities and ruin herself more._

**.oOo.**

 

Karma was still not done with her. In fact, it seemed to be taking joy in backhanding her at every opportunity. She had come to school late, a move made to draw less attention to herself—not that it was going to work very well—and the first person she got to spend one on one time with was no other than Katara.

 

Katara who stood with her locker just having been opened as the bell rang. It would seem that her rival was having a dreadful day herself, she couldn’t imagine the girl being late for the first time ever on a good day. In one hand she was holding her ridiculously childish ocean-themed backpack. Last year she probably would have kicked the thing over to reveal equally as kiddish pens, notebooks, and erasers. That day, Azula simply stared at her, waiting for a deep and deserved emotional jab. She was fighting another round of that sickly, crawling feeling. The longer Katara took her in, the more overpowering it became until she picked up her belongings and hustled away as quickly as she could; which, evidently, wasn’t very fast with her ribs still mending themselves.

 

If the school nerd-gone-slut was judging her, then she could only imagine what Usha and Chan had in store.


	3. Razor Bliss

_Mai hadn’t planned on spending that day, or any day in the Jasmine dragon. But Azula was just as much of a fan of demands as Mai was of avoiding arguments. Anyways she had gotten more than her fill of those through the duration of the summer._

_Summer, summer, summer. Mai hated summer because Zuko hated the season. Summer was when he was more or less stuck at home. At home was when he was stuck with their father._

_A waiter came around and dropped a single black coffee in front of her. Black coffee, TyLee would have gotten a kick out of that one. But she wasn’t in the mood for TyLee right then, the girl was too perky for her. Mai felt around her pocket, until her fingers grazed the item she was looking for. The urge is very strong. She squeezes her eyes shut and clenches her fists._ Not here, not now. _She told herself. But she was losing her grip quickly. She was both thankful and vexed by the buzzing of her phone. She hadn’t even picked it up but she was already annoyed. It could only be from one of two people and both of them bothered her._

_Frankly she hoped that it was Azula as opposed to Zuko. That late into the summer, Azula was the lesser of two evils. Reluctantly but quickly, she withdrew her hand from her pocket and unlocked her phone. ‘Are you already at the Jasmine Dragon?’ Mai sighed to herself. Azula had a habit of expecting people to leap when she demanded it but had no concept of jumping for anyone else. She replies with a simple, ‘yes’ regardless._

_She supposed that it would be good to try to explain things to Azula. She wasn’t in the mood for people much these days, but she didn’t want to cut ties entirely. Perhaps the truth was the best thing to tell in this case. She took a prolonged drink of her coffee. It was so much easier to keep things inside. So much easier to release them in one thin red line._

_Her hand goes to her pocket again._

_“Not here.” She mumbles to herself. “Not here.”_

_She was trying so hard to break the habit. How long had it been since the last time? She thought that it was maybe back in February when Zuko had his Valentine’s Day meltdown. God forbid they just act like a normal couple for the holiday. No, he always had to go out throw his money around—try something elaborate and over the top that always didn’t quite work out as he planned. He’d get frustrated and things would derail from there. She pinched the bridge of her nose, the man was much too intense for her. All she wanted was to stick with her stoic moods and her quiet time. A novel would do her well, maybe something like Carmilla…but that reminded her too much of TyLee in some dark way. She’d find herself a novel, hell, at this point she might even be willing to stoop to stereotypes and throw in some Evanescence and Black Veil Brides. But then, the band didn’t really matter so long as she had something to drown out her own thoughts, lest they overtake her, climb up to the surface, and claw their way out._

_She was growing impatient, she looked at her phone. With nothing else to do it began to settle and she found herself going to Zuko’s text window. Her fingers hovered over the buttons. She promised herself that she wouldn’t do it, that she wouldn’t go crawling back, not after what happened just before the summer’s start._

_She became once again aware of the object in her pocket. It suddenly feels so heavy._

_It was not like Azula to be late and she was beginning to think that she just got stood up. Petty vengeance was in Azula’s nature, she thought that it might be in the girl’s blood. Mai didn’t know what she had done, maybe she had given a bigger cold shoulder than she had thought. Azula didn’t take well to being snubbed._

_She tossed back the rest of her coffee. She needed something to dull her mood because she could feel a creeping anger churning within. She felt it stirring in her belly and beating behind her eyes. Just when it was beginning to reach its peak she hears her text tone. ‘I won’t be meeting you after all…’ She should have felt pure unsaturated rage right then. But all she feels is a hollow and cold sense of indifference; if Azula didn’t want to hear it then that was fine. It was fine. She didn’t need Azula. In fact, it would be just dandy in Mai’s world if Azula severed ties with her. That way she wouldn’t have to deal with the woman and her edgy, uptight moods nor the higher odds of running into Zuko, but she could also pretend like the burned bridge wasn’t of her own doing._

_And then the volleyball star texted her again and she knew that she would still have to blame herself because Azula explained that she was on her way to the hospital. A part of Mai feels bad that she wasn’t there for her. Most of Mai feels a wild lack of care as per usual._

_She didn’t know what possessed her to do it. Maybe it was roll over agitation and impatience, the remanence of thinking that she had been stood up. Maybe it was some undetected, underlying resentment—the kind the existed only at an unconscious level.  Whatever the reason, she texted ‘pics or it didn’t happen’. As soon as she hit send, she had a vague sense that she just broke things off with Azula without trying._

_Yet she received a picture._

_In that picture she found a new sense of guilt. The girl didn’t look angry at all…okay so that wasn’t strictly true, she looked absolutely and fantastically pissed even for Azula. But there was a sort of franticness about it. She could see fear. Fear and pain and a lot of it. She was laying down with her stomach exposed, it was swollen and bruised at the ribcage. A closer observation of the image had her quickly closing out of the texting app and shoving her phone into her pocket. She was never good with body horror; ‘Saw’, ‘Body Melt’, those were not on her to watch list by any means. So noticing the way Azula’s ribcage was protruding in some places, jutting at an awkward angel, had her squirming._

_She should have said something. Something supportive and comforting. But her stomach was lurching and she didn’t really want to see the picture again. She couldn’t be mad at Azula though, she did ask for it. In retrospect it was painfully stupid. Ambulances always meant body horror._

_Her squeamishness at the sight of broken bones and massive amounts of blood only made her actions more confusing. It was different somehow, she justified, when it was her own blood. She got up from her chair and muttered a thank you to her server._

_Her phone buzzed again and she full expected a scathing remark from Azula about being ignored again. What she found was worse. ‘Mai, I’m sorry. Please talk to me. I don’t know what I’m going to do…’_

_She stole herself away in the bathroom and drew the razor out of her pocket._

**_.oOo._ **

_By the end of the summer her arm had the texture of a cracked mirror. After her initial relapse in the bathroom of the Jasmine Dragon things had nosedived. Had made her way back to an empty home that seemed that much more so with her parents off on business trips, the one that they constantly complained of. Apparently, they weren’t done with the Beifong’s yet. Between their lawsuit and Ozai’s competitive company, she didn’t see much of a way out for the other family. Once upon a time she would have been longing for them to come home. If she were still in middle school she’d be begging them to come home and spend the summer with her. By now it has settled in that, that just wasn’t a realistic wish._

_She gave her arm another slash for her loneliness._

_She indulged herself in her destruction twice more that summer. The first of which was just a perfect storm. Tom-Tom was pitching up a good fuss because she didn’t fancy a trip to the pool. With skin so pale she didn’t do anything but burn._

_“You never take me to the pool.” He accused. “You didn’t take me last summer either and I want to go.” It would only be a matter of time before he started wailing._

_And Mai couldn’t take it, not one more minute of the screeching and whining. She wasn’t angry with Tom-Tom, he was a kid, he just wanted to enjoy the summer with the other kids. No, she was furious with her parents. They should have been there. This was their job. “Why don’t you swim in our pool.” She suggested, at least that way she could sit on the porch, in the shade, or watch from the inside with the a/c pumping._

_“I don’ wanna play alone no more, I wanna see Fifi.”_

_Mai winced. She winced because she knew that by being so introverted, she was depriving him of a healthy social life. But she couldn’t putt on a bikini with her arms all crisscrossed. That would earn her too many questions. “Either swim in our pool or find a new way to have fun, Tom-Tom.”_

_Just like that he was bawling and she felt horrible all over again._

_Later she tried to get him to eat but he refused. Just like he refused to change out of his swim trunks and into his pajamas. He cried through the night and she wondered if this temper tantrum would ever come to pass._

_Just when she was feeling alone in her stroke of ill luck, she got the text. She would rather be alone than hear from Zuko. She couldn’t handle his slew of problems that night, his begging and crying made Tom-Tom’s sound like music. Awful, half-assed screamo songs, but music no less. She swiped the message notification away and powered the phone off._

_She took pride in her self-control, in her ability to leave it powered off for another three days._

_When she did turn it back on she found an onslaught of awful things. The last several were scathing messages from her mother and father. Tom-Tom must have complained to them about being housebound for so long. She opted not to reply, she was already in three days deep, responding then would be a waste of text._

_Zuko, as expected, also helped to blow up her phone. ‘I just want to talk.’ ‘I won’t do it again.’ ‘Please, I really need someone to talk to.’ ‘Azula’s hurt you know?’ He must have been getting desperate if he was willing to toss in a faux sympathetic message regarding his sister. She swiped those away too, wondering why she didn’t just block him._

_Because she is a stupid bitch. A tried and true idiot._

_She was_ that _person._

_Zuko wasn’t the final straw._

_Scrolling up she came to find that it had been Azula. She was the one who had texted her first. The message itself wasn’t even that bad. It was rather mundane, almost pleasant actually. The Azula version of an apology for skipping out on her. She decided that Azula must have been lonely or desperate. She had texted again after that, asking ‘Mai are you there?’ And then an, ‘believe it or not, I don’t know what I did.’ And finally after three days of being cold shouldered, ‘fine, don’t talk, there are plenty of other goths around.’_

_It would seem that she was replaceable. She felt like she deserved it. If she hadn’t jumped to conclusions, if she hadn’t assumed it was Zuko then she might have had some company in this lonely house. Well, that was not strictly true; she and Tom-Tom would have gone for a drive to Ozai’s estate. Instead she further isolated herself._

_She counted the texts, four from Azula, six from her mother, three from her father, four from Zuko._

_Her arm had seventeen new cuts._

_Small things. Small, thin dripping things. Slashes that had just as much depth as her decidedly bland personality._

_She couldn’t answer Tom-Tom when he asked why she was wearing long sleeves in the summer. God forbid he take a chapter from her book in his later years._

_.oOo._

_Her arm has taken so much abuse already but she runs the razor across it again. It was not her usual razor. No, this time she drew blood in the shower, telling herself that she was ‘just shaving’ like a normal teen._

_“Showers are good for you, they help you relax.” Claimed every magazine ever. Claimed all of the internet sources. Showers were apparently the ultimate self-care. She momentarily forgot that she wasn’t a typical teen. For her, showers were time to think. Time to realize just how foolish her actions had been._

_Zuko had texted her again, a long and detailed spiel about how his father had only been home for a little while but had already slammed him into a wall among other things. About how his dad was hollering to a magnitude that even Azula was flinching. About how his dad had flown completely off the handle this time, reminded him that he was a ‘sad, useless sack of shit’ and stormed off to go on his third?—Mai didn’t know the exact number—business trip that summer. He sealed the message off by telling her that he hit up Chan again. That he would stop if she talked to him._

_So she did._

_She pressed the razor down harder and dragged, removing not just hair, but a few layers of skin. She cried out. She heard Tom-Tom’s little voice calling her name. “You ‘kay, Mai?” He asked._

_It made her feel even more awful, she was failing as a sister just as she was failing as a friend for Azula and a girlfriend for Zuko. Not to mention as a daughter. She dragged the razor down her other arm with just as much force, that time keeping her cry muffled. But Tom-Tom called for her again so she replied, “I’ll be out in a moment and then you can get your bath.”_

_Without the water to wash it away, the blood was flowing free. It was a fight to get it to stop and she feared that she had dug too deep that time._

_“Hurry up Mai, I wanna get squeaky clean!” He sounded so joyful. He didn’t know and that made her allt he more desperate to make it stop. She unraveled more than half of the toilet paper trying to soak the blood. She_ had _underestimated how much damage a simple shaving razor could do._

_“Just a second Tom…” she was fighting back tears as she pressed her towel to her arm. “I’ll be right out Tom…”_

**.oOo.**

She was a rare breed in that she was excited for the school year. She couldn’t dwell on her demons if she was pouring all of her brainpower into her studies. Last year her problems had her one A away from the high honor role. This year she could see straight A’s and a hollow sense of meaningless accomplishment that her parents wouldn’t pay any mind to.

 

So far though, it has been all gossip. By lunch time, she knew all about Katara’s little sex scandal and about Suki’s surprise. She knew without having seen Azula, that the volleyball captain was no longer so. That apparently, she was no longer the pinnacle of beauty. Just as apparently the girl hadn’t even set foot in the school yet and people were just taking Usha’s word for it. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Azula had a very large and long bitch streak, but Usha. That girl was all bitch with no redeeming qualities.

 

She hadn’t even gotten to finish her spaghetti when her phone rang. She stole a glance around the cafeteria, deeming the coast clear, she picked it up. “I’m going to need you to come over tonight.” Zuko requested.

 

“Zuko, I have to watch Tom-Tom, you know that.”

 

“You can bring him over.”

 

“Can I? Your room is the last thing I want him to see.”

 

“I’ll…” He paused, trying to find the right way to phrase things. “I’ll clean up a bit.”

 

“Zuko, I promised Tom-Tom I would take him to a friend’s house.”

 

She knew that he was going to snap before he did and held the phone away from her ear. “I’m your boyfriend! You can’t make time for me? I _really_ need you right now and you’re just going to leave me by myself. Mai I _need_ you. If you don’t come over—”

 

That time she decided that she has had enough. "You know what, Zuko? No, I have my own things to deal with…" She paused. "How about this? How about instead of…” She could feel a pair of invasive eyes on her. Could sense a set of curious ears listening in, ready to bring fresh gossip to a talkative mouth. “Hold on."  

She fixed her glare at the eavesdropper. She was relieved to meet the gaze of Katara, the girl wasn’t a gossiper, she was one of many topics of gossip. Still, Mai didn’t apricate the intrusion.  She saw her mouth an apology, wincing and squirming under her own intense stare.

 

"Whatever." She picked up her phone again. Her retort for Zuko was well and lost on her. She had the mind to mutter a quick, ‘thanks a bunch’ to Katara, but the girl had already picked up her silly backpack and fled the scene. “The answer is no Zuko, do what you want in your alone time.”

 

He always left her to her destruction, why should she do him any different?


	4. Tar

Azula wasn’t the only one reluctant to go back to school. Once again, she had more balls than he. At least she went to school. The idea of going back to high school knowing that the rest of his graduating class was headed off to their first days of college was enough to keep him at home. Azula was right, he was the family embarrassment. Even now, with her having injured herself out of glory, he was still the family embarrassment. At least she hadn’t failed herself out of school. He’d be lucky to get a GED.

 

These days even she pitied him. It bled through in her sudden drop in teasing. She wasn’t kind nor pleasant per-say, but she had no mockery for him anymore. He thinks that he hates her pity more than her jests. His door was closed and locked. He didn’t expect to hear one, but there was a light knock on his door. He wouldn’t get up from his bed, not for anything.

 

“Zuzu?”

 

He looked at his clock; 6:15. He ignored her, trying to focus on the feeling of his pillow beneath his head.

 

“Zuzu, I know that you’re awake.” She announced. “You haven’t forgotten that today is the first day of school, have you?” For him days tended to blend into nights, he wasn’t surprised that she would phrase it like that. He was, however, surprised that she phrased it in any way at all.

He allowed himself to wonder if and snicker at the notion that she might want him to come to school to offer her some classic big brother protection.

 

“Fine, if you want retake your senior year a third time, that’s on you.” He could hear the disappointment in her voice and it struck him that he was supposed to be the example. She was supposed to look up to him and here he was planning on skipping school to stick a needle in his arm. Finally, he heard footsteps, she probably didn’t have time to convince him to tag along with her to school.

Just as brief as his last speculation, he wondered he should come along with her. Even if she was looking out for his future as opposed to seeking a bodyguard, maybe he should go with and make sure she was okay. He was looking for an excuse to pop Chan anyways.

 

It was probably too late now, she liked to be early, so she was probably gone. It was just as well, he didn’t want her to be around for this. God forbid she find his stash and take up his favorite coping mechanism.

 

He crawled under his bed and lifted the middle-most floorboard and felt for his needles. They were filled with a tar-like substance. The kind of stuff that looked like it wasn’t meant to enter human veins. But that’s where it was about to go.  Along with it he grabs a belt, his father’s. There was something satisfying about using something used to keep him in check to rebel against the man. He tightened it around his bicep and pulled it taut. Holding it in place with is mouth, he readied the needle.

 

He hated waiting for it to kick in, but when it did, he was sublime.

He wished that he could produce that kind of euphoria himself, without the heroine.

 

**.oOo.**

 

He was still coming down from his high late in the afternoon. A sense of disoriented calm still lingered about him. He sulked down to the kitchen feeling absolutely lethetic. He had only a vague sense that it was going to come to an end soon, he was already feeling the down coming on. The sense of warmth and security was beginning to fade.

He poured himself a bowl of cereal that he wasn’t really hungry for at the moment. The moment his ass met the chair he was jolted right out of it once more.

 

“So this is why you stayed home from school.”

 

She wasn’t even particularly loud. No, her voice was as soft and lulling as ever, it was just that he hadn’t expected to hear it. “Wh-what are you doing here?” He sputtered. He hoped that his speech wasn’t slurred and that his eyes weren’t as droopy as they felt. “You’re supposed to be at school.”

 

“So are you.” She accused defiantly.

 

 _No, no, no…_ his mind was racing because now he knew that he was setting a truly horrible example.

 

“At least I didn’t stay home to get high.” There’s a somber undertone to her comeback. Maybe even a bit of concern.

She wasn’t supposed to see him like that. But there she was, with her own bowl of cereal—she had hardly touched it, rather she seemed to be vacantly staring at it, he can’t imagine that he helped her work up her appetite.

 

“Why?” He heard her ask softly.

 

He knew exactly what she meant by the question but he answered a different one, “because I’m not going to pass anyways so why would I go to school?” He almost wanted to ask her since when she cared. It didn’t affect her in the slightest, so she had no reason to.

 

“That’s not what I meant.” She replied. “Where do you even get them?”

 

He stomach lurches, the question sounded as nonchalant as any other. But the sense of dread creeps in anyways. “It doesn’t matter.” He hoped that she was asking so that she could cut off his source instead of find one for herself. It must have shown on his face because she sighs as deeply as her abused ribs would allow, “relax, I don’t want your stupid drugs, I’ve already ruined myself enough without the help…”

 

He wanted to say something. He didn’t know if that something was reassuring or a well-deserved insult or two. Her entire accident had left him torn between wanting to be reassuring and helpful and wanting to be as awful to her as she had always been to him. So he didn’t say anything. Her concern was touch but he had a feeling it was only there because she was at a low point herself.

 

To his relief she finally left the table, the force she used to push her chair in startled him some and he knew that she was in a terrible mood. A mood he made worse by coming to a late breakfast deep into his high. He noticed that she had taken her backpack, apparently, she was going to school after all.  He heard the door slam. Fleetingly he thought that she was going to hurt herself if she kept slamming things around. He had never seen her in this sort of mood before. Or maybe he was so deep in his heroine that he simply hadn’t been paying attention.

 

He looked at his phone. He had promised that he would never call Mai when he was on drugs, but God, he needed to hear her voice. Knowing very well that she could either make or break him, he dialed her number.

 

With every ring he grew angrier. She was ignoring him again. She always fucking ignored him when he needed her the most. He hated her just as well as he loved her. How could she just ignore him like that? It occurred to him later than it should have, that she was in school where he was supposed to be. He feels stupid despite not having acted on his sudden rage at all.

But he needed Mai so terribly. So, he tried her number again. That time she picked up. He hadn’t even left her a single moment to prepare herself. "I'm going to need you to come over tonight.”

 

"Zuko, I have to watch Tom-Tom, you know that."

 

He actually did not, that or she had told him and he had forgotten. He had very little interest in Tom-Tom, in kids in general. But he wanted Mai, he had to see her. "You can bring him over."

 

"Can I?” She paused.  “Your room is the last thing I want him to see."

 

"I'll…" He paused as well, it was still hard, even after a year or so, to outright mention his needles. "I'll clean up a bit."

 

"Zuko, I promised Tom-Tom I would take him to a friend's house."

 

He couldn’t believe her. Couldn’t she see that he needed the company. If she didn’t come over he couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t shoot up again. No, he could almost guarantee that he would. "I'm your boyfriend! You can't make time for me? I really need you right now and you're just going to leave me by myself. Mai I need you. If you don't come over—" He was much louder than he wanted to be, much more explosive.

 

She cut him off, hiking that anger up to an even higher level. "You know what, Zuko? No, I have my own things to deal with…" She stopped talking again. "How about this? How about instead of…" And once more. “Hold on.”

 

This allowed him time to bask in his anger. So she was going to just leave him to his downfall again? She was going to leave him alone? But of course she was, it was all about Mai. Everything was always about Mai and Mai’s problem.

 

Her voice suddenly returned. "The answer is no Zuko, do what you want in your alone time." She was quiet again. “If you want to do drugs then do them, I can’t deal with that right now.” He heard the phone click and he knew that they were _already_ off again.

 

He unleashes an angry cry and slams the phone on the table, the screen was cracked. He had just gotten her back. He slammed the phone on the table again, once than twice, and then many times rapidly until the phone was no longer useable.

 

He racked his fingers through his hairline.

Had he really chosen drugs over Mai?


	5. Chapter 5

Her first day had been deceptively easy, minus her run in with Katara. But she believed rather strongly, that it was only because she either hadn't been recognized—the thought brought a hot tinge to her cheeks—or there simply hadn't been any time for anyone to comment yet. Or maybe they had and it just hadn't reached her ears yet. No less, she wasn't any more thrilled for day two than she was for her first, self-made, half-day.

She knew that it wasn't worth the effort but she knocked on Zuko's door. "You're not going to miss your second day, are you?"

"Go away, Azula."

She didn't know why she tried. She didn't know why she gave it a second shot. "If father finds out that you've been skipping…" she paused. "I don't think that I'll be able to talk him down this time." She knew that it was true for two reasons; on a normal day, talking her father out of hurting her brother was troublesome. But now that she herself was worthy of Ozai's contempt, she'd have a hard enough time talking him out of beating another break into her ribs, much less out of beating Zuko too. "You have no idea what he'll do." If he didn't hurt her then he would take out the frustrations he had for her on Zuko. She didn't have much love for her brother, but she didn't want to see him dead or broken beyond repair. "You still have time to get ready."

A sudden thump against the door caused her to jolt a bit, a motion that racked her ribs in just the wrong way. She winced and clutched at her side. "I said fuck off!"

To some degree, her pain guided her parting words. "Fine, stay home and get high again. No wonder you're such a failure!" She didn't wait for a reply, she had to get ready anyhow. Though most of her preparation at that point was mental. But it seemed that no matter how hard she tried to bury her dread, it would always unearth itself. Her least favorite part of the morning had arrived; she fixed herself something to eat and she felt bad for having done so at all. It was quickly becoming a habit to feel guilty for eating anything at all, but she forced it anyways.

Slowly, she made her way to her car. She was beginning to think that she was babying herself and grew more frustrated. She had to remind herself that she ought to continue to take things very slowly at least until the week's end. Then she should be in the safe zone. Frankly she was eager for her doctor appointment, it would be nice to get a solid and professional opinion. Driving took some of the stress away, focusing on the road left her little room to think about anything else. She pulled into her usual spot and killed the engine.

For a while she stayed in her car hoping to delay her venture into Wan high for as long as she possibly could. She spied a familiar car pull into the lot; painted bubblegum pink and loaded with glittering decals—bunnies, unicorns, and ice cream cones with cute faces among other things. She knew that TyLee would emerge before the girl even had the headlights off. Briefly she thought of trying to confront her.

Using that as a propelling force, she hustles out of her car before she can lose her nerve. Even if she couldn't catch up with her former friend, at least she had the momentum she needed to get through the double doors.

She was a little winded by the time she caught up to TyLee, and her ribs ached. "Good morning, TyLee." She tried to keep her voice cool and slick as though nothing has changed.

TyLee met her eyes only fleetingly. In that small glance, Azula could tell that the other girl had been crying again. Her eyes were puffy and red. She mumbled something that Azula didn't catch—she probably wasn't meant to catch it—averts her eyes, and shuffles towards the entrance. Azula sighed, it didn't hurt to do so as much as it would have a few weeks back. She supposed that, that was some progress.

She took a glance at her schedule. She was in no particular hurry, the school had so kindly extended the length of her passing periods. She could take as long as she wanted until her doctor's note expired. She supposed that there were some perks to having hurt herself, she was rather fond of not carrying around a bunch of obnoxiously heavy textbooks. No less, she would rather be on time to class so she made some final arrangements to her locker and headed to her first class. She was early, not as so as usual, but early no less and she knew it as soon as she spotted Katara, the only other early arriver.

Azula found herself a seat at the front of the classroom.

She heard Katara make a soft throat-clearing noise. "We already have assigned seats."

Azula rolled her eyes, the first ramification of having missed part of her first day was being thrown in her face. "And what seat was left for me?"

"You sit…" Her face looked almost pained. "You sit next to me." She pointed to the chair on her right.

 _Just perfect_. Without a word she switched spots.

"Are you okay?" Katara asked. "What happened?"

Azula gave a bitter snicker. "You mean Usha hasn't told the whole school yet?" She could see it on the other girl's face that she already knew, she just didn't want to admit that she had taken any interest in any of the gossip. "What does it matter to you?"

Katara's lips worked into a semi-frown. "You know what, sorry for asking."

"You should be." Azula replied. "I'm still above you." God, she hoped that she was still above Katara.

"Not by much." Chan noted as he walked by.

Just like that, all of her dread came closing in. June stood before the class, but she doesn't quite hear anything that the woman was saying. Just how close to the bottom was she? Surely, she wasn't on Teo's level. She couldn't imagine dropping that far down. Yet she had this growing suspicion, that somehow she had.

Twenty or so minutes into the class and the queasy feeling still didn't leave. ' _Not by much_.' It keeps repeating. Every now and again she heard a soft and frustrated groan. Hands behind his head and leaning in his chair, Chan was kicking the back of Katara's seat. She counted herself lucky that she wasn't sitting in front of him, he always had gotten a kick out of being a pester.

It was much funnier last year.

Azula tried to focus on June but her mind kept wandering. Kept wandering and wondering if that was the kind of treatment she was in for.

She knew the answer very well. She just wasn't ready to accept it.

**.oOo.**

Lunch is much worse.

She didn't expect to have a good lunch.

"Hey legless!" She heard it from across the cafeteria. Chan and Chu-Leng were tormenting Teo again. That time Jet was present. And that time their choice activity was rolling his wheel chair back and forth between the three of them.

She slipped past them without having drawn attention, but just on time to see the wheel chair topple.

"Fuck!" Chan muttered. Not because he realized that he had overdone things, but because he feared consequence. "Shit man, let's go."

Jet had already fled the scene and Chan was making his break leaving Chu-Leng to cuss and scramble away on his own. She thought to go check on Teo, but she noticed Katara coming his way so she decided to leave it to her. The last thing she needed was to be seen aiding Teo on top of all else.

For it, karma works again. She didn't really know why she expected things to work out but she made an attempt anyhow. She picked out the volleyball team's table. It looked like everyone save for Oni and Innika had the same lunch.

She took a seat at the end of the table—rather she was about to. Kori's leg came up before she could. "Sorry, no room here." She shrugged.

"There's plenty of room." Azula motioned to the rest of the table.

"Not for you. Usha sniggers. "I don't think that any table is big enough to accommodate you right now."

Kazar spit out her milk. "Don't say things like that when I'm drinking." She scolded between laughs.

"Sorry." Usha replied, "when I see opportunities, I take them."

Azula didn't need anymore persuasion. Her mind raced to come up with something witty and cruel to say back, but humiliation overpowers all else. The need to flee outweighs the need to snap back. So she turns and heads away from the table, taking the care to not make her retreat look too hasty. It didn't matter how carefully timed her departure was because Usha gave her final jab regardless, "don't leave us too fast, Azula, you might hurt yourself." It wasn't even a good insult but it still hurt. Usha, Kori, all of them were just another handful of people to decide to write her off as a friend. She wondered if Usha had been a friend at all. Kori certainly wasn't.

She scoped out a table, she didn't really have any other friends to sit with. She found Mai sitting with a small group of goth girls that Azula didn't recognize. Mai had already made it clear where the two of them stood, so she passed that table by as well.

She also found the table occupied by Katara and Suki as well as a few others, but the pair kept to themselves. There was a part of Azula that wanted to try sitting there, she couldn't imagine Katara pushing her out, the girl didn't have much fight in her these days. But Suki was another matter. She wasn't in the mood for another round of rejection so she found herself a spot in the corner of the lunch room. A lonely spare table that was technically off limits to the students. But right then she dared any of the staff to try to pry her away from it.

Alone, that's what she was.

Even Teo had company. Haru, Long Shot, and Meng, sometimes Aang would join them. But she didn't see Meng nor Aang so she assumed that they didn't share a lunch.

How was it that even the schools most complete dork had someone to sit with, and she didn't?

Azula ran her hands over her face, she was terribly exhausted.

Exhausted and embarrassed. She could see Chan staring, nothing that she was alone. She noticed him laughing and she knew that it was at or about her. Her face burned with both mortification and outrage. How dare they treat her like this? And how dare she have allowed this to happen to herself?

She unpacked the lunch her housemaid had dutifully put together for her. She felt sick taking the first bite and even sicker still with Usha's remark fresh in her mind. She wished that she had someone to talk to, someone who could have distracted her from the guilty feeling.

She finished her lunch wishing that she hadn't.

She thought again of Usha's joke.

She fumbled with her purse, desperately fishing for her phone. When she found it she texted Zuko; a small inquiry about his day and then an even smaller indication that her own wasn't going so well. After some ten minutes she sent a more obvious. After ten more she dialed his number. She bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes growing some misty.

He didn't pick up.

**.oOo.**

She knew that home wouldn't be a sanctuary that night. She knew that her father would be home by dinner. And he was, he was home earlier than that. He was home and already digging into Zuko. She considered that perhaps that's why he hadn't answered her pathetic and needy phone call. Ozai might have come home around lunchtime and caught Zuko with a needle and some heroine.

Lord help him.

She heard a crack and a shout. Zuko's.

And then another shout. Her father's.

Azula couldn't make out what they were arguing over. But she recognized the familiar sound of a belt against flesh. She made her way to her room,  _where were her headphones?_ Naturally she had forgotten them in her locker. She heard Zuko cry out again and knew that she wouldn't be getting any homework done. She covered her ears, doing her very best to drown out the sound.

Once upon a time she wouldn't have batted an eye.

She couldn't even place when she had started to care.

But it hurt because she knew deep down that, that belt was exactly why her brother—why her Zuzu—had turned to heroine.

**.oOo.**

It was her turn.

Ozai didn't lash at her with a belt. He lashed at her with a blade of a tongue.

Azula quietly took a seat at the dinner table with a weary, "hello father." She couldn't bring herself to ask how his business trip went. She was preoccupied with bracing herself for a good scolding. But he remained silent, not even a returned greeting. She swallowed a lump in her throat. The maid brought the food out. She waited for him to take the first bite and waited another few moments after that. She didn't want to seem too eager, she didn't want to give him an easy opening.

She was dreadfully nervous and hoped that the emotion didn't breach the surface. She longed to have Zuko sitting next to her to take the heat off of her and felt horrible for desiring such. It seemed like ages that they ate in silence.

He waited for Azula's guard to drop. He let her finish more than half of her meal. As soon as she started to feel safe, as soon as she let the tension leave her shoulders he made his first remark. "I see I can't leave you alone." Ozai noted. "Your brother does drugs and you…" He paused, giving her ample time to flinch. "You throw your volleyball career away."

"I didn't—"

"I buy you your own volleyball court and you decide to sit around instead."

"I was in an accident, I couldn't help it."

"Couldn't help it." He scoffed. "Couldn't help it? You mean to say that you couldn't resist a few second helpings?"

Her face flushed. "That's not how it happened."

"Then what?"

She didn't know how to answer. She had a strong feeling that telling him that her broken ribs didn't leave much room for physical activity. So all she stated was the obvious, "I broke my ribs father." She wanted to remind him that she already told him, she told him right when it had happened. But his glare tells her to shut her mouth and keep it that way.

"Disappointing." He remarked. "Disgusting." He made a point of shoving her plate at her as if daring her to finish.

She wondered if Zuko could hear him. She wondered if he was chuckling to himself because finally he wasn't the family disappointment. It was her.

All for the sake of spite, she finished the plate he pushed her way, watching his face bunch up as though he were completely appalled. It was wholly satisfying until he walked away. Only after that did she start to feel as gross as he wanted her to. Maybe that had been his end goal; her ability to manipulate wasn't self-taught.

She wanted to make it go away.

She wanted to make that guilty, gross feeling go away.

She has an idea.

A terrible one, she knows.

But she is desperate. And it is an idea.


	6. Chapter 6

There were a lot of things that Teo missed about his old life. More than anything he missed his old school. His old school had his old friends. His old school had his old peers; the ones that liked or at least respected him despite him being bound to a wheelchair. He hadn't even considered that paraparesis was a bully-able offense until he entered Wan high's halls.

"Why did we have to move?" He asked his father once again. The man was probably growing tired of the question. And the answer never changed.

"The house wasn't the same without your mother around." His father's eyes looked so heavy in that moment. "Wasn't it hard for you to pass through the same front door your mother used to greet you at? Wasn't it hard to pass by her old office room every day…"

He didn't mean to but he zoned his father out. Because no. No it wasn't hard, in fact lingering in the room made him miss her less, made him feel closer to her. What was hard, was wheeling into school every morning knowing what Chan had in store. What was hard was wheeling back up to this new house and not having his mother to greet him. Even after two almost three years he hadn't gotten used to it.

It was a double hit, each emotional punch they threw. Because each one reminded him that his mother wasn't around to remind him to keep his chin up.

"Can I at least go back to my old school?"

"Teo, that's too far for me to drive you and they won't provide busses to a different school district."

"Then I'll take myself!" He argued.

"In the snow? The rain? What about a storm?" His father refuted. "Out of the question."

"It isn't that far." Teo folded his arms over his chest.

"It is when I have a job to do."

And there was the second reason for the move, why going back was no longer possible. His father had very recently opened up a car repair shop and it was doing rather well. Teo knew that it would be asking too much to just throw that away. But the constant harassment was getting the better of him so he did it anyhow.

"Close the shop? I just opened it!" He knew that his dad didn't mean to shout but owning that shop was the man's dream profession.

"You care more about your shop then me?" He asked. He couldn't explain why he was acting like that. Maybe it simply felt good to sling unkind words and accusations for a change rather than take them.

"Teo." He started.

"No. You chose your shop over me and my well-being." He hadn't told his father about the harassment yet. Somehow, he felt that it would be demeaning to do so. Maybe if he had his father's answer would be a bit different. Yet, despite it all, he really didn't want to ruin his father's dream for him before it even had a chance to truly take off.

Without another word Teo wheeled to the elevator—one of many reasons his father had chosen this house specifically—and to his room. He parked his wheelchair, grabbed his transfer board, and tucked himself in.

**.oOo.**

Ms. Kyoshi was in a particularly sour mood that morning. She had to have been otherwise he wouldn't have gotten a tardy and a, "you've been getting to class just fine for the past few years, you don't get special treatment because of your wheelchair."

He would like to argue that he got very special treatment and in the worst way.

He wheeled his way to his seat, ignoring the sneer Kori wore. He could swear that she was thinking of something awful to do, but he couldn't see her acting on it unless Usha or Chan were there too, so he ignores the expression to the best of his ability.

Ms. Kyoshi passed out a small packet and waited for the announcements to come over the PA system. He turned the sheet over, 'Autobiography Assignment'.  _Oh boy,_  he grumbled inwardly. Just what he wanted a chance to reflect on the failures and hardships of his life. An pristine opportunity to creatively word how much of a loser he was, maybe this could help him figure out just when he became the ultra-nerd of the century.

"And remember to join us in the auditorium to help us pay respects to Ruon-Jian this Friday." The announcement caught his attention, it had been a while since he heard mention of Ruon. He was surprised that it wasn't one of the main points of gossip. "That's Friday the 23rd." Principal Roku repeated.

He phrased it as though Teo had the choice. If it were up to him, he would pass. Ruon-Jian showed him very little respect, why would he do any different? That morning was just bad news on top of bad news.

"This assignment will span over the entire year." Kyoshi cut through his thoughts. "You will be documenting everything that happens at this school through your eyes. This is an assignment I've handed out to everyone in your grade, who has classes with me. Do work hard on it because there will be a competition and an award."

Teo raised his hand and waited to be called on. "What is the award?"

"Do let me finish, Teo. Thank you."

She really was in a sour mood. Even his peers knew better than to snicker at his scolding.

"At the end of the year I will collect everyone's assignment. Myself and some other staff will read them all over the summer and select a winner. What this means for you in the meantime is that you will be graded on participation. You will each send me what you have completed at the end of each month…"

He began to zone out, it was all in the packet anyhow. He did have to admit though, that the project had a certain appeal. If only it had been assigned last year, the stories that would have come out of that one—Chan's homecoming party really through the school into an uproar.

**.oOo.**

Teo loitered before the cafeteria doors, overwhelmed with dread. After the day prior he was anything but hungry. He wondered if he could talk principal Roku into letting him eat lunch with him or something. That would be nice. Or maybe with social worker YengChen he had her for art last year and she seemed lovely. Of course, that would mean getting through vice principal Bumi—Teo shuddered.

For the time he heaved the door open for himself. He made his way towards his usual table, a path that took him directly in front of Azula. He cringed, wishing that she hadn't changed seats. He really didn't want to have to enter from the opposite end of the cafeteria. She looked up catching his eye, but remained quiet. He didn't let his gaze linger for too long, he was lucky to have avoided trouble thus far. It only struck him as odd that she was sitting rather far from everyone else when he found his own friends.

Long-Shot is as quiet as ever so it was Haru who broke some more bad news. "Haru and I are going to be missing every other lunch."

"What!?" He sputtered. "What do you mean?"

"We might actually be missing every lunch. Well we're not going to miss it, miss it. But we won't be eating in the cafeteria anymore."

Teo slammed his fists on the table. "Why not?"

"We've decided to take computer sciences with Mr. Bato." Haru looked over at Long-Shot. "It's not a class that's usually taught so we have to take it during lunch."

"Why did you invite me?!"

"It's a lot of coding and numbers. We know how much you hate math."

"Believe it or not, I think that I hate lunch more." Teo flinched, yikes he really was in deep of math sounded like the lesser of two evils. "Who am I going to sit with?"

The joke isn't even out of his mouth and he was already laughing, "You can sit with Azula."

"That was a pretty good one, dork-ass." Chu-Leng noted in passing.

Long-Shot chuckled too. But this time Teo wasn't sharing their sense of humor. Haru stopped laughing. "Sorry, I thought that…"

"Whatever, man." Teo crossed his arms. He was pushing his dad out and now he was pushing his two closest friends away. Or had they pushed him away, he found it hard to tell. Teo could swear that Haru had been acting different ever since growing that ridiculous mustache. "Maybe you can go sit with Chu-Leng."

"Ew, no way, dude!" Haru exclaimed.

Teo rolled his eyes. He scanned the cafeteria. Katara's table might be a good option, but he didn't really know her that well and he didn't know if she wanted someone else third wheeling her conversation with Suki.

Poor Suki.

It kind of made him feel better to know that someone had it worse, or at least, just as bad as he did.


	7. Chapter 7

Suki looked herself over, once and then twice until her image seemed satisfactory. She let out a long breath, another long day was in store for her. Things were rough these days. School was never an easy feat between the workload and the bullies. But these days it was a difficulty twice over.

Not for the first time in the past three months, she cursed Sokka. She cursed him for putting her in her current position and then taking off to college without a regard for her.

He was on his way to success, wholly unburdened and she was hindered to the fullest and hadn't an inkling as to how to approach the situation.

Doctor visit after doctor visit couldn't tell her the direction to take once the baby was squirming in her arms.

Again, she considered terminating the pregnancy.

Abortion, but that was such an ugly word, she didn't like to say it… even if it was a plan she was seriously contemplating.

She groans to herself, rubbing her hands over her face. She would ask how this had possibly happened but she knew. She knew exactly what happened. It was steamy and sexy and a wildly good time. One of the best nights she had, had. But God, did that blissful might have a price. And that price was kicking and wiggling and generally making her feel nauseous.

She ran her hand up and down her belly, trying to soothe the babe before it could turn her stomach completely upside down.

She didn't have time for this; school started in a half an hour and she had a twenty-minute drive to get there on a good day and she need a solid ten minutes to dress and have breakfast.

She groaned again, to herself. This baby would be the death of her. She had push through though. Before that summer she had been at the top of her class, on par with Azula and Katara. She wasn't going to let her 'happy' little accident reap that from her.

Suki stood and stretched, deciding that she better get to it with her morning routine. She winced as she worked out a knot in her back; she was only four months in and it was already killing her. She had a quick breakfast and gathered her school supplies. She didn't bother shouting a goodbye to her parents, they had long since stopped exchanging pleasantries like that.

All in all, she felt like an outcast in her own home.

She missed the days when her parents would praise her for her stellar grades and fiery drive. Missed the days when they would make small talk over dinner. Missed the days when they saw her as responsible and worth paying attention to.

It brought tears to her eyes to think that they would so quickly write her off for one simple mistake. For doing something that was so natural. Most everyone has sex. She didn't think that it made her any less mature and intelligent for having it too. They probably had it in their teenage years. And yet they condemned her for it.

She dabbed the tears away.

She thought of calling out an, 'I'll see you guys after school.' But she can't get the words past the lump in her throat. So she hastily scrambled out the door and to her car. By the time she buckled herself in, she was reduced to an all out bawl, cursing her hormones for being all out of whack.

**.oOo.**

It really did speak volumes that her peers treated her with more tact than her own parents, especially given that Wan High had a reputation for drama and unkind words. It was strange how supportive most of her classmates were.

Her softball teammates, in particular, were taking it well. They offered her gifts that ranged from jokes—a shirt that read 'beware, kicking baby' and an application to the TV show, 'Diapers or Diplomas'—to more serious ones—baby booties and pajamas.

She enjoyed them all really. Even coach Kyoshi was taking it well. Even though Suki could no longer part-take, coach invited her to watch the game and cheer her teammates on. And then she would be invited to the after-game celebrations as though she'd been in the game still. For the second time, her eyes welled with tears, these ones of the happier, gracious variety.

She took a seat and waited for Mr. Patik to enter and start prattling on about the importance of beind bilingual—granted she agreed with him, she just wished he would stop talking about it and start teaching them a second language.

Hellbent on proving that she was still at the top of her classes, Suki whipped out her pencil and began taking notes, even on those tangents that Patik was prone to going on.

The call proceeded with no hiccups. The first wave of in-school dizziness didn't hit until she was on her way to lunch. She broke away from the crowd and hunched over in the first unoccupied corner she could find. She waited for the spell to pass with a throbbing head an aching back. She eyed her load of textbooks with a large degree of venom. She wanted to think that she could carry on like normal, but maybe she was overdoing it in carrying all of those books around.

She truly didn't want to pick them back up, but she had to. She gathered them up and got to her feet, doing her best to make her way to the cafeteria. It was a disorienting, borderline painful walk, a one minute long trip that seemed to take ten times that.

By the tie she seated herself at her lunch table, she was red-faced and out of breath. And lordy, was she hungry. The baby was attacking her on all fronts, that day. Apparently french fries was that day's craving, but she hadn't packed any and she hadn't brought any spare change to buy some.

"French fries?" Katara offered as she dropped into her seat.

"Oh, God Katara, you're a lifesaver." She grabbed a handful of fries and hesitated. "How many can I steal?"

Katara laughed. "All of them, the school's fries are gross and covered in grease."

"I think most french fries are." Suki noted. But right now that didn't really matter, she grabbed them up without remorse. "The baby says thank you." She laughed. It felt good to laugh and make light of a heavy situation.

"Does Suki also say thanks?" Katara laughed along.

Her face went jokingly sour, "not at all, Suki is to pregnant and grumpy for gratitude." She shoveled down a few more fries before asking, "is today going any better for you?"

Katara shook her head. "Not really. Well, since you've gotten back to school, it's been at least a little better."

Suki finished swallowing and smiled. "Just give me some names and I'll show them."

Katara eyed the baby bump. "I don't think so. Until that baby is born, you're going to have to resist hunting jocks."

Suki folded her arms over her chest. That was just one more reason to resent her predicament. She really, really wanted to knock some jocks on their asses. She knew at least two who could use a good pop.

Katara's face sobered, "promise me that you'll take it slow, I don't want the baby to get hurt."

Perhaps it was the hormones again, or maybe she really did have a solid reason to be upset, either which way her face went warm with anger. "What about Suki!?" She snapped. "Everyday, everyone always asks, 'what about the baby, what about the baby?' Doesn't anyone care of Suki gets hurt!?"

Katara flinched, causing Suki to wince too, immediately she regretted the outburst.

"Of course, I care if you get hurt. But I already know that you can handle yourself and power through things, I'm not so sure about the baby." Katara replied softly, reminding Suki that there was a whole lunchroom of people waiting for new material to discuss. Boy had she given it to them.

"Sorry, I don't know where that came from." She apologized.

"No sleep. Too much kicking. I understand." Katara smiled. "How about we talk about something else? The Directions just released some new music!"

Katara always did know the right things to say.

Maybe that kind of thing ran in the family.

**.oOo.**

Katara wasn't there though, when she sat alone in her room listening to her parents argue about who exactly rose their daughter wrong and who was to blame for her going out and getting herself pregnant. Surely it was her mother for not giving her the birds and bees talk. But, no, clearly it was her father's fault for not doing the whole, intimidating, 'dads against daughters dating' spiel with Sokka.

She tried to block it out with some translating. Foreign language was her favorite class thus far, she genuinely enjoyed it. Running over all of the words took at least some focus off of the shouting match down the hall. But there were only so many questions on one work sheet and she was running out of them.

So she sent Sokka another quick text, this one was about how school was going for her.

Decent.

It was going decent. Normally it would be going good or splendid, but this year it was only going decent. She told him about the new dress she found at a thrift store—it was rather cute as far as maternity dresses went.

She knew that he would reply to that one and he would keep replying unless she mentioned that it was a maternity dress and that her year was only going decent because she had a kicking baby to hinder her. He always seemed to go silent when she brought up their baby.

On one occasion she had asked what he wanted to name it. She had expected at least an, 'I don't know, I'm not good with naming, you pick it', or something of the sort. But he had ignored the text entirely. Over an hour later he texted her about his day at school.

Any time she brought the baby up, he would change the subject.

It must be nice to be able to skip off to a higher end university and pretend like nothing was amiss. She loved Sokka with all of her soul, but he was no dad. At this point it was all about finding the right words to break his heart with.


	8. Chapter 8

Aang felt caught up in the middle of something he really had no place in. He didn't know how he got dragged into this one at all. Whatever Suki had said to Sokka, it had the usually upbeat man in a fit. And because he was in a fit, so was Katara.

Katara who tearfully called him the night before to ask for advice. Apparently, it would be betraying Sokka to continue talking with Suki, but she liked Suki and Suki was her only ally right now and she really, really needed a true companion especially now that Sokka had, as she put it, abandoned her. He sighed to himself before texting, 'I'm an ally to right?' He regretted it as soon as he hit send. He had just made things about himself so he quickly apologized and added that she shouldn't let Sokka control who she talked to. He thought of adding that she should tell them to be adults and talk it over. But he knew Sokka and he was well aware that, as wonderful a friend as he was, had could be less mature than Aang himself. And that right there was saying something, Aang didn't know many people who acted more childish than he.

He put his phone aside and popped his earbuds in. He could go for some indie pop and doodling. He wanted to have something to show Yengchan. Even if she wouldn't be grading it. He groaned to himself, remembering that he didn't have her for art this time around. No, this time, he was stuck with that kooky new art teacher, Joodee.

He only had a few days' worth of classes with her and she was already weirding him out. She seemed to have a thing for standing directly behind him, breathing down his neck, as he tried to paint. Not that he was the only one she did that to.

His phone buzzed and he almost didn't want to read the message.

This time it was Sokka. 'Girls are a pain, dude. You're lucky you're gay.'

He was going to have to respond to that one later. As much as he loved Sokka, the man wasn't very sensitive. He told the man time and time again not to say things like that, because he certainly didn't feel lucky with Chan calling him a 'faggot' among other, very slap worthy, things. But in that moment, he did feel at least a little lucky; relationships were so complicated. He began to wonder if it was worth seeking one out at all. At least he wouldn't have to worry about surprise babies with any of his partners.

Maybe he should call Toph and ask her how to approach the situation. But at the same time he didn't want to share secrets that weren't his to begin with. He peered at his phone. The text alert popped up again reading, 'Girls are a pain…" He really ought to turn off the second alert so he wouldn't have to see the same message he was trying to ignore, twice.

His phone went off again and he cringed. In general psychology he was learning about good ol' classical conditioning—he was almost certain that he was being classically conditioned to dread the sound of text alerts. He could probably write his end of the year psychology report on that.

A buzz.

Another message.

That time he picked up the phone. There was another message from Katara and one from—he breathed a sigh of relief—Toph.

'What's good TT!?'

He chuckled. Since when was she using 'TT' to abbreviate 'Twinkle Toes'. Before jumping into the harder topics, he asked her just that.

He looked at Katara's message. 'Yes, Aang, you're an ally. But we don't have any classes together, you know? I guess, but Sokka and I…' the message cut off. Just as he was about to ask, another comes in. 'We were always so close. But ever since he went off to university, he's been pulling away.'

That message actually brought him a sense of relief. He thought that Sokka was just snubbing him, it would seem that he was distancing himself from everyone. Maybe he had found new 'cooler' college friends. He texted Katara back, 'which is exactly why you should do what you want.' For good measure he added, 'Sokka isn't being kind of a jerk and Suki needs a friend.'

His fingers hovered over Sokka's message.

But he couldn't seem to get any further than that.

.oOo.

Aang woke up to the sound of his phone playing TGIF, as completely dorky as it was, little things like that helped boost his mood. If he could wake up singing, then the day might not be so bad after all. He dressed himself and grabbed an apple and a frosting-free cinnamon pop-tart and headed for the bus stop. He was running a little late so he would have to eat on the bus.

He took his seat and began munching. "Oh no. Oh no!" He leapt out of his seat. "Stop the bus!"

The bus driver cocked her head to the side, "we're already moving, kid. What's the problem."

"I forgot my backpack."

The woman nodded. "Tough luck, kid."

He dropped to his seat feeling completely defeated. "Oh man, this sucks." Now all of his homework was going to take late grades and he would get 'unprepared' strikes in all of his classes. He just hopped that since it was the first week they would show some mercy.

The bus came to another stop and he thought about getting off and sprinting back to his house. He was pretty quick—so quick in fact that his P.E teacher, Mr. Kuruk asked him to join the track team. But he doubted that he could keep up with a bus. He sighed.

Toph flopped down in the seat next to him. She was wearing the same sweater she wore the day before. He didn't think that he'd ever seen her wear the same thing twice before, she had so many clothes.

Had…

"You ready for today's sit 'n snivel assembly?" Toph asked.

Aang snickered, he knew that he shouldn't have, this time around the assembly seemed pretty serious. Ruon-Jian had given him quite a hard time after finding out about the crush Aang had on him, but he was still ready to snivel for the boy.

Truth be told, Aang didn't know what had happened exactly. There was a party—the very same party Suki and Sokka had dragged him to—and then a few months later there was a body. Aang didn't know the detail and he was afraid to find out. He didn't like to think that there was a killer in the school.

"I guess I'm as ready as I can be, Toph. You know that I don't like these things." He was only a freshmen but he has had his share of dismal assemblies. When he was in his second year of middle school one of his grademates was taken in a car accident as her mother was driving her to choir practice. He had no connection to her whatsoever and he still wanted to cry.

"Geez, Twinkle Toes, you're a sensitive little guy." She bumped him on his arm. But he could hear the somber in her voice, he imagined that she liked the idea of an in-school memorial service as little as she. He could only imagine what Chan was going through right now. "If you need to cry, I brought a box of tissues just for you." She rustled around her backpack—the same one she used last year, a little worn and beaten—and pulled out a box. "I got you the ultra-soft ones, for your baby skin."

That time he laughed unburdened. "You're the best, Toph."

.oOo.

Homeroom passed by too quickly. Even with Smellerbee chucking crumpled paper balls at him. Wasn't it enough for her to hog the soccer ball during practice? She had to make homeroom difficult too. As the bell rang, one final paper ball collided with the back of his head.

That one had writing.

He knew that he wouldn't like what he read, but curiosity got the better of him; 'Hey pixie puff, good luck next hour, must be hard knowing your man crush is dead. Btw, Jet says to try to stop looking at his goods!'

Aang flushed. For one thing, Jet's goods were the last place his eyes could be found. He was more of an abs guy. If any of the cool kids had to worry, it was Chan. He put all of his energy into being offended by that, so he wouldn't have to address the first part of the note.

He followed the crowd to the auditorium. It was overflowing to the point where they had to bring in extra chairs. He scoped the place for Toph. Once he found her, he snuck away from his class and sat next to her—there went the one rule he allowed himself to purposefully break for the year. He needed to cut himself some slack, he was going to need a shoulder. He truly wished that he had asked Roku to be exempt from this kind of thing.

Roku stood at the podium. The backdrop he stood in front of was a large portrait of Ruon-Jian draped with flowers and notes of well wishes. A few candles added a false sense of warmth and comfort to the occasion. "Myself and the Matsanoro family would like to thank you all for coming."

"Like we had a choice." He heard Teo mumble. Aang wanted to think that the words were half-hearted, the product of pent up anger.

"As you all know, we lost a student last December. One of Wan High's star athletes and a fine, respectable young man and good friend to many."

Aang glanced at Teo in time to catch the eyeroll.

He scanned the other faces. He first picked out Chan whose expression was curiously blank—a storm was stirring beneath, Aang speculated. Jet stood next to him also seeming curiously uncaring. He expected to see Azula there, but she was a little further to the right, standing between Zuko—he had finally showed up?—and Mai.

TyLee, next to Mai, was weeping bucketloads. Aang hadn't realized that she and Ruon were particularly close. Mai herself was as indifferent as always. Zuko, seemed almost delighted at the passing of one of his rivals. Aang made a mental not to keep his distance.

It would seem that most people either didn't care that Ruon-Jian was gone or relished in it. He brought his stare to Azula, at first he found the misty-eyed gaze to be rather uncharacteristic of her. And then he recalled at once, that she had been rather close with Ruon, more so than she was with Chan. The school must be in a state of vileness, if Azula was among the more compassionate.

Usha was crying too, but it was entirely played up, more or less to make herself the center of attention.

"Man, those tears are about as real as her boobs!" Toph crassly confirmed his own speculations.

"Ruon-Jain's passing was completely preventable." Roku noted, leaving Aang to curse himself for missing most of the speech; the important part of it. "Which is why I would like to make everyone aware of what to look out for." He paused. "Loss of interest, tiredness, and angry outbursts."

A part of Aang shriveled up on the inside. He snatched on of the tissues Toph had so kindly given him and dabbed at his eyes. He was putting the pieces together.

"If you notice any odd behavior—a sudden elation in mood for example—or a friend giving you items a value without warning or explanation, please contact a parent or a staff member immediately." Roku allowed a moment of processing before continuing. "With that in mind I would like to open up a chance to meet with any one of our social workers."

Aang caught sight of Mai shuffling awkwardly.

"If you don't feel comfortable doing so, I will be passing out pamphlets with help hotlines."

Aang's chest felt tight. On one had he didn't have to fret over a school murderer. On the other hand, it was only his freshmen year and he had already attended his first suicide prevention-oriented assembly. Irrationally he thought that he was responsible. If only he hadn't laid things on so strongly, maybe then Ruon-Jian would have talked to him. All at once, he wondered if he should check on Suki and Katara, they were having a pretty tough time. "Hey, Toph, you'd tell me if you needed anything right."

"Yeesh, Twinkle Toes, you are taking this hard." Toph muttered. This time she knew when to drop the class clown thing. "Of course I would, Aang."


	9. Chapter 9

The last place Chan wanted to be right then was in the hallways of Wan High. He wished that they would have had the assembly closer towards the end of the day. Instead they wedged it right into second period. He punched at his locker. Now he was going to have to think about it all day. How the hell was he supposed to get anything done, with a searing reminder that he had let Ruon-Jian die.

Government class with Long Feng was the last place he wanted to be. He threw his textbooks in his locker as though they were responsible for all of his woes and slammed his locker shut. The sound was clear and booming even over the chatter of his peers. It drew a few looks, but not a voice was willing to pose questions. He stomped into Long Feng's classroom. His hand twitched, he clenched and unclenched his hand. He took a deep breath in. He wouldn't slam the door. He was the captain of the boys' volleyball team and he didn't want to lose that to an angry outburst. He couldn't imagine Long Feng taking him slamming the door well.

"Would you like to take your seat, Mr. Haga." Long Feng asked.

Chan scowled, saying nothing at all. He retreated to his seat if for no other reason than to refrain from wiping that smug grin off of Feng's face. The man knew that he hated being called by his last name. Haga had to be the worst family name, the sound of it was so unbecoming.

He mostly zoned out the lesson, his thoughts were heavy with wondering why Ruon hadn't confided in him. Had he done something to make Ruon think that he wasn't trustworthy? The assembly only made him feel more guilty. He  _had_  seen all of the signs. Ruon pulling away from everyone in the group, save for TyLee. Roun quitting the team. Roun giving him his lucky volleyball. Chan rubbed his face, how the fuck did he miss so many glaring signs?

He didn't, did he?

It was easier to deny it and hope that it would go away. That Ruon would have pulled himself together. Isn't that what they always did?

Chan didn't realize how hard he was gripping his pencil until it snapped. And then Long Feng snapped, ranting about how disrespectful it was to sling halves of pencils across the room. And Chan snapped too, he leapt out of his chair, sending it clamoring to the floor, and stormed away from the class room. It looked like he'd be talking to principal Roku after all and then probably one of the social workers. God, he hated the social workers and their forced care.

Hate. Hate Hate.

He hated a lot of things.

He hated Wan High, he hated Long Feng, he hated his last name. He hated Teo and his eyesore of a wheelchair. He hated Katara for being a kiss-ass. He hated Azula because that was the in thing now. But he hated Usha too because her voice was nerve grating. He hated that he was dating her. He wondered if it was worth it just to get under Azula's skin. Usha did have a nice rack. And he hated his weakness for such things. He hated Zuko more than anyone because somehow he blamed Zuko for Ruon's death. Maybe if Zuko would have let him have Mai…

It's irrational and a part of him knew that. That part of him knew that there was much more to it, something he probably didn't know about. But that part of him was diminishing. He was going to lose it soon.

Because more than any of the other things he hated, he hated himself. It all started going down hill after that party. That stupid homecoming party he didn't really feel like hosting to begin with.

It was building up inside of him, it needed a release. He took a turn away from the office and wandered towards the gym. He looked around the hall and slipped into the vacant boy's locker room. He approached his least favorite locker and began slamming his fist into it, until at least half of his anger had been released. His knuckles were bloodied some, but he still felt as though he should get in a few more punches.

"God." He huffed, running frantic hands over his face and hairline as he paced in the dark locker room. "Oh, God." He tried with all of his willpower to breathe deeply and exhale. "God, oh God," became a repeated phrase. And then a hissed, "oh fuck" at the realization that he probably shouldn't stick around. He'd caused quite a stir.

So he bolted from the scene of the crime.

He just needed to get to the principal's office.

No, that's not what he needed at all. He needed some air.

He needed to get out of that school.

He needed to go home.

**.oOo.**

He didn't get to go home. No, they had made him stay, they kept him nice and secured with social worker Yangchen and a few Dai Li officers. Roku was making it all too apparent that the only reason he hadn't been expelled yet was because his father was one of the school's top donors.

A talk, a few pills, and two hours later, he was sent off to lunch. He hadn't much of an appetite for it though. He had less patience for joining Chu-Leng and Jet at the lunch table where he would be surrounded by at least another hundred or so noisy classmates.

He slammed his backpack onto the table.

"Oh come on, man!" Chu-Leng exclaimed as his milk carton toppled.

"Fuck your milk."

"What's your problem?" Chu-Leng grumbled.

"What do you think is wrong?" Chan asked. He stood and grabbed, fully intending on fetching some paper towels to thrust in his friend's face.

What happened instead was rather different. He took a backwards step right into Teo. For his poor attention he was on the ground. "Are you fu—" He could hardly seem to get the words out of his mouth. "Can you watch where you're going with that thing?"

"You ran into me!" Teo was being awfully bold and Chan was ready to let him know that he had picked a bad time to grow a pair of balls.

He grabbed ahold of the wheel chair and gave it a good shake. "I wouldn't have ran into you if this thing didn't take up so much space." He gave the boy a good shove, eliciting a round of 'ooo's' from his lunch table.

"Give it to him, Chan." Jet snickered. It was just the kind of encouragement that he didn't need.

"Alright." Teo lifted his hands. "Sorry, I'll move out of your way next time."

He was already over the edge and gathering a crowd. He wasn't one to disappoint. "Oh, I know. And I'm going to help you remember to do that." His fist landed on Teo's cheek before he could process what he was doing. He was raising it again.

"Chan." A voice cut through the cheering and chanting, smooth and soft but somehow more powerful than the rest. He lowered his fist and turned to her. "What are you doing?" She asked. "I know that we like to bully our nerds but this is…"

He cut her off, "We?" He laughed, he was faintly aware that he sounded maniacal. "You are one of the nerds we bully.  _Remember_." He took a step towards her. He knew that she wanted to forget, but he was going to remind her just as well as he was reminding Teo to know his place.

Azula held her ground, he knew that this was drawing even more eyes. They all wanted a show, they were going to get it. He ran up and gave her a decent shove. He thinks that the only reason he was able to do it, was because she didn't think that he actually would. He heard her wince and noticed that she was clutching her side.

There was an absolutely murderous glint in her eyes.

A glint that mellowed him out just enough for the Dai Li to escort him out in a pair of cuffs.


	10. Chapter 10

"You're very lucky." The nurse noted.

Azula hated to admit it, but she agreed. She was almost certain that Chan had broken her ribs again, or at the very least extended the recovery time. She would have deserved it, stepping into something that didn't involve her in the slightest. She wasn't even sure of her reasoning; she thought that there was a small part of her that still cared for Chan. He had been her boyfriend for the longest time. Perhaps she had aimed to keep him from doing something that would get him arrested. In which case she failed spectacularly.

It could have also been that she wanted a friend, at least one. Saving Teo seemed like a way to make one.

The reasoning didn't matter in retrospect. What did matter, was that her sides were throbbing and she had made herself look like an idiot again. She could have at least tried to fight back. But then, what time did she have to react. Even if she had the time she couldn't see her condition allowing her a fight anyhow. But she should have tried.

She could always ask her father to peruse another lawsuit, she seemed to be on a roll with those. She knew that had only tugged at her own wounds when it came crashing back to her that her father wanted little to do with her until she lost some weight. She set her head back against the pillow and stared at the ceiling, deciding once and for all that helping Teo was just another mistake in her long line of them.

**.oOo.**

She spent most of her time in her bedroom these days, a stark contrast to how she used to bide it. Just last year she was hardly home. She would be almost anywhere but; at practice, the mall, a party, any one of her teammate's houses. The only time she really used her bedroom was when she took the time to study—something she hadn't the need for. It would seem that she was making up for all of the time she hadn't been in her room.

Her phone was terribly quiet, giving her mind ample time to tear itself apart.

She stared at a folder full of unfilled worksheets. Powering through those, was becoming harder. She has come to think that there wasn't a point. Ozai was angry as it were. She shoved the school work to the side and laid down.

"You missed how many days!?" She heard from across the hall.

And so it began.

**.oOo.**

Lately Zuko had been joining her for breakfast. That made things much harder. She could no longer skip it entirely without him making note. So instead she grabbed one small thing, usually a cup of yougart or a granola bar and forced herself to eat. Usually she would hit him with an 'I told you so'. But she no longer finds the bruising on his face to be a laughable matter. In fact she was beginning to feel like shit for ever having thought so. Instead she quietly inquired, "why didn't you just come to school like asked you too."

"Because fuck school, okay!" Zuko slammed his fists on the table.

It wasn't okay. "If you say so."

"Oh come on, you know you hate it there too."

"Yes."

"You should just stop going with me."

Somehow that request was the most reassuring thing she'd heard in a long time. It was an invitation to something after all. She almost wanted to say yes. She could shoot up some drugs with him and forget about herself for a time. She could toss it all away, destroy herself for good and be free of the pressure that came with still having a shot to fix things.

To be free of the pressure of hope.

She turned the cup of yogurt around, realizing that she hadn't grabbed the non-fat one. She had only gotten halfway through with it but she pushed it aside. She was so terribly hungry, her stomach ached, begging her to finish the cup. Instead she focused in on Zuko's offer. "I can't."

"Suit yourself, I'm staying home."

"With, father?" She asked. "You need to come with me." The sincerity of her concern, took her by surprise, so she didn't blame Zuko for his skepticism.

"Why would I go anywhere with you?"

"Because you lost your license to a DUI. Once my car is gone, you're either stuck here or walking." She didn't exactly mean to sound argumentative but he was frustrating her and an argument was a pretty solid distraction from the hunger that nagged her. "Would you rather come to school with me, or stay here with father?"

His hesitation to answer was a slap in the face. Much too suddenly, it occurred to Azula that she has been checking on Zuko not solely because she needed a bodyguard but because she was feeling guilty. She considered for the first time, that she was part of what led him to heroine in the first place. Just like she had led Mai to cut and Katara—and probably Teo and TyLee—to fear school. If she wasn't so deprived, that would have cleared her appetite for sure. "Come with me, Zuzu."

"Take care of yourself." He got up and slammed his chair against the table.

She was trying, truly she was.

**.oOo.**

Chan wasn't there to flick things at her, but Chu-Leng was making up for it, doubling his ammo as if to strike for the both of them. Occasionally some of the erasers would rebound and hit Katara instead, she imagined that Chu saw this as a two for one. She wondered how long it would take before Katara turned around and snapped. She decided to herself that Katara wouldn't, somehow the girl had become just as pacified as she. But she could hear Katara grumbling to herself, putting all of her will power into focusing on the lesson.

Azula's attention was anywhere but. At first she tried to pay attention to June, math wasn't a favorite subject of hers to begin with, despite having some skill with it, it was terrifically boring. So her mind wandered away. Wandered to dark places.

Math wasn't the only class to be sidelined; throughout the day much of her thoughts were spent in two places, neither of them are in the lessons. She first pondered upon what Zuko might be doing as she sat in her desk. In her mind's eye she could see him taking another beating or taking another hit. She had trouble deciding which type of abuse would create for a worse situation. She was angry with herself for not dragging his ass into her car.

Azula pushed the visuals out of her mind, they were tormenting her too heavily. In doing so, she made room for something that might have been worse. It was nearing lunch and she scarcely had breakfast. All in all, she was completely, undeniably famished.

She wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out for, eating so sparsely. And she had only been on this diet for maybe a week. She hated herself twice over for her weakness. Yet no mater how hard she fought, she couldn't seem to think of anything but lunch.

She should have just kept thinking about Zuko. It was easier to think about how to solve someone elses' problems.

**.oOo.**

Lunch couldn't come fast enough, but at the same time, it couldn't come slowly enough either. The smell of food tantalized and tempted her and she hated it. She had nothing to draw her mind away from it.

She tried to drown out the scent by dousing herself in perfume. But somehow the small tinges of the cafeteria still hit most strongly. The ache in her stomach grew sharper. She drummed her fingers on the table. She clutched at her stomach as though that would relieve the pangs.

Azula stood and made her way to the food line. She already knew that she was going to regret her decision. She didn't know a thing on the school's menu that wasn't sopping with grease. But she couldn't take the pain any longer. The dizzy feeling that came with depriving herself.

She sat down with a teeming tray, enough to probably make up for the past few missed meals. She promised herself that she wouldn't finish it all. But she did and she was still embarrassingly hungry. Just what was wrong with her, she couldn't remember being this desperate for food. She wanted a second helping, her body seemed to crave it. The cafeteria had been mostly empty when she had first gotten in line, so despite it all, she stood in line again. She was losing control and losing it fast.

She sat back down, this time shoving the tray away, one last ditch effort to resist. But the harder she tried tighter her hunger seemed to grip. She wondered if this is what heroin did to Zuko.

With shaky hands she started on her second helping. The stress of the morning, hadn't done her impulse control any favors.

"Mind if I sit down?" Teo asked.

Her face flushed, knowing that she had been caught. "Yes I do!" She snapped. She had to get his attention off of her. The last thing she needed was someone to watch her indulge. Teo didn't seem phased so she added, "do you really think I'd be desperate enough to sit with you?"

"You spoke up for me."

"A lapse of judgment." She couldn't tell if she was talking about playing the hero or about going for seconds.

"Good to know." Teo scoffed. At least he was leaving. She could suffer her humiliations in semi-privet.

Having finished off the second tray, her plan comes to mind. It's a failsafe, should she over do things. She promised herself that she would only do it once. Once and then she would get a grip on herself. Once and that would be it.

She stood, her heart pumping in anticipation as she made her way to the girls' room. It was mercifully empty. She locked herself in one of the stalls and stood there for the longest time, occasionally brining her fingers to her mouth. But she couldn't bring herself to induce the gag reflex. She was growing frustrated at her own hesitation. She felt heavy was screaming at herself to get rid of the feeling, but she couldn't find it in her. It hit her hard, realizing that school wasn't the best spot for a trail run.

She left the bathroom leaving more helpless and in less control than before.

**.oOo.**

It was hard for her to look her father in the eyes that night. Zuko was absent again, she didn't dare ask where he was. She had an inkling that he hadn't stuck around after she left and could only imagine the trouble he was getting himself into. She wished that it wasn't just she and her father. Her father who was probably judging her for the progress she  _hadn't_  made. He was probably judging her for the damages she had inflicted earlier in the day.

She was finding it hard to eat dinner. She had eaten too much for one day already and she was almost certain that the guilt was plain on her face, because Ozai was smirking. She longed for him to stop. To just let her be, and then she might be able to fix herself.

Still she fought to finish her dinner, she didn't want to raise any questions—a part of her didn't think he would care if he  _did_  notice her skip a meal or two, he'd probably praise that. She finished it off but the hunger remained.

Ozai knew what he was doing, and she didn't know why he was doing it. Perhaps he was getting a kick out of her struggles. Maybe it was his twisted way of punishing her or testing her. No matter the motivation, he offered her dessert, practically daring her to accept it.

She wished again that Zuko was there to give her something else to dwell on. Someone to talk to instead of drowning in the inviting aroma of warm chocolate. She hadn't had chocolate in so long…

"Go on." Ozai muttered nonchalantly. She felt almost safe, maybe he felt bad for making her feel so awful in the first place. So she treated herself. It was only after she finished—leaving a good half of the cake slice untouched—that he remarked, "of course you would."

That was all it took.

The final push she needed to do what needed to be done.

She stormed down the hall, leaving his smug expression behind. Yet it was imprinted in her mind, and helped drive her into her room and then into the bathroom within it. She trembled all over as she hunched over and pulled her hair back.

She readied her fingers only to pull them back as an involuntary sob worked itself out. She didn't think that she had much time left before she'd be stuck with the food she had practically inhaled, so without allowing herself any time to contemplate it further, she slipped her fingers into her mouth.

It burned so terribly. It burned her stomach and her throat and her mouth. She felt rather weak and dirty. It was terribly unpleasant, just as awful as she had anticipated. Her breathing was ragged and her mouth and chin were a mess. She pulled her hair back a second time, because the heavy feeling still remained.

Gripping the seat and with tears streaming down her face, she despised herself more deeply than she ever had.

She wiped her face clean, the last thing she had the energy to do before dropping to the floor, wracked with sobs. She was such a mess. Such a mess and she didn't know how to clean it.


	11. Chapter 11

Azula’s concern was somehow more aggravating than her mockery. He hated her pity and he hated her. If she couldn’t play nice before her accident, why should he accept her kindness after? He told himself that she just wanted some support, that she would use him until she lost some weight and gained some friends. But deep down he knew that he was wrong, he has learned how to sort out her lies and truths decently well. He could see genuine concern as she continued to scold him for using drugs and warn him to go to school. He didn’t like to acknowledge her concern because doing so would mean recognizing just how deep he was in.

 

She fixed him with one final offer, “come with me, Zuzu.” He knew that if he didn’t take it, he would be on his own and left at Ozai’s mercy. He ought to go, but his heroin was calling pretty loudly. It was a conundrum in itself because Ozai was practically guarding his door. He couldn’t get to his room without passing his father first.

 

He had to stay home and find a way to get to it. So he bursted out a quick and harsh, “take care of yourself!” It was just so much easier to pretend that she was just using him. That way he wouldn’t have to worry about being a good brother to her. Wouldn’t have to worry about building another relationship for the heroin to ruin. He abruptly got to his feet and slammed his chair against the table. Azula didn’t flinch.

Thanks to Ozai, she was used to that kind of thing.

Sparing her a final look, it occurred to him that she shouldn’t be used to it.

 

He stormed up the stairs, momentarily forgetting that he needed to be sneaky. Mercifully he could hear his father on the phone—a conference call, probably—prattling on and on about smart business partnerships and marketing strategies. Occasional he would hear a boast about how they were crushing BeiFong Electronics.

 

His father seemed rather invested in that call, which meant that he had a chance. He took a deep breath and headed back in the direction he had left.

Azula was already gone.

He wanted to be angry, but he had made it pretty clear that he had no intention of going with her.

 

So he ventured back upstairs once more. Ozai was still deep into the call. This time the heroin could wait just a little longer. He was growing twitchy and agitated, he was short of breath and his mouth was so dry. He ought to get a drink, but he hadn’t the time to spare. He just had to power though this. As soon as he got to a safer place, he could shoot up all he wanted. Hell, he might even take an extra dose.

  
He heard his phone buzz and paid it no mind. He grabbed his backpack, emptied it of its textbooks and notebooks and began stuffing in clothes and electronics. He took his heroin first and put it in the backpack. His iPod was next, he slipped that into one of the side pockets and a charger with it. That reminded him to stick his phone in his pocket. But those were already stuffed with cash so he hid it away in a less noticeable pocket. The clothes went haphazardly into the main opening. He found the heroin and concealed it between layers of clothing. He tore a few pillows and the warmest looking blanket from his bed. He thought of taking a few books for entertainment’s sake, but he no longer had the attention span for reading. He did snatch up his journal—though untouched for months—and slipped it in with the clothes. Amid the disorganization of his room, he found a lighter and a half used packet of cigarettes and arranged those into the remaining side pocket. From his closet he withdrew a spare pair of shoes. And then he wandered down the hall and stole some of his father’s travel sized soaps and shampoos as well as a razor or two. He hastily shoved those in with the rest of the mess. He could sense that he was running out of time and it brought a film of sweat to his head.

 

He heard his father muttering an, “our next conference will be at the same time, on the same day, next week.”

 

“Fuck.” He hissed to himself. He charged down the hall without a second thought and didn’t stop running until the estate was no longer in sight.

 

**.oOo.**

 

He had walked for hours, morning had bled into afternoon and then from there, into the early stages of sunset.  What else was there to do? He’d never done something like this before, it felt both wrong and liberating all at once. He knew, in some sense where he needed to go. It was the only place to go, if he really put some thought into it. A place where doors and windows were barred at night and graffiti covered nearly every nook and crevice of the place. Buildings in worse condition showed signs of robbery and violence; windows that ranged from cracked to broken, the worst of them had a bullet hole or two.

 

He kept his eyes peeled for the insignia of the White Lotus. Back in the day, perhaps the 60’s and early 70’s the group was composed of a, more or less, innocent group of people. They were folks who condoned the use of LSD and other hallucinogenics for the sake of creativity and inspiration. His uncle had been a part of that movement until it corrupted itself into a decently famed drug cartel.

 

He heard a bottle break and an angry howl.

He drew his hood over his head and kept his gaze low, the less he saw the better. It was best not to make eye contact with the types who lived around these parts. He stuffed his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and made his way past taking the care not to be too fast nor too slow.

 

He heard another shout from behind and the sound of knuckles on cheekbone. He couldn’t help but hasten his pace. He would find the White Lotus and get his ass back to a safer part of town and then decide what to do next. Ideally, that was what he would do. More plausibly, he was going to steal away and finish off the last of his old stash.

 

He was nearing the center of the slum. If he had heard Chan right, the White Lotus was very close. Apparently, they were fantastic for roofies and ecstasy. He hoped that they weren’t lacking as far as tar went. He observed the graffiti around a broken and dry fountain that teemed with mold and creepy ivy. Amid it, he spotted the insignia. He wandered down the sidewalk closest to it until he noticed a second insignia sprayed on the wall of an alley.

He strayed from the sidewalk.

 

His eyes were feeling heavy and his movements, sluggish. It was a wonder he had even made it this far. He thought that it was the product of adrenaline alone. Now that he was out of Ozai’s reach, the kick was wearing away faster than his highs. The drowsiness was settling in. Or maybe his spike in energy and then the drop was just another side effect of his addiction. Just another thing to toss in with his waves of disorientation and his dry mouth.

 

His dry mouth…

 

He dug around in his backpack, noting with dread that in his hustle to flee Ozai he hadn’t packed himself any food or water.

He wanted to scream. Maybe to cry even. But more than ever he needed his heroin.

 

He came to a door and he pounded on it. He was rash, he wasn’t thinking. He pulled out his wallet and practically shoved a fat wad of cash into the palm of the man at the door. “Hard stuff. I need the hard stuff.”

 

“Not from around here are ya, kid?”

 

“I’m not a kid!” He snapped.

 

“Ya sure ain’t an adult either.”

 

“I need the hard stuff. I have money, give me…”

 

The man beckoned him inside. His brain begged him not to enter, but he did. He had to. The place was a complete shithole. Dirty dishes stacked on tables and discarded on the floor amid cigarette butts and empty bottles. Bullet shells littered other parts of the floor, the size of the bugs that scuttled about. He couldn’t identify the types of stains on the walls and carpets.

That was only the entry room, the kitchen was even more horrific and the bedroom, that was expectedly occupied. The woman was topless, still clad in high heels and fishnets. She was as disheveled as he felt within. He didn’t know how she could sleep with discarded lingerie and boxers everywhere. It smelled foul, like drugs and booze and sweat.

 

“Stop starein’.” The man grumbled gruffly and roughly dragged him away from that and to another scene. One that was more dizzying than the one before it. A woman sat fully, but scantly, dressed in a bathtub. Her stare was fierce as she exhaled a puff of smoke. There was another person in the room, she was getting more ink done. She looked at least a little tipsy, her lip curved up. “Haven’t seen you in class lately, Zuko.”

 

He looked at the time, noting that school had let out an hour ago. He shuddered and rushed passed on his own accord.  He wondered just how often she came to this place, it didn’t _look_ like she frequented it. At last, Zuko is hustled into a room at the far end. The man counts the cash Zuko had handed him and tossed him a roll of needles. “I paid for more than…”

 

“Ya get what I give ya.”

 

“I paid for…”

 

The man’s hand went for his pocket.

 

“I paid for this much.” Zuko conceded. He hid his new goods under the folds and in the pockets of clothes in his backpack.

 

The man flashed him a shark’s grin and directed him towards the door. “Pleasure doing business.”

 

Just like that it dawned on him that he hadn’t the street smarts he needed to survive. It was becoming more and more obvious as he continued meandering about the place. He tried to find himself an isolated space to pump his poison, but the better of them have already been occupied.

 

As inconspicuous as he was trying to make himself, he could see people staring. Could hear them chattering amid themselves. And, with a sense of dread, he realized that he was overdressed for a place like this. 

 

Overdressed and surrounded.

He kicked himself again for being fool enough to forget to bring a knife.

 

His stomach took the first blow. An unexpected deliverance that stole his breath as a second assailant snatched his backpack. He scrambled to his feet with an angry yowl and shoved the thief. A mistake, the thief’s companion had a bat and it collided with his shin. He toppled again, watching the first boy pick out his iPod. He pocked it as the other brought the bat down again. That time it met his ribcage and he feared that he would find a new thing to bond with Azula over.

 

Quickly, the thief patted the easily spotted pockets of his pants. Unsatisfied, the boy picked up Zuko’s sleeping supply.

 

He winced as the boy shook out his pillow, finding one of his syringes. Zuko decided to make a scene over that and over his clothes, for it he was earned a blow to the forehead. Still, it was the only smart thing he had done himself. The boy smirked and stole one more shirt, the cigarettes, and the single syringe. Thinking that he had found the best of the loot, he tossed the backpack back at Zuko.

It nailed him on the head.

 

It nailed him on the head, but at least he had the rest of his stash and the goods he had just acquired.

 

**.oOo.**

Zuko shivered to himself feeling wholly alone. The night was growing cold and he still hadn’t a place to sleep nor a pillow to sleep on. He felt lost. He ought to go home but he knew that Ozai would be waiting. Waiting to worsen the wounds he’d achieved on his own.

 

A good distance away from the shady parts of town, he found himself an underpass and slumped to the dirty ground. He only had the light of a flickering streetlamp.

He couldn’t help but wonder what his sister was doing. It was probably dinner time. He genuinely hoped that Ozai wasn’t taking his hasty departure out on her. He couldn’t see Ozai doing something like that; no, as always, Azula was probably costing at least moderately comfortably by as he suffered terribly.

 

He thought of Mai.

No doubt she was doing better now that he was gone.

Gone, hunched over, and poising his needle.

 

His bloodied head left him all the more relieved when the needle bit his arm. Soon the throbbing would be gone. Soon, the lashes Ozai left on his back would sting. Soon the bruises would pound. Soon he was feeling the first tingles of his rush coming on.  

 

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.  It was almost dead and he had nowhere to charge it and nothing to charge it with. He looked at the caller ID, and his eyes brimmed with tears. He answered the call.

 

“Zuko, where are you?”

 

Through the rush he was weeping. He was so scared, but now he had a way out.


	12. Chapter 12

Toph wished she could go to school, it was always disconcerting to be home these days. At least if she were in class she could pretend that things were normal. Home sick, she was forced to hear her parents argue over what had to be sold next, would it be the higher end of her mother’s wardrobe or her father’s fourth car? The debate usually ended with selling one of her things and then talking about where they would move to if they had to.

 

The thought of losing her soccer team was more awful than losing more of her electronics and knowing that she’d be in a tiny shack of a house. She rubbed her nose with her pointer. She hadn’t been feeling well since the assembly, her sinuses have been especially unforgiving. It is almost enough to keep her distracted from the quarrel down the hall.

 

Without thinking, she rubbed her watery and irritated eyes. Cold or allergies, she was ready for it to be over and done with. Sluggishly, she pulled herself out of bed and wandered towards the bathroom. She quickly brushed her teeth. She ought to comb her hair but her head ached and she didn’t want to make that worse. One brief glance at the mirror and she could see the trouble; her eyes were pretty red. Almost instantly she made note of all of the times—including the most recent—when she rubbed her eyes without having washed the hands she coughed on and sneezed into. She cringed to herself. Maybe she should go to the doctor after all? But she was trying to avoid that for the sake of her parents’ newly tight budget. It was, after all, just a little cold.

 

But she tried not to dwell on all of it too much, it was too late to fix things. Instead she decided to go to the dining hall. A glass of water would do her good.

 

“I don’t have time for this!” She heard her father bursted out.

 

“Don’t have time for this?” Poppy returned.

 

 “Do you hear the phone ringing?” It was a rhetorical question. “It’s about the law suit.”

 

“They haven’t dropped it yet?” Her mother’s voice softened. “I mean I’m sorry about their boy, but that was hardly our fault…”

 

Toph looked over each rack in the pantry, it was growing harder to find food she liked. “Man, this is a load of ass!” She exclaimed, she has never had such a problem before, the shelves used to be teeming with food. But with every case that has come up since Mai’s family first pressed charges for a faulty, exploding battery in one of their motorized scooters, the shelves grew bearer. Lawsuits have been piling up since the Kwons came out. Suddenly everyone’s scooter had led to some type of injury. And suddenly Toph had less food options and more ill-will towards Mai.

 

Sure she felt bad for Tom-Tom, but she was inclined to agree with her mother. She had seen how the boy was riding the scooter when she went to the park for some practice with Aang. He would practically drag the battery pack along the asphalt and had neglected to use the cover designed to protect the battery. But Toph had no pictures, no proof of what she’d seen. While the Kwon’s had all the evidence they needed with pictures from Tom-Tom’s hospital visit and the burned battery itself.

 

Maybe that’s how she could spend her time! She would go through all of the pictures and selfies she had taken with Aang and the rest of her soccer team. Tom-Tom was bound to be in the background of at least one!  It was a nice excuse to look at that embarrassing snapshot of Smellerbee face planting into a tree.

She grabbed a bag of chips from the shelf and rushed back to her room.

 

**.oOo.**

 

A scream tore through the BeiFong estate, throwing it into a state of disarray. As if things weren’t going poorly enough already. Toph screamed again, it was wholly unlike her but everything was so terribly dark. She couldn’t seem to pry her eyes open, despite good efforts. She reached reflexively for her phone, her stomach lurching when she realized that she couldn’t see the touch screen. She wanted to hear Aang’s voice so bad, or Katara’s, or anyones’. The next time she hollered, it was a simple and shrill, drawn out, “mom.” Just like that, Poppy was in the room.

 

Toph brought her fingers to her eyes; she could feel the lids puffy and crusted. It felt like she had a flake of wood jammed under it. Just what was she dealing with? Pink eye, perhaps? But she had woken up with crust in her eyes before, it never had them glued shut. “Mom, help!” She couldn’t come up with any witty comments to laugh her way out of this one. “Take me to the doctor!”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me that something was wrong!” Poppy exclaimed.

 

“I didn’t want to bother you guys.”

 

“Oh, Toph. Oh, Toph, sweetie. We care more about you than…” She sputtered off. “Oh Toph.” She called for Lao and Toph’s father hustled into the room. “Don’t just stand there, Lao, call an ambulance!”

 

He knew that it wasn’t the right time but regardless and in a hushed tone said, “are you sure we shouldn’t just drive, ambulances are expensive.”

 

Poppy bit her lip.

 

She found herself being hustled down the hall, having to rely on her parents and their grip on her hands was jarringly terrifying. It made the hallways so endless and the itching behind her eye lids much worse. All the while she silently pleaded that it was just pink eye and she was overreacting like an idiot. She felt herself lifting up and she could only assume that she had been placed in a car seat. The buckle came around her and the car started. She only knew that it was her mother holding her hand, but the softness of her touch. For once she didn’t jerk out of the coddling embrace. She took a deep breath, it was time to calm down. It was time to toughen up and power through this like she did everything else.


	13. Chapter 13

Katara gave a frustrated groan. June had to have given her at least two hours of homework between chemistry and math and she still had a few other classes worth of work, including having to write a page for Kyoshi’s, ‘The Wan High Perspectives’ project. A page a day was becoming so tedious and she hated dwelling on her day. She decided to name her auto-biography, ‘Wan High Weeping’, she had a feeling that by the end of the year there wouldn’t be a dry eye left in the school. But she had to power though these assignments if she was going to visit Sokka that weekend. Yet, thinking of the visit was eating away at her focus. And so it became a cycle of fretting over not having enough time to drop by Sokka and then stressing over the amount of work she had instead of actually doing it.

She tapped her pencil against her chin as she forced herself to work out one of the equations. All the while her phone was blowing up, she had to fight the urge to answer any of the calls or texts. She kept telling herself that most of them were probably Jet and his friends, they always seemed to find work arounds to her blocking their numbers.

“Uggh, this is so irritating…” She wanted to throw her pencil down. She didn’t have time to think about Jet and pals, but it was so easy to think about that when her homework was so painfully uninteresting.

 

She didn’t spare her phone a glance until she got all of her math work out of the way. After tucking that neatly into its designated folder, she picked up her cell. As expected, many of the messages were from Jet and his crew. All of them were of the same variety, the same tactless insults. She couldn’t tell if it was a good or a bad thing that she was growing numb to being accused of being a slut. She sighed and deleted them all, blocking the numbers one by one, until she finally came to something more pleasant. Aang’s number appeared on her screen.

 

It would seem as though things were not as pleasant as she suspected after all. The message concerned Toph. _‘Poppy called me earlier. She said to tell coach that Toph is in the hospital.’_ He added a frown emoji and a sick emoji.

 

Katara bit her cheek and quickly texted him back. _‘So sorry it took so long to reply, math with June is horrible. What happened to Toph? Is she okay?’_ It makes her stomach turn to think that something has happened to Toph of all people. Truly a hospital visit is the last thing the BeiFong’s needed.

 

She scrolled to the next message.

Suki.

She was almost afraid to open it.

Her finger hovered above the screen for some time before she finally decided to just go ahead and see what Suki had to say. It was simple and to the point, _‘you better give him a good talk.’_ She didn’t need context and she didn’t know how to reply. It has been so long since she had seen Sokka and she didn’t want to open their first conversation with Suki’s pregnancy. So she sent a quick, _‘I’ll see what I can do.’_

 

**.oOo.**

 

Shu Jing University was much nicer than Wan High could ever hope to be. It certainly lived up to its prestigious hype. It was a collection of tiered buildings with orange and goal roof tiling. It’s campus seem to go on for miles, and some of the frat houses were sprinkled into the town itself. Her journey to Sokka’s dorm building was lush with trees, most of them shedding their leaves. The breeze smelled of the season, a warm perfume of cider, caramel, and hot-cakes. She assumed that the cafeteria was the source, it tickled her nose most pleasantly and she longed to study there instead of her own school. Students in uniform—bright red unisex dress pants and vests with the school logo—traipsed down the sidewalk carrying on eloquent, erudite conversations. Where they would meet up for study sessions and what was on the menu in the café and an occasional comment on the weather. Everyone seemed so serious, driven, and generally well-put together. She never envied Sokka more. Everything was so fancy, even the walkway which was made of shining cobblestone.

Trapped in the romanticized image of college life, for a moment she forgot about her troubles. She spied a group of students lounging in the grass on picnic tables, reading and soaking up the last of the moderately warm weather.

With any luck, Sokka would take her for a latte in the café.

 

She hustled the rest of the way to his dorm area, where he was waiting for her outside with his hands stuffed into his pockets and a skateboard in the other. His hair was wet and he smelled like shampoo. He wasn’t in uniform, but instead a white t-shirt and blue flannel pajama pants. He cast his skateboard aside and pulled her into a hug. “It’s about time you stopped by! I haven’t heard from you since your first day of school! How is everything?”

 

Katara sighed, her eyes already welling up, “it isn’t good, Sokka.” She gave herself a moment. “Toph is sick and they won’t leave me alone.”

 

Sokka’s brows knit. “Here let’s go inside.”

 

She followed him into the dorm, it smelled much less pleasant—it was definitely the boys’ dorm, alright. It reeked of stale pizza and body odor. “How do you stand the smell?” She couldn’t help but ask.

 

“Eh, ya get used to it.” He chuckled. “I probably contribute to it.”

 

“Ew! Sokka, that’s gross!” She missed him so, so much. It was almost like nothing changed at all. She could almost pretend that he wasn’t dodging responsibilities.

 

“Anyways, who won’t leave you alone?”

 

“Jet.” She mumbled.

 

“Him again? I thought you broke it off with him?”

 

“Yeah, that’s why he’s calling me a whore. He handles rejection worse than Zuko!”

 

“Am I going to have to have a talk with him.” He cracked his knuckles, “ya know, this kind of talk.”

 

Katara laughed. “That would be nice, but I don’t want you to lose all of this.” She gestured around the dorm. “He’s a minor and you’re an adult now, you could get in serious trouble. Even if you didn’t, his friends would keep it up.”

 

“Which ones? Chan and Azula?”

 

She could give him a whole list. “Yeah, Chan. And Chan’s friend, Chu-Leng. Sometimes the rest of the volleyball team. But it’s mostly Jet, Smellerbee, Pipsqueak, and Duke. Azula…that’s kind of a long story but her friend, Usha…” That woman always had the worst things to say on her social media pages.

 

“It seems like the whole school is after you.” Sokka sighed.

 

“Yeah, it kind of does. And none of the staff can do anything about it because it’s ‘just name calling’. I don’t know what to do. I wish you were still there, they weren’t this bad when you were there with me.”

 

“I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to be at Wan High right now…” he trailed off.

 

And she couldn’t help herself. “Why? Because it would be harder for you to avoid Suki? She needs help you know!? I know you’re my brother and that I should be on your side but…” She took a breath. “But you both…had sex. You’re a dad and you have to deal with that!” She had risen her voice much louder than she had intended.

 

“Not so loud please, the guys…”

 

“Don’t need to know?” She filled in. “That’s the great thing about being a guy isn’t it? You can keep it hushed. Suki? Every knows! It’s kind of hard to hide an entire baby bump.” Katara didn’t realize how furious the situation was making her until she finally put it out there.

 

Sokka flushed.

 

“I can’t believe you, Sokka!” She sputtered. “You’d come all the way to Wan High to beat people up for me, but you’re afraid to go help Suki out every once in a while.”

 

“She broke up with me, Kat!”

 

“Because you ignored her any time she mentioned the baby.”

 

“I don’t know how to be a father.” Sokka confessed softly.

 

“You can learn. Just like every new dad.”

 

“I have to study, this is tough stuff…”

 

“Suki has to study. She still wants to go to college too.” Katara argued. “But she can’t just avoid things like you are. She doesn’t have a choice at this point.” She shoved her phone at him. “Call her, Sokka. And tell her that you’re going to help her with the baby. You can start by helping her pick a name.”

 

“Can we go back to talking about bullies? I can handle those.”

 

“Sure, after you call Suki.” She replied. “Trust me, I need advice. But Suki needs support more right now.”

 

“Okay, you win, Kat.” Sokka lifted his hands. “I’ll call and then you let me help you out.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are not comfortable with the topic; this chapter has some non-con vibes.

She put the phone in his hand and it seems to carry the weight of a car. Truth be told, he was scared. He was a jokester, he was immature and a bit of a screw-off. He wasn’t dad material. He didn’t have that kind of maturity and Suki deserved a better father for her child than him.

 

“Go on.” Katara urged, reminding him far too much of their mother.

 

“Just give me a minute, Kat!” He didn’t mean to snap. But his nerves did that to him sometimes. Truly, he wants to be a good example for Katara. Just as he wants to be a supportive boyfriend for Suki. He hovered his finger over the call button. But what would he even say? “Shouldn’t I tell her in person?”

 

“When? Over autumn break? Sokka that’s two months away!” Katara frowned.

 

He was making excuses. It was time to be a big boy. It was time to raise a big boy…or girl. He hit the call button.

 

“Hi, Katara!” She sounded so cheerful he felt bad ruining that.

 

“I’m not Katara.” He muttered.

 

Her enthusiasm dropped, “what do you want, Sokka.”

 

“I thought of a few names that you might like.” He could see Katara rolling her eyes in the background. He was only two sentences in and he was already kissing ass.

 

“They better not be stupid.” He could detect a hint of amusement. There was a lighter undertone to her deadpan manner of speech.

 

“How does Roua sound? If it’s a girl, Roua.”

 

“Doesn’t that mean, meat?”

 

“Meat is good. Everyone loves meat, everyone will love our Roua!”

 

“Are you even certain that you’re using the correct word? You haven’t taken any foreign languages since freshmen year and I know that you didn’t retain any of that.”

 

“Well what names do you have in mind.” He was finally starting to relax.

 

“Hikari for a girl and Hikaru for a boy.” She paused, “maybe Kibo.” She listed several more names but he liked Hikari the best. “Are you hoping for a boy or a girl.”

 

Sokka considered for a moment. “I guess it doesn’t really matter as long as the baby is easy to take care of.” Katara made a face of disproval so he added, “and as long as the baby makes us all a happy family.” He peered at Katara for confirmation. That time she gave him a thumbs up.  

 

“Are you still mad at me?” He asked.

 

“Oh absolutely! You were being a jackass! A selfish, immature, jackass.” Suki exclaimed. “But I think that you might be able to make it up to me.”

 

He sighed. “That’s fair.” He scratched his head. “How about we go for coffee—can the baby have coffee—over the weekend. How does that sound?”

 

“As long as I don’t get swamped with homework, it sounds great, Sokka. And I don’t think that one coffee will hurt.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

It had taken a weight off of him to talk to Suki. Guilt was no longer a burden. Granted he hadn’t known that it was something he had carried until the feeling had fled. But in its place, blossomed a concern for Katara.

 

The more she told him the more uneasy he felt. She let him scour through her old texts—the ones she hadn’t gotten around to deleting. They ranged from people asking her if they could get a ‘freebie’ in the bathroom stall to girls threatening to fight her if she dared look at their man in the wrong way, apparently, they knew what kind of person she was.

 

She showed him her social media accounts and told him exactly why she doesn’t even go on to wish him luck at college anymore. Plastered on her timeline were tactless jokes that lacked any and all humor. ‘What do bombs and Katara have in common?’ Chan posted most recently. Usha had asked ‘what’. And he joyfully replied, ‘they’re both gonna blow!’

 

And Jet. Jet sent his mind reeling with rather graphic murder fantasies. The things that he was saying to his little sister…he clenched his teeth. For everyone to see online Jet posted, ‘the sex was good, too bad everyone probably gets the same treatment.’ Sokka scrolled down, finding a clip of a whale call captioned, ‘Katara in bed’. Alongside a host of comments praising the shitty joke. He posted various photos of pornstars with Katara’s face shopped onto them, leaving people to comment, ‘true’ and ‘good girl on the homework sheets bad girl in the sheets (and everywhere else).’

Via text it was much cruder; ‘come on babe I know you want me inside of you.’ If not it was, ‘just one puss pic, that’s it, that’s all I want and then I’ll tell them to stop.’ ‘Just come (cum) back to me and this can all end.’

 

It took all of his willpower not to shatter the phone’s screen right then and there. And even more of it when he noticed that Katara was getting misty eyed. He smacked his own forehead, why had he let her read them with him?

 

He fumbled to make it better with a hasty, It’s not all bad. Look.” He pointed at a message from TyLee of all people.

‘Jet is a jerk.’  Followed by an, ‘I don’t know why you all believe him.’ The comments looked relatively recent too.

 

“I thought that she hated me.” Katara muttered.

 

“Maybe parting ways with Azula did her some good.” Sokka smiled warmly. He pressed his lips together and scrolled down more. “I’m surprised she hasn’t say anything sly yet.” The last offensive comment Azula had left was posted over the summer, something, something about expect to see Katara post trashy swimsuit pics. With Usha adding that she could be the eye-candy to promote the school volleyball team.

“I don’t think that she’s going to.” Katara replied. “Not any time soon.”

 

“Well that’s a good thing, right?” Sokka tried.

 

“I guess…”

 

He had to change the subject. “How’s the swim team going?”

 

“I quit, Sokka.”

 

His mouth fell agape. “Why!? You were so passionate about it! You were going to go to state!”

 

“Me. In a swimsuit.” She paused. “Do you know how much ammo that gave them? Do you know how many remarks Jet kept making about my butt?” She rubbed her eyes. “I couldn’t deal with it anymore, Sokka.”

 

“This is crazy, Kat!” He declared. “There’s gotta be something the school can do. Look at these.” He gestured to Jet’s more creepy texts. “I think you can get the police involved.”

 

“Mom and dad tried that.” Her voice was so timid. “They keep saying that they can’t prove that it’s him sending those texts because he does it with throw away numbers. I know it’s him but I can’t prove it.”

 

Sokka gestured to the computer.

 

“Those aren’t threats. They said that they’d keep tabs on it, but they can’t do anything until he does.”

 

“I don’t get it? Aren’t the police supposed to prevent things from happening?”

 

“That’s what I thought.”

 

“This is cyber bullying.”

 

“That sounds so kiddish.” Katara muttered. “I already tried telling them that…”

 

Sokka ran his hands through his hair. “He did something, I know it. There’s gotta be something we can get him for.”

 

It would seem that he would be making up for his selfish attempt to doge responsibility. Between college, finally taking on his role as a dad, and fighting for Katara, he was going to have his hands full for the year and then some. “We’ll get him, Katara, I promise. Just stay by Suki for now.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“And call me if you need to. I’ll be there and I won’t let him do anything.”

 

“Okay.” She didn’t sound certain at all.

 

“I promise. I’m not going to let my baby grow up near someone like Jet. I promise, if he does anything to you…”

 

“If he tries, I’ll fight back.” There’s a sense of strength and determination beneath the tremble of her words.

 

“Good. You go back to school and you keep fighting and doing your school work so you can get out of that hellhole.” He tried to think of what else their dad would say. “Just call me if you get scared.”


	15. Chapter 15

She knew that his father cared little for Zuko, even still it astounded her that he hadn’t even reported his son missing. he had been absent for a little over a week now. He hadn’t even sent one pleading, sniveling, ‘please come back’ text.  No, it would seem that reporting his absence was a task for her. Lately Zuko had been leaving nothing but a sour taste in her mouth, even still, she couldn’t just stay silent.

Maybe she should have.

She should just keep out of things and keep to herself as she usually did.

He wasn’t her boyfriend anymore. In a way he was almost toxic. She didn’t know if she should feel angry that he had left with no warning, pity because his situation had become so grim that he had to flee, or relieved that he was safely out of her life.

 

Mai wandered down the hall, she was ridiculously early, most of the lights weren’t even on yet. But her home was suffocating anymore. She was tired of hearing about that dammed lawsuit. Tired of hearing about how she should have been watching Tom-Tom better. Tired of being told that if she had then he would have been using the scooter properly.

More than that she was tired of passing Toph by, knowing that it was her fault that the girl’s family was under fire.

 

She should have been a better sister.

 

She made her way to her locker, pondering and contemplating. She could come forward. She could admit that she hadn’t been watching her brother properly and spare the BeiFongs more hassle. She could, but then she’d have even more scorn from her mother. And frankly, she didn’t know how much more resentment her wrists could handle.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Lunchtime is dismal, too many people were trying to talk to her. She didn’t know any of them and she didn’t want to get to know them. She had an inkling that their interested extended as far as her family’s wealth. The company she did keep was as quiet as her. They sit together only because there was a silent acknowledgement; that they all wanted to sit alone at their own table but there weren’t enough tables for that. So they all ate together but isolated. And mostly this was fine by Mai. It kept her from having to talk and it kept her from the attention of Usha. But that day was different. That day she had a lot to think about and the quiet wasn’t doing her well.

 

Her ears wandered as much as her mind and soon she happened upon a conversation that hits her in the most unpleasant way. She thought that it was karma for having yelled at Katara on the first day of school, for doing exactly what she was.

 

“Is Toph going to be coming back to school?” Suki asked

 

“Maybe in a few weeks. Poppy made it sound like she can’t see at all.” Katara replied. “I thought, that she just had pink eye.”

 

“Yeah, pink eye can get worse if you can’t afford the medication for it.” Suki pointed out. “I just wish that Toph spoke up sooner, it takes a while to process prescriptions as it as and getting doctor appointments? Take it from me, that takes a while.”

 

“Poor Toph.”

 

Mai tried to zone it out. She didn’t want to hear. It just piled more guilt onto her. A dreadful desire to bring about a twisted sort of justice stirred within her. She, to some affect, was causing Toph to suffer. It was only right to suffer in turn.

 

Perhaps the feeling was taking its toll because she did something foolish. She dialed Zuko’s number. It was an almost robotic action. So much so, that it takes his voicemail for it to set in that she had called again.

 

She didn’t want him to pick up, not by any means. But somehow it stung that he hadn’t.

 

All in all, she no longer knew what to torture herself over more, the BeiFongs, concern for Zuko, or her parents. It was dangerous on school grounds, but she needed a release…something else to focus on. “Emi?”

 

The girl next to her turned.

 

“Can I borrow your scissors?”

 

The girl gave a silent nod and slid them over. It was hard to act with the girl’s dark eyes fixed on her. But she opened the scissors anyways and pressed the blade closer to her skin. It was chilly and unfriendly.

 

“You should use the other side, the one I don’t use.”

 

She knew that she was sitting at the right table. But God, she didn’t need that kind of encouragement.

 

In fact she wished that someone would stop her, because she couldn’t do it herself. She wished that she shared lunch with TyLee, maybe then things would be more pleasant.

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Oh Mai.” TyLee whispered. “What happened, that looks like it hurt!”

 

They were sitting in their usual spot in the Jasmine Dragon.  “Art class.” Mai lied. “We were using those exacto-blades and I wasn’t paying attention…”

 

“Were you thinking about you know who.”

 

“He’s been missing for a week now, TyLee. Haven’t you thought about him?”

 

Her face fell. “Yeah, a little bit. I wonder how Azula’s taking it.”

 

She didn’t want to think about that either. Just like she didn’t owe Zuko, she didn’t owe Azula anything. They were both the same when she really thought about it; they used her and toyed with her. And they both made her feel horrible for not being there for them. At least Azula had the decency to be less overt about it.

 

“Should we go look for him?”

 

She admired TyLee’s enthusiasm.

 

“I can’t, I have to…” Her stomach lurches. “I have to watch Tom-Tom, I was supposed to be home.”

 

“You always have to watch Tom-Tom.” TyLee frowned. “Can I watch him with you? I really don’t want to be alone right now…”

 

“You know how my mom feels about…pretty much everyone I bring over.” It would seem that she couldn’t even choose her friends right. TyLee was a bimbo, Chan was an asshole, Azula was a snake, and Zuko was her mother’s worst nightmare personified. Azula was the only one her at least tolerated.

 

“I’ll leave before she gets home.”

 

Mai considered, “well I’m already in pretty deep tonight…”

 

TyLee pulled her into a crushing hug. “Oh, thanks Mai, you’re the best!”

 

And maybe that was why she kept hanging around with TyLee despite having no common ground with her. The girl was one of the few people who actually tried to uplift her. The only one who made her feel useful. “So what was this scary secret you had to tell me?”

 

She looked around the bustling café. “I’ll tell you when we get to your house. After you get Tom-Tom to sleep.”

 

“That could take a while.”

 

“That’s fine.” Something in her eyes seemed to say that she actually didn’t want to speak at all.

 

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. If you’d rather just help me fuss with Tom-Tom, that’s fine with me.” She knew she would be in for quite the fit when she got home. She’d left him on his own for at least an hour. It only just began to settle in that he could get himself hurt again. Her parents would never forgive her for a second accident. “I don’t mean to rush you  but we have to hurry and get to my place, TyLee.”

 

Oh God, she hoped that Tom-Tom hadn’t gotten himself into too much trouble.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

Her face was terribly hot, her stomach knotted as tightly as it possibly could be. Tears threatened to break free, but she couldn’t afford to lose it in front of everyone. They had enough ammo as it were. But in her trembling hands she held the first failing grade she’d gotten since childhood. It wasn’t a test either. It was her midterm grade. It would seem the little assignments that she didn’t have the drive nor motivation to do had added up. Math, being the most tedious and insufferably boring, held the lowest grade. English and its need for deep thinking and focus was a close second worst. Her chemistry grade was only a little better than the ones before it.  History and art were the only things she managed to maintain a solid score in. Ironically, her physical education grad remained the same, but only because her former coach took pity on her soul—grading her for paper alternative assignments and eventually effort on the actually physical activity she was finally starting to get back into.

 

Azula tried to think about that, about how her ribs were finally paining her less, about how she could start pushing herself harder again. But the sheet of paper in her hands brought an oppressive dread. She couldn’t imagine that she could hide it from her any better than she could hide her eating habits. She set the offending paper down and rubbed her hands over her face.

She couldn’t do this anymore. She just couldn’t.

 

She heard Katara shift in the seat over. Her face was a complete picture of vexation. Yearning for a distraction, Azula leaned over and whispered, “why are you angry?”

 

To her surprised, Katara actually answered. She turned her own grade sheet over and pointed to a big sparkling F. “Look at this!” She exclaimed loudly enough to draw a few looks and a snicker from Chu-Leng.  “She hates me. She graded me like this because she doesn’t like me. I’ve been doing all the work and…ugggh.” She crumpled the paper and shoved it into her backpack. A gesture Azula whole-heartedly agreed with. “I take it, she doesn’t like you either?”

 

“Yeah.” Azula lied. She wished it was a matter of bias. No, it was rather objective that she was doing a lot worse than before. But it was hard to think with Ozai and Zuko going at it down the hall. And even harder when they weren’t—it helped even less that her belly has been empty for quite some time.

 

Zuko had been gone for about two weeks. September had turned to mid-October. There was no sign of him and Ozai was growing moody and spiteful. Aside from that, it became terribly apparent that she missed Zuko. Even if he was only in his room pumping tar into his veins, his presence helped. There was a sense of silent unity when dealing with their father.

She wanted him to come home.

She wished that he would have said something.

 

She hoped that Iroh had received her message. But he hated her just as well as Zuko did, so he didn’t text back either. She could only hope that he at least read her message and tried to contact Zuko. She couldn’t see Zuko ignoring him.

 

The bell rang and she thought of trying to catch Katara to discuss grades. Perhaps it would do them both well to study together or something. But she fell back, she has just as little energy to keep conversation as she does to get her work done. She has even less energy to try to make amends.

 

She couldn’t say how many teachers spoke with her, after class, about her grades before lunch time. But the answer, after minimal thinking, had to be every single one. Even Yengchen inquired about her grades in other classes. “I’m just a little worried about you, Azula, you’ve always had straight A’s…”

 

Azula had answered as vaguely as possible. Her stamina was draining rather rapidly, just walking to lunch was an effort. She knew that she really ought to eat.

Eat and keep the food there.

But she was afraid to let it remain.

 

She few weeks into her new habit, and she still couldn’t detect any progress. Visually, nothing had changed at all, the numbers on the scale didn’t go up…but they hardly went down either and she was growing frustrated. She didn’t know what she was doing wrong.

At least this time she had a more solid plan. She had allowed her father to pack her lunch for her and she took extra care to leave her cash and cards on her dresser. She would eat only what he had given her, if for no other reason than that she couldn’t pay for anything else.

 

It would seem that Ozai’s version of lunch was only a snack bar and a single apple. Not even a water bottle.

 

“That’s all you’ve got?” Teo wheels up to her. And because she wasn’t in the middle of an embarrassing binge, she let him stay.

 

“I let my dad pack lunch today.” It was a half-truth. One that allowed her to pretend that she wasn’t thankful that she had such a small lunch.

 

“My dad does the same things sometimes. I don’t think dads know how to pack lunch.” He laughed.

 

Azula tries to do the same, but her stomach was groaning and she felt anything but giddy. So instead she nodded her head and finished the last of her apple. She set the core to the side and stared off, evidently her gaze fell on her former table. Usha was laughing loudly with Kori. A sorrowful knot worked its way into her throat, that should be her, not Kori. She should still be sitting there. At least they weren’t laughing at her that day. And with Chan’s suspension pending for another day, things were peaceful.

They should have been anyhow. Chu-Leng was working double time to make her feel like shit on Chan’s behalf. And he was putting extra effort into it, claiming that she’d gotten Chan suspended in the first place. Naturally, the rest of the boys’ volleyball team and Jet were invited to join in.

 

The day prior it was jokes about how she was sitting alone and the day before that it was comments the same old tiresome remarks about her weight. She wished that they would just drop it and find something new to talk about.

 

Her stomach rumbled again and she looked up at Teo, trying to find any topic to discuss that wasn’t food. But she didn’t know anything about the boy and jumping right into, “how’d you end up in a wheel chair,” seemed anything but appropriate.

 

“You want some of my lunch?” He offered.

 

She wished that he hadn’t because she did, she really, really did. “No, I’m fine. I’m not that hungry.”

 

She was thankful that he didn’t push.

 

“Are you okay?” Teo asked.

 

As subtly as possible, she bit the inside of her lip. “I’m fine.” She allowed herself to dwell on that she had someone to sit by, that someone had gone out of their way to talk to her, and for a moment she can pretend that she is fine. “Are you.”

 

“Now that Chan isn’t here, I’m sort of okay.” She could tell that his smile is forced. She knows, very well, the look of someone who is masking a world of hurt. And she was almost certain that he sensed the untruth of her own response.

 

“Thank you for sitting with me.” She mumbled.

They don’t speak for the rest of the hour.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Azula took her time organizing her locker for the next day. She took her time finding her keys. She took her time walking to the car and she took the back roads all the way home. She had learned to fear the sight of her home.

 

Now that Zuko was gone, there was nothing to take the spotlight off of her, and it was casting her in the most unflattering light. She stepped inside, with any luck, her father would be on a conference call. She took off her shoes and padded as quietly as possible to her room—an attempt that left her feeling worser still about herself, her footfalls are heavier now and she flinched with each one. Still she remains undetected. She locked the door.

 

He didn’t speak with her so she didn’t speak with him.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She thought about it all day, because she knew that he knew about her slipping grades. She didn’t know how she knew, she just had a sense of it. It followed her to the cafeteria. The knowledge that she was going to get an earful very soon. She dug around her lunch bag only to find it empty, it was all the confirmation she needed.

 

Her stomach pained her so terribly and she wished that she had brought her money along after all. The scent of french fries and pizza taunted her. On Usha’s tray she can see a helping of onion rings next to a serving of pasta. The athletes have plates teeming with carbs, apparently it was bulking time for the wrestling and football teams. Mai’s lunch consisted of snack sized sushi and a packet of bland crackers. Katara’s lunch looked the most appetizing; a sandwich—probably made by her mother—some fruit snakes, a banana, and what looked like homemade brownies. She, herself, had nothing. She has had nothing for too long. And because she had nothing for so long, she suddenly wanted to taste everything. All the same, she knew that she couldn’t. It was a cycle that was driving her mad.

 

Teo took a seat.

She hardly noticed him until he remarked, “did you already eat?”

 

“No, I forgot to pack lunch.” A full-blown lie.

 

“Here.” He put his tray in the middle of the table and offers her some french toast sticks. He poured an unhealthy amount of syrup on the tray, practically dousing it. She didn’t know why he was eating breakfast for lunch, but in that moment it didn’t matter. She would take would she could get. It didn’t actually occur to her to ask how many sticks he was willing to give up until she had taken nearly half. Her control was slipping—in beginning her purge cycles she thought that she was taking control. Now she was beginning to think that she had set herself on a path that reaped it away from her. And this path was taking it fast.

 

She couldn’t bring herself to face Teo. He was probably disgusted with how greedily she had taken him up on his offer.

If he was, he didn’t make mention of it and she is thankful for at least that.

But it didn’t matter, she felt disgusted with herself for the both of them and then some.

 

She excused herself and headed for the bathroom.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Her streak of missing her father came to an end. He was waiting for her at the dinner table when she came downstairs to fetch her shoulder bag. He tossed a sheet of paper down on the middle of the table, she already knew what it was. “What is the meaning of this?”

 

She opened her mouth to explain but he spoke over her. “It’s failure, that’s what it is. F is for failure, do you know that or are you flunking your spelling exams too?”

 

She flinched. She felt horrible for it but she wished Zuko was there; skipping school altogether was, after all, a worse crime than attending and failing.

 

“You can’t keep your grades up, but you can keep your weight up!”

 

There probably wasn’t a spot on her face that wasn’t a shade of red. His insults were growing progressively worse, and far more frequent.

 

“Why is that?” He demanded.

 

“I have a lot of other things to think about.” She replied quietly.

 

“Are these things more important than school?”

 

She very well couldn’t tell him that it was hard to work and pay attention because she was being harassed almost regularly by Chu-Leng and Usha. It would just be one more thing for him to yell at her about. So she picked a different thing that bothered her. “I think it’s important to know where Zuko is.”

 

Ozai scoffs. “He dug his own grave. Junkies belong in the streets not in luxurious estates.”

 

There were so many things she wanted to say but she didn’t want to dig a grave like Zuko’s so she held her tongue.

 

“Stop thinking about the family disgrace—believe it or not, that isn’t you…yet—and fix this.” He practically threw the paper at her.

 

She knew that it was a horrible move but that day was a day without control, so she kept the ball rolling, “it’s hard to focus when you’re starving.”

 

His laugher was rather booming. “No wonder your grades are so low, you’re always starving, aren’t you?”

 

“Because you won’t let me eat.” She mumbled.

 

“You can eat when you get yourself back in shape.”

 

She swallowed. It took so much willpower to not let her hurt be seen. But he was cutting deep. Deep within, her hurt gives way to a tinge of anger. With him or with herself, she couldn’t decide. Suddenly she wished that Mai hadn’t cut her out, Mai would have been able to talk her down or at least distract her. At first she wished that she had TyLee for her peppy demeanor, but then she really put some thought into it.

The last thing she needed was TyLee with her slender and perfect hourglass figure. The last thing she needed was someone to make her look and feel worse than she did.

 

Her father offered one final comment that she blocked out and retreated, declaring that he had to finalize his business plans—the ones that would apparently wipe their biggest rival out completely. She hoped silently that his plan would fail. It would serve him well.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She couldn’t sleep, not with Ozai’s commentary bombarding her mind. Not when the hunger tickled her stomach. Faintly she was aware that if he stopped restricting her so (and if she could stop restricting herself), that food might not be on her mind so constantly. But as things were, it was almost the only thing she could think of.

 

She looked at the clock. Nearly 1:00 in the morning. She realized that this may be her only opportunity to get a real meal, so she crept down the hallway. From the shelves she pulled the first food item her hand landed on, frankly she didn’t even care for chips, but she ate them anyhow, promising herself that she’d only eat a few. But a few turned into half. And then half turned into the entire bag. She pulls something else down from the shelf and she did it with a purpose. She ate as much as she could just to spite him.

Just to be silently say that he couldn’t tell her what to do, that he couldn’t treat her how he was. A very quiet, unseen middle finger to the man.

In doing so she spites herself too.

 

Because looking at the empty wrappers filled her with dread. It brought her back to reality, the one where she vividly recalled promising herself that she was going to get back in shape, not for her father, but for her own sake.

 

Thank God that the bathroom was just a few doors down.

She promised herself that it would only be once…and then she had promised herself that it would be once more. But it never was, it never would be. It burned away at her throat most unpleasantly. She was dimly aware that it was destroying her, perhaps more than the actual binge itself. 

But there was so much relief and control—or at least the illusion of it—in doing it.

 

She hurried to clean the mess she made of her face and the mess she had made in the kitchen. She took the extra time to discard the wrappers where her father wouldn’t find them.

 

Indeed, she had spited herself so well that night.

And Ozai not at all, because he didn’t know what she had done.

He wouldn’t ever.

And because he didn’t know, it was as though he hadn’t been spited at all.

 

No, she had only hurt herself.


	17. Chapter 17

Chan stood before the cafeteria with an announcement. Stealing a brief glance around the lunchroom, it would seem that she was one of the few who had a problem with this. Of course, most of that remaining few were teachers and lunchroom staff who weren’t getting paid enough to hear Chan prattle on and on about his Halloween party as they tried to usher him away from the staff only microphone. Mai looked as stoic and uncaring as ever. Teo in particular seemed to loath the news, his face was twisted into an expression of annoyance that outshined that of even Long Feng’s. Next to him, Azula didn’t seem thrilled either. But then, Katara couldn’t remember the last time she had seen the girl look anything but miserable. And it strikes her as Chan barks out the date and time, that she was actually letting Teo sit by her.

 

“In other words, you all can think of this as a costumed welcome back party!”

 

Katara groaned to herself, it truly was bold of him to throw a welcome back party for himself, and even bolder to announce another it on his first day back from his suspension. She didn’t care how he was framing it; he could call it a charity drive and she would still think that it was stupid, because deep down she knew it was just another frat party. Without the frat, of course, but he always had beer, awful music, and ‘sexy’ women. Evidently it sounded just like what Sokka had described.

She wondered why he would even host another after the last mishap.

 

“Are you gonna go, Katara?”

 

“I’m a bit of a loser, Suki.” Katara reminded her. “I don’t think I’m invited.”

 

“Not invited!?” Jet exclaims. “Every party needs a good ol’ slut, of course you’re invited!”

 

Her face grew boiling hot; for once it was in rage rather than embarrassment. She got to her feet and before she could lose the courage, got in his face. Because there she was, the girl who used to defend kids on the playground during recess. “It’s a good think you’ll be there then.”

 

Duke stifled a laugh, earning himself an elbow to the gut.

 

“That was pretty brave, Katara.” He was smiling but there was a malevolent twinkle in his eye. She wondered just why she had found him so alluring in the first place. With all of her soul she regretted hooking up with him during her freshman year.

She had a good feeling that she was going to regret her last move too.

Even as he walked away she knew it wasn’t over.

She watched him thump Teo on the head as he walked past. And her temper flared more. She watched him shove Azula’s lunch off of the table and knew that she might as well be dealing with the devil himself.

 

**.oOo.**

 

So much anger and stress wasn’t good for the baby. The only reason she hadn’t followed Jet, was because Katara told her not to. The other girl was convinced that he would smack her, pregnant or not. Apparently, that was the kind of man Jet was.

 

She looked at her phone again. Just what was taking Sokka so long. Had all of that talk about naming the baby and being a better father been a load of bullshit? She stood by her car, tapping her foot impatiently. Any longer now and she would just attend the appointment alone.

 

“Sorry I’m late.” Sokka rubbed the back of his head. “Someone almost hit me in the parking lot, it was a little nuts.”

 

Suki breathed a sigh of relief.

 

Sokka looked anything but, she could tell that he was jittery and nervous to be attending his first pregnancy checkup with her. It probably wasn’t going to make things any better than she had vented and put in quite a bad word for him with her doctor. But he didn’t need to know that.

 

“It’s actually really easy.” Suki stated. “Usually they just check my blood pressure, my weight, and the baby’s heartbeat. Sometimes, they’ll measure the bump.” She ran a hand over it for emphasis. Sokka simply nodded along. “I kind of like knowing about the heart rate, it’s reassuring, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

She folded her arms over her chest. “Are you really going to be all moody about this?”

 

“I’m not being moody, you—” He paused. “I’m not being moody.”

 

“Right.” She conceded. “You’re completely uninterested.”

 

“That’s not true either.” He protested as they arrived in the waiting room. “I’m just nervous, okay? Can’t a guy be nervous?”

 

Suki sighed, maybe she was being too hard on him. She walked up to the check in desk and gives her name, “I’m here to see Dr. Fong.”  By the time she finished with the clerk, Sokka had disappeared to inspect the office fish tank. She rolled her eyes, he was going to be a fun dad, if nothing else. She could very easily picture him standing there with a child’s hand in his as he told the child about all of the different types of fish.

 

Her name was called and she motioned for Sokka to follow. 

 

“Hi, Dr. Fong, this is Sokka, the guy I was telling you about.”

 

Dr. Fong quirked an eyebrow. “The selfish, good for nothing, manchild?”

 

“The very same.” Suki grinned.

 

“I’m not a selfish!” Sokka declared. “Good for nothing, maybe. Manchild, definitely. But I am not selfish.”

 

“Well I’m glad you decided to join us, Sokka. It will certainly take a lot of pressure off of Suki.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

He listened but he didn’t. His mind was whirring, trying to process everything that was happening. This was real, he was going to be a father. He was going to have to be a father while going for his degree so that he could provide the best life he could for—not just him anymore—but for his…family.

 

Suki and Fong became background noise, dimly he was aware that the doctor was measuring Suki’s bump and declared that so far things were looking healthy. He forced himself to smile because that was good new to hear.

 

Even so, his mind wandered further. He began to dread the actual birthing process. He didn’t know what to expect. Was he going to be in the delivery room watching her give birth? Was that a thing fathers were expected to do? Was it even allowed? And if it was, he wasn’t sure if he could stomach it. He always had been at least a little squeamish when it came to blood.

 

He waited for Dr. Fong to finish whatever she was saying before turning to her and asking, “am I allowed to be in the room while Suki is in labor?” He truly hoped that she would say no, so that he wouldn’t have to worry about looking like an asshole again for not wanting to be there.

 

“Of course!” Dr. Fong declared. “The presence of the father is very helpful for a newborn. The baby should be held by both the mother and father, don’t you think?”

 

Sokka gave an awkward laugh. “Yeah, that’s very true.” He rubbed the back of his head. Inwardly he wondered just how the hell he was going to mentally prepare himself for this one.


	18. Chapter 18

About a week since she had brought TyLee over and her mother was still refusing to talk to her. “You decided to leave your brother home _all. Alone._ To talk to your friend!” The dramatic way she had tossed her hands into the air did little to ease the tension. “I know you don’t think far beyond yourself, young lady, but this is unacceptable. You knew how important that dinner was to your father. We were almost late because of you. We ended up having to leave Tom-Tom…” Mai ended up tuning her out entirely from there. The woman had been lecturing her on selfishness and in that same spiel, admitted her own self-interest. If Tom-Tom’s well-being had matter that much, they would have skipped the dinner.

But no. Because they were the parents and she was the daughter, the blame lie with her. And TyLee hasn’t talked to her since. She couldn’t blame TyLee. Her mother had the audacity to phone TyLee’s parents and so the girl was also in trouble.

And that was her fault too.

 

She had put all of her soul into not taking things out on Tom-Tom, but the more her mom spoke and chastised. The more Mai wished that the boy had never been born at all. She was a burden to her parents and Tom-Tom was a burden to her.

And he was still a burden because Mai had to watch him after school that day. She had to watch him the day after that as well and, for her crime, she wasn’t allowed company either. She was barred from Chan’s Halloween party too. This particularly vexed her; Halloween was the one time of the year she actually rather enjoyed. It was prime shopping season for her wardrobe, and she hadn’t even had the chance to do so once that season.

 

She was beginning to think she should just stop trying to enjoy things at all. The less she liked, the less there was to lose. Halloween was a children’s holiday anyways. And it wasn’t the same now that she TyLee and Azula didn’t dress up together. Just to torture herself a little more, she opened her phone and browsed old pictures. The first was very, very old; her first Halloween with the two girls. She had been a ladybug, TyLee was a bee, and Azula was a praying mantis of all things. They each held their little pumpkin buckets staring at the camera with cubby baby faces and the kind of adorably wide smiles that only children could muster. She swiped a few times to something more recent. The Halloween party from two years ago; TyLee was a zombie cheerleader, flashing a peace sign at the camera, somehow managing to hold her pom poms at the same time. Azula’s costume was handcrafted and model after her zodiac sign; complete with full body paint and dashes of glitter and a pair of elaborate wings. She had gone all out that year and won the costume competition. Zuko was in this one too; his was also handmade—he had gone the vampire route but with a steampunk twist. And Mai. She was just Mai. Blah, Mai, with a generic vampire costume. Granted it suited her style well but she wished that she had the ambition to create something original.

It would seem that she wouldn’t be getting her chance.

 

She swiped again. God, they were so happy. There was always a touch of pain in Zuko’s eyes but at least he was there. And at least he was having a good time for the moment. Another swipe and she had to hold back tears, she wondered where it had gone wrong. How she had let both Azula and TyLee distance themselves.

Indeed, that was somehow her fault too.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Toph didn’t like the look of the place at all—not that she could see it very well through swollen, stinging eyes. But her condition was getting worse and her parents were getting desperate. And so she found herself in the waiting room of the shadiest looking eye doctor she had ever _not_ heard of. She holds her focused on her phone as hard as possible and found the voice command button. Not bothering to keep her voice low she said, “Twinkle Toes, ya gotta help me, this is sketchier than Zhao telling us that our math tests only ask questions about what we learned in class.”

 

Lao hushed her. “You have to keep your voice down, this man is going to help fix your eyes and then you’ll be able to get back to school and soccer. And he’s doing it for a deal!”

 

“But he won’t help us if you keep saying things like that, dear.” Poppy added.

 

Toph folded her arms over her chest. “Stop calling me that!” She grumbled. She had a feeling that this doctor dude would see her regardless of her words, he just wanted to make a quick buck and she didn’t want to be his lab rat.

 

“Doctor Warui Kōkei, will see you now.”

 

“To bad I won’t see him.” Toph huffed. She had earned herself more hushing from both parents.

 

But the nurse chuckled, “well hopefully we can fix that, yes?”

 

The nurse seemed nice enough, but Toph was still skeptical. Maybe it was the crumbling and faded wallpaper or maybe it was the scuffed and creaking floorboards. It could have been the crying child or the broken clock. Whatever it was, Toph had the most foreboding feeling.

Not that her parents would take that opinion into account.

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Have you heard anything about BeiFong?” Mai asked Smellerbee. It had been a bitch to track the girl down in the after school rush, so she better have an answer.

 

“What do you care for?” The girl returned with a question of her own. “I have a bus to catch.”

 

“And I have a question that needs an answer. BeiFong is on your soccer team, have you heard any news.”

 

Smellerbee rolled her eyes. “Sure. Her parents are taking her to some eye doctor no one has ever heard of. If he does then I won’t have to worry about her taking my place as team captain.”

 

“I’m sure you will.” Mai stated plainly. She sure hoped that the surgery, or whatever the treatment was, would go well. She watched Smellerbee stop towards her bus, leaving her to wonder if literally everyone attending Wan High—save for Aang—were in endless states of sour moods.

 

She knew that she was and that it was about to get worse.

 

Years ago, Tom-Tom running up to her screaming, “Maaaaaaai!” And then jumping into a hug would have turned her day around. That day each syllable was a crescendo off annoyance and his body colliding with hers, was a detonator. It was a silent explosion, but an explosion no less. “Get off, Tom, I’ve got homework to do. Sit down and watch TV or something.”

 

He looked at her with innocent eyes, “I’m hungry though, Mai. Really, really hungry. We can go to the kitchen and play animal crackers!”

 

It was almost enough to break the resentment. Almost. But this time she wanted to hold onto and relish in her anger, even if she would only keep it within. On the outside she remained cold. “I don’t have time for animal crackers. Stop playing with your food and just eat it.” She found herself a seat on the sofa and watched him teeter off towards the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.

 

She pulled out her phone, Azula’s number still remained in her contacts and for a moment she considered giving it a call. But she recalled the girl saying that she had other goth girls to talk to, the though left her bitter so she scrapped that idea, swapping it out for a worse one.

 

She dialed Zuko’s phone.

Again her message went to voice mail and she was furious. Of all the times he had called her during his slumps…she had always picked up, even if it was to yell and argue. And now he had the audacity to ignore her completely? She really had been nothing more than a person to weep to after his father whopped his druggy ass a good one.

 

She very nearly threw the phone, when a text appeared on her screen.

She dared to hope that it was TyLee or Zuko. Instead an ugly message scrawled itself across the screen, with an even uglier photo.  It took a lot to invoke a physical response, but the phone fell from her hands which came to cover her mouth. The phone fell face up so a glance down could send chills down her spine all over again.

 

It was bloody, the image. She couldn’t tell exactly what had happened to Toph’s eyes, but they were bleeding. And she was screaming, her face twisted and contorted in pain. Her hands seemed to claw at her seat as her mother held her close.

 

She didn’t recognize the sender’s number, but the message was clear and cutting.

 

“I hope you’re happy.”


	19. Chapter 19

Zuko was furious, he thought that the man cared for him. But now he was sending him packing—in a sense anyways. He hadn’t any belongings left to take anyways. He looked up at the building with nothing but distaste. And he looked at his uncle with more resentment than he has looked at anyone in a long time.

 

“You can’t leave me here.” Zuko asked. “You just started talking to me again.” He was acting like a child and he knew it. He considered that this was exactly why Iroh had distanced himself from the family. Because of the drugs and the physical abuse. Because of the drama and the hatred. In a way Zuko understood, he had tried to run from it too. “I’m not going in there.” He wanted to stay with his uncle. Even though his uncle was the source of his distress this time. “You can help me, I don’t need them.” He motioned to the building.

 

“Zuko, I have seen a lot of things in my time. I have learned a lot of things. One of the most important things that I’ve learned is to admit when there is something I don’t know.” He placed a hand on Zuko’s shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. “I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know anything about heroine.”

 

“But you were a member of the White Lotus.” Zuko protested.

 

“A group that did LSD to write music and make merry.” Iroh replied. “I was in the group, yes, but I was a one-time user. Mostly, I supervised, made sure everyone was safe during their trips.”

 

Zuko’s face went red, it was bizarre to think of his uncle as a sort of designated driver at some wild party. It was weird to think of his uncle as anything but wise and introspective. “Can you at least stay with me on the first day?” He didn’t want to be a wimp about this, but he was more afraid than he had ever been. “Can I have one last dose, just one more before…”

 

Iroh cut him off. “Zuko, I have watched you inject yourself for almost two weeks now. I can’t watch it anymore and—more importantly—your body can’t take much more. I want you to have a chance to succeed. Don’t you want that for yourself?” He didn’t give Zuko time to think. “You can’t succeed if you are spending your money on drugs and getting mugged on the way home.”

 

“One more injection! That’s all I’m asking, I’m not asking to take three!” He snapped as Iroh tugged him towards the door. It had been nearly eight hours since the last time. Eight hours and he was already achy and anxious…and, as it would seem, agitated. The three A’s of suffering. He thought of Azula. Why did all of the worst things start with A? “You can’t make me go!” By then he had worked himself into a full on rage. How could Iroh, good-natured, caring, Iroh send him off like this without a second thought!?

 

“Zuko, you have to calm down.” He followed his uncle’s gaze to the officers on patrol. He could tell that they had zeroed in on his outburst. “You can either be an adult and go in there without a fuss or they’ll force you in.”

 

He didn’t know what to do. He truly didn’t want to go anywhere near that rehabilitation center, not on his own accord. But he sure as hell didn’t want to be dragged in there like a barbarian waving a club. “I can’t do this.” He mumbled. He was much closer to tears than he wanted to admit. Because his muscles cramped all over, his stomach was lurching, and he knew it was only going to get worse. And because he knew that he’d be going through it in the company of strangers.

 

“Please let me do this at home.” He tried one more time.

 

“I will be honest with you, nephew. You are an incredible man with more potential than I’ve seen in a while. But I can’t trust you to refrain and I can’t keep you from the needle if you really wanted it.”

 

He knew that those were the words that would whisk him away to rehab. To deal with the worst of himself in the company of people he didn’t know. He wanted to protest more, but Iroh had him by the arm and was leading him inside.

 

**.oOo.**

 

They had said that the first night would be the worst. He couldn’t bring himself to believe them. Six or seven days they guessed. Six or seven days that he would suffer. Maybe at. Likely afterwards the feelings would come back months later. Maybe years.

 

He found it hard to warp his head around how terribly he’d fucked up this time. He clutched his abdomen as another round of cramping set in. He was going to be sick, but he didn’t have the strength to actually move. He didn’t have the motivation, his trips to the bathroom were frequent as it was—a far less savory symptom of his withdrawal. He may as well have popped a few laxatives. He didn’t know which would be more humiliating, wrenching right then and there or not reaching the bathroom in time. If either played out, at least he wouldn’t have a roommate to witness his mortification. No, he was alone in the room.

 

Just as he was alone in his torment. Sweating profusely and shaking all over he fought to keep himself together. But he can’t, his world—as small as it had grown—was crumbling. Crumbling more than it already was.

He didn’t have uncle anymore.

And those people, those dreadful people down the hall wouldn’t let him have his fix either.

 

They wouldn’t let him stay close enough to the bathroom.   
They wouldn’t let him have his phone call.

They wouldn’t let him have anything.

Anything but suffering.

 

He wondered if they were getting kicks out of watching him struggle. With trembling hands, he felt for his phone. He remembered that he hadn’t even brought it along for them to confiscate. Her recalled that he had left Mai hanging. He had been scared to answer her calls and now he wouldn’t get the chance.

 

His chest constricted in fear and distress. Part of him thought that he would die there.

Alone.

In a rehabilitation center.

With his muscles cramping and his body drenched in sweat.

 

He would die as he lived; a complete mess. A screw up. He would die without having any achievements to his name and a novel of regrets. He would die a disappointment of a son and as an absent brother. And perhaps as an abusive ex-boyfriend.

He contemplates it for a moment, had he been abusive?

To some degree he is certain that the answer is yes.

 

And for it he decided that he was getting what he deserved. A shitty death for a shitty person.

 

Someone entered the room. “Zuko, this is Hahn. He has been clean for over a year now.”

 

Zuko’s eyes went wide at the thought of someone sticking around to witness him at his absolute lowest. But before he could tell them to take the boy away the nurse continued, “he is going to help you through this.”

 

He didn’t want help. He wanted his heroine. He wanted this all to stop. Most of all he wished that Iroh would have told him what he was in for before convincing him to get rid of the needles. He knew that he was in for a sleepless night and many more after that.

And he began to hate Iroh for manipulating him like so. Uncle, caring, sweet, uncle said that he was trying to do what was best for his nephew. He hardly thought that the hellish state that he was in was what was best.

 

“He can’t help me.” Zuko snarls through gritted teeth.

 

“The first night is always…”

 

“The worst!” Zuko filled in sharply. The crazed crack in his voice scared even him. A new painful pressure resonates about his entire body, finding the harshest intensity in his abdomen and he fell back against his mattress, clutching at the sheets as though they can muffle the pain.

 

“Once you fight through the first week, you’ll be better off.” Hahn assured. “Trust me. I had been doing heroine for about four years before I tried to get off of the stuff.”

 

Four years.

_Four years._

Zuko had only started about a year ago. He couldn’t fathom having the strength to give it up after four years.

 

“Can I…?” He pointed at the bed across the room.

 

Zuko nodded.

 

“So, you got any bands you like?”

 

Desperate for any form of distraction, he replied.

 

Sweating violently, shaking, and terrified. Terrified and _betrayed_ , he still felt safer and more comfortable  that he was did with in his own home with Ozai only a few doors down. Drugs were safer and more comfortable than his father.

Withdrawal hurt less than his father.

 

He wondered, again, just why the world had dealt him such an awful hand.

He wished that he didn’t push Mai away.

He wished that he could return her call.

He wished that he had listened to Azula’s nagging. That he had listened to his own nagging conscious, the one that had screamed at him not to turn to heroine in the first place.   


More than anything, he wished that his mother never left him.


	20. Chapter 20

Her throat burned unpleasantly, it was something she made note of. It was just one more thing that reminded her she was tearing herself apart. She knew that she had to stop, but standing before the mirror she only found more reason to continue. She couldn’t say why she was doing this to herself. She knew that she couldn’t stand the sight of herself, yet she always put herself in front of the mirror so it could tell her all of the things she hated to hear. She tried to ignore it and comb her hair, lately she had been doing that without a mirror and it left her feeling disheveled. So she swallowed down the sickly feeling that the mirror provided and focused on making her hair look nice. It has also been ages since she has applied makeup, she couldn’t do that without a glance in the mirror.

That had been her goal, to wear her favorite lipstick again and wing her eyeliner in the way that she liked. But she couldn’t make it past the first layer of lipstick. She didn’t like the look of the face she was accenting; it was some fuller. Her face had always been rather soft, something she hadn’t been fond of to begin with. Now her softer features seemed that much more so. She brought a hand to her cheek. Really, she ought to spare herself and look away from her reflection. But it was like a horror movie, in that it had a grim pull.

 

From there she only fell into scrutinizing herself in full. Every single aspect of herself; every birthmark, every freckle. Mostly, and unavoidably, she criticizes her body. It was the source of all of her troubles. She trailed her hands down her sides and over her middle, just one more action she really ought to not have taken. She was only reminding herself of the things she did not like. Her tummy was softer than her face and it seemed to her that the swell of it had gotten bigger. Even in solitude she felt her cheeks go hot, she was an embarrassment to herself. She set her lipstick down.

 

She missed her slim, athletic body, so much. She was so far away from it and the purging had done nothing to help. It only gave the illusion of helping. The illusion of control.

To herself she considered that, perhaps, she could get surgery. She couldn’t imagine her father having any objections. The man, in fact, would likely be more than happy to drop a giant wad of cash just to put an end to her bitching and the shame she was bringing him.

But Azula didn’t like the idea of going under the knife. Lesser, she liked the idea of people gossiping about her having to resort to doing so. And, least of all, she loved the display of weakness that getting surgery would be. She had gotten herself into this, she wanted the pride that came with getting herself out of it. The knowledge that she could fix herself.

 

She smoothed the wrinkles out of her school uniform, hopefully within the week she’d have a new one. One that was at least a size or two too big; one that would offer another illusion. A false sense of being able to bury and hide her body under excess fabric.

 

She had cut another slash into her own pride that morning.

But at least her hair looked somewhat decent.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko was twitchy and on edge. Shivering and sweating all over. His pupils were dilated. His just as wide, and frantic as he clawed at his head and he had no one but himself to blame. But he was going to blame Ozai anyways, for driving him to heroine. He was going to blame Azula for adding to the cruelty. He was going to blame Mai for breaking things off with him when he needed her the most. He was going to blame his mother for walking out on the family. And he, most of all, was going to blame Iroh for carting him off and abandoning him.

It was easier to hide behind that.

It was easier than manning up and taking responsibility.

 

He wanted to be sick, though there was nothing in his stomach for him to throw up, so he fought to keep it in.

 

Hahn still lingered in the room, but he had since grown quiet. He had run out of small talk and seemed to be at a loss for what to say. Zuko wasn’t providing any help nor clues. Zuko was too miserable to think of anything but ways to keep from hurling all over the floor.

 

He could feel his body growing weak. “He hates me.” He finally mumbled.

 

“Who hates you?”

 

“Uncle.” Zuko answered. “That’s why he sent me here, to punish me for doing drugs and trying to impress my dad instead of coming to live with him.”

 

Hahn shook his head. “You got it all wrong, man. People usually don’t send their family here because they hate them, they send them here because they love them so much, they don’t want to lose them to drugs.”

 

Zuko didn’t miss his subtler ‘usually.’ He thought that he was the outliner in that statement. “My family, isn’t a _usual_ family. We _do_ hate each other.”

 

“I guess that would explain why your uncle has been calling all night.” Hahn replied sarcastically.

 

“He has been calling?”

 

“Yeah, but the nurses won’t let him talk to you yet. It’s not phone hour. So he’s been standing in the waiting room for the past few hours. I’m impressed with that man’s self-control; most visitors start fussing and fighting by now.”

 

“He’s here?” Zuko asked.

 

Hahn nodded. “Yeah, man. I think that they are giving him a hard time though. Something about you not being in condition for visitors. Some bullshit, if you ask me. This is the time where you can use visitors the most.”

 

Momentarily, Zuko could forget about the cramping and the nausea. “Uncle is here…” he repeated to himself. “He…wants to support me.” He couldn’t tell if he was making an observation or asking a question.

 

“Yup, I think that if he waits long enough, they’ll let him in, at least to say hello.”

 

Zuko gave a weak smile, some of his resentment began to fade. Maybe he wouldn’t be alone in this after all.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Azula felt completely drained, dragging herself around the hallways from class to class was beginning to take its toll and she didn’t understand. She thought that she shouldn’t feel so dizzy, she had been eating—if anything, way too much. She found herself a space between the lockers, propped herself against the wall, and took a sort of breather. She slumped onto the locker, trying to keep herself awake. She need a boost, a kick of energy.

 

“Azula?”

 

She lifted her head enough to see Teo.

 

“Do you need me to get someone?”  He looked so terribly concerned. She supposed that it was nice to have someone fret over her.

 

She forced herself to her feet and gave a dismissive hand wave. “I just needed a moment.” She followed him to the lunchroom. She dug around in her pocket for her lunch money and made her way to the lunch line as Teo unpacked his own meal.

 

The scene she happened upon, after getting her lunch didn’t surprise her in the slightest. “That looks pretty damn good, Teo.” Chan remarked. “I’d say you owe me a lunch for helping to have me suspended.” He snatched the boy’s lunch bag. “I think all of this will do.”

 

“You got yourself suspended.” Teo made a grab for his lunch.

 

“Ah-ah.” Chan tossed it to Chu-Leng. “I don’t feel like paying for lunch today, so I get to keep that and we can call it even.”

 

“Or you can stop being a dick.” Azula shrugged. She knew she didn’t have the energy for a fight, but it did her well to sling a few insults back.

 

“You owe me too!” Chan snapped, with a scoff. “I wouldn’t have gotten suspended if you didn’t…”

 

“It’s either ‘all Teo’s fault’ or all mine, pick one.”

 

His face went red and she was allowed a very brief window of satisfaction before he smacked her lunch try to the floor. “You don’t need all of that anyways.”

On the contrary, she was almost certain that she did. In one final flash of pure testosterone and rage, Chan lifted his middle finger, practically shoving it in her face. He was perhaps an inch or two away from a broken wrist. He withdrew and stormed off with Teo’s lunch.

 

The boy’s face fell. “Sorry I dragged you into that one. Again.”

 

Azula looked down at her shoes, they were spattered in dipping sauce and specks of corn. “I’m going to get myself another tray. Do you want anything?”

 

He felt around his pockets. “Yeah, please, that would be nice.”

 

She may not have owed Chan anything, but Teo had spared some of his lunch. She could consider that debt paid. Carrying two trays back to her lunch table left Usha with a lot of room for commentary, never mind that the girl saw her place one in front of Teo. Still, she found it hard to do anymore than stare at her meal.

 

“Thanks, so much, for this.” Teo smiled. She thought that it might have been the first time she has seen him smile in a long time.

 

 At least she could do someone, some good. It really ought to have, but it didn’t lift her spirits any. There wasn’t much that could, these days. She forced herself to eat after nodding at his gratitude. But her mind was growing distant. What was one friend when she used to have so many? What was one friend, when she used to have her father. When she used to have respect and achievement.

 

She felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see one of Jet’s friends, the one nicknamed Pipsqueak. “Hey, uh, my friend thinks you’re pretty and he wants to go to Chan’s Halloween dance with you.” He pointed to Duke, who waved. He held his façade for maybe a minute more before nearly falling out of his seat with laughter. Pipsqueak returned to his table for a high five from Jet. He had earned his popular points for the day.

 

It was such a little thing too, but it did its job. Azula was already so tired…

 

**.oOo.**

 

Hanh helped him down the hallway. He wished that they could ditch the nurses. “Now this isn’t standard procedure, so don’t expect another visit until you are mostly through detoxing.” The woman prattled. “I expect you to behave yourself and I expect you to be on your best behavior from here on out.”

 

He wasn’t listening though, he just wanted to see uncle. For as mad and hurt as he had been, he just wanted to see the one person who might just care for him. Iroh sat alone in the visitor’s room with a cup of tea and a book of crossword puzzles.

 

“Uncle!” Zuko called, sending his own head pounding and his stomach reeling. He regretted calling out now that he found himself slumped over a trashcan hurling his guts out. He didn’t think that he could hold himself upright any longer.

 

“It will be alright nephew.” Iroh’s hand rubbed his back. “Take it easy, and it will be alright.” He and Hanh led him to his seat as the nurse went to fetch a towel.

 

“You shouldn’t see me like this.” Zuko remarked, and it set in that maybe he didn’t want his uncle there after all.

 

“Zuko, you know that I will stick with you no matter what I have to witness.” He paused. “I’d rather see you like this, than hunched over with a needle in your arm. At least this is recovery.” He pushed a cup in Zuko’s direction. “This should help with the nausea. Honestly, I don’t know why they haven’t served you some good tea already!”

 

Zuko was under the impression that it was sheer incompetence, but he kept it to himself because they had been flexible enough to let him see his uncle, that and he had a strong feeling that his withdrawal was making him testy. He took the tea with greedy hands, he hadn’t realized how thirsty he was until the tea was making its way down his throat.

 

“Thank you, uncle.” And he realized that he was grateful. As big of a mess as his stomach was, as queasy and exhausted as he felt, he was thankful that his uncle put him there. He was thankful for the push and for the support.

He would be lying to himself if he said that there wasn’t still at least a small part of himself that was furious—and that, that part would probably rear its head again—but for the time, he had nothing but appreciation and admiration for his uncle.

 

“Be good to Hanh.” Iroh said. “He is a fine young man, and he wants to help you just as much as I do.” Zuko knew that this was Iroh’s way of warning him to keep the one alley he had in the place.

 

“I’ll try, uncle.” He really would, but he was so scared that he’d fuck that up too. Just like he seemed to fuck up every other chance he’d been handed.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She thought of taking one from Mai’s book and cutting a good line on her wrist, she had a pair of scissors in her locker. But she didn’t need another nasty habit, her body certainly can’t afford one. But she was so dreadfully tired of Wan High, of the people in it, of her former friends and her father.

Of herself.

Of everything really.

 

She arranged her locker for the last time that day and slammed her locker shut. This drew another jolt and a curious glance from Katara. Azula thought that, the girl would be used to her slamming her locker by now, but the girl jumped every time, as though Azula were personally attacking her.

 

She slung her bag over her shoulder and headed for the door. She was anyways, when she caught a sight that made her pause. She didn’t think that she had ever seen Teo wheel himself down the hall that fast, he was nearly plowing students down.

 

“Oh good, I was hoping to catch you before you left!” He exclaimed.

 

Azula sighed. “Is that right?”

 

He nodded.

 

She supposed she should reward him for his sublime effort to catch up to her. “Why is that?”

 

“Well…” He trailed off, rubbing the back of his head. “I was thinking about what happened at lunch.”

 

Azula groaned to herself, “wonderful, I see that we’ve taken very different approaches.”

 

Teo snickered. “Well I just wanted to tell you what I think.”

 

She drew in a deep breath, this one was going to be interesting, frankly she didn’t know if she wanted to hear it at all, but she would allow him to finish.

 

“I just…” He trailed off. “I just wanted you to know that I think you’re pretty—but, like, for real. Not like a joke.”

 

Azula swallowed, trying to gauge how she should take his words.

 

“And I. Well I was thinking. Hoping, that…” He stammered. She wondered if she should help him out a little. “I was wondering if you would actually go to Chan’s stupid Halloween party with me. I mean we could go somewhere else… but I think it would really piss Chan off if we showed up together.”

 

Azula allowed herself a small smirk. “It would, wouldn’t it?” She thought for a moment. “I do believe that Pipsqueak invited me.” Who was she to pass on such a kind invitation?


	21. Chapter 21

Teo entered his house with a sense of confidence. He had done it, he had asked his first girl out! And it went well! He couldn’t wait to share his success with Haru and Long-Shot. And his father while he was at it. It took him a moment to realize that he had forgotten to ask her for her number. He slapped his hand against his forehead, oh well, he would see her in school and could ask her then. He wondered if they would be wearing matching costumes. He never had the chance to do that before. He rifled through his comic books and picked out his favorite. No wonder everyone thought he was such a dork; he was thinking about matching costumes and looking to comic books for inspiration. He couldn’t actually imagine that Azula would want to dress as a superhero.

He put the comics aside and gave Haru a call.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Suki was going to be absent again, apparently the baby was giving her an extra tough morning. Katara sent her a get well soon text, riddled with baby emojis, and made her way to the bus stop. The air was getting rather chilly and Katara found herself burrowing further and further into her coat.

 

The bus was already full by the time it reached her stop, but by this time everyone had pretty much picked a seat and stuck with it. At least that’s how it had been for the past month and a half. It would seem that, that morning was going to be a hassle. Jet was occupying her usual spot at the front of the bus with his legs spread as far apart as he possibly could get them.

 

Katara groaned, she really didn’t want to have to sit at the back of the bus where most of the brawling and pencil throwing occurred. But she supposed it was better than finding a spot next to Jet. She shimmied her way towards the back, hoping to find herself a seat in the middle of the bus. They were all occupied. At last she came across a possible spot, one that was only occupied by a single textbook. She was going to have to take a risk. “Is Usha not here today?”

 

Kori rolled her eyes and plucked an single earbud out. She slightly and with a degree of sass, moved her head forward, a ‘hurry up, out with it’ gesture. Katara repeated herself. “No, Usha is not here today. Why does it matter to you?”

 

“I was wondering if I could sit here.”

 

“Um…ew. No.” Kori scoffed. “I don’t want to get your STD’s.”

 

Katara’s face flushed and she stomped back towards the front of the bus.

 

“We can leave whenever you are ready to take a seat.” The bus driver tapped impatient fingers on the steering wheel.

 

Katara approached her somewhat timidly. “Umm…Mrs. Quinn, I can’t sit next to Jet.”

 

“I don’t see any other spots available.”

 

Katara bit her lip, she knew that her protests had been effectively dismissed.

 

Jet patted the spot between his lap, “come on over, Kat, what’s the problem?”

 

Katara took a deep breath. “Make room.”

 

“Already have, babe.” He smirked. “If that isn’t good enough, I’m sure I can fit you on my lap.” He winked. “We have a few things that we need to discuss, remember?”

 

She hated bothering her mother like that, but she gave her a call as the bus pulled away. Frankly, she couldn’t believe that Jet had effectively driven her off of the bus like that. Now she was going to be late and the subject of more mockery. “Uggg, what a lame day!” And it hadn’t even really begun. She sat forlornly on the bench at the street corner. “Come on mom, pick up, please.”

 

She hadn’t thought this one through. Now she was ditching school! She stared at her phone and bit her cheek. She really didn’t want to have to pester Suki, she skipped school for a reason and she didn’t want to bother Sokka either—not that he was an option; by the time he got there school would be half over. Aang was too young to drive and Toph, not only was she too young, but she was _still_ in the hospital. Frankly, she wasn’t even sure what was going on with the girl anymore, she hadn’t been keeping in touch with anyone.

No, it looked like she would be walking.

She wanted to scream.

 

She stood up, accepting defeat. A glance at her clock said that she had only fifteen minutes to complete what was at least a twenty-five minute walk. She should have just tolerated Jet for a few minutes. She was a good seven minutes into her despairing walk when it started to drizzle, she had a feeling that it would be pouring by the time she’d be greeted by black and purple banners of Wan High. Eight minutes in and she had stepped in a puddle, soaking her socks through and through. She was absolutely miserable. She came to the stoplight and checked for traffic. She noticed the window of the car next to her rolling down.

 

“Can I please have a ride?”

 

“Just don’t get my seats wet.”

 

She climbed inside as the light turned green. Azula didn’t wait for her to buckle in before practically flooring the car. Katara yelped in surprise, Azula didn’t strike her as a reckless driver. Hastily she clicked the seatbelt tight. “Don’t you want to know why I was walking.”

 

“No.”

 

“Are you at least going to tell me why you’re giving me a ride?” Frankly, the girl had been presented with the perfect opportunity to drive through a puddle and drench her.

 

“No.”

 

Katara stole another glance at her clock, and considered that Azula was probably driving so fast because she was running late. They had only seven minutes before the bell rang and Katara had a striking feeling that  Azula would get them there in three. She gripped the seat tensely, she had never been in a vehicle moving this fast.

 

Azula pulled into her parking spot. Before Katara can offer a word of thanks, Azula grumbled, “get out of my car.”

 

Katara didn’t hesitate. She scrambled to gather her backpack and lunch sack. She tried to linger behind so she wouldn’t have to be next to Azula but she was in just as big of a hurry and so she ended up shuffling awkwardly next to the woman for the entire trip to their lockers. Azula worked much faster than she, picking out what was probably a bag of everything she needed for her first few classes. Katara took note of that; she’d organize her locker after class so she could just take the books she needed and be on her way.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She thought about the start of her day as June droned on about equations that made little sense. Now that she has had some time to settle it truly set in how odd the morning had been. Just what had Jet been playing at? She was going to have to talk to her mother, father, and Sokka. Suki too. She didn’t want to find out what would happen if he got her alone. She shuddered and forced her mind in a less chilling direction.

Azula.

She risked a peek at her. She was somewhat deep in her notes and took no notice. Her face was as dour yet dismal as ever.

 

Katara allowed herself to wonder if Azula was reaching out for a friend in her own subtle way. She has been pretty lonely lately, these days she only seemed to talk to Teo, if even. Katara had a feeling it was starting to take its toll.

She also wondered if she should really care. One small gesture didn’t quite make up for helping to spread the skank rumors and the plethora of other nasty names. It certainly didn’t make up for years of making her feel bad for liking mermaid backpacks and the ‘wrong’ kind of music and TV.

Katara wanted to give her a chance, but even when offering help, Azula was dreadfully unpleasant to be around. She wanted to give her a chance, but she decided that the other girl was going to have to put in more effort than that to earn a friendship. She got herself into the mess she was in, now she could work to get herself out of it, just like everyone else.

 

She tried to dwell on that more, but her decision had been made. The focus is back to Jet. What if he did get her alone? What would he do? And what would she do when he did…whatever it was he wanted to do. She clawed at her hairline in frustration.

 

“I can see that you’re very interested in learning about polynomials. Why don’t you come up to the front and solve a little equation for us?” June asked.

 

It took her a moment to realize that June was addressing her.

A really horrible day, indeed.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She was sitting alone again, texting her family and Suki with a purpose. So much purpose that it almost slipped her mind that she was alone.

Alone and just ready for Jet.

 

She looked around frantically. She had to find someone to sit with. Her mind lands on Mai, but she was already seated at a full table of goth and scene kids. She bit her lip again, unfortunately, Azula was an option. Talking to Teo might not be so bad.

 

Jet caught her eye and she frantically made her way over to Teo’s table. Mercifully he was the only one there at the moment.

 

“Can I join you?”

 

“Sure, if you don’t mind your reputation making a sudden nosedive.”

 

“Can’t get any lower than it is.”

 

Her phone buzzed and she let out a sigh of relief, maybe Sokka had finally gotten back to her. Instead, ‘wow, you’re getting some nerd action too’ splayed across her screen. She glared across the lunchroom to where she had been sitting, where Jet smugly waving. Oh, she really hoped that he stayed there.

 

“Just because I gave you a ride, doesn’t mean that I want to sit with you.”

 

“What if I’m here for Teo? Why would you think that I want to sit by you?” Katara lashed out. She was at her wits end and Azula had the misfortune of being on the receiving end. “I go through so much, every day! I have to listen to Jet and Chan and Usha and Chu-Leng…and…and all of them!” She sputtered. “Have you heard what they call me!? Oh wait, you’ve said a lot of those things. And you think that I want to sit with _you_ because you weren’t a jerk _one_ time!” She was breathing rather rapidly. “The only reason you offered me a ride is because you have no one else to talk to.” She knew that she was red in the face.

 

And Kori let her know that she was causing a scene when she muttered, “nerd fight” to the rest of her team.

 

Azula spared little acknowledgement to her, instead she fixed Teo with a vicious glare. “Did you tell her she could sit here?”

 

Katara could see Teo flinch, “she asked nicely.”

 

“Me or her, Teo.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

Teo gulped.  He had just gotten her number too and now she was storming off to sit at what was once Katara’s table. He was torn between following her and staying with Katara, who seemed truly desperate to not be alone. He sighed, it was probably better to just let Azula work herself out of her rage. He could give her a call later, if she didn’t decide to block him already.

 

“What’s her problem?” Katara asked.

 

“Chan and Usha, probably.” He answers. “She doesn’t tell me much, but they’re pretty awful to her.”

 

“Yeah, well she’s pretty awful to me and Aang, and everyone else.” Katara muttered “I mean she was.”

 

“She wasn’t that nice to me either…” Teo confessed. He had a few pretty clear memories of her making a few poor-taste cripple jokes. He would have liked to think that she was just following in Chan and Usha’s lead. But the truth was, she had been one of the ringleaders.

 

“Then why are you talking to her?”

 

He shrugged. “She took a hit from Chan for me. I guess that, that was enough.”

 

“But she has no problem yelling at you for inviting me over.”

 

“She’ll get over it, I think that she’s in a mood today.” Not that he knew exactly what that meant. But he was starting to get a feel for when she wasn’t doing good. He just wished he knew what exactly was brining her so far under.

He had his theories.

 

“That’s some mood.” Katara commented.

 

“She’s not comfortable with people watching her eat.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

Her mood fell even further. Why did she always feel so guilty for standing up for herself. She wished that Teo wouldn’t have said anything at all. He made small talk with her, promising that he’d patch things up with Azula. She hoped that he would, she hated to think that she ruined his first date. 

 

Lunch didn’t end soon enough, she took the care to avoid Jet as she left. The rest of her day was spent texting for a ride home and wondering what she was going to do for the next few days. Unfortunately, her parents would still be at work and she could still walk home faster than Sokka could pick her up. Suki was probably asleep again, the girl wasn’t answering her texts. She resigned to having to walk home.

 

She began to wonder if anything good would happen that day.

She dreaded the trip to her locker, lest she run into a very pissed off Azula. But she had to get her things. “This sucks!” She declared to herself. “This really, really sucks.” Might as well make a bad day worse; she made her way to her locker despite all the warning bells going off in her head. To her pleasure, Azula was not there.

 

She did, however, spot Azula on her way out. She was standing by Teo’s locker and from the looks of things a rather heated conversation had just died off into something more friendly. Her face was red with anger, but her words were slick and calm—but then, that was Azula’s nature. So maybe Teo wasn’t out of the water yet.

Katara made a point of slipping by without being noticed, lest she rail the debate up again. She sent Teo a quick text, wishing him luck. After a moment of thinking, she added an apology.

 

When she looked up, she was too close to stop herself from colliding with TyLee. Yet another apology was due.

 

“I guess we set a tone for this year.” TyLee forced a smile. It took Katara a moment to recall that she had bumped into TyLee on their first day too. “Aren’t you supposed to be on the bus?”

 

“Yeah, but…uh. I ran into…a, uh, problem.”

 

TyLee tilted her head.

 

“Jet is on my bus.”

 

TyLee visibly flinched. “I take it, you need a ride home?”

 

“Yeah, that would be great. If you don’t mind, I know that we don’t exactly…”

 

TyLee cut her off. “I don’t have a problem with you, Katara. Azula did.”

 

“Does your poms team have a problem with me?” Katara asked, it lay somewhere between a joke and a genuine question.

 

“I haven’t been talking to the girls much, but I don’t think so.” TyLee replied softly.

 

Come to think of it, TyLee had been very quiet this year. Usually she was the center of attention, a fashion icon and the star of the poms team, among other things. She had been so quiet, the oddity of it had slipped under Katara’s radar entirely.

 

“I think you live sort of close to me.” TyLee continued. “I think that I should be able to pick you up and drop you off…”

 

Katara furrowed her eyebrows. “Did you just offer to give me a ride…every day?”

 

TyLee nodded. “It isn’t much trouble. I’ve been meaning to talk to you, actually.”


	22. Chapter 22

He didn’t need the extra stress, he really didn’t and Suki was the only thing keeping him at bay. He was only one text from Katara away from stringing Jet up by the feet and bringing back medieval torture methods. “Look at this, Suki!”

 

“I know.” She bit her lip. “I see it. But I can’t have my baby daddy in jail.”

 

For the first time in a while, he was in no mood for jokes. “She said that he’s been following her home from school and that she would be all alone of TyLee didn’t start driving her!” He wanted to kick his own ass too, for not being around to escort her home. “If something happens to her, Suki…”

 

“Nothing is going to happen to her.” Suki declared. “I promise, I won’t let anything.”

 

Sokka ran his hands through his hair. He let his hand fall on Suki’s baby bump. “I can’t let him go after you either. You’re not thinking about the baby!” He puffed out a drawn-out breath. He didn’t mean to sound so accusatory. But Suki didn’t dispute him.

 

He could see that she was on the verge of frustrated tears. She was a fighter and a protector, but the baby brought with it, a conflict of interests. “I don’t know how, but I can still protect her.”

 

“I don’t know what to do, Suki. Maybe I should just go home, find a college closer to home so I can make sure Katara is okay and be closer to you and the baby.” He looked around the campus. It was all going so well here and he loved the campus, loved the people, loved the atmosphere…

 

“Sokka.” Suki replied softly.

 

“It’s fine, I can transfer. The semester is only a month in.” He stated.

 

“You shouldn’t have to give up something that makes you happy.” Suki said. “Just because Jet can’t control himself. What about your parents?”

 

“They have jobs. Katara is alone most of the time, especially with Toph out of school and Aang at soccer practice.” With a grim expression he added, “Jet knows that.”

 

“Well maybe TyLee can do her some good.”

 

“He followed them home!” Sokka reiterated. “I don’t think that he’s scared of TyLee.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

Katara slipped into her house and locked the doors. She’d draw the curtains shut if she thought that it would help, but he knew that she was home and he knew that she was alone. He knew that should would be for another few hours, until her father got home at 4:30. She texted Sokka frequently. Maybe she should just stay at school. It wasn’t to late to join the cooking club. She would have preferred theater, but the auditioning window had already passed. She made a mental note to talk to YengChen about joining the club. She could invite TyLee along and then neither of them would have to worry about Jet.

 

Katara made her way up to her room, gripping her phone tightly. She was thankful to have found TyLee because TyLee understood. She hadn’t given Katara the full story yet, but apparently Jet liked to follow her around too.

Frankly, Katara was more scared for TyLee because he was more subtle about harassing her. Subtle to the point where no one noticed that he was troubling her at all.

 

She really wanted to go on as though nothing was wrong. There were only a few more days until Halloween and she still didn’t have a costume. All of the harassment and stalking had killed the friendly spooky mood and made those stupid slasher flicks feel all too real. Jet had virtually ruined the holiday for her entirely. On top of his antics, Usha had taken to counting down the days to Halloween by photoshopping her face onto a new ‘sexy’ costume for each day. By day fifteen, Katara stopped checking her social media pages altogether, she was tired of seeing her face plastered onto sexy maids and cops.

 

She heard a car pull into her driveway and looked at her clock. It was only 3:27. Her heart began to thunder in her chest. She shot Sokka a quick text, letting him know of the situation.

 

He replied almost immediately. ‘Dammit, Katara, call the cops!’

 

A good idea on paper but she knew that he’d either be speeding off or in her house by the time they arrived. That is if they took her seriously at all. And she texted such to Sokka who responds with an, ‘at least report it to them so they know.’

 

Katara really didn’t see the use. The dots reappear on her screen. She read the message, ‘do you want me to head over there? I can tell my professor that I have an emergency.’

 

‘You won’t make it on time.’ She texted back.

 

She couldn’t help but shiver. She crept down the hall making as little noise as possible. A glance out the window, reveals Jet standing in her driveway. He shot her a cocky wave. She retreated into the hallway and pulled down one of her father’s decorative tribal spears. “Sorry, dad.” She mumbled, knowing very well that his arctic wall décor was off limits.

 

Her phone buzzed and she prayed that it was Sokka. A message from TyLee, appeared and she breathed a sigh of relief. The girl wanted to know if she would go costume shopping with her. Katara replied, ‘yes, can you come by as quick as possible?’

 

With any luck, the sound of a new car would drive Jet away. If her luck was poor, she realized with faint horror, she had just put TyLee in the firing range. She smacked her forehead, how could she be so stupid and selfish?

 

She was about to text a never mind when TyLee replied, ‘great, I’m just finishing my volunteer hours at the animal shelter, I’ll be there in five.’

 

She heard the shattering of glass and a bead of anxious sweat trickled down her forehead. _Oh God, he’s in the house._ She clutched the spear tighter, wishing she knew how to use it. She texted Sokka to tell him that Jet was in her house.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Sokka punched the wall, his face was twisted and distorted with more rage than she had ever seen on him and truth be told she was afraid. Suki understood perfectly why he was in such a state but she couldn’t help the darker thoughts that rose in her head.

 

What if, somewhere down the road, that rage was directed at her.

At their baby.

 

She tried shaking the irrational thoughts away. No, this behavior was the result of not being able to protect loved ones. She tried to turn her thinking around, telling herself that, this is how he would fight for she and their child if he had to.

 

He threw his fist into the painted bricks again. And he was going for another round. That time, she caught his hand. “You’re going to hurt yourself, stop it.”

 

“He’s in the fucking house Suki!” Sokka roared.

 

She hoped that no one else could hear the commotion, God forbid they got the wrong idea.

 

“If he hurts her…” Sokka’s breathing was growing erratic. “If he hurts her I don’t know what I’ll do.”

 

“Let’s go outside.” Suki suggested. Some fresh air might do him some good.

 

“I gotta go home, I gotta…”

 

She squeezed his shoulders more firmly. “You have to calm down. You can’t help Katara if you’re not calm.”

 

His phone buzzed and Suki’s heart leapt, she hoped that it was some good news.

 

**.oOo.**

 

TyLee arrived before the police. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the girl’s voice. “Katara?” It was riddled with concern. “Katara, are you okay?”

 

Katara released the breath she had been holding and wiped away a few silent tears. “I’m fine.” Her voice was so shaky. Just as shaky as the legs she heaved herself up on. “If you’re not inside, you can come in.”

 

“The door is locked, but I guess I can fit through the widow.”

 

Katara thought it was a jest until she came downstairs to find the girl squishing herself through the relatively large hole in the window. Katara knew that the girl was flexible, but that was just insane.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Jet.” She replied glumly.

 

TyLee stooped down to pick up the miniature bolder Jet had chucked through the window. She grimaced.  

 

“What?”

 

TyLee turned the large rock over. Painted in red was a threat; ‘windows are pretty easy to break, you might as well open the door.’

 

She wanted to cry all over again. She distracted herself by letting Sokka know that Jet had only broken the window, that he had never been inside at all. She added that TyLee was there and the cops would be there too.

 

Not that they ended up being much use at all. She hadn’t expected them to be. She watched them snap photos of the rock, the message on it, and the broken glass. “But no one was inside of the house?” The taller cop spoke.

 

Katara shook her head. “But look at that, he practically said that he would be…”

 

“He?” Asked the smaller female cop.

 

“My stalker. Jet! The one I’ve been telling you about!”

 

“How do you know it was him?” Asked the woman

 

“For all we know, it was just some bratty neighbor pulling a nasty Halloween prank.” The man concluded.

 

“Happens all the time around this time ‘a year.” The female added

 

Katara wanted to scream. “No! It’s him, I _saw_ him out there.” She was so furious with herself for not snapping a picture of him standing in her driveway; once again, she could prove nothing.

 

“Did you managed to get a picture of him?”

 

“No!” Katara shouted again. “I didn’t think about it. But he. Was. There.”

 

“He was totally there.” TyLee put in.

 

“And you saw him?” The female asked.

 

TyLee bit her cheek. “Well no, but…”

 

“If you weren’t present then you can’t be a witness.” Spoke the male.

 

“He does this kind of thing to me too.” TyLee argued.

 

“Have you reported it?” Asked the female cop.

 

Her silence was an answer it itself. Now Katara wanted to tear her hair out. What would it take to get them to believe her? Would she have to go missing? Would she have to die? TyLee grabbed her hand and pulled her into what was probably meant to be a comforting embrace. Maybe she was going to have to move. She didn’t want to leave Aang, Suki, and Toph behind. She didn’t want to leave town, but that was starting to sound like the safest option.


	23. Chapter 23

It had been such a long time since Azula had left her house for anything other than school; getting ready to do so for the first time in a while had such a bittersweet and nerve-wracking edge. Ultimately, she knew that it would do her well to leave the house. She still hadn’t the drive or energy for it, but being around her father was becoming suffocating, more than it already had been. He had become blunter—and was growing more so as the days flowed on. Among other things, he began to refuse to buy her a new wardrobe. And he was cutting her money off, so she could no longer buy clothing for herself. A small thing, it was, but taxing no less. Most everything in her closet ranged from a little to snug for her to concerningly tight. Physically and emotionally it was growing harder for her to be comfortable in her own clothing. That in itself was one of the many reasons she tried to avoid leaving her house.

 

She found something that looked like it would still fit at least decently well. The skirt hugged her hips a little too much for security, but it would have to do, it was almost no different than her school uniform. Perhaps it was a little shorter, but the color—black with a fringe of red sequins—was more flattering. She next pulled a blouse over her arms. It was also black in color and bore the same fringe on the sleeves and at the collar. It pinched and cut unpleasantly into her wrists as she began working with the buttons.

She began to think that this choice in attire was a mistake. Tops with buttons were now on the list of things not to wear. Her fingers trembled as she fastened her shirt the rest of the way. She narrowed her eyes, finding a new thing to fret over as she held her hands in front of her face.

She didn’t know if it was just her kicking herself down again, but she could swear that her hands were swollen. She stuffed them into her pockets and made a hasty retreat from her room. She was already running late.

 

Azula could hear her father yelling into the phone, from the sound of it, Mai’s family was wanting to withdraw from, or at the very least, lighten their lawsuit claims. “We’re in this together!” He shouted. “BeiFong Electronics needs to crash.” She could practically envision his dramatic and sweeping gestures. Clearly, the man was already in a pissy mood. She considered, that it probably was a good idea for her to stay away from the estate.

She quickly gathered her keys and purse and slipped outside.

 

**.oOo.**

 

“I was beginning to think that you stood me up.” Teo greeted as he sprung up from the park bench.

 

“I had to get dressed.” She replied. “I had trouble finding something to wear.”

 

He looked her over, she thought that his gaze lingered for too long but she made no comment on it. “You look nice.” He said with a smile. But she couldn’t find it in herself to agree with him. She didn’t like how the skirt showed off her thighs. It took her a moment to come back to the present and realize that Teo was holding his hand out. She looked at if for a moment before deciding to take it. “So, uh, what do you want to do?”

 

It had been so long since Azula had been on a date, she struggled to come up with an activity. She had less money for shopping, so she would rather avoid that temptation. She didn’t exactly want to walk around the park; the faint and dizzy feelings were growing worse and more frequent. A dinner date was completely out of the question. “You decide.”

 

“Want to go for some pizza, I know a good place.”

 

“Absolutely not.” She replied abruptly. With her stomach as painfully empty as it was, she knew that one slice would turn into the whole damn pizza. It wasn’t a visual she wanted to provide Teo with. It wasn’t how she wanted to ruin her good streak. So far she had managed to restrain herself for the entire week, only eating what her father permitted. And the few times at lunch where she had overdone it some, she had purged the damage in a timely manner.

 

“Okay, well how about we take a walk on the beach?” He pointed in the direction of the pier. “Though I’m gonna need some help.”

 

“Too cold.” She replied.

 

“Okay, how about we drop by the mall?” He tried.

 

“I didn’t bring my credit card and I don’t have much cash on me.” She lied.

 

“We can drive to the amusement park?”

 

But she wasn’t in the mood for walking around in close proximity to a bunch of overly excited children and loud noises. Even less so, she fancied the thought of being around so much cotton candy and popcorn and the collection of other wonderful smells that an amusement park teemed with. Besides, she couldn’t imagine that it would actually be much fun for Teo. She was pretty sure that he had suggested it more for her than himself. “I’m not in the mood for an amusement park.”

 

“We can stay here and walk in the park?”

 

“I don’t know if I feel like walking for a long time…” Now she was just being difficult. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she genuinely didn’t have the stamina nor the right energy for a date. “I think that I should just go home, Teo. Maybe we can do this some other time.”

 

His face fell and she was almost certain that he was blaming himself.  And then his eyes lit up again, “I can come home with you!”

 

“You don’t want to meet my dad. Trust me.” She grumbled.

 

And the light went out again. She didn’t want it to. She didn’t want to lose the one person who seemed to care for her. “We can go to your house.”

 

His smile was back. “Yeah! I think that my dad would like to meet you.” He actually looked pretty thrilled. “I don’t think that he believed me when I said that I have a girlfriend. He thought that he was dropping me off to play dungeons and dragons with Haru or something.”

 

Azula nodded and led him to her car, where he helped her to help him with getting into the car seat. It was an aspect of a relationship with him that she hadn’t considered; she’d have to learn how to help him with tasks like that. Once he had buckled himself in, she squeezed the wheelchair into her trunk.

 

She wasn’t much for conversation, only really speaking to ask him for directions. She caught him staring at her hands, likely taking note of the sores on her knuckles. Suddenly she wanted to make small talk, anything to take his eyes off of her hands.

Her puffy hands.

Why did they look like that?

She winced to herself and tightened them around the steering wheel.

 

“Another left.” He spoke, the timing was merciful. But then he asked something less so. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yes, I’m fine.” She replied instinctively. She had to be fine. She had to, lest she lose what little control she had. She was famished and her muscles were cramping, even from just a short walk, and all she could think of was food; how much she yearned for it, how she would get it, and how she would get rid of it.

But she was fine.

She had to let everyone think that she was anyways. If she couldn’t do that, if she couldn’t maintain control, couldn’t maintain secrecy, then her odds of getting back on the volleyball team would drop even lower.

 

And suddenly she thought that she was letting Teo get too close. He could very well pick up on her habits, see through her excuses. She could swear that he already was.

 

“Look for the house with the car shaped mailbox, that’s mine.” Teo instructed and then he returned back to the initial subject. “Are you sure? You seem so, tired.”

 

“Yes.” She agreed. “I sometimes think about my brother and that makes it hard to get sleep.” It was only half of the truth. The other half was that her hunger pains kept her up. Her hunger pains and the fear that she’d never make it back to where she had been before her accident.

 

She pulled into the driveway and gave herself a moment to muster up the strength to get out of the car. Her entire body felt like jelly, and her head was spinning. She knew that she really ought to eat a decent meal. Eat it and keep it in her body. But her body can’t afford the extra calories. She powered her way through the dizzy feeling. She unbuckled Teo and helped him into his chair, the effort sent her world spinning even further.

Blackness danced on the edge of her vision, she leaned heavily against her car and waited for the feeling to pass.

 

“This is what I’m talking about.” Teo noted. It finally registered that his arms were on her waist, he was holding her steady to the best of his ability.

 

“Really, Teo, I’m okay.” She insisted, feeling anything but.

 

Teo stared at the clock. “My dad won’t be here for another hour.”

She dropped herself onto the nearest couch and curled herself up, clutch a belly that was begging for food.

 

“Here, have something to drink.” Teo offered.

 

She took the water bottle with desperate hands.

 

“I’m worried about you.” He commented.

 

“You shouldn’t be.”

 

He took her by the wrists and held them up and she was faintly aware that he knew almost exactly what was going on. “Please eat something, Azula.” He was practically begging and it chilled her.

 

“I will.” She agreed. And she would. She would oblige and then she would rid herself of the potential damage.

 

He made his way to the kitchen and pulled down a box of cereal. “I’m not much of a cook. Do you prefer cereal or toast?”  He asked.

 

Evidently, she preferred both and then a good helping of ice cream. At the same time, she preferred nothing at all. So she shrugged, “it doesn’t matter.”

 

He handed her the bowl. “And no trips to the bathroom this time.”

 

“I always—”

 

“Yeah, that’s the problem.” Teo replied and she knew ultimately, that he had her figured out.

 

“I’ll eat when I get home, Teo.” He didn’t have to speak for her to know that he didn’t buy it for a moment. “Do you want me to send pictures.” She offered.

 

“You’ll just stage them.” Teo replied.

 

“I’ll eat after I get back on the volleyball team.” She didn’t know why she was justifying herself to him.

 

“If you don’t kill yourself trying…”

 

“I’ll be fine. I have things under control.” She replied dryly. Even if she didn’t, she believed that she was, indeed, willing to kill herself in an attempt to ready herself to play again.

 

“You can still be on the team.” Teo tried.

 

But she knew that she no longer had the skills to land herself a position. Even if she did she doubted that anyone wanted to watch a fat girl play. “Where is your mother anyways? You keep talking about your father but you never mention your mother.” She supposed that, that was something they had in common.

 

With a sigh he caved and let the subject change. “She died three years ago.”

 

“Oh.”

 

What a dismal first date, they were having. Other than a simple acknowledgement that she had heard him, she didn’t quite know what to say.

 

“I lose a lot of people. I had a brother too. You know what’s funny?” He asked. “My dad owns a car repair shop. My mom and brother were killed in a car accident. I don’t care how many cars he fixes, he couldn’t fix the one that killed my mom and brother…”

 

Azula swallowed a lump in her throat. “Is that how…”

 

“No. I was born like this.” He motioned to the wheel chair. “No one really cared about it either, until I started going to Wan High. At my old school, people respected me. They _liked_ me.” He paused. “I miss that.”

 

“Me too.” She admitted softly, he didn’t catch it.

 

“Now all my dad cares about is running that stupid shop. I keep telling him that fixing cars isn’t going to fix what happened. But he always goes out and does it anyways. It’s like I don’t have a dad anymore either. It’s like he thinks he’ll lose the shop if he doesn’t have it open 24/7.”

 

“I wish my father would stay at work longer.”

 

“I’ll trade your dad for mine.” Teo jested.

 

She took it seriously anyhow. “You don’t want that. You don’t want that at all.” Her mind wandered again. Exactly when had she started fearing and hating her father? She missed the praise and the respect. The positive attention.

All of it had been taken from her because of one simple mishap.

 

Teo looked at the clock. “I don’t think you’re going to meet my dad tonight. He should have been home already.”

 

“That’s fine.” She wasn’t much of a catch anyways.

 

**.oOo.**

 

When she got home she only wanted to sleep. She didn’t know how she was going to keep this up. Teo had put questions and considerations into her mind that she’d rather not think about. But she dwelled upon them anyhow. For the first time, she wondered just how long she would be keeping her habits. Would she be eating little and throwing up for the rest of her life? She thought that Teo just might have been right. Her stomach muscles ached and her knuckles were raw. Between that and the searing burning in the back of her throat she was almost certain that she was breaking her body apart.

 

Not breaking it.

Corroding it.

 

For all her suffering, she was still no more in shape for volleyball. In fact, it occurred to her that she might just be in worse shape than before. At least when she was eating, she wasn’t so drained. At least when she was eating, her body didn’t cramp up. But when she was eating lost control. When she was eating was risking putting on weight that she didn’t need.

 

Azula clawed at her hairline. She couldn’t even recall the last time she ate without feeling guilty for it. She just wanted to put herself in that place again. In a place of comfort and genuine control. Because lately, her cycles were getting worse. She was withholding food from herself with more force and by extension, when she could finally bare no more, her binges were worse.

 

At least this time she could pretend that she was in control as she made her way to the kitchen. Earlier in the day she had heard her father talking about how he was going to head over to meet with Ukano about the BeiFong lawsuit. It was an opportunity to finally have a full meal. The full meal that her body had been begging for. It would be okay this time. It would be okay because she had planned for it. She would eat what she wanted, she would purge it, and she would bypass her next meal entirely.

 

She picked her way through the pantry, pulling items she didn’t think her father would miss. And that night had made good on her promise to Teo. The floor was a mess of wrappers. Faintly, she wondered if she should send the pics. She laughed bitterly to herself as she wept. Planned or not, she had still lost control and she still felt every bit disgusted with herself.

 

That time purging didn’t alleviate the guilt at all.

If anything, as she split her knuckles again, she felt more guilty.

 

She heard the sound of the door and hustled to clean her mess of wrappers. She noticed her phone buzz on her nightstand and fretted that it was from her father. But it was Teo. It was only Teo. She wondered what he was doing up so late, but she was thankful for the distraction.

 

She was thankful that she finally had someone to talk to, even if she had no intention of bringing up just how deep she had dug herself. At least she knew that the opportunity was there.


	24. Chapter 24

Aang threw a sheet over his head. Toph had told him to go to the party without her, but he didn’t anticipate going so he didn’t have a costume. So sheet ghost it was. Haru, Teo, and Long-Shot would be there so he wouldn’t be totally alone. He removed the sheet once more, frowned, and flopped into a sitting position on the edge of his bed. On one hand, this party would be an opportunity to meet hot, hopefully caring and accepting guys. On the other hand, he was supposed to be tag-teaming it with Toph wearing the most kick-ass costumes they could. That would have really helped considering he was a marshmallow the rest of the year.

 

More than that he worried about Toph. Over the phone she made it sound like she was never going to see again. He hoped that she was just being uncharacteristically dramatic. But he had that feeling in his tummy. The uneasy one. He swore that he had some type of sixth sense.

Evidently. he also got the same feeling when thinking about the party.

 

But he already promised Katara and Suki that he would tag along, and from the sound of it Sokka would be there too. He didn’t want to miss a chance to catch up with Sokka. He looked at the sheet again. Maybe, just maybe, if he searched the basement hard enough, he would find a costume worth wearing.

 

Hopefully it would go better than the last party he had attended. If it didn’t, he vowed to never go to another party again. He twiddled his thumbs nervously; this would be the first time he would ever sneak out of his home. He couldn’t afford to think about it too much, he was already feeling guilty and he hadn’t even done it yet. His foster family had been so nice to him, his foster mom especially and he was about to go behind her back for a stupid party.

 

He tried to rationalize; he wasn’t actually sneaking out. He had told her that he would be going out. But he had told her that he’d be trick-or-treating with Toph and Katara.

He wasn’t sneaking he was…fibbing.

A small, teeny, little fib.

That was all.

 

He sends Katara a quick text. ‘Are we still meeting up for the party?’

 

She took a little while to respond. ‘I guess, but only because Sokka and Suki are going.’ The dots disappear and reappear. ‘I probably won’t stay long though.’ That was find by him, he hadn’t exactly planned on staying long, himself. He’d probably just say hi to Sokka and Suki, have a few Halloween treats, and head home.

 

**.oOo.**

 

He had nothing even remotely worth wearing to the party so he stuck with the sheet. He flung it over his head and heads out, at the very least he could hide under it and pretend to be anyone but him. He paused and ran back inside to dress himself in a festive shirt—a simple t-shirt with a friendly looking ghost. He wanted to wear a Halloween-themed shirt, just in case he got tired of wandering around in a sheet.

 

It would seem that he had good timing because his foster mother called up, “Aang, your friend is here!”

 

He rushed down to greet Katara. She looked perfectly stunning, her hair was braided and beaded with shells and faux pearls woven into it. She wore a skirt that billowed out like mermaid fins and shimmered when caught in the light. “Where are the other two?” He paused before deciding to add, “you look nice today!”

 

“Thanks.” She smiled. “They’re going to meet us there.” And then with a chuckle she said, “I think that the sheet ghost get up really suits you, it’s cute and a classic.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

He had to admit, the party scene was already rather overwhelming, it was only just started and the house was brimming to the ceiling with people, most of whom he’d never seen before. The entire block must have been invited and then some. No wonder he and Wan High’s other nerds were so easily able to get in. But then, even if the place wasn’t over-crowded he couldn’t see Chan passing on an opportunity to humiliate or mock them. And a party was the perfect place to watch the socially inapt stumble around.

People aside, the music was already much too loud. Granted, he was a fan of the Monster Mash, so he might be able to get used to it. It certainly was better than the overly sexual or overly violent themes of rap and pop. It was also better than the fury and volume of rock and metal.

 

Next to him, Katara sighed. “What am I doing here?” She was preaching to the choir. “I can’t believe I let Suki talk me into this. We could have been at home watching Halloween specials.”

 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind going trick-or-treating with my foster siblings.”

 

“Oh, Aang, I wish you would have told me that! I totally would have ditched the love birds to help you watch the kids.”

 

Aang gave a lopsided smile. “Sorry, Kat, I didn’t think about it.” Truth be told he was thinking more with his manhood than anything else. He was tired of being one of Wan High’s only students who’d never had a date.

One way or another, tonight would be a game changer for him.

 

Aang did a sweep of the party crowd, he spotted the usual attendees; Usha and her clique were dressed as sexy kitties. Jet and his posse took the zombie route. Though, he thought that jailbird costumes would suit them much better. And of course, Chan and his team. Chan himself was a suave vampire in an elaborate tuxedo. It was a little cliché, but at least it wasn’t downright offensive like the rest of his group’s were.  Each and every one of them was dressed in drag; horribly stereotyped and poorly rendered parodies of it anyways.

The three groups gathered in the center of the room.

 

Aang averted his attention and spied TyLee in a cute bumblebee costume standing near the concession stand with Mai. He couldn’t tell what she was supposed to be, but he thought that it might have been some sort of Victorian noble. No less, he couldn’t help but smile at the apparent re-connection. It took him a while to pick out more familiar faces amid the crowd. But then, with an ounce of overwhelming dread, he noticed Hide standing by the DJ stand—likely requesting an awful hip-hop number that wouldn’t fit the holiday at all. He cringed, it would seem that there would be a road block after all and suddenly is thankful for his generic ghost costume.

 

He spotted Azula too. She was standing on the side of the room opposite to the concession stand. Despite it all, he was curious about her costume. Usually she had the best one. But this year was different. There was nothing elaborate about it and he was left to assume that she had thrown it together just as last minute as he had selected his sheet ghost costume. This year she was dressed as a demon, it was cool enough, but it was missing the flare she usually added.

What truly caught his eye was who she had come to the party with. Teo smiled up at her. Aang thought that his costume was rather creative; he was an aviator and his wheel chair was made to look like an airplane.

 

But what Aang didn’t see the person he had come there for. Suddenly, it occurred to him that he was looking in the wrong places. Moo-Chee liked hanging out in the corner, mostly alone, but sometimes with Mai or some of the other goth kids.

 

He shifted his gaze to the corner in question. There he was. Dark, brooding, alluring Moo-Chee. He stood there with his arms folded over his chest and a scowl on his face. No one could possibly be cooler than Moo-Chee. If he could score even one point with him tonight, his place on the social ladder could change.

He wasn’t sure if Moo-Chee liked guys, but if school lore was to be listened to, then Aang just might have a chance.

 

“You find Suki and Sokka?” Katara asked.

 

Aang jumped. “What? Oh! No, not yet.”

 

To his dismay, Katara followed his line of sight. “Him? He’s the guy you’re shooting for tonight? What about Haru? Haru is a good guy. Long Shot?”

 

“They’re nice, but I don’t know, I think that they’re just friends. I wouldn’t want to make things weird between us.”

 

“I guess. But, ‘The Dark One’? Oooo.” She wriggled her fingers.

 

Aang nudged her, “I want to give him a chance.”

 

“Sorry, I just didn’t realize you were into bad boys.”

 

“I had a little crush on Zuko, remember?”

 

“We all remember that.” Chan remarked as he passed by. “Why aren’t you dressed as a fairy?”

 

“Because it’s Halloween!” Hide shouts from afar. “You’re supposed to dress up as something you aren’t already.”

 

“Don’t listen to them, you’re going to find a great guy tonight. Even if Moo-Chee doesn’t work out.” Katara quietly reassured him.

 

He sure hoped so, because his night certainly wasn’t starting right. He let Katara lead him over to the chocolate fountain. “We can wait here, Sokka usually goes right to the food.”  She remarked. She picked up a pretzel and dipped it into the chocolate. “Suki is going to love these.”

 

Aang picked his way through the table until he found the fruits and vegetables until he acquired himself a healthy platter of them. A task made harder by the drag of his sheet, every now and again he’d accidently knock something to the floor.

 

Out of nowhere Katara jerked and grabbed his arm, “come on Aang, lets go see if we can catch Sokka and Suki before they get into the house. Might be easier, ya know?” She asked.

 

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He didn’t particularly want to risk losing sight of Moo-Chee, but then again, he couldn’t imagine Moo-Chee actually leaving the corner.  He looked over Katara’s shoulder, nothing seemed amiss. He wondered if the spookiness of the season was finally getting to her. He gave the crowd another look and caught sight of a certain zombie merging himself back into it. “Are you sure it’s safe to be here?”

 

“I’ll be fine. I have…I’m going to have Sokka and there are so many people here.” Katara promised, but the way she wrapped her arms around herself wasn’t even slightly reassuring. “Besides, I can’t just let him scare me away from everything, right? I have to live my life. If I let him take over every part of my life, then he wins.”

 

Aang shifted nervously, he wasn’t so sure. But she sounded so confident…and he was known for being timid and shying away from things. “If you say so.” Trying to break the tension he offered her a cupcake.

 

“No thanks, I’m not in the mood for sweets right now.”

 

Aang shrugged and scarfed it down.

 

He heard a soft tsking. “I come all the way back here from college and you don’t even offer me a cupcake!” Sokka shook his head. Immediately he burst out laughing and slung an arm over Aang’s shoulder and he had to laugh too. Soon Katara and Suki were snickering as well. “Good to see you again, Aang!”

 

“How’s the party going?” Suki asked.

 

“I guess it’s okay as far as a Chan party goes.” Aang said, trying to push Hide’s petty remark out of his mind.

 

“Jet is here.” Katara noted and Sokka’s expression darkened.

 

“Don’t worry, he’s been keeping his distance.” Katara stated. “Anyways, Aang, tell them who you’re making a move for.”

 

Aang’s face flushed.

 

**.oOo.**

 

“No really, I’ll be alright, I’ll just stick close to Sokka and TyLee.” Katara smiled. “Go get him, Aang.”

 

Aang blushed, had she really caught him staring? A moment of thinking told him that he had made it pretty obvious. “You sure, Katara?”

 

“Yes, Aang!” She urged. “I don’t want to ruin your shot because I’m being paranoid. I haven’t seen a sign of Jet since we spotted him by the concessions. Maybe he finally found a hobby.”

 

That sounded like wishful thinking to him. But then again, Jet might be taking a break from his antics to enjoy the party scene. “Are you sure you’re sure?”

 

Katara rolled her eyes. “Are you stalling?”

“What!? No!”

 

She gave him another nudge. “Then go get him.”

 

He hesitated for a moment before shooting her a beaming smile. Now that he had her go ahead, he could take a shot. He took a deep breath and headed towards Moo-Chee’s corner. It was the very same one he had inhabited at the last party. But the closer he got to Moo-Chee, the queasier his stomach felt. He almost wished that Katara hadn’t granted him permission.

 

“Hi, how’s the corner?” He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

 

“Who are you?”

 

Aang chuckled nervously. “Oh, right, forgot…” He pulled the sheet off of his head.

 

“Oh. Aang.” Moo-Chee muttered. “You having a good time?” Aang was almost certain that he was only asking out of courtesy alone.

 

“It would be better if Toph were here.” He replied. “But, I guess this has been one of Chan’s better parties so far.”

 

“That’s true.” Moo-Chee agreed. “This one isn’t as noisy.”

 

Aang begged to differ but he agreed anyhow. “So uh…your name is Moo-Chee, right? I’m Aang.”

 

“That’s, The Dark One’, to you.” Moo-Chee corrected with an edge. “Never. Call. Me. Moo-Chee.”

 

Aang flushed, he wished that he hadn’t removed the sheet. How had he forgotten to use Moo-Chee’s nickname? “S-sorry. I’m uh. I’m just a little nervous because I. Because I haven’t been to a party like this in a while. And Toph was kinda, sorta, supposed to help me through this.” Now he was rambling.

 

Moo-Chee sighed. “Forgiven, just don’t do it again.”

 

“So, how does bobbing for apples sound?” Aang asked.

 

“Perfectly awful.”

 

“Oh. Okay. How about, the pinata?”

 

“I hate candy.”

 

“We can join the costume party.”

 

That time Moo-Chee scoffed. “This isn’t a costume, this is my lifestyle.”

 

“Oh really? Because it could be a really cool vampire hunter costume. Or that steampunk stuff.” Frankly, Aang thought that he was going for the industrial metal look. Moo-Chee frowned so Aang attempted to save himself. “It’s a cool lifestyle.”

 

“I know.” Moo-Chee replied.

 

“Do you want to leave the corner?”

 

“Not, at all.” He grumbled. “But I will

 

**.oOo.**

 

Aang did another sweep of the room. He caught sight of Katara conversing with Mai and TyLee. He couldn’t seem to find Suki and Sokka anywhere. He supposed that they would have to meet up after the party. If he were being honest, he kind of wanted to reunite right then. Moo-Chee was sucking the life out of him. He was undeniably hot, but he was so bleak.

 

He had been trying to make conversation with him for well over an hour and it seemed that he kept stumbling upon all of the wrong things. He learned the hard way that, ‘goths don’t cut themselves, that’s what emo’s do’ and ‘no goth and emo are _not_ the same, emos are whiney and give the scene a bad rep’. Shortly after he learned that all of the bands he thought Moo-Chee would be into were ‘poser favorites’.

 

But for some reason Moo-Chee still engaged in conversation. Aang took a breath and then a sip of his vampire’s brew, the fruit punch was sweet on his tongue. Maybe he was overthinking things, maybe he was just trying to teach Aang about his lifestyle in his own Moo-Chee way.

 

Eventually, Aang decided to take a different approach and talk about his interests. All of his favorite indie artists and his favorite incense scents, healing gems, and songs to meditate to. This was going much better.

 

“So like, if you drink the right tea you can transcend?” Moo-Chee asked. “Is it like, drugs?”  

 

“Not drugs,” Aang emphasizes, “a deeper, calmer meditation.”

 

“And you guys don’t really like the mainstream?”

 

Aang doesn’t exactly know what Moo-Chee means by ‘you guys’, but he replied anyhow. “Well, I think pop and rap don’t fit my morals. So I guess you can say I don’t like the mainstream stuff. I’d rather listen to white noise and do some crafts.”

 

Moo-Chee nodded. “That’s fascinating…”

 

“Really!?” Aang perked up. So far Moo-Chee was the only person save for Katara, Suki, Sokka, and Toph who didn’t think that it was anything but wimpy.

 

Moo-Chee snorted, “No. That’s some of the lamest shit I’ve heard all night. Right?”

 

Hide slapped his knee. “I told you he was a real fag, Moo-Chee.”

 

Aang felt his face grow hot. He made a mental note to never mention making dream catchers and doing yoga again.

 

“Real men don’t meditate and make dream catchers.” Moo-Chee remarked. “Even I know that and I wear eyeliner and nail polish.”

 

Hide turned to Moo-Chee and gave him a high five. “I didn’t realize that you were so witty. Who knew that making you leave the corner was such a good idea.”

 

Moo-Chee shrugged. “Don’t take it the wrong way. He has been stereotyping the goth community all night, I had to pay him back.”

 

“Pay me back?” Aang asked. “I thought that you were…”

 

“What? Into you?” Moo-Chee rolled his eyes. “Gross. I don’t swing like that.”

 

“But…”

 

“Rumors, I thought that a dweeb like you would know about those.” He faced Hide again. “I helped you uncover his ridiculous hobbies and went along with his hipster bullshit, now lets talk about getting rid of those rumors I mentioned.”

 

“Deal.” Hide shook his hand. “Just do one last thing for me.”

 

“Oh right.” He turned his attention back to Aang. “As great as our yoga date sounded, I’m going to have to cancel.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

Aang groaned, how had he fallen for that one? He should have known that a pretty guy like Moo-Chee was going to lead him on. He was a nerd. A dork.  A zero. A complete loser.  Of course he wouldn’t get lucky on his first try.

 

He wanted to cry but he knew that it would be exactly what Hide had been waiting for. It would be even more ammo, God knew that Aang had given him a supply of that to last a lifetime and then some. He ran his hands over his face. This wouldn’t have happened if Toph were here. How was he supposed to go back to school now?

 

Laughter echoed around the room. They were laughing at him weren’t they?

Everyone was laughing at him.

The school priss.

The gay virgin.

 

He had to get out of there.

 

“Aang!” Katara called. But he wasn’t in the mood for one of her bright-eyed, optimistic pep talks. “Aang, please!” She sounded almost desperate. But he would listen to her motherly speeches later. Right now he had to get some air.

 

He rushed for the door, not expecting a race. Azula shoved past him at a pace that would leave the school’s track team in aw. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one having a miserable time. This party was a disaster through and through.

 

He made it to the patio when it struck him that he couldn’t go home just yet. Trick-Or-Treating was still in full swing and his foster mother would have a lot of questions if he showed up early. Especially if he did so with neither Toph nor Katara.

 

He sat on one of the empty chairs and sulked. This night was going so dreadful and he couldn’t even run home this time. Instead, he had to sit there and hold back tears.

 

“Aang?” He looked up to see Haru in the most ridiculous pirate costume. Long-Shot in an equally ridiculous Robin Hood costume trailed behind. Aang could have sworn he saw the boy shoot Haru a thumbs up.

 

“Hey, Haru…”

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“You mean you didn’t hear?”

 

Haru winces. “Moo-Chee isn’t that special. I mean come on, he calls himself The Dark One. Everyone knows that he’s a big loser too, he was just trying to impress everyone…”

 

“It worked.” Aang frowned.

 

“You want to have some real fun tonight?” Haru offered.

 

“Depends, what is ‘fun’?”

 

“I was thinking, an overload Halloween candy and some spooky, scary movies. Courtesy of Long-Shot and I.”

 

“We were going to invite Teo…” Long-Shot trailed off.

 

“But he has a date.” Haru finished. “What do you say, Aang?”

 

“Where’d you get the candy?” Aang asked.

 

Haru motioned to the rest of the block. “Duh.”

 

“I thought you were at the party.”

 

Haru nearly doubled over in laugher. “What, hell no! I thought about it for a while and we decide to skip it. A good choice, from the looks of it.”

 

“A very good choice.” Aang nodded. “Yeah, candy and movies sound great right now.”


	25. Chapter 25

Azula stood before the mirror once again, she tried not to think too much about it. She just needed to dress herself, put on some costume makeup, and be done with it. She wished that she had someone to apply the makeup for her so she wouldn’t have to see herself at all. Her hands were still swollen, making the entire process that much harder. They keep her from being able to be as elaborate with her makeup as she desired. But then again, she didn’t quite want to stare at herself for that long. Even so, she had told Teo she’d be at his house within the hour.

 

She slipped into her costume and prayed that the zipper wouldn’t catch. It slid up with ease and for the first time in a while, she felt at least somewhat relieved. Relieved but light headed and dizzy. After her last episode she decided to skip a day or two’s worth of meals. Keeping herself up right was becoming a chore but at least she could fit into her costume.

She walked to her bed and dropped onto it, she needed a moment.

 

Azula woke up to the doorbell ringing. She checked her phone to see a good influx of texts and a handful of missed calls. It was nearly 6:00. With an ounce of dread, she realized that she had passed out. The doorbell rang again so she texted Teo that she was on her way and thanked the lord that her father wasn’t home.

 

“Where were you?” Teo asked.

 

“I was taking a shower and getting dressed.” She lied.

 

“That was one hell of a shower.” He mumbled.

 

“Did your father drop you off here?”

 

“He was on his way to eat out with some friends, your place was along the way.” He replied. “No big deal.”

 

“Right.”

 

Still fighting off the fuzz in her head, Azula gathered her purse and car keys. Frankly, she was nervous to help Teo into the car. She barely had the energy to get herself into it. She wondered if she should just ask him if he wanted to skip the party. She didn’t know if driving was such a good idea. At the same time she didn’t want a second discussion of her eating habits, or lack there of. She was trying to take her mind off of food. Which was just another reason why going to Chan’s party was a dangerous idea. Spite won out though and she helped Teo into the car and slipped herself in. She sat for a moment, simply fidgeting with the keys until the spinning in her head passed.

 

“You good?” Teo asked.

 

“I’m never good.” She scowled and she contemplates again why he was bothering with her. She was only a source of negativity. She put the keys in the ignition and started the car. She allowed Teo to turn her radio on.

 

“You would listen to metal…”

 

She couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not.

 

**.oOo.**

 

The smell of Chan’s house is familiar and puts an ache in her heart. He was an asshole to the highest, but she missed spending nights at his house watching dumb action movies of his choice. The sofa they used to sit on was now occupied by he and Chu-Leng and a few of the other volleyball stars. Naturally, Usha sat upon his lap. She was probably already tipsy, the girl was such a lightweight and couldn’t handle drinks for the life of her. Azula wondered who would drag her sloppy ass home now that she wasn’t there to do it.

 

She could smell candles too, Chan’s mother liked to use them around the house. She’d been there enough to detect the odor of their family dog. She could also smell alcohol and an alluring assortment of holiday treats. Mostly the warm and sweet tang of chocolate and the softer, subtler perfume of freshly baked cupcakes. She was filled with longing and then relief as Teo cut her line of thought off. “So, we’re here. Now what?”

 

Truth be told, she didn’t think that she’d make it this far. “Now we avoid Usha and Kori so I don’t…” She trailed off. What was she going to do, she’d be on the floor before anyone could throw a punch. The volume of the party alone was disorienting. She needed to take a seat again.

 

“I can get you something to eat or drink.” Teo offered.

 

“No thanks, I already ate.”

 

He sighed very visibly. “Will you at least drink something?”

 

“No soda.”

 

“Punch?”

 

“Water is fine.” Perfect actually, her mouth was so dry. She spread herself out on an unoccupied sofa.

 

He gave his offer one last try. “Can you please eat something. I could bring you a plate of fruit, a really small plate, just eat a little.”

 

But that was just it. These days it was never just a little. It started out with the promise of a little but turned into a meal that could probably serve she, Zuko, Ozai, and then some. She couldn’t risk that in front of so many people.  “Just get me the water.”

 

She watched Teo make his way to the food stand, feeling horribly alone and exposed. Last year she would have been wholly in her element, making conversation, bragging about her costume, and drinking some. She would have been one of many in the center of attention.

Now she was alone.

Unnoticed.

 

She supposed that she would rather be unnoticed. She sighed and rested her head on the sofa. Her stomach muscles were aching from having heaved so much. She felt like death. That would have been a good costume for her. She let her hand dangle off of the sofa. She was fighting to keep herself awake.

She felt a hand on her leg. “Teo…” she murmured. Maybe she ought to take him up on his offer after all. The hand trailed upwards. “Teo, what the fuck are you…” She jolted up and landed a swift smack.

 

“You should thank me.” Jet said. “I’m the only one who’ll…”

 

She used the last ounce of her energy reserve to grab him by the collar and land another blow. “Pester someone else.” She hissed and                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        shoved him away. He stumbled back, apparently, he had already downed his share of liquor.

 

“Whatever, I’m not into fat bitches anyways.” He re-adjusted his collar and shimmied away.

 

Azula dropped her head back against the armrest. This was a dreadfully poor decision. She hoped that no one was giving Teo a hassle. The boy returned a few minutes later with a cup of fruit punch. “There was no water.”  She sighed again, but her throat could handle no more so she downed the glass anyways ignoring the unpleasant burn it brought.

 

“Are you sure that you’ll be okay.” The concern in his eyes was almost painful to look at. Azula chewed the inside of her cheek. He took her hand and the concern seemed to grow. She didn’t have to look to know that he was staring at the raw soars on her knuckles. “Maybe you should see a doctor.”

 

“I’m not crazy!” She snapped, sending her head throbbing.

 

“I wasn’t talking about that kind of doctor. Your hands are really swollen.” He stroked them with his thumbs.

 

“I don’t need to see a doctor, I’m fine.”  Even she knew that it wasn’t true, she was growing concerned for herself. More than she already had been.  But she couldn’t see a doctor, not yet. She couldn’t afford to embarrass herself and her father like that. “I’ll be fine I just…” She hesitated. “I just need something to…”

 

“I’ll get you something!”

 

Azula grabbed him by the arm before he could leave. “I’ll get myself something to eat.” He let him follow her to the concessions area where she grabbed a few strawberries and pineapple slices. They were nowhere near enough. She didn’t think so anyways, frankly she couldn’t even remember how much she used to eat. She was faintly aware that it was more than that though. So she took a few more strawberries. Nobody save for Teo was watching her, so she treated herself to a small cupcake as well. The frosting, was truly divine and rich in flavor. She noticed Teo take one for himself and took another. She hadn’t eaten anything in a while, she supposed that just two couldn’t hurt. The cookies looked rather tasty too, so she sampled one of those as well. The table also hosted a collection of brownies, a few doughnut holes, and a bowl of candy. She couldn’t decide which she wanted to try more. She decided that a small sample of each couldn’t hurt.

She had missed the taste of sugar so much.

So much…

 

Apparently enough to finish off another few cupcakes. Way too many of them. Her stomach felt heavy, heavier than it had in a long time. A sickly feeling settled in her belly because she knew Teo had been watching the whole time. She swallowed. Teo and everyone else.

 

“Azula.” His voice was soft, she barely heard it over the laughter in the room.

 

Usha laughed the loudest, flailing her hands wildly in a motion that could have been fanning herself. Azula could smell it on her, she was already drunk. Next to her Kori gives a slow clap, “good show, Azula.”

 

She fought to keep her composure and what little dignity she had left, but she knew that there was color on her cheeks. Her whole face was probably red. Chan stood at the edge of the crowd looking every bit as disgusted as Teo ought to. He reached out a comforting hand. Azula swatted it away, she knew what he really thought of her.

 

Their laughter seemed to grow in volume. So many faces; the entirety of both the girls’ and boys’ volleyball teams, Jet’s team, and many other faces she’d seen around the school. They all knew…

She didn’t even spare Teo a glace. She had to get out of there.

She rushed for the door.

 

For once she hadn’t meant any harm in giving Aang a shove, he just so happened to be in her path. Truth be told she hadn’t really noticed him at all, he was just another body in a house that was all to crowded.

Just another set of judgmental eyes.

 

Azula slammed the door to her car and slumped over the steering wheel. She was so, so tired in all regards. She was tired physically. She was tired emotionally. She was tired of the lack of control. She was tired of her father and his standards. She was tired of her own standards. She was tired of herself. She was tired of her classmates, of school, and of her ex-friends. She was tired of being the outcast. She was tired of being afraid of food, tired of thinking about it so constantly. She was tired of being hungry…

She was tired of feeling how she did.

She was exhausted. 

 

Her shoulders trembled as she let out a shuddered cry.

She wanted it to end.

 

Her phone buzzed. She knew that it was Teo. She didn’t know if she should answer. She didn’t know if she should answer but she did. She texted him back, telling him that she was in her car. She didn’t understand why he was still texting her. Why he still wanted to be in a car with her.

She was his ride home.

 

Azula unlocked the door.

She momentarily forgot that he need her help to get into the car.

She didn’t like the look of pity on his face.

 

“I’m sorry.” He muttered, once she had him buckled in. “This is my fault, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes.” She answered, but only because it was easier to blame him than herself and her own lack of self-control.

 

He opened his mouth and closed it again. He said nothing the rest of the way to his house. Nothing save for another, much quieter apology. It was hard to make conversation with the taste of sugar on her tongue and the knowledge that she had overdone things in front of everyone. What was wrong with her?

She helped him out of her car. “I was just trying to help.” He murmured.

 

But that was just it.

She wasn’t the kind of person that someone could help.


	26. Chapter 26

For the billionth time that night, Mai wondered what she was doing there. It was still early and the place already reeked of alcohol and disappointment. She had already seen Aang approach Moo-Chee and she couldn’t help but cringe for the both of them. Moo-Chee, despite his adamant denial was emo trash through and through. One of the many reasons she had cut him out.  She listened to TyLee talk about what her twin sisters were up to. Apparently, they had this splendid group costume idea; they were dressing as idols from their favorite pop group.

If Mai was being honest, she had little interest in anything TyLee was saying, but she pretended so that the girl wouldn’t be offended. The longer she sat with TyLee at this stupid party, the more she realized that they had nothing in common. Their only tie had been Azula.

Truth be told she wondered if she really liked TyLee at all. Even in a gloomier state, TyLee was still too peppy for her. Too bright.

Too optimistic.

 

She was beginning to figure out why preps and goths just didn’t click. It came as a shock to her that it might just lie at the fault of the goth clique and their lack of interest. Granted the preps had their bitchy streaks. Mai almost chuckled; what a shallow thing to think of. Shallow thoughts for shallow events.

 

“Want to get a drink or something?” TyLee asked.

 

“Not particularly.”

 

“Please.” The way she said it, with some unnecessary desperation, had Mai on her feet.

 

“I guess, if it means that much to you.” She looked over just on time to see Aang leaving with Moo-Chee. Talk about a potential disaster. She almost wanted to warn the poor boy away, but that would require an effort and perhaps some hustled running. Concessions stand, it was.

 

“Bring me one, will you?” Jet called. To whom, Mai isn’t certain. But TyLee gripped her hand and pulled her through the crowd.

 

At the concession stand, Mai found that she wasn’t hungry nor thirsty at all. She tried to eat a cupcake or two but didn’t have the drive to finish it. They were too sweet and reminded her too much of more joyous times. “Here, want the rest?”

 

TyLee took it with a delighted smile and finished it off. She could almost pretend that things were normal. That Azula was off with Usha and Chan with a promise to meet up again before the costume contest winners were announced. And that Zuko was off sulking in a corner with the other stoners, as he contemplated how to make up for being an asshole. She took a moment to let herself truly revel in the illusion but reality seeped right back in.

 

Azula was not off with Usha, she was next to her, eating as though she hadn’t done so in days. Mai had a sneaking suspicion that she hadn’t. That wasn’t what everyone else saw though. They saw another opportunity to give her former friend hell. Despite the bad blood she had created, she felt a twinge of sympathy for Azula. They were laughing, everyone seemed to have their own remark and she couldn’t imagine that her old friend was going to take it well.

It was enough for her. Without a word, Mai wandered away from TyLee. She didn’t quite like Azula, but she didn’t want to witness whatever happened next. That aside, hearing the Ghost Buster’s theme in between ill-fitting hip hop numbers was growing tiresome and she needed some air. In the back of her mind she knew that it was rude to ditch TyLee like that but then she recalled the slew of texts from Toph’s parents and her own.  She already received several texts asking her how she _dared_ leave Tom-Tom without someone to take him trick-or-treating. How he was bawling because of her and his Halloween was ruined. It wasn’t like he had a mother and father to take him. No, it would seem that she was a selfish person through and through, she may as well add one more thing to the list. Let TyLee text her and add to her collection.

 

She stole away and found her favorite room in the house; a guest room on the second floor. One of the few rooms in the house with a balcony. The chatter from the floor below was still too loud, but at least she was no longer in the crowd. She pushed the door to the guest room open.

She heard two startled cries from the bed and slammed the door shut again with a curt, “you got a room, now go the extra mile and lock the door.”

 

Perhaps it was because they had stolen her go to hiding place, but she couldn’t help but wonder why Katara was the slut when Suki was pregnant and banging her man at every chance. She pinched the bridge of her nose, just light enough to not break skin, but tight enough to inflect irritation.

She found herself wondering how she had done this a few years ago. Had she actually enjoyed this scene? Was this kind of thing fun for her at one point?

With a knot of distress forming in her stomach, she realized that she had.

 

There were a lot of things she used to love…

 

She wandered down the hall wondering if there was anywhere else that would provide her with a place to think. And it occurred to her, she didn’t want to think. No, thinking would only pull her deeper under. What she wanted to do was drink. Drink and forget.

Forget about Tom-Tom, forget about Toph, forget about Zuko…hell she’d purge Azula and TyLee from her mind too while she was at it.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She ignored the constant flood of texts that flashed on her phone. Not only did she ignore them but she turned it off entirely. She chugged another glass and another until she felt her world go fuzzy. Her intoxicated mind formed a perfectly terrible idea.

 

Mai stumbled her way up the stairs again and in the direction of the bathroom. If things remained as they had, the second-floor bathroom was the place to go if you were seeking free, albeit sketchy, tattoos.

 

She’d have her fix of pain and something to really drive her parents up the wall.

 

She could hear the hum of a tattoo gun and knew that she was in the right place. One of her lunchmates stumbled out with fresh ink and something to regret in the morning. She supposed that they could discuss that at lunch. She entered to take his place.

 

“What are ya lookin’ ta get.”

 

“A passing grade in your class.” Mai said automatically.

 

June chuckled. “Don’t mention that I was here and I’m sure we can make that work.”

 

“Deal.” She probably wouldn’t recall having seen the woman at all anyways. “Give me something my parents will hate.”

 

“Oh trust me, darling, they’ll hate anything I give you.” June drawled. She flicked a cigarette butt into the trash.

 

“Alright, then…” she thought for a moment. “Just give me a heart being stabbed.”

 

“Ah, a classic.” June took a drag. “Who’s the unlucky ex?”

 

She let the alcohol do all of the talking. “He fucking leaves. Just straight up disappears and doesn’t say a fucking thing. He texts me when he’s down but ignores me when I complain to him.” She blabbered on and on, probably slurring the whole way. But that was fine, someone needed to know that Zuko was a jackass. So she threw his name in there.

 

“Ah yeah, Zuko.” June muttered “I saw him at Chitsang’s place.”

 

“Who’s she?” Mai grumbled.

 

“He’s a…” she trailed off. “Never mind. That boy got himself in trouble is my guess.” She brought the tattoo gun down.

 

Sharp pangs danced over the back of Mai’s neck. It was almost euphoric. She savored each prick of the needle. Each prick of ink that brought her closer to watching her mother’s face twist in horror. “He deserves the trouble he gets.” She spat.

 

“Mmm…harsh.” June cooed.

 

Mai busted out laughing, forcing June to withdraw that tattoo gun until her laughter died away. She couldn’t help it, it was just so funny what she had thought of. She could show Tom-Tom her new ink and help him plan a tattoo of his own. Yeah, that would really send her mother reeling.


	27. Chapter 27

Sokka gave the bottle a spin, receiving an eye roll from Suki when it landed on the person sitting next to her.  He didn’t know the girl but party rules said that he’d be planting a kiss on her cheek. She took it with a smile and a blush and then spun the bottle for herself.

 

“Can we bob for apples or something?” Suki asked. “I don’t want to have to kiss…” she looked around the circle. “Any of these people actually.”

 

“What about this person.” He jabbed a thumb into his own chest.

 

“Especially not that guy.” Suki rolled her eyes.  “Come on, Sokka. Katara’s probably getting bored.”

 

He sighed, “you’re right.” He looked Katara’s way. Now that Aang had ran off, his dork of a sister was reading a book. He came up behind her and she gave a start. “Wow there, it’s just me.”

 

She slammed her book shut. “Well gee, thanks, Sokka!”

 

He lifted his hands in surrender. “You’re jumpy tonight.”

 

“I know right, it’s almost like I have a stalker or something who just so happens to be at this party.” She hissed. “It’s not like I came here because my older brother said that he’d hang out with me.” She rubbed her forehead in the agitated fashion that only Katara could manage. “Wow. I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I thought that this would go well…”

 

“Come on, Kat. Now you’re making me feel bad.”

 

“You should feel bad.” Suki muttered. “We told her that we’d make sure she had a good time tonight and we decided to play spin the bottle instead.” Suki frowned. And to Katara she mumbled, “sorry.”

 

Sokka took a seat next to her, he was beginning to feel like shit. First he ran away when Suki needed him the most. Now he was off screwing around at a party when Katara was in very real danger. Danger that he had fumed about only a handful of days ago. He raked his hand through his hair. He supposed that he just wanted to enjoy life again, the way he used to. He just wanted things to be lax and stress free as they had been prior to his college acceptance letter.

Just one normal, fun night.

That’s all he was asking for.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Katara’s jitters didn’t let up. It didn’t matter how many times she whacked that jack-o-lantern pinata, from the looks of it, she was just as stressed as before. Suki wished she could outright slug Jet in the face. He hadn’t made any moves yet, but the knowledge that he might was enough for her. She took the bat from Katara and gave the pinata a good smash, she visualized that she hadn’t hit a jack-o-lantern but Jet’s junk instead. The image alone made her laugh, and that wasn’t even factoring in that she had busted the pinata open.

A few party guests surged forward and snatched up the candy before she, Sokka, or Katara could get any. It was fine by her, she was in it for the busting of the pinata anyhow.

 

“The baby wants to take a trip to the concessions stand?” Suki declared.

 

“The baby or Suki?” Sokka rolled his eyes.

 

“Both of us, actually.” Suki said.

 

“I guess. I wasn’t exactly able to get what I wanted the first time I went to the concessions stand.” Katara replied.

 

“But the real snack is right here.” Sokka wriggled his eyebrows.

 

“Eww, gross.” Katara whacked him with her book. “Not in front of your little sister.”

 

 _Perhaps elsewhere_ , Suki thought to herself. She wanted to give herself a good slap. Could pregnancy hormones make a person horny? Her cheeks flushed. If people didn’t know any better they might have been under the impression that she was drinking. She sighed to herself, she missed being able to do that. She ran a hand over her baby bump. Frankly she was ready for the little guy or girl to just be born already.

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Oh, hi Katara!” Sokka heard TyLee cheerfully greet. A little spark ignited in him, maybe he’d get a good time after all! He could meander away with Suki for about an hour—an hour wasn’t so long—and Katara could spend some time getting to know TyLee better! He’d get his good time and she’d blossom a new friendship better. It was a win-win as far as he could see.

He couldn’t imagine something happening in an hour and if there was a problem, she could send him a quick text and he’d have an ass kicking at the ready. She had let Aang wander off after all, he couldn’t see any major differences.

 

Frankly he was itching to get out of his werewolf costume, it was growing very hot. He imagined that Suki was probably growing tired of her kangaroo costume too. “You got some icing on your face.” He leaned in.

 

“You better not!” She practically squealed.

 

It was too late, he had already licked it off.

 

“Really, Sokka.” Katara rolled her eyes.

 

At the same time Suki remarked, “that was just nasty.” He had earned himself the remains of a brownie to the face.

 

“That’s fair.” He remarked.

 

TyLee giggled. “You guys are funny.”

 

“I do my best.” Sokka said.

 

“You two need to get a room, that’s what you need to do.” Katara grumbled. That time he couldn’t detect an ounce of humor. He hoped that it was just the stress that was getting to her and not his own selfishness or stupidity. Whatever the reason, she was shooting fire with her eyes.

 

He tried to joke it off, “is that an invitation.” Okay so it was more of a half-joke.

 

“Ya know what, Sokka? Sure. It’s whatever you want it to be.” Without another word, he watched her storm off.

 

“Katara!” TyLee shouts and sprung up to follow.

 

Sokka makes off to do the same, but Suki’s hand fell on her shoulder. “Let her cool off for a bit, she’ll call you if she needs anything.”

 

He stuffed his hands into his pockets. If she was hitting him up with some reverse psychology it sure as hell was working. Now that he didn’t have a choice, he _wanted_ to follow her around the party. He also wanted to slam his head against the concessions table, this whole thing was growing frustrating.  He couldn’t be there to babysit her all day, every day. Yet when he has the opportunity to look out for her, he seemed to just throw it away. Some big brother he was.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Getting Sokka up to the bedroom had been a task. The man was so hot and cold. One minute he was all about the party and his game of spin the bottle. The next, all he wanted to do was either follow Katara around out of brotherly love or follow Jet around waiting for an opportunity to knock the boy on his ass.

 

It took a text from Katara promising to text them if she found trouble and a picture of she in the company of TyLee—not that the girl was much of a bodyguard to ease Sokka’s mind. To get him to the bedroom, it took an angry text from Katara, telling him to ‘just have fun, because I don’t want to hear you complain about how you missed out because of me.’

 

Suki had to frown, this was probably what Jet wanted. He wanted to cause a rift in the family, to get her to isolate herself. Not that Sokka would truly let that happen. Suki knew that she certainly wouldn’t. She let her costume drop and joined Sokka under the covers.

 

“Are you sure this is safe for the baby?” Sokka asked.

 

“One round won’t hurt. Just…uh…take it easy.” She replied sheepishly.

 

**.oOo.**

 

His back arched and he muffled a cry of pleasure. Finally things were getting good at this party, frankly, he couldn’t wait to show Suki a college party. She pressed herself closer and he heard the door open. She jolted and cried out. His own second cry was anything but pleasured.

 

"You got a room, now go the extra mile and lock the door."

 

Sokka groaned. With the door good and shut again, the mood was as good as dead.

 

Suki was frowning deeply, “I really hope she keeps quiet about this at lunch…”

 

“She has to or else she’s going to have to explain what she was doing up here.” Sokka assured her. “He moved to find his boxers. He slipped back into them, still feeling both flustered and buzzes of passion. He picked up his pants, in the pocket his phone was going off like crazy.


	28. Chapter 28

Katara wished that she hadn’t let Aang run off, in retrospect it would be her fault if things went unwell for both she and him. They should have just stuck together. She should have known that Sokka would get wrapped up in the party and forget about her. Frankly she didn’t understand why spin the bottle appealed to him at all, considering he had a pregnant girlfriend. In equal part, she didn’t understand why Suki _didn’t_ have a problem with it. The more she thought about it the more frustrated she got. With nothing better to do, she flipped through the pages of her book.

She heard footsteps behind her and jerked. "Wow there, it's just me."

 

Giving the book a good slam she exclaimed, "well gee, thanks, Sokka!" She was growing more frustrated by the second. He knew very well that she was on edge and he was going out of his way to bother her. Just like everything else, this whole thing was a joke.

 

She noticed him rising his hands, the gesture only irked her more. "You're jumpy tonight."

 

"I know right, it's almost like I have a stalker or something who just so happens to be at this party. It's not like I came here because my older brother said that he'd hang out with me." And now came the part where she blamed herself. Because, really, who else _was_ to blame. "Wow. I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I thought that this would go well…" She knew very well that it was going to be an awful time but she took the optimistic route and went against her gut.

 

"Come on, Kat. Now you're making me feel bad."

 

"You should feel bad." Suki said for her. "We told her that we'd make sure she had a good time tonight and we decided to play spin the bottle instead."

 

Katara thought that she muttered an apology as well but she was pretty much done listening. She was at her wits end. She was really only a finger’s length away from snapping at one or both of them. Why, oh, why had she let Aang leave?

Sokka sat down next to her and she made a point of ignoring him. Though she didn’t know if that was a good idea. He and Suki were pretty much her only line of defense at this crazy party. This crazy party that was sending her anxiety soaring through the roof. She should have stayed home and carved pumpkins with Hakoda and watched Halloween specials with Kya. Spending the night at home with her parents like the dork she was, would have been the wiser choice.

 

“Want to have a go at the pinata?” Suki tried.

“Might help you let out some of that tension.” Sokka added

 

The only things she wanted to take a bat to right then were Jet’s kneecaps. But she didn’t protest and allowed the couple to lead her over to the pinata. She offered it a good swing but barely put a dent in it so she passed it to Suki, opting to look over her shoulder again.

There he was.

Watching her.

But only until he met her gaze, then he was back in the crowed again, probably off to harass someone else for a moment.

 

She stepped to the side for a swarm of people to pick up the candy that flowed from the pinata. At least now she could do something else, she didn’t see the point in breaking the pinata only to have to fight for the prize.

 

"The baby wants to take a trip to the concessions stand."

 

"The baby or Suki?" Sokka asked.

 

Apparently, that was their new thing, asking if Suki wanted to do something or if it was the baby. Katara supposed that it didn’t matter who was asking, she was getting kind of hungry anyways. She gave her approval of their new activity idea and they were on their way, but not before Sokka could make another one of his needlessly sexual jokes, “but the real snack is right here." That kind of humor never struck her fancy and it certainly wasn’t earning him any brownie points that night."Eww, gross." She swatted him. "Not in front of your little sister."

 

Katara didn’t really know what she had expected. But the pair, though they sat with her, basically ignored her to flirt with each other and give bedroom eyes. She whipped out her book again, she might as well be in the safety of her home doing that. But no, she had taken Sokka’s word. Sokka and Suki’s…she might just find a seat a Teo’s lunch table on Monday.

**.oOo.**

 

"Oh, hi Katara!" TyLee’s voice was the first pleasing sound that she had heard all night. She didn’t know how she had forgotten about TyLee! Maybe Aang was busy with Moo-Chee and maybe her brother and Suki were busy with each other. But it looked like Mai had ran off too. They were in the same dismal boat and in the same dangerous waters.

 

Katara set her book down and wrapped her arm around the girl. “Where’s Mai?”

 

TyLee shrugged. “She’s not in a good mood tonight.”

 

“Is she ever?” Katara asked.

 

TyLee thought for a moment. “She used to smile more. Anyways she kind of just snuck off after she saw the whole Azula thing...”

 

The Azula thing? Katara wondered.

 

“I feel kind of bad, ya know? I was going to say something but Usha kind of beat me to it and then Azula left. I don’t think she even noticed me.”

 

“What Azula thing?” Katara asked. “What happened.” She didn’t care for gossip, but she’d probably hear about it anyways, she might as well get it from a more reliable source.

 

“To be honest, I don’t exactly know what happened. She was eating a lot though.”

 

Katara furrowed her brows. “Teo mentioned something like that to me.”  Azula was the last person that she wanted to sympathize with, but she was making a tad too easy. Before she could really put any pieces together she was interrupted by a sharp and jesting wail.

 

"You better not!"

 

But Sokka was already licking Suki’s face.

 

The entirety of Katara’s own bunched up in disgust. "Really, Sokka?"

 

She watched Suki smash a brownie into his face.

 

"That's fair."

 

TyLee was rather gleeful. "You guys are funny."

 

"I do my best." Sokka replied with as stupid half bow.

 

But Katara wasn’t amused in the slightest. "You two need to get a room, that's what you need to do." She fixed him with her best angry glare. She barely listened to his equally as idiotic joke. "Ya know what, Sokka? Sure. It's whatever you want it to be.” She picked up her book, hopped off of her chair, and stomped…well, she didn’t know which direction she was stomping in, but she was stomping.

 

"Katara!" She almost didn’t hear TyLee. Even though she did, she kept walking, she didn’t want Sokka nor Suki to follow her. It was only when she gained a safe distance that she slowed her pace.

 

“Are you okay?” TyLee asked.

 

“Just perfect!” Katara threw her hands up.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“I only came to this ridiculous party because Sokka said that we’d be hanging out, but all he wants to do is flirt with Suki. I swear he’s probably the horniest idiot alive!”

 

TyLee laughed softly, rubbing at her bicep. “I know what you’re feeling. I’m only here because Mai said that she wanted to hang out.” Her face fell. “People have been really…distant lately and I don’t know if it’s me or them or all of us.”

 

Katara tried to think of a response.

 

“I think that it might be me. I’ve been kind of a downer lately. I pulled away from Azula.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I was kind of getting tired of watching her pick on you and other people. She wanted me to join her like usual and I just don’t like making people sad.” TyLee replied.

 

That cheered Katara up some. “That means a lot TyLee.”

 

“But I pushed Mai away and the girls on my poms team too.” She sighed. “Everyone is so used to peppy, happy TyLee, that when she’s gone, they leave too.” She paused. “I can’t be happy all the time…”

 

“Why aren’t you happy?”

 

“It starts with a J and its dressed like a zombie.”

 

“I wish he was a zombie. Then we could take him down and no one would care.” Katara agreed. She tired to smile but she partly blamed herself for TyLee’s problems. She had a hunch that Jet had used TyLee as a rebound. If only she hadn’t broken up with him…

Now she was thinking all crazy. Of course she had to break up with him.

She just wished that she knew how to be rid of him entirely.

 

She wished that he wasn’t leering at her from his spot by the punch bowl.

 

She turned back to TyLee, trying her hardest to ignore him and the vibes that he was sending. She finished off the lollipop she was holding and took a sip of apple cider. She looked back in Jet’s direction but she had lost sight of him.

Maybe it would be a good idea to stare him down all night.

 

Uneasily she asked TyLee if she knew which direction he had went in. Katara set her cup down and beckoned for TyLee to follow her. She did a decent sweep of the areas closest to them before returning to her seat with know insight as to where Jet had disappeared too.

 

She decided that it was indeed, much worse when she _couldn’t_ see him.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Katara just wanted to go home. TyLee or not the party was taking a massive toll. The room was getting stuffy and her glittery make up was starting to feel scratchy. Evidently, she was feeling a little dizzy so she took another sip of her drink. There were way too many bodies in that room and they were only making the temperature rise. She never did do good in the heat. She drank another sip. Evidently the whole party scene was making her feel nauseous.

 

She wanted to call Sokka so badly, but she also wanted to stay mad and let him know that she was furious. The best way to accomplished that, she had found over the years, was to ignore him and his childish antics.

Lord, her stubbornness was going to be the death of her.

 

“I have to go to the bathroom.” TyLee noted. “Come with?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Katara nodded. She didn’t exactly have to go, but she didn’t want to be alone either so she followed TyLee passed the kitchen and into a hallway. It was easy to forget how many of these parties TyLee probably attended, until she watched her navigate the house with ease.

 

TyLee found the correct door and slipped in with an, “I’ll be quick.”

 

Katara nodded, thinking that she had made the right call. She was still a little fuzzy but with some distance from the pounding music and the disorientation of the flashing strobe lights, she was starting to feel a little better.

Better but sleepy.

 

She checked her phone for the time. Nearly 12:30. She groaned, she should have been in bed an hour ago at most. Ideally, she would have been in bed three hours ago. This party, if not her stubbornness, was going to be the death of her.

 

“Hey kitty Kat.”

 

The slow drawl sent a chill down her spine.

 

“I was hoping we could have a one on one conversation.” Jet smirked.

 

She looked at the bathroom door. She really didn’t want to ditch TyLee. But she had to get away from Jet. She was certain that TyLee would understand. Hell, TyLee might even thank her for leading Jet away from her. So she made a run for it.

 

It was hard to text Sokka while running. It was harder still with her head spinning. It was too hot. There were too many people. Yet Jet was the only person she could see. She had to find someone, anyone. Oh, where was Aang?

 

Hell, she’d take help from Mai if she could pick her out in the crowd.

 

She spied Moo-Chee striding triumphantly back towards his corner. That meant that Aang had to be nearby! Relief coursed through her as she spotted a bald head in the crowd. “Aang!”

 

From the look of it, he hadn’t heard her. So Katara cried out again, this time with more power and desperation. “Aang, please!”

 

An arm snaked around hers. Her heart raced. She was going to have to fight. She hadn’t hit or shoved anyone since the elementary school playground. She gave Jet a good knee to the stomach. She heard the air woosh from his lungs, but his grip on her arm only tightened. So she clawed at his arm. She was feeling so faint and oh so hot. “Aang!” She called out again, knowing very well that he wasn’t there. Why wasn’t Sokka answering her?

Was he that mad?

She should have texted Suki and TyLee too.

 

She was such a fool.

A fool for coming to this party.

And a fool for doing so with no plan in mind.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning: for those of you who are uncomfortable with such themes, this chapter will have a rape flashback.

It was happening again and it was her fault. She should have just waited to go to the bathroom. “Katara!” She called. But her voice was just one of many at that party. It was a lost voice. She didn’t have time to panic, but she was getting more and more anxious by the second. There were way too many faces and she was looking for one…technically two.

 

Just how the hell was she supposed to find Katara. Texting her was coming up empty. She found herself shaking, wishing that she had let Katara come into the bathroom with her. As irrational as that sounded, she could have just told Katara to face the other way.

 

The only thing TyLee had going for her was that she had managed to snag Sokka’s number during one of her conversations with Katara earlier on in the week. Even so, the man wasn’t answering and it was pissing her off. A task that wasn’t, by any means, easy to manage.

 

TyLee rubbed her hands over her face. How could she have let this happen?

No, not happen.

Not yet.

She still had time.

 

She took a deep breath, now wasn’t the time for panic or for an episode. Now was the time to save someone else from ever having to deal with those things. It was time to be a braver girl than she had been. She clenched her fists and tugged Chan around to face her. “Where’s Jet?”

 

Chan laughed. “Baby face has some bite.”

His friends laughed, Usha the loudest. TyLee was seconds away from knocking her out, she couldn’t imagine it would be too hard to fight her with her drunkly stumbling about.

 

“Where. The fuck. Is. Jet?” TyLee growled. A sound she never realized she was capable of making.

 

Chan’s face sobered some, “I have no idea. I don’t keep track of him. Why?”

 

“Like you’d care.” TyLee scoffed. She didn’t have time to toy with him. It would be nice to get some muscle on her side but she couldn’t imagine Chan taking her nor the situation seriously. No one seemed to take her seriously.

 

“Hey, wait a minute!”

 

But she was already storming off. She looked at her phone and typed another urgent message to Sokka. And then one to Suki. Finally, she received an answer. A simple, ‘what’s going on?’ To which she only told him that Katara was in trouble. She would have a decent earful for him later.

 

She took another shuddering breath, tears were welling in her eyes. Because it was happening again and it was all the same.

 

**.oOo.**

 

_Her breathing was shallow and her world was foggy._

_She thought she was at a party._

_She squinted the lights were much too bright for her. So she squeezed her eyes shut. Her breathing seemed so loud in her own ears. She could barely make out the shuffling noises from across the room. There were voices._

_Three she thought._

_She was shivering, her cheeks were wet, it took her a moment to realize that she was crying._

_Everything was so muddled she was finding it hard to get her thoughts together. She was there, she was awake, but she was distant. She didn’t feel like she was awake._

_“Come on man…” spoke one voice. Whoever he was, he was speaking in snippets “This is…” “no I’m not going to…” “no, man…” “completely fucked up…”_

_She didn’t know exactly what this messed up thing was._

_“Just help me tie…” That voice TyLee knew well enough. It was Jet._

_“No, man!” Said the other. Now she recognized the voice. It was Ruon-Jian. She didn’t know how she hadn’t recognized his voice, Azula was constantly with him. She wondered if Chan was nearby._

_“I swear…” Her focus wavered again. “better not say anything.” The harder she fought for it the more distant she seemed to grow. “You have no idea what I can do, if you…”_

_Her body convulsed._

_“Shit!” Jet hissed._

_“I can’t…”_

_The world fell into blackness. She didn’t know if it was the panic or the drugs. She thought that it could have been a combination of both. But she was glad that she had passed out because she woke to the sight of her clothes lying haphazardly on the floor. Her underwear had been discarded next to her._

_And she screamed._

_She was unbound once more._

_But she screamed because there was nothing else she could do._

_It didn’t matter that she could move freely. Nor that she could leave the room at any time because the damage had already been done. As far as everyone else was concerned, she’d just be another girl who had sex at a party and regretted it._

_Her screams mixed with wails because she was a poms girl._

_She was a peppy, ditzy poms girl._

_She was exactly the type of person everyone expected to have party sex and regret it. But that wasn’t it, that wasn’t how it had happened at all. So she let herself lay limp on the floor and weep._

_Was Azula looking for her? Was Mai worried? She should look for them. She should tell them. Maybe they would believe her. Or maybe Azula would make fun of her with a, “choose the wrong guy?” Maybe Mai would tell her that she shouldn’t be such an attention whore all the time. Still she should find them._

_Suddenly the thought of being around them was daunting. She couldn’t be around them because that would mean she would have to be around_ him _. They wouldn’t believe her because they both like him…_

_But maybe they wouldn’t if they knew._

_She should tell them…_

_She should get out of that room._

_But her legs felt like jelly and her feet refused to coordinate with each other. So she slumped against the bed post. She wished she had the strength to get dressed. She let out another choked sob. It wasn’t supposed to have happened like this. The party was supposed to be fun._

_Where was her phone?_

_Somebody had to be worried._

_She looked for her jacket. She found it laying on the other side of the room as though Jet had tossed it as far as he could. She dug through the pocket. She did have texts. A whole string of them were from Azula; ‘Ty, where are you?’ and ‘Ty?’ Followed by, ‘TyLee, I have to take Mai home, her mother is getting…well you know Mai’s mother.’ And then, ‘Alright, I’ll be back in an hour or so…’_

_And suddenly she didn’t want to talk to the two of them at all. They had left her when she needed them. She was furious at both of them. At Mai for wanting to go home. And, more so, at Azula for assuming that there was nothing wrong. TyLee had never ignored her before! She should have known…_

_They should have looked._

_But they left her…_

**.oOo.**

 

They had left her, but she wouldn’t leave Katara.  She shoved through a cluster of people, each offering their own offended outbursts, but she didn’t have time for that nonsense. In fact, the more attention she attracted the better.

 

And it occurred to her, she was looking in the wrong places. Jet was a handsome boy. A strong boy. But he was a stupid oaf. She broke from the crowd. A stupid oaf, indeed. The kind of idiot who would return to the scene of the crime.

 

She drew her phone from her pocket, flipping it into camera mode. Maybe everyone thought she was air-headed, the kind that ought to dye her hair bleach blonde and get ridiculously tan. But she knew that she wasn’t and it was time to prove that.

 

It was time to face her traumas…

 

She balled her fists and put her ear to the door.

 

“It didn’t have to happen this way.” His voice was velvety and twistedly seductive. “All you had to do was say yes, then we could have had a nice date without all of this struggling.”

 

Carefully she picked the lock. She pulled her phone out, thankful that he was so invested in his sick task. She hit record. She wanted to do more, but she knew that she didn’t have the strength to attack him. The least she could do was get solid evidence.

 

She had at least a minute of him pulling off Katara’s shirt. Katara who was out cold. A minute and thirty seconds and she clenched her teeth because she promised that she wouldn’t let something like that happen again.

 

She turned the camera off and hid her phone away inside the vase, she couldn’t afford losing that footage in…in whatever rumble she was about to get her self in.

 

She didn’t even have a chance to turn around when the door flew open. She winced and closed her eyes, expecting Jet to pounce her. But another body, darted past her and rammed into Jet. She heard them both crash with thuds.


	30. Chapter 30

So far, the party was going well, absolutely swimmingly, in fact. He had arranged the concessions stand to his liking and had picked out the perfect playlist. There were plenty of games and activities to keep his guests away from the areas of the house his parents had warned him not to invade. Evidently, he was, if nothing else, thankful that his parents were so lax. He could host as many parties as he liked so long as he didn’t get the cops called on him and he paid for any of the damages inflicted to the house. Of course, he still had to wait for them to go on vacation or bribe them into leaving for the night. His mother was every bit as annoyed by the noise and bustle as he was intrigued and lifted by it.

That night was a bribe kind of night, he had done a good portion of the house work to earn this party so it better go spectacularly.

 

Usha was hooked around his neck blabbering on and on about how she was the perfect team captain and how it was beyond her that she wasn’t chosen for the position in the first place. How they were probably going to make it to the state championship this year. He had to bite his tongue to keep from reminding her that Azula had gotten them to the state championships in the years prior. He shook his head, why was it still such a habit to want to speak up for the girl? He decided that it was only because Usha was so unbearable.

 

He watched her take another chug from her glass. “I don’t know where you get this stuff.” She murmured. “Really, you’ve got the best drinks.”

 

“I have my sources.” He winked.

 

“You think _I’m_ going to win the costume contest this year?”

 

“Probably.” He replied. He didn’t see much other competition this year. Usha’s costume wasn’t very creative, but her figure filled it the best.

 

He finished the last of his own drink, still deciding how far he wanted to go. He didn’t want to be drunk when he announced the winners of the competition and he had to watch the house. Last time Azula’s waste of a brother had wrecked his nana’s vase and he got an earful for it. But he didn’t want to be sober either. He supposed that he’d settle for tipsy. It’s not like he had any driving to do.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Usha was becoming more and more infuriating with each glass. Really, he ought to take the bottle away from her, but he didn’t feel like dealing with the bitch fit she’d pitch. So he made his way to the concessions stand. Naturally the girl had to follow him.

 

He had every intention of ignoring her for his snack when the girl started giggling obnoxiously. He couldn’t imagine that whatever she was laughing at was funny, but then, she wasn’t the only one laughing. So he turned his head. He didn’t really have any expectations in mind, but he also didn’t think he would happen upon his ex stuffing herself. For the first time he considered that there might actually be something wrong with the girl, something that he was helping to fuel. That or he was overthinking things. She had probably always been that way and no one had caught it because she had been an athlete. Either which way, it wasn’t a good look on her. Frankly he thought it was both disgusting and irritating. He hadn’t arranged all of that food just for one person to inhale it all.

But then she locked eyes with him and the anger fades.

Into what? Pity? Guilt? Concern? He wasn’t quite sure, but he certainly didn’t welcome the feeling.

 

He was glad to see her turn away and take off. He didn’t want to dwell on whatever that feeling was. It was easier to pretend like he hadn’t felt it at all.

 

“Can you stop that!” He snapped at Usha. The girl’s screeching laugh was giving him a migraine.

 

“But. Like, did you _see_ her!?” She burst out in laughter again. “Ohman, I can’t wait ferschoolon Monday.”

 

He was definitely going to have to keep her from anymore drinks.

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Your costume is incredible.” Chan didn’t know the girl but her flattery was wonderful. Just when he thought that the night was going sour too. He savored the compliment. He liked to think that he looked pretty sharp in a gothic tux.

 

“Yeah, it’s a pretty cool costume.” Kori added. “But I don’t remember inviting a nobody into our conversation.”

 

“Eh, let Chu-Leng flirt a little.” He jabbed a thumb in Chu’s direction.

 

Kori rolled her eyes.

 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, a hand that was spinning him around. Jet didn’t think he had ever seen the girl look so incredibly pissed off. "Where's Jet?"

 

Oh wow, what a trip she was, he had to chuckle. "Baby face has some bite." Who would have thought, he almost added. He earned himself a round of laughter. Of course, Usha and her hyena screech had the most volume. Just as she had after watching Azula, she was flailing her hands wildly. He was going to have to dump her soon, spiting Azula just wasn’t worth that kind of hassle. Even with a few drinks in his system he found Usha nearly intolerable.

 

"Where. The fuck. Is. Jet?" TyLee cut through his pondering. Her voice had such a dangerous edge. A surprising one at that. When had that little marshmallow developed such a bark. He let his smirk fade. "I have no idea. I don't keep track of him. Why?"

 

"Like you'd care." With that final, wholly un-TyLee display the girl had spun on her heel and stormed into the crowd. Chan felt somewhat squeamish. There was something off about the whole situation. These days TyLee was anything but peppy and upbeat, but she was never outright vicious. He didn’t think that he had ever heard her use the word ‘fuck’ before. He had never seen her snarl quite like that either. Perhaps that was what enticed him to call out for her to wait a minute. Not that he thought she would listen, she was walking with a purpose. He undraped Usha from his arm.

 

“Hey were-er-yagoin’.” She slurred. “Ch-Chan, hey wereya… where ya…”

 

He hoped that Chu-Leng would take care of that hot mess. He watched her stumble and collapse and rolled his eyes. She was such a sloppy drunk, it almost made him miss dating Azula who—even completely trash—had at least some degree of grace and poise.

 

Chan weaved in and out of the crowd keeping close behind TyLee, his curiosity well and piqued. She didn’t seem to take any notice of him at all and maybe that was a good thing. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to see what her claws looked like.

 

She was navigating the crowd like her life depended on it. Or like someone’s life depended on it. That feeling was back, that feeling as though something was wrong in the world. He couldn’t recall ever having felt unsafe at one of his parties even with all of the drugs and booze. He ignored various outraged cries from people who he brushed or shoved passed.

Suddenly TyLee came to a halt, so he slowed himself.  Just what was the girl up to? Was she going to trash his party? But what reason would she have to spite him like that? He didn’t think that she had any love left for Azula, certainly not enough to wreck his party on her behalf.

 

Just like that she was sprinting towards one of the unoccupied halls. If he weren’t trying to be sneaky he might have yelled at her for going into one of the off limit hallways. Instead he followed her silently, thankful that she was so hyper-focused on whatever her goal was. He noticed her whip out her phone and push the door open.

 

"It didn't have to happen this way." With that voice, Chan’s throat went dry. "All you had to do was say yes, then we could have had a nice date without all of this struggling."

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” He muttered to himself, clawing at his hairline. Jet was doing _this_ at his party. He raked his hands through his hair again. Chan was a lot of things. A bully? Some would say that, he supposed. An asshole, that was probably a check too. But this?

He wasn’t _this_ kind of person.

 

And a few pieces fell into place. He didn’t know exactly where they belonged in the puzzle but two things clicked. Ruon had seen something. He had seen something that Jet did. They had a falling out and now Ruon was dead.

 

With a howl, Chan darted passed TyLee and threw himself on Jet. He thought that he might have kicked Katara in the process. But it didn’t matter. What mattered was making Jet pay for Ruon’s death. He slammed his fist into Jet’s jaw. It might have cracked.

And that was fine by him.

 

It was also fine by him that Jet’s nose was bleeding profusely. And it was finer still that Jet was whimpering.  “At my party!” He roared. “At my fucking party. You couldn’t have kept it in your pants until…” until when? So he backtracked. “You can’t just keep it in your pants? You can’t control yourself, are you some kind of animal?” But then, Chan was almost certain that even animals had more control than that.

 

Yes, Chan was a lot of things. A good number of them were rather awful, he knew that very well. He had no love nor respect for Katara but seeing her on the floor, shirt cast aside with nothing but a bra to keep her unexposed…

His fist fell upon Jet again.

 

He didn’t know how many times his fist landed on the boy’s face, but he imagined that the two were well acquainted by that point.

 

He heard another body enter the room, maybe two. This was it, he was going to jail…

 

But the hands that pull him off of Jet didn’t constrain him. They took his place. And he understood, as much as he wanted to keep wailing on Jet for what he’d done to Ruon, this was more of Sokka’s fight than his. So he let Sokka have at it. 

 

Instead he stood up and grabbed Katara’s shirt he handed it to Suki, who dressed the other girl.

 

And then he approached TyLee. A sobbing, trembling TyLee. “How did you know where to find her?” As soon as he asked more pieces fell into place. He didn’t need her answer because he already knew it. Jet had done this before. He had done it at his homecoming party the year before. He had done it and Ruon knew.

 

Chan wondered what kind of threats Jet had made to keep his long-time companion quiet. He didn’t imagine that it took much, Ruon had always been more timid. Timid until it mattered. And while he mustered up the courage to speak out, Jet had put all of his power into ruining the boy’s life.

 

The picture was almost completely clear. “He saw something so he had to die.” He whispered to himself.

 

“What?” TyLee asked softly.

 

“Ruon knew…” His father had always told him that a real man didn’t cry. His father would be disappointed in him. He probably cried harder than TyLee, or at least on par with her. His best friend was dead and it really was all his fault. TyLee…Katara…that was his fault too.

He threw his fist into the wall, leaving a pretty good hole.

 

Distantly he noted that Suki was pulling Sokka off of Jet.

Lord Chan hoped that a murder wasn’t just committed in his house. All the same, he truly hoped that one was.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW Hahn is the dude Sokka was feuding with over Yue.

“Got you a little something.” Hahn tossed Zuko a chocolate bar. “Technically we’re not supposed to have these, but they’re making an exception for Halloween.”

 

Halloween. Zuko had completely forgotten it. Not that the day was of any importance. It only reminded him of better days, when he was maybe six years old and Azula was four. The days before their mother had left. The days when she would take them trick-or-treating and watch as he teetered along with his sister trotting beside him. The days when she was just learning to walk without stumbling and he would have to wait for her to catch up to him. The days when they would dump their Halloween candy into the middle of the floor and then swap the candy one of them liked and the other didn’t. It was a silly thing to remember but he had always preferred chocolate and Azula liked the fruity, gummy candy. By the end of the night Azula’s pile would be entirely gummy and his would be wholly chocolate.

For the memories he hated Halloween. The holiday was just one more reminder of how fractured his family had grown. How bleak life had become.

 

And this year would bring another loathsome memory. He could feel it, his withdrawal was reaching a its peak for a second time. Hahn kept insisting that it would all be up from here…

If he could just survive the night.

 

That’s what he had said the last time, before Zuko had snuck out and found himself a hit.

 

He couldn’t fathom why Hahn was still sticking around after he had already proved that he was too weak to actually go through with a full detox. Evidently, it was around this point in his withdrawal that he had decided that he had, had enough last time.

 

Hahn jabbed the chocolate bar at him. “Your uncle told me that Crunch is your favorite. Come on take it. Maybe you’ll get hooked on chocolate instead of drugs.” Zuko apricated the jesting, despite the aches and shivers, he smiled. He couldn’t recall the last time someone attempted to light-heartedly joke with him. He didn’t realize that he had missed good-natured jabs until Hahn had made his.

 

Reluctantly, Zuko took the chocolate bar. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember the last time he had taken a bite from a chocolate bar. He thought that it might have been the last May, before Azula’s incident. Before his father decided to outlaw candy in the house. He bit a square off of the chocolate bar and took a long moment to savor the flavor, allowing the sweetness to let him forget about the tremors. Allowing himself to pretend that he was a six year old sitting on the floor of his living room, about to have a wicked stomach ache and a lecture form his mom about how he wasn’t supposed to eat his Halloween candy all in one night. He chuckled aloud.

 

Hahn inspected his own candy bar. “What? Do these things tell jokes every time you bite off a square?”

 

Zuko laughed again. “No. I was just thinking…”

 

“About what?”

 

There was a bittersweet ache in his belly, another yearning for what he used to have. What his family could have been. “About my mother. She used to have a lot of fun with us on Halloween.”

 

“Us?”

 

More than happy to delay thinking about his muscle cramps and the urge to vomit, he shared, “my sister and I.”

 

“You have a sister?”

 

Zuko nodded. “She’s two years younger than I am.  She acts like she’s older though…well she used to.”

 

“Is she okay?”

 

“I don’t know.” Zuko confessed. “I don’t think so. But I left anyways. We don’t like each other anymore.”

 

“I’m sure that’s not true.” Hahn replied. “If she didn’t like you then why would she tell your uncle that you needed his help.”

 

Zuko blinked. “She did what?”

 

“He mentioned that he called you because she said you went missing or something like that. I don’t know the full story.”

 

Zuko felt dizzy all over again. He wasn’t sure how to take the news. Was he happy? Happy that she might just care, even if it was only a small bit. Should he be furious. Furious that she had shared _his_ secret. Furious that, technically she was the reason he was sore and on the edge of hurling. Was it possible that he could be both enraged and thankful?

He decided that it was.

Because he was still gracious and angry with Iroh.

 

He wanted to finish his chocolate bar but instead he found himself dashing to the bathroom where he retched for the third time that night. His eyes were burning and his throat was on fire. What a horrible feeling it was to hunch over and feel the acid touch his throat. It was unbearable really and the notion that he’d probably feel nauseous enough to do it again made him want to scream.

His stomach muscles were cramped on their own and that was without all of the heaving.

Truly, it was torture.

 

He stumbled back into his room.

 

“You gonna be alright?”

 

“Hahn, I feel like I’m dying. Every time I go to that bathroom, I return with less of my soul and probably my manhood.”

 

Hahn laughed. “See, humor does you well. Maybe if you make enough jokes, you’ll get parts of your soul back.”

 

“I hope so.” Zuko winced.

 

“So, you think that the staff’ll get mad if we knock on other patients’ doors and do some trick-or-treating?”

 

“I don’t think that we’ll get much candy.”

 

“We can pretend. Maybe they’ll let us throw a Halloween party.”

 

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we can bob for blunts.”

 

Hahn slapped his knee. “Oh man, you should joke more often.”

 

“Who says I’m joking?” Zuko deadpanned. He cracked another smile. But part of him wasn’t joking, honestly, he thought that bobbing for blunts or having a Halloween party at a rehab facility still beat the party Chan was probably throwing.

It was somewhat disorienting to think that he was having a better time here—mid-withdrawal—than he ever had at one of Chan’s parties. He wondered if Mai had attended, he couldn’t imagine her doing so without either TyLee or Azula. And he couldn’t imagine Azula attending the party the way he’d last seen her.

 

He wondered if he was having a better Halloween than they were.

 

“You gonna finish that?” Hahn pointed at the chocolate bar.

 

Zuko made eye contact and finished the candy bar off, he might as well have some food to go with the stomach acid.

 

“I heard that you were going to be starting therapy soon.” Hahn put out.

 

“Yeah…” Zuko trailed off. He wasn’t looking forward to discussing the abuse that led him to heroine.

 

“Trust me, it helps.” Hahn promised. “It’s weird at first, but it helps. If you get Yora, she’s really understanding, she doesn’t make you feel like a criminal. She makes you feel…human.”

 

“You think that she can give relationship advice too?”

 

“If you want to date me, you can just ask.” Hahn winked.

 

Zuko elbowed him. “Maybe if things don’t work out with my girlfr…if I can’t make things right with my ex.” He sighed to himself, he was a druggie through and through. He lost his home, he had no job, and he pushed his lover away. “He was right…”

 

“Who?”

 

“Uncle.” Zuko confessed. “I need to be here.” This time he would resist. This time he would see the detox process through. He would get home and he would see Mai. He wouldn’t just see Mai, but he would find his mother and talk to her again.


	32. Chapter 32

Her father always knew just when to strike. Azula was almost certain that he had go through various social media pages and came upon one of many pictures.  It had only been a day and both Usha and Kori’s accounts were flooded with images of her eating what was probably half of the concessions. Chan and Chu-Leng posted their own share of them. She didn’t know why she had looked, she knew what she would find. She knew that seeing herself like that would bring color to her cheeks all over again. She knew that reading the comments would be the death of what was left her self-esteem but she was so morbidly curious. Or perhaps, maybe she read them with the hopes that someone would say something in her defense.

She should have known better.

No one ever came to Katara’s defense when she had posted things like this about her.

 

Her eyes burned with tears that she was fighting to hold back. Yes, Ozai had definitely seen the images or at least a few of them. Frankly, even one was enough to send him into a rage. He had seen them alright, and for it he was shaming her with more rancor than ever.

 

Azula was in the middle of getting dressed, she only had a chance to pull on a pair of pants, when he threw the door open. She hadn’t even gotten to button them, not that she thought doing so would have been easy anyhow. He grabbed her at the bend of her arm and practically dragged her to the bathroom. He did it with a surprising speed that had her tripping over her own feet as her tired mind struggled to keep pace.

He threw her into the bathroom and pointed at the scale.

 

Quietly, she shook her head. That was the last thing she wanted to do. She had done herself so much damage. In a fit, she ignored the alarm bells screaming at her to throw up her last meal. She had made a spectacle of herself at the party and she was going to punish herself for it. She had seen no better way to do so than letting the food settle for a change. 

It was a decision she already regretted without having her father demanding her to step on the scale.

 

He shoved her closer and she shook her head again. She really, truly didn’t want to know this time. She looked at him with a pleading so uncharacteristically tearful that even he hesitated for a moment. But in a flicker, he regained his angry demeanor. He pointed to the scale again, “Now, Azula.”

 

Again, she shook her head.

 

He drew in a sharp breath and she knew that she had tested him.

 

His hand found her cheek and left a stinging. “Don’t make me ask again.”

 

Shaking and with tears falling freely down her cheeks, she stepped on the scale. She died her best to look everywhere but down. Agonizing seconds came and went.

 

“Read the number to me.” Her father commanded, his voice slick and dangerous. Azula almost wanted to chance another slap. Reading that number would certainly have the power of one. “Read. It.”

 

He was losing patience. So, with another muffled cry, she looked down and quietly relayed the number to him.

 

“What was that?”

 

“O-one hundred and…” She trialed off. “And thirty-eight.” That put her up a good three pounds. She whispered an apology. Whether it was to herself or to him, she wasn’t sure.

 

“One hundred and thirty-eight.” He repeated. “Have you been trying at all?”

 

She stepped away from the scale and leaned against the wall, it was all she could do to keep herself upright. “Yes.” She replied softly.

 

“Have you really?”

 

“Yes.” Azula repeated.

 

“Then why is it that you weigh _more_ than before.”

 

She swallowed. “I don’t know…I.”

 

He slapped her again and pinched the bridge of his nose. “This is embarrassing. Do you know what it looks like for my company to have pictures, like _this,_ of my daughter plastered all over the internet?” He held out his phone.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You should be. This is disgusting. Disgraceful. I don’t even want to look at you.”

Neither did she. 

 

Azula expected him to throw the phone down on her. Instead he tossed her a shirt and grumbled, “put it on and figure out how you’re going to fix this.” Without another word nor glance in her direction, he walked out of the bathroom.

 

She let herself sink to the floor and wrapped her arms around her middle. It felt much too soft. It looked equally so and she didn’t know how to fix it. Why couldn’t she fix it? She buried her face in her hands, maybe she should just get it over with and go under the knife after all.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Azula had never dreaded returning to school so terribly. She hadn’t even feared her first day this much. She stared dully at her keys, watching them sway from one side to the next. She set them down and rested her head on the dining room table. Ozai was already unbelievably pissed. She was already an embarrassment. Her grades were already taking a dive. She might as well just stay home. Her belly was as empty that morning as it had been full on the night of Chan’s party. Her father had put locks on the pantry door and on the fridge.

She would only be getting food when he gave it to her and maybe that was a good thing. If she couldn’t control herself, she’d let him do it for her.

 

She found herself crying softly again. She had done a lot of awful things, said a lot of awful things. But she didn’t think that she deserved this. Or maybe she did; maybe this was the world’s way of showing her exactly the kind of position she had put others in. And she decided that, yes, she did deserve this.

                      

“Am I going to have to drive you to school?” Ozai asked. “Or do you think you can handle that on your own?”

 

She flinched. She stood up rubbing the tears out of her eyes. She hoped that she could get a handle on her emotions before she reached Wan High’s doors.

 

Azula picked herself up and made her way to the door, it was bitingly cold for the first of second of November, but she didn’t have the will to go back in and fetch her coat. She didn’t want to risk ruining her father’s morning coffee.

 

She was still feeling terribly faint. The drive to Wan High was hazy, in a sense it felt as though she hadn’t driven at all. One minute she was in her driveway and the next she was in her parking space simply sitting and staring. Sitting and staring until the bell rang and she knew she was late. Still she sat and stared as the grey of late autumn settled over the sky. She wasn’t sure how long she had sat there but she finally pulled herself out of the car and into the building. Whatever lecture principal Roku was giving her about the importance of being on time was going in through one ear and out the other.

Because she knew that she would repeat herself the next day and the day after that. The emptiness of the hallway was too much of a comfort to pass on.

 

But that didn’t do anything to stop the degradation. They were persistent, creative. They always found a work around. She knew that they would.  She had when she was one of them. She opened her locker and a tumble of notes cascaded forward. Notes and print outs of the images posted on Usha’s page. She didn’t pick them up, she didn’t want to read the commentary. She didn’t want to look at them, at the scene they depicted.

 

Her walk to class was numb. She took a seat, ignoring June’s, “glad you can join us.”

Katara’s seat was as empty as she wished she could make hers.

She could hear Chan and Chu-Leng whispering and chuckling behind her. Maybe one day she’d be thin again, like she was before. Maybe one day she’d be thin enough to disappear, to wither away and not be noticed at all…

 

**.oOo.**

 

She wandered the halls with no aim in particular, no aim save for avoidance. She spent her lunch hour dodging teachers and hall monitors until she was stopped by someone she hadn’t spoken to in ages. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” Coach Ming asked.

 

Azula shrugged. “No.”

 

“Lunch?”

 

Her silence was answer enough.

 

“If you get to the cafeteria right now, I’ll pretend like I didn’t see you and you won’t get a late strike.”

 

“I’m not hungry.” Azula lied.  

 

“You don’t have to be hungry to go to the cafeteria.”

 

Azula gave another half-hearted shrug.

 

Coach Ming’s smile dropped as she led Azula down the hall. “Ya know, I’ve missed having you on our team, Azula. Usha is a strong player but she doesn’t have…the spark that you did.” She came to a halt. “How are your ribs?”

 

She couldn’t see them, couldn’t feel them beneath a very prominent layer of flesh. Other than that, she hadn’t put much thought into them since her accident. “Fine, I guess.”

 

“Well then, why don’t you stop by my office after school and we can talk about getting you back on the team for next year?”

 

She ought to have been thrilled. But she couldn’t dig up the enthusiasm. Coach Ming had probably only extended the offer out of pity and that alone. “Maybe.” Azula replied. Truth be told she wasn’t much into the prospect of making a fool of herself in front of her former coach. They reached the cafeteria doors.

 

“It doesn’t have to be today, Azula.” Ming set a gentle hand on Azula’s back. “Whenever you get time.”

 

She stole herself away in the corner of the lunchroom. From there she observed Mai—perhaps it was just the dismal lenses she was viewing the world through that day—but her former friend looked paler and grimmer than usual. Evidently she looked some thinner, and she envied Mai, wishing that her own mood would reap her appetite away instead of increasing it.

 

She couldn’t pick Katara out, and decided that the girl must be absent. Suki was not present either. Mercifully, neither was Chan. She wondered when he had left, he was there that morning. Another small mercy was that she did not see Jet. But Chu-Leng, Usha, and the rest of her volleyball team were.

 

Azula caught sight of Teo, wheeling himself to a lonely table. A good lot of her wanted to join him, but she decided that ultimately it wouldn’t be fair to the boy to burden him with her anymore. Save for that table there were no seats available so she sat herself down on the floor of that corner, drew her knees up to her chest, and rested her head against the wall.

She was terribly hungry and she had some money left. But she didn’t feel like dragging herself across the lunchroom to food line. Doing so would mean crossing paths with Usha. Anyhow, it was probably for the best that she skipped again. Her father would be happy with the decision.

 

She didn’t notice Teo until he greeted her with a very quiet and meek, “you’re not doing too good, are you?”

 

She stared at her palms, wishing that he would just do himself a favor and stop conversing with her. And he did. He stopped talking, but he didn’t leave her. He didn’t leave her after the bell rang either, he followed her in silence until he had to break off to go to a different classroom.

 

The only mercy Azula had, was that the day was almost done. It was only a mercy until she remembered that she would be returning home to Ozai for her nightly reminder that she was deteriorating his good image.  And that between she and Zuko, he was looking like a fool and a failure.

Perhaps he was, somewhere very deep down, she decided that he must be a fool and a failure to have a missing son and a miserable daughter. She supposed that it took a disappointment to raise two more of them.  

 

The waterfall of photos and notes were still scattered on the floor by her locker, she stepped over them and put her books away. After a few newer pieces of paper flooded out, she decided that she would just bypass going to her locker altogether from there on out. They could write her up from coming to class unprepared if they wanted to.

 

She noticed a piece of paper still caught in the topmost slit of her locker door so she tore it out. Just one more mistake on her list of them. That one wasn’t a not but a drawing. An exaggerated caricature version of her. Chu-Leng so kindly signed his name on the bottom. A museum worthy piece like that needed a signature.

She let the image fall from her grasp and wandered down the hall.

 

“Do you think that Jet really did it?” She overheard.

 

“Well the slu—Katara wasn’t at lunch today and neither was Jet…”

 

Azula hesitated for a moment.

 

“TyLee wasn’t here either.” A different girl put in, if Azula remembered correctly, her name was Meng. The girl who still liked to play with dolls and, occasionally, follow Aang around. “I like TyLee, I hope she comes back soon.”

 

“What does TyLee have to do with anything?” Asked the first girl.

 

“I heard that she was the one who caught Jet doing…you know.” Answered the second.

  
“Doing what?” Meng asked.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Spoke the first girl. “You wouldn’t get it.”

 

“Just because I’m a freshmen!”

 

“No, because you’re you, Meng.” The first girl laughed.

 

“Rumor has it that he raped TyLee too…”

 

Azula didn’t stick around to hear the rest. But she did manage to catch, “yeah, at one of last year’s parties.” And that was enough. It was enough because she had taken TyLee to those parties. She would have known if something was amiss. She should have…

And so she rationalizes that it had to be more school gossip.

She hoped it was just more school gossip.

 

It kept her awake, the possibility that it could be true.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Ozai was true to his word the next morning. Just like the night before, he made a point of turning his gaze away from her when they crossed paths. Perhaps that was more of a mercy than anything. At least he wasn’t forcing her to step on the scale again. He only paid her enough attention to toss a single pop-tart her way and a small water bottle.

 

It was a parting gift as she left for school.

 

Like the day before, Azula sat in her car, waiting for the flow of people to trickle into nothing before making her way into the building. A soft sprinkle of cold rain fell upon her, it caught in tangled locks. Locks that she couldn’t be bothered to comb these days. She wouldn’t have gotten dressed at all if the school didn’t require her to wear a uniform.

 

She slumped in her chair. Katara sat next to her giving her ample competition in regards to who was in a bigger state of disarray. It chilled her through and through because the bedraggled appearance so heavily implied that the rumors weren’t just fiction this time.

And she had been calling the girl a whore.

Azula buried her head under her hands.

 

When the bell rang, Katara rushed from the classroom with a considerable amount of haste.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She supposed that there was no harm in going to the lunch line anymore. Everyone knew who she really was, what she was really like. She was woozy and Ozai wasn’t there to stop her. She would just get rid of everything anyways. She acquired more than her share of  a meal, in seating herself she had lost her nerve. Because it did matter, she didn’t want more pictures to surface. So she finished her meal in the privacy of a bathroom stall. It was so easy to overindulge after being so deprived and easier still when the kind tastes took her mind away from TyLee and Katara.

It was only kind until she remembered what it felt like when her father had her on the scale. After that it was pain and shame all over again and she was glad to already be in a stall. It had been a while since she had to do it. She emptied her stomach and stood. But her knees buckled and she found herself hunching against the stall, waiting for the spell to pass.

She wanted to scream or to cry, or perhaps both. It would draw too much attention though. So she dabbed at her mouth with toilet paper and flushed again. Finally the fuzz in her head began to clear and she stumbled her way back towards Teo’s table.

 

He opened his mouth and closed it again. He did so a few times before finally mumbling, “I’m worried about you.” And then he spoke in a near whisper, “Actually, I’m scared. You’re scaring me and I don’t know what to do.”

 

Neither did she. So instead she forced a smile and replied. “You don’t have to do anything, I’ll be fine.” Even so, she ached all over and her thoughts were overfull with horrible notions and vile reminders. She couldn’t put it out of her mind that she had been so close to Jet. That there had to have been some point where she had hung out with him and had a good time the morning after he had victimized TyLee. It dizzied her just as well as her physical condition.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She waited by the doors, taking a slew of verbal abuse. But she had to catch her. Her focus lapsed in and out and she hoped that she hadn’t missed TyLee because of it. At last she picked out the girl’s flouncy braid. She reached a hand out.

 

“Oh, hi Azula.” There was no enthusiasm in the greeting. Her eyes were as bleak as Azula’s own mood.

 

And Azula found that she didn’t know what to say. So she said the wrong thing. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Because, you’re you.” TyLee mumbled. “I saw how you treated Katara and you were close to Jet. Why would you believe me? You didn’t even answer your phone. You and Mai…you both _left_ me.”

 

“I thought that you were ignoring your texts.”

 

“You didn’t think that something could be wrong!? You’ve known me since we were kids and I _always_ replied to your texts right away—because I knew you would get mad if I didn’t, by the way. So, were you?”

 

“What?” Azula asked. It began to settle in that this was a horrible idea after all. She must be some sort of masochist, constantly throwing herself into situations she knew wouldn’t end well for her. But in some sick way, she craved the torment. The least she could do, after everything, was allow TyLee to speak her mind.

 

“Were you mad? That night. Were you mad that I didn’t text you back right away? Is that why you just left with Mai? Well sorry, I was a little busy.”

 

“I don’t think that I was mad. I just knew that Mai needed a ride home and that her mother would have a meltdown if I didn’t get her home.” That much was true. Genuinely, she hadn’t meant TyLee any destruction. Truly, she had just been trying spare Mai trouble. She thought so anyways, but the longer TyLee stared at her the more she felt as though there had been a malicious undertone to it. “I wouldn’t have talked to him if you would have said something. I wish that you would have said something…”

 

“I wish that you didn’t make me feel like I couldn’t.”

 

“I also wish that I didn’t.” She replied quietly. It seemed so insufficient but it was the best that she could do. She didn’t know of anything else to say, especially when an apology seemed so hollow. She also wished that she could offer more, offer help and support. But she could support herself, much less try to lift another person. Like most other things, it was a useless effort so she muttered something of a goodbye and an apology and slinked off to her car.

 

For a good long while, she only eyed the steering wheel, longing for the car to drive itself. She certainly didn’t feel like taking the wheel. She heard a tap on her window, she only rolled it down because it was TyLee who had done the tapping.

 

Azula unlocked the door and let TyLee take the passenger’s seat. It brought a sense of familiarity to have the girl sitting there again. That was how things used to be when her phone blew up with messages and plans to go to the mall.

She would love to do that again one day.

 

“I don’t want you to be mad at me.” Azula confessed.

 

“I don’t want to be mad at you…” She trailed off. “I. It’s not your fault, you didn’t know. If it makes you feel better, I was mad at Mai too for a while.”

 

But it was her fault.

She knew TyLee well enough to know that the girl was just being generous.

 

“It’s Jet’s fault. All of this is Jet’s fault. I blamed Chan too, but he was just the host.”

 

Somehow her words still didn’t alleviate any guilt. Because she had, had it right the first time. If Azula had been a more approachable person, then things would have gone differently. So many things…

 

“I think that, that’s what Jet wanted. He wanted me to blame you guys because…” she swallowed. “Because that way, I had no one to talk to. The worst part is, it worked. I was so alone…”

 

“And then…”

 

TyLee smiled and dabbed at her eyes. “I found Katara.”

 

“You saved her?” Azula asked.

 

“I guess you can say that.”

 

Azula smiled, this time it was genuine. As true as she could muster anyhow. “That counts for something, right? At least you didn’t let it happen to someone else.” She paused. “From the sound of it you were pretty fierce, glad I was able to teach you something.”

 

TyLee laughed. “I guess so.”

 

“Do you need a ride home?” Azula offered, she thought that it would do her well to have the company.

 

“I would take your offer, but I kinda can’t just leave my car here over night.” She rejected, sheepishly. “But, uh, maybe you can come by tomorrow…if the police to pull me in for more questioning again.”

 

Azula nodded. At least she had tried. She couldn’t blame TyLee for keeping her distance.  She watched the girl walk to her car before starting her own.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She forced herself to take a shower, she was in pretty dire need of one and she wanted to take one aspect of criticism away from her father. But all she could manage to do was sit on the floor of the tub and overthink.

Overthink until her brain finally went numb.

 

She had washed her hair out well enough, but when it came to lathering the rest of her body, that was where she had given up. Sweeping her hands over the length of herself made it all too apparent how soft she had grown. So she chucked the soap at the wall and opted to simply sitting there instead.

 

The water was beginning to run cold, and still she remained until her father hollered at her for taking too long.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She didn’t know if she was reaching out for help or if she was sticking to her masochism, whatever it was, she dropped by her father’s office on her way downstairs. “I talked to coach Ming the other day. She said that I could join the team again.” She elected not to tell him that she never actually dropped by the woman’s office.

 

“Did she?”

 

Azula nodded, itching for even a twinge of approval.

 

“I suppose that they’re letting anyone join these days.”

 

Her world crumbled a little further.

 

She left the estate feeling empty. She entered Wan High feeling foreboding. Unable to afford a phone call home, she decided that she would try to get to class on time that morning. Her locker is a mess again, more photos and doodles. This time with a sprinkle of terrible photoshops, mostly of her face on the bodies of various sumo wrestlers. It was almost laughably petty. She knew they came courtesy of Usha, they bore such a striking resemblance to the style of those ridiculous images of Katara’s face on different sexy costumes.

This time the inside of her locker was a mess too. Someone took it upon themselves to spill what smelled like vanilla soda through the slits. It was a sticky mess that she hadn’t had time to deal with, and she recalled her plan to just avoid her locker.

 

Before she had the chance, someone else slammed her locker shut. “Thought that you could use a drink.”

 

“Very thoughtful, Chan.” She replied dryly and with little spunk. She headed in the direction of June’s class. If only he wasn’t going to the same place. It didn’t take much effort for him to fall in step with her.

 

“So, are you going to pay me for eating half of the food at my party?”

 

“I provided entertainment, you should pay me.” Her words still lacked any bite.

 

“That’s true, it’s a gift that keeps on giving.” Chan replied. “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone eat like that! I don’t know how you can eat so much at once.” He was openly laughing as though he had just said the wittiest thing. As stupid as it was, it stung just as well. “There’s something wrong with you.”

 

She could deliver a low blow, could remind him that he let his party guests assault other party guests. She could swoop lower still and tell him that he had a really strong hand in Ruon’s death. Instead she replied, “I am aware,” and dropped herself into her chair.

 

“Careful, you’re going to break it!”

 

Chu-Leng gave him a high five.

 

“Probably.” She muttered. Chan stopped laughing.

 

Katara found her own chair a minute or so after the bell rang. Her eyes were puffy and red. Even June skipped her usual remark about tardiness.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She decided to switch things up at lunch. She couldn’t say where the compulsion had come from, but it drove her to take a seat next to Katara. Katara who was sitting alone, Suki at the other end of the table. She could sense the tension from a mile away.

 

“I heard about the party.”

 

“Heard about it? You were there.”

 

“I left early…”

 

“Right.” She wondered if she sounded as deadpan to Katara as Katara did to her.

 

“If it’s any solace, he tried feeling me up.” She didn’t exactly know what point she was trying to make. Perhaps, an acknowledgement that the attack it wasn’t anything Katara had provoked? “I was just laying there.” Maybe a sense of comradery?

 

“I wish that, that was all he did to me.”

 

“He didn’t actually…?”

 

“No, TyLee stopped him.”

 

Azula nodded. “TyLee can fight when it matters.”

 

“Unlike some people.” It was spoken with a volume that carried to the other side of the table. Azula caught Suki’s head dip. “Why do you care?”

 

“I don’t think that you’re a slut.”

 

“Then why did you say it? Over _and over_ again.”

 

She couldn’t give an answer because she honestly didn’t know. ‘It seemed fun at the time’ didn’t sound like a great answer. But it was the truth. Katara repeated herself.  Perhaps she was just going along with everyone else. She liked to think of herself as a ringleader, and perhaps she was. But really, they fed off of each other. She and Usha and Chan all bouncing vile ideas off of each other. It felt safe, it felt untouchable. It gave them common ground. “I don’t know.” Azula muttered. “I guess I’m just a bad person.”

 

Katara’s face scrunched and then softened. “You’re not a bad person…”

 

She could say it all she wanted, that wouldn’t make it true. Azula didn’t want to talk about herself anymore so she diverted the subject. “I liked your costume, it suited you.”

 

Katara smiled some, “thanks, my mom made if for me.” As soon as she said it, her cheeks flushed.

 

Azula didn’t have anything witty to say that time. Truth be told she would have loved it if Ozai would have helped her make a costume. “Is she a seamstress or something?”

 

Katara shook her head, “no, but Gram Gram was. Sewing is just a hobby.”

 

Azula nodded. “That’s one hell of a hobby.”

 

“Yeah! It’s fun too, sometimes we do some sewing together and mom teaches me about different traditional patterns!”

 

There was something about her enthusiasm. That momentary glimmer of happiness—something of the old Katara, that cheered Azula. She clung to that. It settled in that she was rather happy herself, because she had found a solution. A way to fix things for herself and for Ozai, just as she had promised.

 

“Have you ever done any sewing before?”

 

Azula shook her head.

 

“Maybe, if you want, I can show you how. I could use a distraction.”

 

“Maybe…”

 

“Uh…yeah…”

 

“I am going to talk to Teo.”

 

“Oh, yeah, okay.” Katara replied. It looked as though she wanted to say more, but instead she returned to her lunch. She wondered if she had instilled some sort of false sense of hope. She didn’t allow herself to dwell on it.

 

“What did you and Katara talk about?” Teo asked upon seeing her sit.

 

“I told her that I don’t think she’s a slut.”

 

“Oh, uh, well. That’s progress.” He responded rather awkwardly.

 

“She is mad at Suki.”

 

Teo glanced over at the table. “That explains why they’re sitting miles apart.”

 

“Maybe you should sit with her.” Azula suggested.

 

“Sure,” he stood up only for her to tug him back down.

 

“Tomorrow.”

 

“Alright…” he knitted his brows. “Tomorrow.”

 

She stooped down and picked ruffled through her backpack, she pulled out a decently battered volleyball. “I won my first game with this one.” She handed it to him.

 

“I wish I could have seen that. It was probably a really great game.”

 

Azula smiled. “It was, my father was…he was really proud.” She watched Teo rub his fingers over the greying white fabric.

 

“Thank you, Teo.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For talking to me. It meant—it means a lot.”


	33. Chapter 33

He turned the volleyball in his hand. “You’re welcome.” He didn’t quite no what else to say, he hadn’t expected a thank you. Azula never seemed like the sort to vocalize gratitude, she always struck him as the sort to display it through action. He handed her the ball back only to have her push it back towards him.

 

“Hang onto that for me.”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Teo replied.

 

He watched her stand. She stuffed her hands into her pockets and headed for the door. He looked down at her backpack and supposed that he was supposed to watch it for her. He inspects the volleyball further. She had clearly used it a lot, to the point where she—who had a habit of keeping her things neat and pristine—couldn’t keep the dirt and the wear and tear off of it.

Upon closer inspection he noticed that a sharpie had been taken to it. Though the ink was smearing some and fading, he could make out that they were a bunch of congratulatory messages from her teammates, her coach, Mai, TyLee, and from her father. There was even a little something from Zuko, but that one was faded beyond legibility.

 

He fit the ball comfortably under his arm, unsure of exactly how long he was supposed to be watching it. Some time slipped by, maybe somewhere between five and ten minutes and something awful stirred in his belly. A sense of dread that was ambiguous and out of place.

 

He watched Katara stand up and head for the doors.

 

Teo gave the lunchroom a swift sweep and whipped out his phone. It isn’t much of a message, a quick, “where’d you go?”  To which he received nothing back and the feeling of foreboding swelled. And then he noticed three dots appear on his phone’s screen. They flooded him with incomparable relief. ‘ _Home_.’  He released his breath.

 

Another minute came to pass.

He felt the weight of the volleyball in his lap.

 

He though, for the first time in ages, about Ruon-Jian. The jerk who had made his life so difficult. The jerk who suddenly stopped treating him terribly. The jerk who had an entire assembly put on in his wake. And the sense of unease crashes over him in full. The volleyball suddenly felt very heavy in his hands because it occurred to him, she had spoken in the past tense.

 

He didn’t give it a second though, he stuffed the ball into his backpack and wheeled for the cafeteria doors.

 

“Practicing for the cripple Olympics!?” Chu-Leng called.

 

Teo shoved him to the side with more force than necessary. A satisfying thud and a, “fuck you too, legless” came from behind him, not that he had the time to relish in his small victory. His arms were throbbing by the time he made it down the hall. Just what did he think he was going to do? He didn’t even know where she was and, in his haste, he didn’t check the obvious place…

But then he didn’t think that she would risk going into a bathroom so close to a crowd.

So close to help.

 

He texted again, asking her where she was.

 

‘ _I didn’t know how much I missed Ruon…_ _I know you didn’t like him much_ …’

 

Teo’s level of stress heightened that much more. He ought to find someone. He ought to but he could only think of how the staff had done so little to help him. Could only think of how Chan was allowed back into the building even after trying to beat him to a pulp.

 

He wheeled himself into the parking lot, and scanned it for her car, maybe she had gone home. He truly hoped that she hadn’t, he’d never get to her that way. He caught sight of Katara before finding the car. He met her eyes. With his own, he followed the direction she was pointing in and rushed that way.

 

He found her with her head slumped against the car seat, her eyes somewhat glossy. She was so still, it chilled him. He knocked lightly on her window, hoping that she was still able to hear him. Her movements were unsettlingly slow. The way she turned her head, it was uncanny, limp and robotic. Her head sagged again and a sweep of black obscured her face.

 

He knocked again. Maintaining her agonizingly slow pace, she swatted her hand at the lock, missing it the first few times. Finally, clumsy fingers unlocked the doors. He pulled the driver’s side open and took her hand. Her cold, shaky hand.

 

He could see two bottles of pills on the seat over and a third on the floor, where it had rolled partially under the car seat.

 

Her breathing was growing shallow.  Teo sought to make desperate eye contact with Katara, but she had disappeared, hopefully to get someone. He sent her a speedy text and slipped his phone back into his pocket.

He didn’t know what else to do, so he pulled out the volleyball and handed it back to Azula.

 

“It’s yours Teo.” She whispered. She cupped her hand over his.

 

“It’s…” he started.

 

“I can’t use it anymore.”

 

“You can once you get back on the team…”

 

She shook her head. “No point.” She closed her eyes. His stomach plummets, he had to get her to keep them open.

He set the volleyball down and looks at the names on it, grasping for anything that could help him convince her to keep fighting. Usha and Chan were useless names. Her father—he recalled her speaking not so fondly of the man. He found Zuko’s name.

 

“You have a brother, right?”

 

“I don’t know…” she murmured, his spirits sink further. She was delirious. “I don’t know if he’s still…I haven’t seen him…” Perhaps it wasn’t delirium but her thoughts were growing disconnected and cluttered. “He didn’t like me anyways.”

 

“Wh-what about TyLee?”

 

“I miss TyLee.” She nuzzled her head against the steering wheel. “I’m tired, Teo.”  She smiled. “I can sleep soon…” She drew in another labored breath. “And then I can be happy. Everyone can be happy that way.”

 

“I won’t be.”

 

Azula nodded, “you will be, you’ll see.”

 

Teo rubbed the back of her hand. “You’re one of the only people who talks to me.”

 

“That’s why you’re going to sit with Katara tomorrow. She’s a nice person.”

“So are you.”

 

“I’m not nice. That’s why I’m alone.”

 

“You’re not alone.” He tried to offer a reassuring smile. “Katara came out looking for you before I did.”

 

To that, she was silent. She only spoke up again to mumble, “it hurts, Teo.” Her hand fell over her chest. She clutched it until little halfmoons were left by her nails.

 

“Physically or mentally?”

 

“Both…” Her already soft voice was growing weaker still. He could see that she was shuddering all over. Her hand was twitchy in his own—from stress and fear or the pills tainting her system, he couldn’t tell. “Teo…I…I…” she trailed off. He held his breath as she fought to vocalize whatever was on her mind. “I changed my mind.” She let another span of silence draw out. “I don’t want to die.” He gripped her hand tighter. “I just want it to stop…”

 

“Me too.” He muttered. “I think we can all use a break.” He wanted to slap himself. She was breaking in front of him and he made things about himself, he made a pathetic attempt to save, “but you could use one the most, though!”

No wonder no one talked to him. He had such a way with words.

 

He heard a scuffling behind him and turned to see who it was. “Katara’s here.” He beckoned her into Azula’s line of sight.

 

She gave a reluctant wave and to Teo she muttered something about an ambulance in route. He hoped that it would hurry because her shaking was becoming more violent. Violent to the point where she was jerking. Violent to the point where Katara moved him out of the way and lowered Azula’s seat back, doing her best to keep the girl from hitting her head on anything.

 

He felt sick to his stomach. What if, when the seizure came to pass, it decided to take her with it?

 

**.oOo.**

 

They made him go back to class as they loaded her into the ambulance. Barely breathing, yet still trying to whisper something that sounded like an apology. He didn’t know her all to well, but he let Katara hug him for a time as they watched. He wished that principal Roku hadn’t shooed them both inside. Class was the last place he wanted to be, but Roku and a well-meaning Yangchen were rather adamant about using their studies to take their minds off of something that was, from that point, beyond their control.

 

But it was all that was on his mind. How it wasn’t fair, she had changed her mind…

 

The thoughts followed him until the final bell rang and he was wheeling himself to the spot where his father usually met him. He spotted Chan a little ways down the hall and his blood boiled. For the second time that day, Katara appeared behind him. “He…” she nodded her head in Chan’s direction. “Shouldn’t even be here. He should be in a holding cell with my brother…it’s not right.”

 

“What happened to your brother.”

 

She was quiet for a long time. “He…I don’t really want to talk about the details.”

 

“That’s fine.” Teo replied.

 

“Jet is in the hospital because of my brother and Chan. Chan did most of the work but…” she trailed off. “Jet is a minor and Sokka isn’t. They didn’t catch Chan in the act and neither did TyLee’s camera. So he’s going to get away unpunished—like he always does—but Sokka is going to get locked up and it’s all my fault.”

 

“How is it your fault!?” Teo threw his hands up. He didn’t know how much more bad news he could take. “I’ve seen what Jet posted about you.”

 

“Apparently I have to wait until the court date to talk about that. Hopefully the judge will understand why Sokka did what he did…” She trailed off again. “Honestly, I’m so confused.”

 

“You must be if you’re talking to me and not TyLee or Suki.”

 

“I’m mad at Suki and I’ve already talked to TyLee. I guess I wanted to talk to you because, I could use another friend.”

 

“You and Azula both.” Teo muttered. “What are you confused about?”

 

“I guess it’s more like conflicted. I’m so angry that Chan didn’t take any blame. But he. He saved me. Even if he didn’t do it for me, he still saved me. But he let Sokka take all of the blame.”

 

“This school is such a disaster.” Teo said, glumly. “It was never like this at my old school.”

 

“I wish I never met Jet.”

 

“Tell me about it.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Rough day, bud?”  His father inquired.

 

“My friend…my _girl_ friend is in the hospital.”

 

“What for?”

 

He didn’t want to say it because he knew that he could have stopped it, if only he had paid more attention. “There was a…uh…she was on medication and they didn’t mix well.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough day, bud.”

 

 _A rough day?_ That’s all his father had for him? When had their communication become so awful. A year ago, perhaps even a few months back, the man would have known all of the right and reassuring things to say. But he couldn’t bare a fight at that moment so he said instead, “I wish you could have met her.”

 

“I will meet her, Teo. When I call us both in sick and take you to visit her. Just get me the hospital name.”

  
Teo’s face brightened. There was the father who knew what to say. “Thanks dad, I’ll get the name.”

 

He tried to focus on that small ray of light as he lay in bed. He hoped that it would carry him to sleep. He had no such luck, laid awake for the better portion of the night, unable to get the images out of his mind. She reminded him of his mother. She was another body he found only half-alive in a car, behind the wheel and in pain. Another person he couldn’t help. It was burned into his brain, the image of her convulsing as Katara tried to keep her steady. The image of a soft froth seeping from between her lips as her unfocused eyes seemed to glaze over even further. The only thing that reassured him that she was still alive, was the frantic pace at which they hauled her off. He couldn’t imagine them rushing so fast for a corpse.

 

He picked up his phone and sent Azula a text wishing her well and asking her for the hospital name and room number. He sighed, he wasn’t sure that she had the energy or desire to reply, much less if she even had her phone on her.

 

Teo fought to make himself comfortable on the bed. He had just as little luck with that as he did with sleep. The buzz of his phone startled him. Startled and relived him all at once. He could sleep a little easier…he had a room number.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Despite a healthy flow of conversation from his father a decently steady stream of texts from Azula, being in the waiting room was agonizing. After some fifteen minutes, her texts stopped coming and he had to rely solely on his dad’s talk of his cliental and the interesting stories they brought. Finally, a nurse motioned for him to follow him. “She’s still drowsy, she falls asleep and wakes up in spurts.” The man informed him. “Don’t be surprised if she nods off while talking to you.” Teo nodded. The nurse gave the door two knocks before entering. “You have a visitor, Azula.”

 

“Can you wait outside for a bit, dad?”

 

He rubbed the back of his head. “Sure thing, bud. Just get me when you’re ready.”

 

He gave a thumbs up and entered the room.

 

She turned her head, “hi, Teo.” Her voice had a gravely hint to it.

 

It hurt him to see her looking so frail. Her skin was such a pale hue, her eyes rimmed with dark circles. The IV buried in her skin had him shuddering. The only thing that soothed him was the steady pulsation of the heart monitor.

 

“I hate hospitals.” Azula murmured. “Last time I was here…” She rested her hand atop her ribcage.

 

“Hospitals aren’t fun.” He agreed.

 

“They want me to see a therapist…”

 

He didn’t need to ask to know the answer, but it seemed like the most appropriate place to take the conversation. “What for, exactly?”

 

She lifted her hand, displaying her scabbed knuckles. “They said that my hands were swollen because I was dehydrated from. From…”

 

“From throwing up?”

 

She nodded.

 

He took her hand again, noting that the swelling had gone done some. “I take it that they fixed that for you.”

 

Azula nodded again. “They made me eat.”  Nothing in her tone indicated that she was pleased by this, she sounded rather distraught. “Something about electrolytes. But that’s what the IV is for, they didn’t have to make me eat so much.”

 

Teo sighed. “Have you considered that you’re in a hospital with people who know how much you need to eat to stay alive?” He didn’t mean to sound so condescending.

 

She is silent for a moment. “That’s not what I’m here for. I’m here because I took those pills.”

 

“Yes, and they found another problem that needs addressing.” He was wholly certain that the two problems were linked. “Do you at least feel better?”

 

“I feel like hell, Teo. My head hurts. My stomach hurts...everything just hurts.”

 

“It hasn’t even been a day. Of course, it’s going to hurt still.” He brushed some of her hair out of her face and then watched her shift about, trying to find a position that ailed her less. “I’m sure you’ll feel better soon.”

 

She shook her head. “I don’t want them to commit me. I’m not crazy. I don’t need to go there.”

 

“I know you’re not crazy. They’re just afraid that you’re going to hurt yourself again.”

 

“I won’t.” She insisted. He sensed sincerity. “I already told you, I changed my mind.”

 

“They didn’t hear you say that. And not eating counts as hurting yourself.” He paused. “You don’t want to talk about this, do you?”

 

“Not at all.”

 

He struggled to come up with something to talk about. Truth be told, he didn’t really know where her interests lay. He called himself her boyfriend but the only things he knew about her was that he cared about her and that she had a lot of baggage. He knew her personality, her history, and her status. But she spoke very little of the mundane aspects of herself. He didn’t know her favorite color nor her favorite song. He didn’t know what kinds of books she liked to read or if she liked to read at all. He only knew that she enjoyed volleyball but he didn’t know enough about that to engage her in a conversation. He almost laughed aloud because it was so obvious; now would be the perfect time to ask about those little things.

“What’s you’re favorite color?”

 

She furrowed her brows, “hm?”

 

“Your favorite color. Do you have one?”

 

“It’s blue.”

 

“Really?” He cocked his head. “I always thought it’d be red.”

 

She shook her head. “No.” She yawned. “It’s blue.” And she nestled her head against the pillow.

 

“I used to like green. But now I like purple because it reminds me of my mom.” He stated.

 

“Purple is a nice color. But blue is superior.”

 

He chuckled. “Okay. What about movies? What kind of movies do you watch?”

 

“I am a huge fan of chick flicks and sappy romance, can’t you tell?”

 

The deadpan snark is comforting. He would have missed it so much. He laughed again, this time a little louder. “Well gee, if I knew that, I would have taken you to see The Notebook on our first date.”

 

She smiled.

A pretty smile.

A weak smile.

With a weak laugh.

But it was a smile and a laugh, no less.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my computer crashed and I ended up having to borrow my moms computer so I had to rush this chapter a bit so I could finish it before she took her computer back. So apologies if this chapter isn’t as quality. 
> 
> I ended up having to post this via copy and paste from when I posted it on tumblr. I’m currently using an iPod so more apologies if the formatting is weird and if the italics have been removed.

  
It was all so overwhelming, really. TyLee felt almost as disoriented as she had during the party itself. Sure she had helped Katara but she couldn't help but feel as though what happened had been partially her responsibility. If she would have only found the courage to speak up about her own mishap. Then Jet might have been locked up before he even had the chance to start spreading his sabotaging rumors. She wished that she had told someone, anyone. At least one person. And Katara had almost paid the price for her cowardice. She took a deep breath, she had to think about it different, had to focus on what she had done right, lest she eat herself alive with guilt. She had yelled at Chan, she had recorded enough to prove a case.

She only wished that she had caught Chan wailing on Jet too. Take care of two school terrors in one graceful sweep. But she had stopped recording and hid her phone instead. It was becoming apparent that she wasn't much of a risk taker.

She sat quietly for a long while as the police filled out some paperwork. They let her hang onto her phone but she wasn't in the mood for texting. She didn't really have anyone to text. Mai had left her behind again, the girl was on a streak of doing so. Katara was busy in the hospital, probably still out cold. Sokka was in a holding cell, probably next to the one Jet would fill once he got the medical attention that he didn't deserve. And Suki, she didn't know her well enough to confide in her.

The door opened and she braced herself for a stream of uncomfortable questions. The man entered with a clipboard and a pen. He seated himself at the other end of the desk and laid his papers out. "Are you fine with answering some questions for me?"

TyLee nodded. Better to get things over with.

"From the beginning, can you describe the incident to the best of your ability tell me what happened last night."

TyLee thought for a moment. She just hoped that it wasn't too late. "Last night wasn't the beginning." She took a deep breath. "I'd like to report another incident."

The man inclined his head. "And what would that be?"

"Last year, I was…I was raped during a homecoming party, by the same guy from last night."

"And why didn't you report this?"

Her face crinkled unpleasantly. "I was scared."

The man nodded, "mmhm." The response of a skeptic. She wished that the police officer assigned to her was female. But he surprised her. "That will complicate things some, but if we can prove him guilty of the most recent assault we can probably get him for past crimes." He paused. "Did you, by chance, seek any medical attention after your assault?"

"Sort of." TyLee mumbled. "I bought a pregnancy test. I also went to have a check up, but I told the doctor that it was consensual." She wanted to cry, if anything she had set herself up to fail.

The man nodded. "I'll see to it that someone looks into that. It is my understanding that you have recorded evidence that will help us with the most recent case—and by extension, your own."

"I do." She replied.

"May I take a look?"

She handed him her phone.

"Sokka isn't in too much trouble, is he?"

"He is an adult who had beaten a minor."

"He was defending his sister!" She didn't mean to take her anger out on the man who seemed to be on her side.

"Yes, this case has a lot of layers and grey areas. Which is why I'm going to need a lot of help here. Is it okay if I pull you out of class, on Monday? Perhaps a few other days as well."

"That would be fine."

"For now, we will bring you in as a witness. After this case is settled, we can talk about bringing you to court as the plaintiff."

TyLee nodded, the offer was better than none at all. At least they would humor her.

.oOo.

Monday morning was drab and then hectic and then dull again. She drove herself to school, dwelling all too much on what she could have done. Homeroom with Kyoshi was a bore and did little to keep her mind from wandering. Wandering and replaying things that were mercifully fuzzy and then things that were so very painfully vivid. The sight of Katara laying topless and motionless haunted her almost more than the muddled sensory tidbits of her own assault. Time had taken at least some of the edge off of those memories. And an unhealthy dissociation from the event, did the rest. But the more she thought about Katara laying there, the easier it was to plaster her face and body onto the memory. She bit her lip and tried to focus on the autobiography assignment.

The assignment!

She had written all about the Halloween party in that notebook. For a moment she was thrilled, she had a paper copy of her account already written, and nearly right after everything had taken place. Her mind brightened again, because she recalled her diary. The diary she had been keeping since freshmen year. The diary she had written about her own case in.

She had dates.

Dates and times and details.

She almost wanted to throw her arms around Kyoshi for giving such a practical and useful assignment. Instead, when the bell rang, she settled for a cheerful thank you that aroused a befuddled expression and a very typically stiff Kyoshi-style you're welcome.

As promised, she was taken to the office in the middle of fourth hour for more questioning, with any luck, she'd be free to go by fifth hour lunch. She detailed, to the best of her ability, the events that unfolded on Halloween. She watched officer Yu-Ron jot her words down. On occasions he would glance at his watch until eventually he said, "it looks like I'm going to have to send you back to class now, expect to be back for more questioning on Wednesday." He paused. "Wednesday, we will wrap things up and if we need you for further investigation, we will call." He pulled out a business card of sorts. "And if you need to call us, feel free."

"I have something that could help you with your investigation. It's a diary and it has dates and stuff." TyLee informed. "I'll bring it with me on Wednesday."

Yu-Ron smiled. "Anything helps, you're making this much easier. From the sound of it, this case will go pretty smoothly."

At least on her end and Katara's. She imagined that Sokka wasn't out of the water and she felt awful for the man who should be back at his university.

She found her spot by the rest of her poms team. She was still getting used to their lively chatter and company. A struggle, but one that she needed to endure. She was tired of isolating herself. She hoped that some of their perkiness would rub off on her, help her get back to the old TyLee. With more intensity, she hoped that her dour attitude wouldn't have them pushing her out.

But they bore with her.

They reminded her that she was handling things like a champ until she was beaming from ear to ear. Once again, she found herself glad that she hadn't dropped the poms team altogether.

She did however, drop Mai.

During sixth hour she requested a seat change.

.oOo.

It was nice to not have to deal with police and a barrage of questions. She never thought that she would be so eager to see Zhao for math. Okay, so that might have been a stretch, somehow answering Yu-Ron's questions was easier than answering Zhao's. At least Yu-Ron didn't make her feel like an idiot for wrong or insufficient answers. Zhao had well and earned his reputation as Wan High's most hated teacher.

When the bell rang she kept an eye out for Katara, but the girl proved to be very elusive. She supposed that she didn't blame her for not stopping to talk to anyone. She probably didn't have the energy for it. Hell, TyLee was surprised to see her back in school so soon. But then, it had been easier for TyLee to keep herself busy, and if Wan High was good for anything, it would be that.

She texted Katara to see if she wanted a ride home. It relieved her to find that, in light of things, Katara's mother was able to get off of work early to pick her up from school. She texted back, 'well, if you need a ride to school, let me know.'

She slipped her phone back into her pocket and headed for the door. She had nearly exited the building when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

Just the person she didn't want to see. "Oh, hi Azula." She greeted dryly. The only solace was that she wasn't speaking to Mai—the very last person she wanted to see. Granted, Azula was only a hair above her on that list.

Azula was quiet for a long while. A long while that TyLee didn't have time for. But, by all means, she really did want to hear what the girl had to say. She made no comment, instead opting to ask a question. "Why didn't you tell me?"

It sent prickles of irritation in TyLee's belly. For the first time she considered that Azula had the self-awareness of a rock. "Because, you're you." She muttered. "I saw how you treated Katara and you were close to Jet. Why would you believe me? You didn't even answer your phone. You and Mai…you both left me."

"I thought that you were ignoring your texts." A real copout answer.

"You didn't think that something could be wrong!?" TyLee threw her hands up. "You've known me since we were kids and I always replied to your texts right away—because I knew you would get mad if I didn't, by the way." She paused. Feeling particularly spiteful, she asked, "wo, were you?"

"What?" Azula returned the question.

"Were you mad? That night. Were you mad that I didn't text you back right away? Is that why you just left with Mai? Well sorry, I was a little busy."

Confusion and confliction weren't emotions that Azula wore openly. So TyLee was surprised to see such a blunt expression of them. "I don't think that I was mad. I just knew that Mai needed a ride home and that her mother would have a meltdown if I didn't get her home."

TyLee didn't know how to react to it. There was something wrong about the display. At first she thought that it was because Azula was trying to toy with her again. Trying to lie through her teeth. So she just stared at the other girl. Stared until is started to settle that something was off, because the explanation seemed so sincere.

"I wouldn't have talked to him if you would have said something. I wish that you would have said something…"

And she is vexed all over again. Was Azula blaming her? Was she that socially inept? "I wish that you didn't make me feel like I couldn't." She replied with a venom.

"I also wish that I didn't." Her response was so quiet that it threw TyLee off all over again. There was another drawn out window of silence that almost left TyLee feeling bad for having snapped at her former friend. She could swear that she saw Azula crumbling right before her. Something about the way her eyes dulled. She muttered something and made a retreat.

TyLee sighed. There was something about her that looked so broken. So defeated. And perhaps that is what coaxed her to rush to the girl's car and give the window a few knocks. She was half-surprised to hear the door unlock. She slipped into the car. Somehow it felt like home, she had been in it so much. It still smelled like Azula. Like extravagant perfume and a tinge of incense. It put an ache in her belly to think that she hadn't been in this car since that stupid party. It had to have been at least a year and she wondered if Azula was getting lonely. It was hard to imagine someone like Azula getting lonely.

Perhaps one day they could take a drive together, like old times.

Hell, it almost made her want to reconcile with Mai.

Lost in nostalgia, she almost didn't catch Azula softly admit, "I don't want you to be mad at me."

"I don't want to be mad at you…" TyLee agreed. Maybe she was being a little too hard on her ex-friend. No, not ex, she decided to herself. "I. It's not your fault, you didn't know. If it makes you feel better, I was mad at Mai too for a while." What was she saying, she was still mad at Mai. Still furious? At least Azula was putting in some effort here. She couldn't say the same for Mai. But then, she didn't really know Mai to put much effort nor passion into anything that wasn't fighting with Zuko. "It's Jet's fault. All of this is Jet's fault. I blamed Chan too, but he was just the host."

She hoped that, that at least took a little sting off of Azula. One that she had probably created in the first place. She was putting a lot on Azula.

She was putting a lot on herself.

She almost cracked a smile, who knew that talking to Azula would help her realize that she wasn't to blame at all for her own struggling. She was a victim, there were things that she could have done differently, but fear could take away logic. What matters was that she was able to save someone else. Maybe they wouldn't get Jet for what he did to her. But in getting him locked up for Katara, she could have some resolve regardless.

The last of her resentment towards the girl sitting next to her melted away.

There is one thing that she still had to confess. "I think that, that's what Jet wanted. He wanted me to blame you guys because…" That was the one remaining thing that she wished that she hadn't done. "Because that way, I had no one to talk to. The worst part is, it worked. I was so alone…"

"And then…"

TyLee rubbed her eyes and let her smile spread in full. "I found Katara."

"You saved her?"

TyLee couldn't tell if it was a question or a statement so she replied, "I guess you can say that."

She noticed that Azula was smiling. A very soft, somewhat melancholy smile. But it was there no less. "That counts for something, right? At least you didn't let it happen to someone else." She paused. "From the sound of it you were pretty fierce, glad I was able to teach you something."

TyLee had to laugh, it was the kind of ending statement that only Azula would make. She didn't just realize how much she missed the girl and her underlying social-awkwardness. "I guess so."

"Do you need a ride home?" Azula asked.

The offer delighted her. It was the offer she was kind of hoping for and she was ready to take her up on it. Her elated mood dropped at the realization that the school would have her car towed or ticketed if she just left it in the lot. "I would take your offer, but I kinda can't just leave my car here over night." She didn't want to offend Azula or give her the wrong idea so she quickly added, "but, uh, maybe you can come by tomorrow…if the police to pull me in for more questioning again."

Azula nodded, looking wholly withdrawn and she knew that the girl had taken it the wrong way. She wondered if she should let Azula take her home and then get someone else to drive her back to pick up her car. Ultimately, she decided to make a promise to herself to get a ride to school and let Azula take her home tomorrow.

.oOo.

She was eager to hear how things had gone for Katara. Late in the night, the girl had texted her with a promise to tell her about how the investigation was going. She was itching for an update about Sokka too, supposedly he had gone in for questioning right after her on Monday. Hopefully, Katara had some good news.

She had the mercy of escaping fourth hour math again. She held her diary close to her chest. As petty as it was, she almost didn't want to hand it over for fear that she wouldn't get it back. Maybe she should just tear the useful pages out of it and hand those over, that way she wouldn't have to give up her precious and happy memories.

Much of what they talked over was a rehash of the same questions, likely to make sure that her story didn't change. Yu-Ron then inquired more about Sokka and what she had witnessed. She had to affirm that she had indeed saw him slamming his fist into Jet's face and then kicking him a few times. But she reiterated that Chan had actually done most of the work.

To be frank, she was afraid of Chan. The man had an eruptive temper. The temper that only Azula could really control. She didn't know how Azula managed to keep him in check, but then, Azula in her own way was an imposing girl.

The last half hour, which ended up bleeding into her lunch period, was spent discussing a little further, what happened to her at the homecoming party. At which time she had torn the pages from her diary and handed them over. She also turned over a printed copy of her first draft of Kyoshi's autobiography assignment.

Yu-Ron stood and shook her hand. "Thank you, TyLee. You have been very helpful. Between you and Katara, I think that we have a very sturdy case. Believe it or not Chan has helped too."

"You questioned him?"

"I am not allowed to say much, but we had talked to him briefly on the night of the incident."

TyLee nodded, she almost regretted asking, now her curiosity was piqued and it wouldn't be satisfied. She stepped out of the adjoining room and back into the principal's office. She only had the chance to her hand on the doorknob when Bumi stopped her.

"We're under lockdown."

"Lockdown!?" She jolted. "Shouldn't we be hiding."

Bumi shook his head. "Soft lockdown."

So a drug bust, she thought to herself. She looked into the parking lot to see flashing red and blue. A line of police cars and ambulances and even one firetruck. "What's going on?"

"We have a student who needs hospitalization." It was then that she realized that Bumi wasn't being his kooky self.

"Are they okay?"

"It doesn't sound too good." Bumi mumbled and she knew that, that was all she would be getting out of him. Granted news would probably travel around the school pretty quickly.

TyLee glanced out the window just in time to see a gurney being hoisted into the ambulance. Some part of her shuddered.

.oOo.

She found Katara after class. Katara who somehow managed to look more teary eyed and distraught than usual.

"Are you okay, Katara?"

"I…" Katara trailed off. "Too much is happening at once." Her voice cracked.

TyLee tilted her head. "What's going on?"

"She killed herself, Ty." Katara's voice hitched. And with the hiccup in her voice, she was crying.

"Who?" TyLee asked. An awful knot welled up in her belly. She knew what she was going to hear before she actually did.

"Azula."

"How do you know!?"

"Teo and I found her." She replied quietly. "I…she talked to me before…"

"She talked to me too." TyLee replied quietly. Now she had another regret. Another thing she wished that she had done. She should have left her car in the lot and drove home with Azula. "I was going to drive home with her today…" It was hard to speak with tears flowing so freely. "Is she really gone?"

Katara hugged her. "I'm not sure. It sounded like it, but I don't know. They wouldn't tell me anything."

"I was going to drive home with her, Katara. We were going to go to my house and I was going to show her my new hamster and we were going to catch up…" Azula didn't know that, but that's what they would have done. She wanted to surprise her. She even had a little make-up gift. "We were going to be friends again…"

.oOo.

TyLee hugged her pillow close. She was thankful to have Katara. The woman and her mother were so comforting and friendly, and she was lucky that they were so willing to drop her off at home. But her heart ached for Azula. She hugged her pillow even closer. Azula, who she still didn't have news of. It seemed that Katara had none either and she didn't know Teo's number. She'd only ever met him in passing. Despite it all, she texted Azula, trying not to think that she might be texting a dead girl. She thought that it was her turn to ask, 'why didn't you tell me?' Instead she typed, 'I wanted to surprise you today, because you looked so upset yesterday.' She didn't know where she was going with that so she went to backspace it. Instead her trembling fingers hit send. Adds a simple, 'I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend.'

She curled up on her bed and falls to another round of sobs. It was too much, Katara was right. Too much was happening at once.

She woke to the sound of her phone buzzing.

She looked wearily at the screen and the queasiness in her stomach cleared.

'Can you move your surprise to the hospital?' The dots appeared again.

'You weren't a bad friend…'


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my computer is still having issues. It basically nuked itself and so I lost a good portion of my outline for this fic and the entire document that helped me keep track of certain details (such as what professor taught which classes) and what event happened when. Basically I'm going in somewhat blind now. Like I'm relying solely on memory and mine isn't the best. So advanced apologies for any continuity errors, because I lost the documents that helped me prevent those. :/

Katara woke up feeling groggy and weak. She couldn't seem to recall how she had made it into her bed. She was at a party, wasn’t she? She was mad at Sokka, she faintly recalled. She tried to sit up, a wave of dizziness overwhelmed her. It occurred to her that she wasn’t in her bed at all. Everything was white from the walls to the bedspread to the gown she was wearing.

 

The gown!

She was in a hospital gown.

 

She closed her eyes, trying to recollect how she had gotten there. She remembered the party. She remembered the irritation. She remembered calling out to Aang and hanging out with TyLee. But it was all so distant. 

 

She looked around the room for anyone who could help explain things to her. Finding no one, she reached for her phone. She checked her texts, all of them were panicked and desperate. Most of them had been sent to Sokka and Suki and then a few to Aang and one to TyLee. 

 

She lifted a hand to her head, it hurt so badly. She wished that she knew how long she had been out for. Scrolling through the messages a picture began painting itself in her head, growing in clarity with each message. Jet had been following her the whole time and at some point she had begun to feel faint. 

The rest was a black spot in her mind. 

A black spot she could easily fill. 

He had done it, he had gotten her. 

 

She didn’t need the memories to push her to tears, the implication was enough. With trembling hands she checked to see if her social media pages had been tampered with, she could see Jet toying with those. But her accounts hadn’t been touched. So she looked at her photo collection. 

A decision she grew to regret with a great depth.  

 

He had used her camera very generously. It was hard to conceptualize what she was seeing. Hard to believe that she was really seeing pictures of her own body strewn out with her shirt pulled up to reveal her bra and a skirt that was pulled just unsettlingly lower. 

He had posed her. 

He had taken the time to capture her in many different angles. 

 

She didn’t want to know anymore so she set the phone aside and wept. He had done it, he’d gotten her. She was soiled and violated. She gasped out another sob. Why had she gone to that stupid party. She had known that it was a dreadful idea. How could she have let Sokka talk her into it? Why had he tried to do so in the first place?

How could he and Suki have just left her alone when they knew…

 

She didn’t understand and it was destroying her. 

He hadn’t meant her any harm, but lord did he tarnish his reputation as the smart, role model older brother. 

 

It occurred to her that he wasn’t even there.

She needed him so badly and he wasn’t even there.

 

She wanted to send him a text but the thought of unlocking her phone to see herself so exposed…

She couldn’t stomach the thought of it, let alone actually doing it. She’d have to ask someone else to go through and delete them. But, until she talked to the police, they’d have to remain on her phone. 

 

She curled herself into a ball and sobbed harder. 

 

There was a knock on her door and she heard someone speak. The words never quite computed. She didn’t want company that much. But she found it anyways in the form of Aang and Toph. 

 

For a moment she could forget. “Toph!” She threw her arms around the girl. “Where have you been?”

 

“Well, I can’t exactly go to school.” Toph muttered. “I guess that’s okay though, because Wan High is basically a mental institution disguised as a high school and from what I’ve heard it’s been nothing but a mess.” 

 

Toph wormed her way out of the embrace and Katara caught sight of her eyes. They had a foggy film over them. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“So it was pretty crazy, right? I was in my room and suddenly I see this bright beam of light. Next thing I know, I’m lying on a surgical table and these aliens are looming over me. They told me that they were going to give me night vision. I didn’t realize that they meant that I’d only see darkness like it’s always night time.” 

 

Katara sighed, but she was happy to let the tall tale take her away from a brutal reality.

 

“Anyways, because aliens do unethical things, I am now blind so I’ve been in and out of the hospital a lot. It doesn’t leave much time for school. Actually, I requested the room next to you.”

 

“Will you be able to see again?”

 

Toph’s face fell some. “They’re trying, but they’re also starting to suggest some school that work with blind kids. I’m learning to read braille and I might be getting a dog!” 

 

“A dog?”

 

“I helped her pick him.” Aang remarked. “His name is Appa! He’s really big and I think that he’d be a good match for Toph.”

 

“I have a feeling that he wasn’t describing any of the other dogs very accurately. But I can’t see for myself, so I have to take Twinkle Toes’ word for it.”

 

“That sounds really exciting Toph! The dog part, I mean. You said you wanted a dog, right?”

 

Toph nodded, “I guess that’s one good thing.”

 

The door opened a second time. Katara expected to see Sokka and Suki standing in the doorway, mirror images of concern. Instead her parents walk in. Her mother’s eyes looked as swollen and red as her own. She hugged her tightly. “Oh God.” She whispered to no one in particular. “I knew that I shouldn’t have let you go to that party! You’re brother, he’s so irresponsible.” She was rubbing her head, looking wholly exhausted. She reminded Katara so much of herself. 

 

“Mom, where is Sokka?”

 

“Your brother got himself arrested.” Hakoda replied. She couldn’t assess anything from his tone. 

 

“F-for what?” Katara half-whispered. 

 

“For beating up an underage boy.”

 

“That wasn’t a boy, that was a monster.” Kya grumbled. 

 

“As far as the law sees, he’s an underage boy.” Hakoda replied firmly. 

 

And Katara was teary eyed all over again. “This is all my fault.”

 

“Oh no. No, no, don’t say that honey.” Her mother’s arms were around her again, this time even tighter. 

 

“But he was defending me.” 

 

“And that’s what you’re going to tell the police when they take you in for questioning.” Hakoda replied. 

 

“I can’t! Not today.” Katara winced. 

 

“No, not today, they’re going to give you some time.” Kya replied.

 

“But the sooner, the better.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

Sunday was a dream in comparison to the mishap that was Monday. Sunday she got to see Aang and finally got to hear from Toph--good news no less! They hadn’t left her side until their respective families had ushered them home. 

Monday showed her no friendly faces. She was faced with a few final tests, mostly concerning what affects the drugs had on her and then she was ushered away for the questioning that had been promised. 

 

The officer, who introduced himself to her as officer Yu-Ron opened up their session with an offering of coffee. To which she shook her head, she wasn’t a big fan of the stuff. That had always been Suki’s thing. She watched him set the cup aside. “Shall we get right into this then?” 

 

Katara nodded, she supposed that it was better to get things over with. The sooner she did, the sooner she could work to put it out of her mind entirely. 

 

“Your friend, TyLee Boyang, she had given me a video of the incident. Do you have any evidence of your own. The video alone is very sturdy, but every bit helps.” 

 

Katara nodded and handed him her phone. “Please delete them after you send them to yourself, I don’t want to have to look at them again.”

 

He nodded. “Understandable.” He took the phone from her. “Would you mind telling me what you remember of Halloween night?”

 

“A lot of it is really...fuzzy.” Katara replied. “I think he, Jet, drugged me. I saw him watching me throughout the whole party. Everytime I looked he was there. And then one time I looked, and he wasn’t. And that scared me. After that I started feeling, I don’t know...weird. Or maybe it was a little before that, I really can’t remember.”

 

“The hospital did find traces of Rohypnol in your system. That would account for the blackout and the memory loss.” 

 

Katara found an ounce of comfort in that Yu-Ron seemed to think things were all adding up. At the very least, her story sounded as real as it was.

 

“I’m going to ask a favor of you. You do not have to do this if you don’t want to.” 

 

Her tummy knotted. 

 

“Are you willing to watch the video handed to me by Ms. Boyang?”

 

Katara swallowed. “If it will help get Jet locked up, I-I guess I can.”

 

“Very well. If you would like to stop at any time, let me know and you don’t have to finish watching it.” 

 

Katara clutched the edge of her chair as he began playing the video. The voice that came through was muffled by static and fuzz, she couldn’t make out what he was saying but his intentions were clear enough. She watched him climb atop her. She could feel herself growing almost numb. The video played on and she watched him tug her shirt off. Somehow it was like watching a movie, it was too surreal. That couldn’t possibly have been her. She swallowed as a tear slipped down her cheek.

 

“Do you want me to turn it off?” 

 

But the video was almost done, so she let the entire clip roll.

 

“He got me.” She spoke quietly. “He got what he wanted...he…”

 

“He didn’t get as far as you think. If it is any comfort, your brother got to him before he could do anything but take your shirt off.”

 

A weight lifted off of her chest and a lightness settled in. “He didn’t...uh...he didn’t you know…?” 

 

Yu-Ron smiled reassuringly. “No, not quite. But this is still enough to get the boy locked up for a while.” 

 

“What about my brother? He was just trying to help me.” 

 

“I am aware.” Yu-Ron nodded. “We are building a case for that. Ms. Boyang mentioned that a Mr. Chan Haga was present too and that he did a good number on Mr. Akunin.”

 

It took her a moment to recall that Jet’s last name was Akunin. He had always been Jet to her. 

 

“So you can get Sokka out of jail?”

 

“I can very well try.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

She still wasn’t up for school the next morning. She wasn’t up for seeing Suki at lunch. Suki who didn’t even bother visiting her at the hospital. She tried to give a little leeway; the father of her baby was in jail. She had to visit him. But, surely, she could have sent a text. 

No, Suki was completely silent.

 

She knew Suki well enough to gauge that the girl knew that Katara was already mad at her. She knew Suki well enough to know that she was trying to give her some space. But this wasn’t a ‘give space’ kind of situation. This was a confrontation kind of situation. No, it was a situation where she very well would have let Suki’s mistake slid, so long as she lent her support. 

 

As well as Suki meant, she was only digging herself in deeper. 

 

As much as she longed for someone to talk to and confide in, she wanted to be angry at Suki. At the perfect person to seek comfort in. But Katara had self-respect. She wasn’t crawling back to Suki without an apology for abandoning her twice over when she needed her the most.

 

It looked like she would be powering through school alone. 

Again. 

 

It chilled her through and through as she dizzily packed her supplies. It didn’t feel right heading off to school as though it were another normal day. It didn’t feel right at all it was jarring and disorienting and she had a feeling her mom would have to listen to her weep the whole way to school. 

She knew that, for the first time in their relationship, Kya did not know how to console her. 

She didn’t know how to console herself.

 

She wished she could text Toph. She ended up settling on Aang. It was a shame that those two were not in her lunch hour. She wondered if she would be sitting alone and that doubled her rate of tear fall. God, she was an emotional wreck. 

 

She felt like something half-alive dragging herself to class. She heard the late bell and braced herself for a jolly good time with June. But even she seemed to take pity on Katara’s soul, letting her pass by without a word. She dropped into her seat.

She refused to look up from her paper, it had been an outrage enough to see Chan sitting in the seat behind her unfilled one while Sokka was in jail. She had looked up only once, to catch sight of a very bedraggled Azula. Her hair obscured much of her face, but Katara could swear that she saw some bruising. She ran her fingers through her own decently messy, and dreadfully unwashed hair, she had to be imagining things. 

 

The bell rang and she hustled out before Chan or Chu-Leng could catch her.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She slid into her usual lunch seat, dreading the moment when Suki would plop down next to her and pretend like nothing was wrong. Just when she was beginning to think that Suki wasn’t going to show up, she heard a lunch tray clamor on the table.

 

Katara made a point of not looking up. 

 

“Hey, Kat.” Suki greeted.

 

Katara put an extra effort into enjoying her lunch meat. 

 

“I’m gonna sit down, okay?”

She dug around in her lunchbox and fished out a star shaped sandwich and a note from her mother. If she read that, then she wouldn’t have to think about the girl who sat down next to her.

 

“Are you doing okay?”

 

Her mother’s note was longer than usual, reminding her that she was brave and strong and that she would get through this one. That the whole family would and that they would come out stronger still. Of course she sprinkled in more mundane commentary about having a nice day at school. She folded the note up and slipped it back into her pocket. Her elbow brushed against Suki. “I wish you stuck this close to me at the party.”

 

An audible glup let Katara know that Suki was well aware that she was in deep.

 

Katara almost caved. 

 

“I didn’t mean to…”

 

“You knew that I needed your help. The  _ only  _ reason I came to that party was to hang out with you and Sokka!” She snapped. “I was wondering why you didn’t just want to hang out at home instead. It’s harder to sneak away from your friend to have sex when it’s just the three of you.”  So maybe it wasn’t the only reason, Aang was a pretty good part of it, but that wouldn’t help guilt Suki. 

 

Suki’s head dipped. “I know, it was stupid.” 

 

“Stupid, yeah. Funny how I got to pay the price for your stupidity this time around.” Katara flinched, she didn’t know where any of that had come from. She had never been this angry before. Not with a friend. She had never said anything like that to a friend before. She knew that she should apologize. 

 

Instead she let an oppressive awkward silence befall them.

One that filled the entirety of the lunch hour.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Her second day back at school was no charmer either. June still didn’t interrogate her for her tardiness, but that didn’t alleviate the red that Chan’s presence put in her vision. His voice roused her temper more, even if his insults weren’t aimed at her.

 

"That's true, it's a gift that keeps on giving. Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen anyone eat like that! I don't know how you can eat so much at once." 

 

She couldn’t say why it bothered her so much to hear him say those words, really, Azula would have laughed if he were saying something like that to her. But still, his laughter drove her nearly mad. Perhaps it was because she could imagine him laughing like that knowing that Sokka was being punished for a crime he had a hand in. Katara lingered in the doorway as he added "There's something wrong with you."

 

She could see that Azula had murmured something back as she seated herself. 

 

"Careful, you're going to break it!" Chan remarked, earning himself a high five. Azula mumbled something else and the laughter died away. Maybe it was finally occuring to him that he was an awful excuse of a boy. Katara took her own seat, rubbing at eyes that were so red they might as well be bleeding. She really needed to stop crying. But, lord, was it hard not to. Frankly, she just longged to go home. 

 

She glanced at Azula.

Perhaps she should say something. Despite it all, she was beginning to feel awful for her. The stage of Azula so closely resembled her own, she couldn’t possibly be doing well. She almost did, but she lost her nerve. She didn’t want to risk one more bad thing. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

She resigned herself to another lonely lunch. One that would leave her mind wandering. Aang was too much of a teacher’s pet to text in class, not that she wasn’t right there with him on that, but she really could use the conversation.  Toph couldn’t text and TyLee had just sent a text asking for luck with another round of questions with Yu-Ron. The poor girl must be exhausted. Katara knew that she was. The in depth interrogation she was subjected to after school yesterday had been an unpleasant surprise. But, apparently, their talk with Jet led them to question her again. 

With Suki sitting at the other end of the table the questions repeated in her mind. She couldn’t even count on her fingers the number of ways they had phrased the same questions. She had an even slimmer ability to count how many different officers and lawyers she was introduced to. It was so completely overwhelming.

She practically begged the universe to slap her with some sort of distraction. 

 

And a cruel genie the universe was. 

 

"I heard about the party."   
  
"Heard about it?” Katara couldn’t keep the spite out of her voice. “You were there."   
  
"I left early…"   
  
Just like that, empathy hit her all over again. She recalled Chan’s remarks, she could see it in Azula’s posture, that they were getting to her. So she tried to sound less cold. "Right." A complete failure.    
  
"If it's any solace, he tried feeling me up." Katara didn’t know how to respond so she just let Azula continue. “I was just laying there."

 

She found herself twice as empathetic. But at the same time she couldn’t help but be a tad jealous. "I wish that, that was all he did to me."   
  
"He didn't actually…?"   
  
"No, TyLee stopped him." She really didn’t want to talk about this. Especially not with Azula. The girl who had probably the second biggest hand in spreading around the whore rumors.   
  
She caught Azula nod. "TyLee can fight when it matters."   
  
Katara smirked to herself at the opportunity, Azula had just granted her."Unlike some people." She uttered it just loud enough to coxa a reaction from Suki. She hated the involuntary stab of guilt that came with having said it, so she engages Azula some more.  "Why do you care?"   
  
"I don't think that you're a slut."   
  
The confession made her want to weep. Out of joy, relief, or something else, she couldn’t quite grasp. But she had to know. She needed an answer to a question that had been on her mind for so long. "Then why did you say it? Over and over again." Really, that one ought to be good.”    
  
"I don't know." Azula was speaking much too quietly, it sparked something in Katara. Maybe she should let up a little, the other girl was already having a hard time. But that small voice within reminded her that Azula wouldn’t have cared. A year back she probably would have still been harassing her even knowing her predicament.  "I guess I'm just a bad person." Azula finished.   
  
Katara's sighed, how was it that Azula was making it this hard to stay angry with her? Maybe it was simply Katara herself, who was being too forgiving for her own good. Regardless she replied, "you're not a bad person…" She didn’t know if she believed her own words, but she supposed that if Azula was taking the time to give her own version of an apology it had to count for something. She sighed again, she supposed that after everything, it would be hard for the other girl to  _ not  _ change.    
  
Before she could address the matter further, Azula diverted the conversation. “I liked your costume, it suited you."   
  
To be honest, it was a refreshing subject, one that led her to think about lighter aspects of her life. "thanks, my mom made if for me." A dash of dread crept in. Her costume was just about as kiddish as her silly mermaid backpack. And the fact that her mother had made it for her? 

 

She waited for the mockery. "Is she a seamstress or something?” The question was innocent enough.   
  
She shook her head, "no, but Gram Gram was. Sewing is just a hobby." If only she had sewn the threads a little tighter. Maybe added some more straps...   
  
Mercifully, Azula cut into her thoughts. "That's one hell of a hobby."   
  
"Yeah! It's fun too, sometimes we do some sewing together.” Her gratitude for the interruption comes in the form of a more joyful tone. She hoped that maybe it would comfort Azula some to know that she was cheering Katara up at least a little.  “and mom teaches me about different traditional patterns!"   
  
Azula’s own expression seemed to turn, something that looked like it could be relief. Maybe acceptance. There was nothing vicious behind it, but something was intangibly unsettling Katara about it. The sudden shift wasn’t boarding well with her. But she couldn’t say why so instead she carried on the conversation.   
"Have you ever done any sewing before?"   
  
Azula shook her head. She was being much too meek. Much too soft-spoken. She considered that Azula could use something to look forward to. "Maybe, if you want, I can show you how. I could use a distraction." She was almost certain that Azula could take her mind away from Jet.   
  
But her reply wasn’t as enthusiastic as Katara had anticipated. "Maybe…"   
  
"Uh…yeah…" Katara trailed off. That was kind of a conversation ender. Had the idea really been that unappealing.    
  
"I am going to talk to Teo."   
  
"Oh, yeah, okay." Katara replied. Something needed addressing but she couldn’t place it. She was torn between asking Azula if she wanted to bring Teo to her table and asking her just what had compelled her to start a conversation anyways. Had this been something she’d planned for awhile and finally had the guts or the motivation to do so?

She didn’t realize that she had actually really hoped for Azula to say yes, until the girl had walk away.

 

The ominous feeling stuck with her. She chewed her sandwich, this one in the shape of a heart. She had trouble swallowing it, her stomach was doing flip flops. There was something so wrong. She took out her mom’s note. ‘Be strong today. Lots of love. Make me proud.’ It was just the sort of simple thing her mom would say. 

 

She watched Azula walk out of the cafeteria.

_ Lots of love. _

Azula didn’t seem to get much of that. 

 

She drummed her fingers on the table nervously. She wanted to follow Azula out, but the thought of hall monitors made her skin crawl. She didn’t want to make more trouble for herself. 

 

She clutched her mother’s note.

_ Make me proud. _

She stood up.

 

TyLee had saved her, it was her turn to save someone else. Even if it got her in trouble. Even if Azula wasn’t in any danger at all. She supposed she’d rather look like a paranoid fool then…

Then what? What did she think was going to happen?

In the back of her mind she knew exactly what she was fretting. 

 

She checked the bathroom first, it was empty. 

 

Her next thought was to go to the parking lot. She racked her brain for the image of Azula’s car. It had been a while since the girl had pulled up to give her a ride. She supposed that she would know that car if she saw it.

She scanned the lot, trying to keep her fear from rising. She couldn’t afford to be frantic, lest she overlook the car. At last she spotted it. But she froze up. What if her presence just made things worse. What if Azula didn’t want to see her. 

 

The panic was settling it, she didn’t know how to handle this one. She heard a ruckus and caught sight of Teo. He came to a stop and locked eyes with her. She pointed to the car and watched him wheel to it. She would let him keep Azula company, that was probably the safest route. Her job was to go back inside and get help. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

She watched them load them load Azula into the ambulance. Her body was so pale, she didn’t think that Azula had made it. She didn’t know anyone living who had skin that shade. 

Her arms were achy from trying to keep Azula from hurting herself further during her spasming. 

 

Katara felt so defeated. She let herself become a victim and she had let Azula die. She should have talked to her sooner. She should have let her spite go when she heard Chan making his ridiculous jokes. She wondered it it would have made a difference if she would have told Azula that Chan was wrong. If she would have told her that she was still a pretty girl. The sort Katara envied. But then, who knew how long Azula had been planning this one.  

 

She looked at her mother’s note. “I tried, mom. I really, really tried.” 

 

She wasn’t much up for physical contact, but she thought that Teo could use a hug. He was much closer to Azula, this was probably tearing him apart. Principal Roku, ever so stern, broke up the embrace and motioned them back to class.

 

For awhile they lingered in the hall and she vented to him about Sokka, about her case, and about how everything was just such a general mess."This school is such a disaster.” As Teo had noted.

 

"It was never like this at my old school." 

 

She wished that she had begun talking to him earlier on.  "I wish I never met Jet." She concluded.

  
"Tell me about it." He replied, making her yearn even more for a time machine. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

The rest of the day dragged by agonizingly slow. She thought about what she was going to tell her mother. Honesetly, she was at her wits end. How much misery could cling to and surround one person. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve this. Save for making one mistake, one simple mistake. Save for being too trusting.

 

She shut her locker and looked to the one next to hers. Azula’s locker was a mess of printouts and what looked like soda. She picked up one of the sheets and cringed. An Usha trademark that reminded her of Halloween all over again. 

She is filled with regret all over again for not trying to help Azula sooner. For letting her spite get the best of her. She groaned to herself, maybe she ought to learn from this one. She whipped out her phone and asked Suki if she wanted to drop by her house in an hour or so.    
  
"Are you okay, Katara?"   
  
Katara jumped. When she turned around to see TyLee she replied. "I…too much is happening at once." Her voice was growing all weak.   
  
"What's going on?"   
  
It was hard for her to choke the words out. But finally she got the there. “She killed herself, Ty." And her tears flow, unchecked. It settled in, in full that she could have saved Azula but didn’t because she choose to harbor anger instead. It was just the kind of thing her mother didn’t like her to do.

 

  
"Who?" 

  
"Azula."   
  
"How do you know!?" TyLee cries.    
  
"Teo and I found her." She answered miserably. "I…she talked to me before…" She should have seen it sooner. She really should have. Azula had made it pretty plan a number of times. At the very least, her distress had been obvious.    
  
"She talked to me too." TyLee replied softly.  She too had some tears to shed. "I was going to drive home with her today…" Her hiccuping matched Katara’s own.  "Is she really gone?"   
  
Katara wrapped her arms around her.  "I'm not sure.” She paused, she really hoped that she was wrong. “It sounded like it, but I don't know. They wouldn't tell me anything." She really didn’t understand why they were keeping her in the dark. She was one of the people who had found Azula!   
  
As if things couldn’t be any more miserable, TyLee noted, "I was going to drive home with her, Katara. We were going to go to my house and I was going to show her my new hamster and we were going to catch up…" Apparently, Katara wasn’t the only one with a heap of ‘if only’s’.  "We were going to be friends again…"

 

She somehow knew the feeling, she thought that she might have been ready to give Azula a chance. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Suki was snoring on the sofa close to her. On a normal day, sleepovers weren’t allowed on school days. But her mother didn’t put up a fight when Suki asked if they could have the extra time to talk things over. Kya had agreed, under the guise that Katara could use the company. 

 

If she were being honest, even with the hours of chatter and discussion, Suki still didn’t give her a satisfactory answer as to why she thought it was a good idea to have her alone time with Sokka. Eventually Katara resigned to accepting, “okay, it was a horrible idea, I was just tipsy and horny.”

A horrible excuse, but at least it was an honest answer. 

 

She was still furious but she didn’t want to leave Suki entirely alone to deal with her pregnancy concerns and the guilt. 

 

Afterall, guilt was eating Katara alive, she wouldn’t ever willfully impose that on someone else. So Suki slept on the sofa in her living room and she took the floor. A bowl of spilled popcorn littered the room for her mom to fuss over. 

 

The baby had Suki sound asleep and she was ready to turn the TV on to drown out mental images of her in only a bra and Azula on a stretcher. She feared that the two events would merge into one horrible scene courtesy of a nightmare, so she refused to sleep.

 

Her phone sounded. Instinctively she feared the buzz. She reminded herself that Jet was either in the hospital with no phone or in a cell. She picked it up, hoping for maybe Aang. Or better yet a message from Sokka telling her that they had decided to let him go after all. 

 

She had received neither. But she supposed that the message she did receive was a blessing in its own way. It was a simple, albeit, awkward thank you.

 

Katara looked at the clock. She wouldn’t be sleeping easy. She hadn’t expected anything of the sort, but she conversed with Azula for a good portion of the night. 


	36. Chapter 36

Jet got loaded into an ambulance and he was getting loaded into a cop car. Jet the rapist, the predator. He got a cushy trip to the hospital. And he was off to jail. Chan cursed again, they ought to be thanking him, he was the hero in this situation. Hell, that Sokka guy was a pretty decent hero.

But instead of a congratulations they had cuffed both of them and were hauling them off. 

 

“This is fucking ridiculous.” Chan muttered from the backseat. “I saved her! I didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

“You have a record Mr. Haga.” Remarked the woman behind the wheel. “In fact, I do recall being one of the officers to escort you home after your last incident.” She paused and he knew that she was going to ask his least favorite question. “Did you take your medication tonight?”

 

“No, I…” What was he going to say? He couldn’t tell her that he’d been drinking. He was horribly lucky that they didn’t see any alcohol, and even luckier that he had parents who could pay them off if they did. “No, I forgot, I was a little busy.”

He let the conversation die there, finding it lost under many layers of red. Jet had well and killed his closest friend and he was going to walk as a free man. He had been conversing with Jet this whole time, if it weren’t for Chu-Leng, Jet probably would have been the one to fill in for Ruon-Jian. 

 

He rested his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. This was frustrating all the way around. Maybe it was time to call it quits, the parties, the cliques, friendships…

It took all of his willpower to not deliver a blow to the carseat in front of him. 

 

Friendship, what a load of bullshit. The fake ones stay and the real ones die. 

It was time to quit Usha too. When he got out of this cop car and to a cell phone, he’d cut her out as fast as he could manage. 

He’d cut them all out, if he had to. 

 

He tightened his fists, he was teetering on the edge of an outburst. All of those people in his house and not one of them would ask if he was alright. They’d approach him and make inquiries, sure. But those questions will only be about when the next party is. 

 

They pull him out of the vehicle, and not gently. 

He found himself in a room with only a table and two chairs and he wondered if he should be demanding a lawyer. 

 

His parents were going to kill him. 

Absolutely kill him. 

And they didn’t even know just what had transpired in their house.

 

A man sat down and introduced himself as officer Yu-Ron. Needless formalities. He’d been in this building enough to know the man’s face and see his name tag. Yu-Ron sat down and sighed. “I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to see you back here so soon.” 

 

“Yeah, well, maybe fighting cripples and shoving my ex wasn’t thrilling enough for me.” He wished that he hadn’t said it, out loud it sounded as awful as it was. “So I guess I had to go and beat the fucker who harassed my friend until he died.”

Just what the hell was he doing, dropping all of that without a lawyer in sight. 

 

Yu-Ron nodded. 

 

He had just dropped a blatant confession. Was bail even an option in cases like these? “Look, I was defending that...that girl, what’s her name? We both know I’m an asshole, but even I have boundaries. He was trying to...he was about too…” He rubbed his hands over his face. “He was going to...rape someone. In  _ my  _ house. At  _ my  _ party. I couldn’t just let him do it okay.” 

 

Yu-Ron remained quiet. A tactic that he fell for every time.

 

“Look, man, I think that he did it before.” Chan sputtered. “That’s why TyLee was there. Because she knew. And Ruon knew and that’s why Jet made his life hell.”  He rubbed at his hairline and slapped his hand down on the table. “Fuck, man, I couldn’t stop it from happening. I couldn’t save my own friend. I couldn’t let it happen again.” 

 

He was truly a fool offering so much information without a lawyer in sight. He leaned back in his chair and held his palms to his hairline. He released a puff of a breath. “I need my pills, man.” 

 

. **oOo** .

 

It was a relief to wake up in his own bed, even if it was 4:25 in the morning. He didn’t know how many strings his parents had to pull to keep him from waking up on that stiff holding cell mattress. He didn’t know if they had pulled any at all. Perhaps his own cooperation had done him well for a change. Maybe, saving Katara had been a good enough reason…

 

He was almost certain that he was going to be pulled in for a second round of questioning eventually. 

 

Chan tried not to think about that as he brushed his teeth and set it down to find his comb. He slicked his hair back and sulked to the breakfast table. The house was still a horrible mess and his father was sitting in the middle of it, flipping through a news article. “I wonder how long it will be until this…” he gestured about the room, “makes the papers.” 

 

He didn’t think that it would take a long time at all, actually.

 

“How many times do you expect us to do this for you? How many times are we going to bail you out? Did you know that we are going to have to cut back on our food budget and take a lower tier phone and internet plan for this?” 

 

He did not. 

 

“Your medications cost money that you are spending on parties and possible jail time.” His father continued. 

 

“One of these days you’re going to do something that we can’t bail you out of.” His mother added. He hadn’t even heard her rifling around the pantry. “From the sound of it you almost had.”

 

Chan didn’t want to do this right now. He fished his pills out of his pocket and popped two, he’d be needing them to take him through this conversation. He wished that she would just give the pills time to take effect. 

 

“We let you throw all of these parties, Chan. We let you invite as many people as you want. We even let you have  _ beer _ ! All we asked was that you didn’t get the cops called on you and that you had the place clean by the time we got home.”

 

He wanted to scream at her, to throw it in her face that maybe she should have been more strict with him. It began to occur to him that maybe he hated their constant absence. That maybe all of this freedom was too much for him. Perhaps the spike in the magnitude of his parties was some sort of challenge. A way to indirectly beg them to tighten their rules. 

 

“There are cigarettes all over the place, beer bottles, a bag of--I don’t even know what this is! I even found one of your party guests passed out in our bathroom this morning! God, what else has gone on in this house that we  _ haven’t  _ seen?”

 

He didn’t speak fast enough so his father interjected. “Have you even seen everything that goes on in this house.”

 

Apparently he had not. “It was a house party, of course I don’t know about everything!” He hollered. 

 

“A girl was assaulted in our guest bedroom!” Mrs. Haga shouted back. 

 

“Yes! I stopped that from happening! That’s why I was in…”

 

“You wouldn’t have had to if you didn’t host a party like that in the first place.” His father argued. 

 

“So what? Are you going to ban me from having anymore?” He questioned. “Maybe you should have been responsible enough to do that in the first place. You’re my parents.” 

 

“We were trying to give you freedom.” His mother rebutted. 

 

“We have given you everything you wanted and then some.” His father raised his voice. “We let you choose your own career path, we let you…” 

 

“Oh for fuck’s…” His hands were clawing at his hairline again. They were really throwing all of that at him. They were going to pin it all on him. God forbid, they ever came home to give him something to do other than party. “Maybe if you guys were actually around I wouldn’t need fucking strangers for company!”

 

Maybe if he hadn’t lost Ruon…

 

“Do not use that word around your mother!” Mr. Haga snapped. 

 

“Christ!” Chan slammed his fist against the wall. “At least keep yelling at me for something that  _ fucking  _ matters.” They were making him wish that he had woken up in a cell. He made his retreat, knowing very well that they wouldn’t follow him. He wanted them to. He wanted their fury, he wanted consequence. At least fury and punishment was attention. But as soon as his foot met the first stair the conversation was over. 

Likely it wouldn’t come up again unless he brought it up. 

They had better things to do; a vacation to be had or a family business to run. 

He wished that their hotel chain would go under. They’d lose all of their luxarey, but at least he’d have parents. 

 

He needed a distraction, something. Anything. He turned on his computer and glanced over his social media accounts. According to the drunks and the ignorant it had been a successful party. He almost clicked out. 

Almost. 

 

Usha had so kindly uploaded a few pictures of Azula. He knew he vowed to cut her out, but lord did Usha know how to create a distraction. He had his own image of Azula to share, he supposed that she would be a good distraction. She could handle it, she always did, so he commented on the post. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Monday passed by cruelly uneventfully leaving him plenty of time to think about Ruon and Jet.  He stopped at Azula’s locker with Chu-Leng and Usha to slip a few notes in the girl’s locker. For once he was content to follow instead of call the shots. 

 

He took his seat in June’s class. 

 

“She making this too easy.” Chu-Leng snickers. 

 

“Yeah, she really is.” Chan agreed, watching the girl in question enter the room. 

 

As Azula took her seat, Chu-Leng leaned over again. “I mean first she gifts us with a goldmine of photos and then she leaves us a nice window to put them all in her locker. This is rich dude.” 

 

He didn’t know what Chu-Leng was expecting him to do so he just snickered along until his friend retreated. 

 

As soon as the boy did, Chan wished that he would have kept the conversation going. Because now he was thinking again. He was thinking about his nightmare. It was a horrible thing really, he was back at his party but, oddly, it was he under Jet--his pants well and discarded. TyLee and Katara were there too, in later stages of Jet’s sick fantasy. Azula was there too, the old Azula. Smaller and smug-er, with a wickedly delighted gleam in her eye.  She was watching. She didn’t care, in fact she was almost amused. She let Jet straddle him. She laughed as he did so. 

 

Irrationally, think of the dream made him mad at the real Azula. 

Irrationally, he wanted to hurt her for what she had allowed in his dream. 

She didn’t know…

 

By third hour he decided to skip the rest of the school day. It was a drag. At least if he stole away to do doughnuts in his car, he wouldn’t think anymore. So he pulled his car into the nearest gravel parking lot. He shifted the car into first gear. His adrenaline spiking as he accelerated, he turned is wheel sharply to the right. He yanked on the hand break. Feeling the car slid  and spin takes the edge off of the spinning of his mind and his world. 

 

He didn’t know how much time and gas he wasted. He didn’t know how much dust he’d kicked up. It didn’t matter because at least his mind had quieted. At least the adrenaline had calmed.  

 

**.oOo.**

 

It had been a temporary fix. He was angry all over again and didn’t have enough gas for anymore drifting. Not that it would help anymore, he’d driven ridiculously fast on Tuesday as well, that kind of adrenaline was losing its power. Dream Azula entered his mind and he latched onto that image as he emptied soda can after soda can into his locker. He finished each by violently flattening the can on the floor and whipping it across the hall as hard as he could, only stopping when he heard the tell-tale heel clicks of a teacher. He scrambled away, hiding in the crowd, waiting for Azula to arrive. 

 

Her reaction was lackluster. No surprise on her face, no dismayed cry. He realized that she wasn’t reacting at all. He was irked even further so he stormed up to her locker and slammed it shut in her face. "Thought that you could use a drink."   
  
"Very thoughtful, Chan." She still wasn’t reacting to his satisfaction. No, her voice was flat and emotionless. He didn’t understand where her bite had gone. He almost let her walk away. But he couldn’t stand it. He needed to coax that spark. He wanted her to lash out at him. He wanted her to say something awful back, something that would destroy him as Jet had broke Ruon-Jian. So he hustled to catch up with her and offered her a round two. "So, are you going to pay me for eating half of the food at my party?"   
  
"I provided entertainment, you should pay me." She had given him wit, but the comment had no power behind it. It was missing the sting he craved.    
  
So he pushed a third time. "That's true, it's a gift that keeps on giving." If he was going to rouse her temper he would have to do better than that. "Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen anyone eat like that! I don't know how you can eat so much at once." He added a laugh. But he wasn’t satisfied with his insult, it wasn’t even that good.  "There's something wrong with you."   
  
He waited eagerly for a vehement, world destroying blow. But Azula never delivered. Instead he watched her attempt to get comfortable in her chair. He had the opportunity for one more insult. He thought that this one would be good enough to earn him the mental slap that he craved.  "Careful, you're going to break it!"   
  
The only slap he earned Chu-Leng giving him a high five.   
  
He almost didn’t hear Azula mutter a soft, "probably." 

 

Chan stopped laughing, had she really just agreed with him? She wasn’t supposed to agree with him. She was supposed to get angry and tear him apart. But her head seemed to dip, she was withdrawing. Something in him stirred unpleasantly. The feeling only grew worse when the bell rang and he watched her leave. 

 

And he realized that he had just created a new problem for himself. He wasn’t just thinking about Ruon, TyLee, and Katara anymore. He was thinking about his stupid ex. His ridiculously pretty, highly insecure ex. 

 

He wondered if he should try to catch up to her and apologize. But she seemed occupied at lunch and somehow the thought of apologizing to her sent a trill of fear down his spine. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

He didn’t see her in class on Thursday and his unsettled feeling grows. The feeling flourishes when they pulled him into the office. It ebbed away some when he saw officer Yu-Ron standing in the doorway. The man didn’t speak to him at all as he drove him to the station. “So why can’t we just do the investigation here, in school?”

 

The question went unanswered. 

 

Yu-Ron led him into another room. Apparently Yu-Ron was just his escort. The woman sitting at the other end of the table had a stony and stern wrinkled face. Her badge read, ‘Officer Park Yoka’. She addressed him coldly. “Do you know what involuntary manslaughter is, Mr. Haga?”

 

He swallowed. He had a pretty vague idea. 

 

“Involuntary manslaughter is an unintentional murder, if you will. Perhaps you don’t even realize that it is about to happen.  It can be negligence or recklessness. It can be drunk driving. It can be a prank gone wrong. Or, it can, very commonly, be bullying.”

 

His stomach sank.

 

“Around mid afternoon, Azula Kasai was transported to the hospital after she was found in her car with an empty bottle of diet pills and an empty bottle of klonopin...”  

 

His throat ran dry as she listed a third medication. 

 

“Among others, she mentioned your name multiple times en route.”

 

He knew that the woman was waiting for him to say something for himself, but he couldn’t seem to sputter anything intelligible.  He hadn’t wanted her to die, he just wanted to alleviate his school-hour boredom and look cool as he did so. He just wanted a reaction. “She wasn’t supposed to…”

 

“Yes, that is why it is called involuntary manslaughter.” The woman laid her icy eyes upon him. “You’re very lucky Mr. Haga. Ms. Kasai is still alive. It would do you well to hope that the girl doesn’t press charges.” 

 

Chan’s mind races. His parents couldn’t take another hit like that. He was going to have to wipe his social media. The officer seemed to read his mind. “Kasia is a smart woman, she has acquired more than enough proof to pursue a good lawsuit.”

 

Chan leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head, he almost wanted to burst out in a fit of bitter laughter right there. He had dodged a bullet with the beating of Jet, but they were going to get him for this. He supposed that Azula would be the one to end his reign of terror. 

He just wondered how many other people his ex would be taking down alongside him. 


	37. Chapter 37

Sokka started at the ceiling. It was a bleak new lifestyle. Studies weren’t exactly a thrilling feat but now he pined for them. Just as well, he tried not to think about them at all, about how far behind he was getting in his academics by being in here. And he had no one to blame but himself. He had left Katara alone and had given Jet an ample opportunity to assault his little sister. He had promised to protect her and he let her down. He sacrificed her well being for sex. Sex that he could have had at literally any other time, yet he chose to have it then and at a high school party. 

He had wanted to cling to his high school days, by all means he was doing a good job; he had the irresponsibility and stupid decisions down to a tee.

 

He didn’t blame his father for only dropping in once. The man had given him a good luck and an, ‘I’ll do what I can’. He promised that he loved him just as well as he had before the arrest but despite all efforts, Hakoda couldn’t keep the disappointment from his eyes. 

 

That had been his Sunday morning. 

 

His Sunday evening was somehow worse. 

 

“What am I going to do?” Suki’s voice still vibrated clear as day in his head. He vividly recalled the way her hand swept up and down her baby bump. “I can’t do this alone Sokka!” And he knew just what an ugly position he had put her in. 

The father of her baby was a jailbird. Even if his crime was a defensive one. 

 

It settled in, all too late, that he wanted to be a father. That he really, truly did, want to be a part of that baby’s life. Fully part of it, not just a cluster of visitation hours. His stomach knotted all over again in thinking about the unchecked fear in Suki’s eyes. The prospect of having to raise a baby alone. He ran his fingers through his hair. If she dropped out to raise a kid it would be all his fault. 

 

Everything in the past few years had been one reckless and impulsive decision after the next. Somehow each new one made the one before it worse. 

 

That evening he had to watch the cops marshall a weeping Suki out. Visitation hours had ended and she would be alone again. Alone for the appointments she was supposed to go to. Alone when they did another ultrasound. He would be in this dismal cell instead of seeing how his baby was developing. 

 

Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to regret blooding Jet’s pretty-boy face. The boy had spent so much time instilling so much fear in his little sister, he had deserved the beating he got. Frankly, Sokka hoped that Jet’s stunning face would be left scared and ugly. He hoped that he and Chan and brought the ugliness to the surface. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Suki had never felt so lonely.  Even surrounded by the softball team she felt isolated. They could give her heaps of support and she would still feel alone. They couldn’t help her with the baby, they didn’t know what the pregnancy was like.

 

They didn’t know how it was to be started at in the school hallways and at the mall. The judging looks handed to her when she went to religious functions. It was worse still to be on her way to her checkups and receive hard stares from other pregnant woman. It would seem that she couldn’t find sympathy anywhere. And she had messed things up with the person who supported her the most.

All because her hormones had her feeling ridiculously horny. 

She swore to herself that she’d never be having sex again, it only seemed to lead her to terrible places. 

 

She rested her hand on her belly, thinking over whether or not she should call or text Katara. Katara could use the support, but somehow she felt as though her voice would only make things worse. She also couldn’t promise herself that she wouldn’t make things about herself. God, she was such an emotional trainwreck.  

 

She was thinking about Sokka’s arrest and how it impacted her. She could only imagine where that left Katara. So why was it that her mind always seemed to drift back to herself and how she was going to be affected. 

 

She was a bad friend and she was going to make a worse mother. 

She couldn’t take care of and watch over her best friend, how was she going to protect her own child?

 

**.oOo.**

 

Sokka was torn from his sleep and hauled carelessly into a room with a large glass window, a large table, and two chairs. The investigator seemed to have no love for him. He stood stoically, a solid wall of muscle and apathy. He got the sense that the man wouldn’t care to he to hear a sob story about how he was just trying to be a good older brother--even if his arrival had been late. 

No, this officer wasn’t a man pathos would work on.

 

To his luck another officer entered the room. This man looked more approachable. “Don’t mind him.” The officer gestured to his co-worker. “It’s standard procedure to have another officer in the room when questioning a defendant.” 

 

Sokka listened to the man’s introduction, finding more relief in that he was going to be talking to Katara and TyLee as well. Perhaps he did have someone on his side after all. 

 

“Now, this case is going to be a little tricky.” Yu-Ron stated. “That Jet boy is a minor and you aren’t. In the eyes of the law, that’s a pressing ordeal. However, there’s a very strong chance that the jury will be on your side. I haven’t seen many cases where there  _ wasn’t  _ outrage when the court ruled in support of the accused.” 

 

At the very least, it sounded like Katara’s odds were good. “Good!” He muttered, “if you make the court makes the wrong call then there should be backlash.” He regretted it as soon as it was out of his mouth, well-intentioned, it sounded uncooperative as far as the legal system was concerned.

 

Yu-Ron chose mercifully to ignore the outburst. “If we can find you a lawyer who can get Chan Haga to admit that he had dealt most of the damage before you got there, you will have a much easier time. I will be frank with you…” 

 

Sokka gulped. 

 

“Regardless of the circumstance, because you are an adult who had beaten a child, you probably won’t get away without a punishment. If you cooperate with myself and others who you will speak with, jail time can be swapped for fines or community service.” 

 

At least there was some ray of hope, Sokka supposed that he wouldn't mind sacrificing some college parties for community service after class. He just hoped that the blotch on his record wouldn’t have the campus closing its doors on him.

 

“So let’s begin, shall we? Tell me, to the best of your memory, what occured on the thirty-first of this month.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

She was permitted to skip school to visit Sokka. Evidently she found it rather cruel that visiting hours so directly conflicted with school hours. And crueler yet that they had pulled Sokka for investigation during visiting hours on the one day she had to drop in. She had driven all that way only to be turned away. At least they had let her write a letter to explain the conflicting schedules, it did her conscious no good to know that Sokka would be coming back from a grueling investigation to more bad news.

 

Everything in her brain screamed at her and pleaded with her to contact Katara, but truth be told she was afraid of the confrontation. And she didn’t understand why, months back she would have driven right over to Katara’s house to talk things over. 

But this?

This was a new situation entirely. It wasn’t some petty high school spat. She hadn’t worn the dress Katara wanted to wear to homecoming. She hadn’t began crushing on the same boy Katara had eyes for. No, it was worse. She had left her best friend at the mercy of a predator. And he had struck. 

 

Suki didn’t know how to confront that. 

She couldn’t imagine that Katara wanted to even breathe the same air as her anyways. 

 

Maybe it made her a coward, but she stayed at home with her phone on silent. 

 

And maybe it made her a coward twice over, but when her parents came to check on her she vowed that everything was okay. It wasn’t like they could help her anyways, communication hadn’t been the same since her belly had begun to swell. 

Since they could no longer pretend that they weren’t going to be grandparents.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Tuesday and Wednesday were absolutely agonizing. He couldn’t see Suki nor Katara. He wished that they would let them drop by after questioning. At least for ten minutes, he’d even take five. But he was a criminal as far as they were concerned and criminals didn’t get sympathy. 

 

Sokka could only hope that Jet was receiving much harsher treatment than he.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Every time Suki looked in Katara’s direction or passed her in the hallway, the girl turned away from her. She was beginning to think that she’d have to sit with her softball team. Not that she completely detested the idea, but she could do without the doting they usually did. 

She didn’t fancy leaving Katara alone either. 

 

She took a deep breath and set her lunch tray down.  "Hey, Kat."

  
Apparently, the meal of the day was extra good because Katara was now wholly invested in it.   
"I'm gonna sit down, okay?" She had a good feeling that it wasn’t but she wiggled her way onto the bench anyhow. She nearly groaned, those lunch tables were not made to accommodate pregnant teens. It was only going to get worse as the baby bump became more prominent. With a huff, Suki asked, “are you doing okay?"   
  
The only response she earned for a while was Katara accidently brushing her arm against her. 

 

"I wish you stuck this close to me at the party."   
  
Suki gulped. She shared the same sentiment. Why couldn’t she have just waited until she and Sokka got home? Katara had every right to be furious. "I didn't mean to…" She started.    
  
"You knew that I needed your help. The only reason I came to that party was to hang out with you and Sokka!" This was the first time Katara had ever snapped on her like that. "I was wondering why you didn't just want to hang out at home instead. It's harder to sneak away from your friend to have sex when it's just the three of you." 

  
Suki let her head hang, knowing that Katara was only hollering the truth. "I know, it was stupid."   
  
"Stupid, yeah. Funny how I got to pay the price for your stupidity this time around.

 

Suki winced. That one had hit home. She stared down at her baby bump. The implication that her baby was simply a price to be paid, a punishment…

The worst part was, she had seen her baby as such too when she’d first seen that little plus sign. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

It was salt in the wound to see Katara talking to  _ Azula  _ instead of her. It would seem that she was somehow lower than the girl who had gone out of her way to make Katara absolutely miserable. At least what she had done was an accident. She met Azula’s eyes only briefly and she wished nothing but the worst for her, swooping in and stealing Katara like that…

 

She waited until Katara was deeply into the conversation to leave the table. Katara probably wouldn’t even notice if she disappeared to the softball table. 

As much as she wanted Katara to have someone to talk to, the idea of her choosing Azula was enough to drive her up the wall and then to the ceiling. 

  
  


When Katara called her that night, she found herself feeling horrible for wishing Azula the worst. She had a feeling that Katara wouldn’t have reached out to her at all, if the other girl hadn’t made an attempt on her own life. 

Suki hoped that she didn’t stress Katara out that much, she didn’t want the girl thinking that she was going to hurt herself too. But she had an inkling that Katara was reaching out to her just in case. She grabbed her car keys and gave her mother a goodbye and a warning that she may be spending the night with Katara. 

 

Katara opened the door and let her inside. “Mom says you can spend the night.” She paused. “Will you spend the night with me?”

 

Suki nodded. 

 

She followed Katara to her bedroom. It was more than a relief to be back there, she almost thought that she would never see the crazy overload of boy band posters nor the collection of octopus plush toys piled in every corner. The baby blue of the walls brought Suki a sense of calm and faintly she pondered upon how she’d be painting her baby’s nursery or if she would at all. It brought an ache to her heart, Sokka was supposed to help her with the paint job. He was supposed to help her pick the color. 

 

As she laid her pillows and blankets out out Katara spoke up. “You can bring those onto the sofa, you shouldn’t be sleeping on the floor, you’re back is probably already killing you!”

 

Suki gave a soft laugh. “No kidding.” 

 

“If you want, you can take the bed.” 

 

“Sofa should be fine…” Suki trailed off. 

 

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk…”

 

Suki cut her off. “I think that you get an ass pass this time.”

 

“A what?!” Katara sputtered. 

 

“An ass pass! You know, like a pass to be an asshole.”

 

“Gee, thanks.” Katara laughed. 

 

“You don’t have to apologize.” Suki sobered. “You needed Sokka and I and we left you. You should be mad. If I were you I wouldn’t have called me over.” 

 

She knew what Katara was going to say before she opened her mouth. “I didn’t want you to feel alone, like Azula…”

 

“I’m not going to hurt myself, Kat. I’ve got a baby on the way.” Suki assured. 

 

“I didn’t want to take any chances.” Katara mumbled. “There’s already enough tragedy to go around. Shakespeare could write a play about us all.”

 

“Wow, you’re such a dork.” Suki tried to lighten the mood. “Really, Kat, I’ll be fine. I’m worried about Sokka, I wouldn’t do anything to make things worse for him.” She paused again. “Or for you.”

 

“I’m worried about him too! I’m so worried. And I’m worried about Azula. And Aang and Toph…” Katara rambled. “It seems like everyone’s having a bad time.”

 

“It’s kind of reassuring if you think about it.” Suki noted. 

 

“Reassuring?”

 

“Yeah. To know that you’re not the only screw up.” She knew that Katara didn’t take solace there, so she added, “to know that you’re not alone.” She drummed her fingers on the top of her belly, in a few weeks she’d probably start feeling some kicking. “Everyone is going through something, maybe if we can all get it together we can help each other.”

 

“And Sokka gets on my case for being too optimistic.” Katara rolled her eyes.  Suki noticed her look down at her phone. She was quiet for a while. “Why?”

 

“Why what?” 

 

“Why did you leave me?”

 

There it was, the question she dreaded because she couldn’t answer it. “I...I don’t know, Kat.  It was a horrible idea, I was just tipsy and horny. I guess." That’s how her first happy accident came to be. She was just tipsy and horny. It was even worse reminding herself that she had drank enough to get tipsy with a baby in her belly. It hadn’t even occurred to her until just then and she feels tears coming to the surface. “Kat, what if I hurt the baby!?”

 

Katara sighed rather loudly. “I’m sure one night of drinking won’t do anything.” 

 

The horror remained plain on her face. 

 

“Alright, alright.” Katara plopped down in front of the computer. “How about we consult our, always truthful internet doctors.”

 

Suki rolled her eyes, she supposed that that would have to do until her appointment tomorrow. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Thursday was now Sokka’s favorite day of the week. It was a day that he hadn’t really put much thought into before hand. It was never the best day of the week but it was also never the worst. It was no Friday but at least it wasn’t Wednesday. 

 

It was however, the day Yu-Ron opened his cell door and said, “you’re free to go.” 

 

Sokka leapt off of the bed and hustled out of the cell as though he though Yu-Ron would shout, ‘just kidding’ and shut the door on him. 

 

“But you will be place under a house arrest of sorts, until your trail. Meaning, you go to your classes and to any make-up sessions and then you go to your dorm and study. You will be monitored.” He held up a very stylish looking GPS bracelet. Sokka couldn’t wait to show that off to his mates. Yu-Ron handed him a few slips of paper. “Read them over and sign them and you’re free to go.” 

 

Freer than he was now anyways.


	38. Chapter 38

Azula was growing to hate the hospital, not that she had ever thought highly of it before. It was a bore and it gave her the sense that she was letting herself slip again. She’d been bed bound before and it only led to more suffering and now she was bed bound again. She supposed that, at least, this time she had company. Teo dropped by constantly, even if he just sat next to her and quietly did his homework, only looking up to ask her a question or two. On some days he would bring her, her own homework. She did it under the guise that it kept her mind from wandering to its darkest places. 

Between worksheets she would answer texts, mostly from TyLee and Katara. 

They kept her stable. 

They kept her from feeling as lonely as she had initially thought herself to be.

 

She would have loved an in person visit from TyLee, but between school and her investigations, the girl hadn’t much free time to spare. Azula could only imagine how hectic the school was. 

 

Azula sighed to herself. It was still another few hours before school let out, giving Teo the time to visit her. Add one more hour with the commute to the hospital. Her morning and early afternoons were lonely. She was feeling physical better, she wished that they would just let her go home. 

Whenever she inquired about her release date, she found herself being given half-answers or entirely empty and dismissive ones.

 

They set another tray of food before her and lectured her to finish it this time. But doing so always left a sense of dread. They were still giving her too much and she couldn’t fathom why they weren’t understanding that. She could afford to eat the rations they gave her when they kept her confined to that room. 

 

Before the nurse could leave she took the woman by the arm. “I’ll eat it if you let me leave this room.” 

 

The nurse paused. “I’ll speak with my higher ups and see if I can have you cleared for a recreation hour, or some time outside.” 

 

Some fresh air would do her well. She rolled onto her side and tried to ignore the IV in her arm. She didn’t know why that was still necessary; she had made her attempt on Tuesday and it was now a Friday morning. As far as she was concerned, that was more than enough time for them to know that her vitals would remain stable. 

 

The nurse reappeared. “Finish your breakfast and you are cleared for some recreation time. Would you prefer to use the pool or go for a light jog?” 

 

Frankly, at that point it didn’t matter as long as she got to do something other than sleeping and eating. If she had her way, she’d do both. “A jog, I suppose.” 

 

The nurse nodded. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

The air did her some good. It was as chilly as she expected for a day in November, they had her bundled up very generously. She welcomed the feeling of sunshine, however dilated the season was making it, on her skin. It was a bright day and she could smell a tinge of burning leaves. It was much more welcomed than the pungent odor of antiseptics. 

 

She didn’t care for the constant babysitting and hovering. Being watched as she jogged for the first time in months was a rather large discomfort, but at least they were letting her do it. That’s what she kept telling herself. At least she was doing something again. 

 

Even so she couldn’t help but feel awkward. She was so horribly out of practice, even the slower sprint was leaving her short of breath. Frankly, it was embarrassing. She could practically see her father scowling at her. But she didn’t think she could push herself much harder without the nurses reprimanding her and revoking her newfound recreation time.

 

**.oOo.**

 

After a good hour and a half, Azula was back in her designated room, with only an hour or two to go until she finally had company again. She wanted to feel good about herself, she wanted to feel accomplished. But the activity only served to remind her of how far she let herself go. 

 

Even if she had taken coach Ming up on her offer, she doubted that she would have been able to make the cut. She really was no good anymore. She had let her talent slip. It frustrated her nearly to tears.

 

As much as she longed for home, she feared the prospect of it now that she had concrete proof that she was virtually useless. No wonder her father hadn’t dropped by yet. She could only imagine how badly she had tarnished the image he told her to fix. Just like that, she hoped that the man wouldn’t visit her. She had a striking feeling that he would just make her feel twice as ashamed of herself. Of her weakness. 

She had let them all win.

She had let them push her to where she was.

They had broken her. 

 

Azula ran her fingers through her hair. They were probably having a grand time relishing in knowing that they had nearly killed her. Knowing that they had hurt her that terribly. At least she had the opportunity to make that victory short lived for Chan and Usha.

She wondered if they had already been pulled aside for the news. It was going to be tricky without Ozai’s wallet, but one way or another she’d be pushing through with the lawsuits. 

 

“Azula, there is something that we’d like to discuss with you before your usual visitor arrives.” She recognizes this doctor. If she recalled correctly his name is Doctor Khoyang. He pulled up a chair and ruffled through a few sheets. He set them to the side for a moment. “This is probably uncomfortable, isn’t it?” He motioned to the IV.

 

She nodded. 

 

Khoyang carefully removed the needle. “As long as you keep eating regularly, we won’t need to use it again.”

 

Azula was growing agitated with the constant reminders, but with the IV out of her arm she was willing to let it slide. 

 

He returned to his papers. “As I was saying, there are a few matters I would like to cover with you.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

TyLee pulled Azula into the tightest hug she had received in a long time. She returned it with a more lax grip. She let TyLee draw it out, she had missed kinder touches. 

 

“You came to visit.” She commented. 

 

“They didn’t pull me in for questioning today, I figured that I could give Teo a ride this time. I ask Katara if she wanted to come but her brother was just released the other day and she wanted to spend time with him.” 

 

It took Azula a moment to gather what that meant. She recalled Katara mentioning, over text, something about Sokka having jail time. “Send her my regards.” 

 

TyLee nodded, taking Azula’s hand in hers. “You’re looking better.” 

 

Azula couldn’t agree less. She muttered a thank you, anyhow.  

 

“Are you feeling any better?” Teo asked. 

 

“Depends…” She replied. Physically, she supposed she was feeling quite better. Her stomach wasn’t achy and she wasn’t as tired and dizzy. It was nice to see the swelling in her hands and ankles gone as well. Her throat still burned some but other than that, she was feeling quite well. 

 

“Are you feeling happier?” He clarified. 

 

Another hard question to answer. On one hand she didn’t feel so alone, in fact she felt quite supported so long as she didn’t think of her family and former friends. On the other she was dreading to find out how her hospital stay was impacting her weight. Even so, she couldn’t fathom feeling worse than she had on Tuesday. “I guess, mostly.”

 

“Would this make you feel better?” TyLee asked. Enthusiastically she dug around in her much too fuzzy and far too pink cheetah-print backpack. Azula had to admit that she missed seeing that eye-sore of a bag. 

TyLee pulled out a small stuffed animal. 

 

“What is that?” 

 

“It’s a turtle duck.” Teo answered. “TyLee wanted to get you a duck and I wanted to get you a turtle so we got them both and fused them together. The duck turtle isn’t as cute.”

 

“The duck turtle is just a turtle without a shell, so like...a naked turtle?” 

 

Azula rolled her eyes and accepted the gift. “Thanks.” But the gift was so very TyLee, she had to crack a smile. It was the sort of thing that had left her feeling so empty to have lost. It was nice to have that back. “I take it that you’re in a better mood?”

 

TyLee shakes her head affirmatively. “Oh yes! It’s a little stressful with all of the questions but I feel safer with Jet in jail. And I feel like I’ve…”

 

“Dominated him back, so now you don’t have to fear him?”

 

“That isn’t what I was going to say.” TyLee laughed. “But, yeah that’s basically it.” 

 

“I’m just happy that you’re going to be okay.” Teo added. “I can’t wait to sit with you at lunch again. 

 

At that, Azula bit her lip. “Teo...about that.”

 

His smile faded, concern taking its place.

 

“They want to transfer me, Teo. To a different school.” 

 

“What?!” Both he and TyLee exclaimed. 

 

“They said it would be better for my mental health…” She trailed off. That was only scratching the surface of what Khoyang discussed with her. “Apparently, it is standard procedure to send child protective services out following a suicide attempt.” She noticed TyLee nod. “Between Zuko running away and this, they want me to live with...with…” 

 

“With who?” Teo pressed. 

 

“With my mother, until they either clear my father or charge him with something.” She paused. “I don’t think that they understand why that isn’t a good idea.”

 

“Living with your mom?” Teo asked.

 

Azula nodded. 

 

“Azula and her mom didn’t get along that well when she was around.” TyLee spoke.

 

“I don’t want to stay with her.” Azula muttered. “But apparently Zuko running away was already enough to raise some red flags. And then they saw the locks…” 

 

“The locks?” TyLee inquired. 

 

“Did they ever find Zuko?” 

 

Not exactly wanting to think about the locks, Azula only addressed Teo’s question. “They wouldn’t give me many details but he is actually in this hospital’s sister facility, rehab, I think.” 

 

“Oh! I’m glad he’s safe.” TyLee replied. 

 

“Yes.” Azula agreed. “They also want to put me in an institution.” This was even less pleasing news than the possible school transfer. 

 

“For what?” Teo asked. 

 

“Depression and…”

 

“Bulimia?” He guessed. 

 

She nodded again. “They are still deciding whether or not they want me to be inpatient or outpatient.”

 

TyLee’s brows furrow. “Bulimia?”

 

Azula held out her scabbed hands. TyLee took them again. Just like that she is in another hug. “But you're the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world!”

 

“I don’t know about that, Ty.” She muttered, but the compliment did her very well. “I don’t want to live with that woman.” She mused quietly. “And I don’t want to go to a new school either.”

 

“Do you want to come back to Wan High?” Teo asked. 

 

“Not at all, actually.” Azula said. Frankly, she was having trouble deciding which choice pleased her the least. At least Wan High was a familiar evil, at least she had a handful of companions there. “But the school they want to transfer me to is closer to my mother’s house. And they think that it will be better for me to get away from certain people.”

 

TyLee cocked her head to the right. “Well, maybe this will be good for you! It’ll be a fresh start and you can make new friends.” 

 

Or they would hate her on sight. She was well aware that she had a cold and standoffish aura about her. “Perhaps.” 


	39. Chapter 39

For the first time since losing her sight, Toph was glad to be well away from Wan High. From what Aang and Katara had been telling her, it was a disaster over there. It was mess of criminals and near-deaths. 

 

And her life was a mess of re-learning and adapting. 

 

She stroked Appa’s fur. So far, he was the only perk to having lost her sight. At least now she had the fuzzy companion she’d been begging her mother for since she was seven years old. 

 

The promised that they would teach her braille, pretty words about how she’d be able to see without seeing and then she’d be back in school in no time at all. She didn’t have the patience for it, she was tired of being stuck at home with a personal tutor. Her parents were overbearing as it was. Now they didn’t seem to leave her side at all. She was surprised that they let her visit Katara on her own. 

 

She stood up and Appa stood too. It was still somewhat disorienting to get out of bed, the slight drop had felt like leaping from a cliff and into a bottomless pit. These days it was more like jumping into the deep end of the pool. Still it was jarring and she had to take a moment. She heard Appa pounce and land with a thud, his leash tightened around her wrist. She slowly lowered her feet until she could feel the carpet brushing against them. 

 

Appa waited for her to start moving. He walked steadily in front of her, something that they had been working on. When she had first picked him out he had a tendency to go too fast for her and she would stumble, cussing, to the floor. 

She wished that she could have seen her mother’s face that came after that outburst. She supposed that priceless expressions were just something she was going to have to learn to live without. She was going to have to cling to the memories of the ones she had seen. 

 

She could hear Appa panting as he led her down the hallway. “Appa, left.” She commanded. He pulled her away from the wall and made the turn. He came to an a stop and she knew that she was at the end of the hall. “Appa, left.” After a few feet, he stopped again and she knew that she was at the staircase. Her heart thudded, the stairs were always her least favorite part. 

She felt around for the railing and grabbed hold of it and then she tested the waters for her first step. It was an embarrassingly slow process of carefully feeling for each stair and then stepping onto it. 

 

She sighed. “Appa, right.” 

 

He took her around a large decorative vase. It would seem that her family was still in the middle of removing all of the tripping hazards. She groaned to herself, she couldn’t believe that they had to ‘blind-proof’ the house for her. She and Appa just just need a little time to get used to each other and then oversized vases wouldn’t be a problem anymore. 

 

But learning to trust Appa was a task of its own. Despite her vocal commands, she somehow got the sense that it was he who was leading her. She had no way to tell if he was actually listening to her until she was standing in front of the fridge. 

 

She was thankful that she knew the house like the back of her hand, otherwise her parents would have to walk her around the house too. She had to groan again, as a new question came to her head. She had no idea how the hell she’d be able to direct Appa to an entierly new place that she had never visited before.  

 

Her doctors and tutors kept promising that, that would come in time. But how much time? She didn’t want to have grey hairs before then! Oh, Twinkle Toes would give her hell if he saw how timid she was being. 

 

She pried what she assumed was the refrigerator door open. Come the next issue; once upon a time her parents had the money to install a system that could read her, her meal options. Currently she was reduced to picking something random and sniffing it to figure out what it was and whether or not it had expired. 

 

One of these days she’d have to train Appa to bark twice if something was good and thrice if it was expired. She had to remind herself to take baby steps...Twinkle Toe steps.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Michi was nagging and lecturing again. It was getting to a point where Mai thought that, harsh words were all that her mother knew. And her father? The man always turned his head to it. 

She just wanted a moment of peace where Tom-Tom wasn’t fussing and her mother wasn’t pitching a fit.

 

“I just don’t understand what was so hard about watching your brother. None of this would have happened if you…”

 

“If you didn’t try to pin it all on me and the BeiFong’s. If you would have just paid his medical bills then you wouldn’t have had to waste  _ more  _ money on this crazy lawsuit!” Mai snapped. She winced to herself, it was both liberating and nerve-wracking to finally speak out against the woman. To share her thoughts. 

 

“Do you know how much money we wasted because of…”

 

“Of you.” Mai stated flatly. “Because of you and dad.” She inspected her nails, sleek, black, and filed to slight points as they should be. “Maybe you can yell at him too for pulling out of the lawsuit entirely.” She wasn’t surprised that his guilt had gotten the better of him. He was as good as done the minute Mrs. BeiFong hit him up with the blind daughter sob story. Not that Mai, herself didn’t eat that right up. But the financial hit that came with dropping the suit was nearly as intolerable. 

 

Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “How dare you speak to your mother like that?”

 

“Like what? How everyone else talks to their parents?”

 

At that her nose crinkled. “You are not a commoner, Mai. You will speak like a lady.” 

“And Tom-Tom will speak like a gentleman?” 

 

“Of course!”

 

Mai spared a glance at Tom-Tom who was a mess of mud and grass stains. “Good luck.” 

 

Just like that, her phone was no longer in her hands. “You can talk on the phone again when you remember how to talk with respect.” Michi said sharply. 

 

The woman had already taken her laptop and her desktop, and her TV. She had taken a good collection of her leisure reads as well. Pretty soon there wouldn’t be anything left to take. She was tempted to reveal her new ink right then and there. But she was already one sassy one-liner away from losing her car. The thought of having to utilize the school bus was enough to have her slamming her hand on the table and storming to her room. She noticed a curious Tom-Tom peek up from his play. She shot him a glare and his head snapped back to his coloring book. 

 

Her books, her internet connect, her slew of questionable friends that she could text regularly...they were keeping her grounded. One by one she was losing them all. Mai wondered if her mother knew what option she had left her with. Perhaps she should go back to bottling things within, at least when she suffered in silence and without a voice, she could suffer with books and electronics. 

 

Her mind was turning unpleasantly and this time she had nothing to distract her. She couldn’t say why she had argued with her mother, knowing that she agreed with her. Maybe she was hoping that her mother wouldn’t place the blame on her. Maybe she was hoping that the woman would help alleviate the guilt. Mai drew out her blade and turned it between her fingers. 

 

Lord, she wished that she had her phone or a book to rifle through. 

 

Whether Tom-Tom’s accident was her fault or not, she could, for certain, attribute herself to Zuko’s leaving. The boy was probably dead with a needle in his arm because of her. She ought to confront June about that. The woman knew something, but she couldn’t for the life of her remember what that was. Or if she had actually heard right at all. The memory had been tainted and clouded by a few drinks too many. 

Even if she did recall correctly, to take June down, she’d have to confess to underage drinking and getting a tattoo. That didn’t hold any appeal either.  

 

She tried to shift her mind to a better place, but only found a worse one. 

Azula.

It was always Azula. 

 

Mai turned the blade over in her hand, that time she closed her fist around it until familiar prickles burst in spots over her palms. Azula was just another thing to guilt over. Soon she’d be just another slash on her wrist. 

 

Of course she couldn’t have known. Azula hadn’t reached out to her in any way, but then, Mai hadn’t exactly made herself approachable. She opened her hand. If anything she had made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with the other girl. She flipped her sleeve up and pulled off her arm warmers. She believed that Azula had the right idea anyways. She dragged the razor along her wrist. She watched the blood trickle, mesmerized by its steady flow. It was so morbidly relaxing. Ten times so now that she didn’t have white noise videos to create the same effect. 

If only she had as much nerve as Azula.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dies a little on the inside because I can’t remember if I gave Katara and Sokka a last name already. Wishes I had my notes document and hopes that I didn’t, because I couldn’t find one while combing through my previous chapters.
> 
> Also, like Sokka, Yue has been aged up for the sake of the plot. I really wanted to give her a place in all of this.

Azula dropped her suitcases by the stairwell. The manor had such a different aura than the one Ozai’s took on, right down to the aromas. As opposed to sharp spices and incense, the house smelled of violet and lavender and other floral odors she didn’t have names for. It smelled fresh, even approaching the last week of November. She was dropped off with a stern lecture about making the most of things, being as so many strings had to be pulled to get her there so quickly. But she was in no mood for making the most of things; not only did she have to worry about adjusting, she had to worry about the charges she was going to be pressing on Chan and Usha. Moreover, she was in a constant state of dread. Somehow he would get to her. 

She knew that he would.

Ursa had money but Ozai had more of it. His lawyers would be better. They would have her sent right back to him and she didn’t know how to feel about that. More than anything she craved the affection he used to give her. Even though the academically outstanding part of her screamed against it, Azula clung to the hope that she could still make things right if she could just fit herself back into the image he desired. But, lord did the prospect terrify her. He would tear her apart for the grief and struggle she was causing him now.

 

She stood awkwardly in the doorway, not sure if she was supposed to enter and make herself at home or if she was supposed to wait for her mother to greet her. She thought of retreating back to her car. But then, where would she go? Back to the hospital? She could pester TyLee for a place to stay, but that look became her just as poorly as binging in front of everyone had. She also couldn’t imagine that her relationship with the girl had been repaired enough for that to happen. She shut the door and opted to leave her luggage where she had initially set it down for the time. She wandered further into the house, trying to get a sense of it. 

 

There were paintings everywhere of lush scenery and  sprigs of rosemary. On hallway coffee tables were vases teeming with jasmine and lily. She wondered how long it would take before she came across a picture of Zuko. But then, her mother had cut Zuko out just as readily as she had cut Azula out.  

 

She came to the backyard veranda. The door leading out to it had lacey white curtains that fluttered in the deep autumn gusts. The garden must be magnificent in the spring. There were so many trees, she could only imagine their flare and splendor a few weeks ago--painted with the fiery hues of autumn. She could only imagine how green and rich they were months ago when the air was still hot with summer. Now they were simply dead, spindly and twisted against a stonewash sky. Dead, grey, bleak, and waiting for snow to come and re-awaken their glory. But somehow they were still beautiful, forlornly beautiful. 

Azula’s fingers curled around the veranda railing. It was lined with budding winter rose and amethyst ice, their vines and leaves brushed against her palm. 

 

Ursa never stuck her as a gardener, but then, she’d never put much thought into the woman since she divorced Ozai and filed a restraining order. No thought save for wondering why the woman never bothered to reach out. Perhaps it was that she was afraid that her ex-husband would track her down through she and Zuko. It seemed logical enough, Ozai had the money and material to do so. Still she had a sneaking suspicion that she didn’t want to hear from Azula. 

She recalled Zuko mentioning an anonymous call or two every so often, a few months after the woman had fled, but he never picked up numbers he didn’t know. After that, the calls stopped coming. She hadn’t expected her mother to try to get in touch with her, she was too much like the man her mother had fled from. 

 

Until now, she had put it out of her mind entirely, the sting of being unloved by her own mother. Now it was just another glaring failure amid the rest--perhaps it had been the first indication that she would fall and amount to nothing. 

 

Azula reached out to touch a low hanging branch. 

 

“There you are.” Came a voice. Hearing it for the first time in years was haunting. The timbre of it was so startlingly similar to her own. “I saw your suitcases, but couldn’t find you.”

 

“I never tried to find you.” Azula spat, harshly. She would love to know how much effort the authorities had put into doing so.

 

She heard Ursa sigh. “Can I help you carry your things to your new room?”

 

“Do I look helpless to you?” She grumbled. “You can tell me where my room is.” 

 

Ignoring Azula’s protests, Ursa picked up two of the few suitcases and led her daughter up a few flights of stairs, to the third floor. She motioned down the hall. “I decorated three rooms for you to choose from…”

 

Azula’s tummy fluttered at the thought that her mother had gone out of her way to do so. She fought to cling to her anger. To her dignity. “I’m sure you would have redecorated the whole house for Zu-Zu.” 

 

“Azula…” 

 

She made her way past Ursa and dropped her suitcases into the third room. The one painted in soft shades of blue. Wallpaper trim depicting silvery and turquoise blue strands of lightning caught her eye. The room was furnished simply; there was a canopy bed draped with pastel blue organza fabric and an organized heap of silk pillows that rested atop deep blue silk sheets. Next to the bed sat a white night stand with a crystal lamp in the same shades. Off in the corner was a sizable bookshelf that probably came with the night stand. A decorative velvet rug blanketed white carpeting. She figured that the rest of the decor was up to her. “When you were little, you liked to have strings of lights hung in your room. I didn’t know if you still liked those so I bought some for you just in case.” She motioned to a few boxes. “You can go through those and see if you want to use any of it.”

 

Again, Azula’s stomach knots. The woman remembered what she liked as a child. Ursa was making it harder than she had anticipated, to hold her grudge. She reminded herself that the woman hadn’t even tried to reach out to her. 

 

Azula’s curiosity got the best of her so she rummaged through the box some. She spied organza curtains to match the canopy as well as dark blue velvet to match the rug. Ursa was giving her options. And that was only the things she had bought for this room. “I like these.” She stated simply, lifting up the velvet curtains. 

 

Ursa picked them up. “Would you mind giving me a hand?” 

 

She didn’t want to, but she didn’t want to risk not having curtains either, so she picked them up and helped Ursa arrange them. That would do for the time being, she might finish adding her own style to the room later. Frankly she liked to think that this was a temporary arrangement that she didn’t need to invest much time into.

 

WIth the curtains in place, Ursa stepped back to inspect them. When that was done she decided to inspect Azula who folded her arms over her chest. Ursa’s expression dimmed and she reached an arm out. Azula swatted the had away with a curt, “don’t touch me.”

 

The woman’s face darkened further. “He hurt you.” 

 

And Azula knows that she had caught a glimpse of the fading bruises Ozai had left on her cheeks.

 

“What did he do?”

 

“Nothing that you tried to protect me from.” 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Xi River Academy was very different from Wan High. From the layout to the deep scarlet and vivid gold colors. Wan High took a wolf-bat hybrid for its mascot. What Xi River had was more of a crest. A gold plate with elegantly engraved tiger lillies. If Azula were to guess she’d say that they’d simply take a tiger for an animal mascot if requested. 

 

The campus itself was different, much more elegant. A cobblestone path led to a fine brick building with faux gold embellishments. A stark contrast to Wan High’s concrete foundations. It didn’t occur to her that Xi River Academy could be a private institute until she was swept up in a crowd of girls. Only girls. A female only, student body. At once, she wondered why her father had left her to a shabby public school when he could have sent her here, or at least a place like it. A two hour commute to and back would have been a hassle. 

It seemed to settle more and more, that he didn’t care for her as much as she though he did. 

 

The elegance of the academy only distracted her from her fears for a brief, yet merciful, window. As soon as the awe faded, it settled in that she was in a new crowd. A crowd that had never seen her at her best. The notion that they’d only see bruised, chubby, tired eye’d version of her was more than enough reason to retreat. Even more so, knowing that this would be their  _ first  _ impression of her. She could bury herself in all of the make up she wanted, it wouldn’t hide what she sought to cover the most. Suddenly her new uniform felt so tight and constricting. She could already feel the weight of their judging gazes--heavy and scrutinizing. 

 

She tried not to speak with anyone and no one tried to speak with her. She opted to pass on finding her locker until after hours. The school was too large and she had a class to get to. She hadn’t anything to fetch or put into her locker anyhow. 

 

She entered the class room as quietly as she could, lingering about, trying to scope out what seat hadn’t already been claimed. A poor plan in retrospect, when she found herself being the last woman standing. Her new literature teacher walked in. “You must be Azula.” He noted quietly. His voice had a familiar ring to it, one that she couldn’t quite place. 

Has gaze was soft and inviting enough, blue eyes scanning the classroom. “It looks like you get to sit next to Zirin.” With a light smile he added a very quiet, “good luck.” A little louder he said, “perhaps Ms. Nishimura will pay more attention to the lessons with a stranger sitting next to her.” This roused a round of chuckles. 

 

“Or…” Zirin spoke up. “Ms. Nishimura will neglect the lessons to get to know the stranger.” Another round of laughter. 

 

“Feel free to give her a nudge or two if she becomes a pest.” The man rolled his eyes. His demeanor struck Azula as familiar, just as well has his voice. Still she couldn’t place where from. She turned to take her seat but he stopped her. “Before you sit, would you mind introducing yourself? Name and...hmm...something you enjoy doing in your free time and a fun fact.”

 

Fully aware of the eyes on her, Azula muttered her name. “I used to play volleyball.” It wasn’t a very fun fact, but she added, “and then I broke my ribs.” 

 

“I’m sorry to hear it.” Her teacher apologized. 

 

Azula shrugged and headed for her seat. She wished that they would stop staring at her. She no longer liked being a spectacle. 

 

“I believe you all are really going to like Azula.” The teacher proclaimed. “Considering we will be taking a break from our very engaging read…” a collective groan resonated about the room, “...to go around the room and introduce ourselves.” 

 

“Hell yeah.” Came a mutter from behind. “Anything to avoid reading that hell novel.” 

 

By the end of the hour her brain was loaded with names and faces she probably wouldn’t remember the next day. She supposed that she’d just have to get used to them, as she would everything else. Again her new teacher stopped her as she was leaving. “Can I talk to you for a moment.” 

 

Azula frowned to herself and perhaps her dissatisfaction was apparent because he added, “don’t worry, I’ll give you a hall pass.”

 

She re-entered the classroom. 

 

“I just wanted to introduce myself, since the bell rang before I could.” 

 

Azula stood silent and waiting. 

 

“Though I feel like I know you decently already.” This, Azula didn’t understand. “Katara, has mentioned you a lot.” And her heart thrummed against her chest. “You are  _ that  _ Azula, correct?” She could already feel her grade in this class dipping. 

 

“Depends, what did Katara say?”

 

The man laughed and then his face went hard. “She pointed you out a number of times on various social media, usually while crying…”

 

Azula let herself go numb, she was already off to a horrible start. 

 

“Which is why I was surprised to hear that she was worried about you.” He paused. “If you need to talk about anything, I’m here after hours on most days.”

 

“I don’t need to talk about anything.” 

 

The man nodded. “My daughter came home crying you know…”

 

Azula didn’t want to hear anymore, she didn’t want to know how much damage she’d caused.

 

“...When she thought you were dead.”

 

That wasn’t where she thought he was headed and it took her aback. 

 

“She saw that you were on my roaster and asked me to make sure you were doing alright.” 

 

Azula swallowed. “She asked about me?” 

 

He nodded and held out his hand, “Mr. Nanouk. But feel free to call me Hakoda, everyone else does.” Azula returned the handshake. “Welcome to Xi River, if you need to know anything about the school, feel free to ask. I’ve been working here for over ten years now.”

 

Azula nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Nanouk, I’ll keep that in mind.” 

 

She turned to leave again, halting when he called, “Oh, one more thing.”

 

She looked back.

 

“Katara is having a little welcome back party for Sokka, she told me to let you know that you’re invited.”

 

Azula wondered just how many times she would be left with an optimistic but nerve-wracking flutter in her belly. The little reminders that, perhaps, she had been seeing things wrong all along--that people did care for her. They startled her and put her off guard just as much as they comforted her. She wasn’t used to people being so outwardly affectionate with her. Their gentleness had her somewhat flustered, silently so. She appreciate the sentiment very well. Even still…

“I’ll think about it, I have a lot going on right now.” 

 

“I can imagine.” Hakoda replied. 

 

Between all of the lawsuits and the transfer...and her mother…

Even without that baggage she wasn’t exactly up for another party. It would only bring back vivid images of the night she had made up her mind that it was time for her to go. She felt obliged to add, “it’s nothing personal, I’m just tired of the party scene.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

The lunchroom was crowded, everyone was well into their routines. Everyone save for her. She was alone again and this time she didn’t have a Teo. All of the tables seemed full. She tried reading faces, looking for the most inviting one. Her eyes fell upon someone who she could write off right away, she carried herself in the same way Usha did. In the same way Azula herself used to. With any luck she could just bleed herself into the background until her time at Xi River Academy was through. Unnoticed would be better than what she had at Wan High. Evidently, she was already unsure if she could manage that. She decided that she would pass on lunch today, she didn’t want to make that kind of scene on her first day. She’d been eating too much at the hospital anyways.

 

“Hey!” She spied a waving hand. It took her a moment to realize that the display was directed at her. It was that Zirin girl. She didn’t see any other options so she answered the girl’s gestures. “Earlier today you mentioned that you used to play volleyball?”

 

“Yes.” Azula replied, taking a seat. 

 

“I just so happen to be a member of Xi River’s team!” Zirin declared, “and I’d like you to meet the rest of the girls.” She motioned around the table. “This is Ikue, Chinami, Shoko, and Ryoko.” They were quite a variety. Ikue with her side shave and Ryoko with her black and white dye job. Chinami was a small and adorable thing, smaller in height than even she. And Azula was probably the smallest woman she knew.  Shoko was a heavier girl, the kind she would have targeted before her accident. “And this is Nagako.” She pointed to the most unremarkable girl of the group. She wasn’t unattractive by any means, she was more or less ordinary. “She just quit the team.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Eh, I get tired of doing the same thing all the time.” Nagako replied. “Besides, practice ate all of my free time.”

 

“In other words, we could use a new player.” Zirin offered. 

 

“You don’t want me on your team.” Azula mumbled. 

 

“Sure we do.” Zirin insisted. 

 

“I’m no good anymore…” Azula trailed off. “I haven’t played since my accident.”

 

“That’s fine, we suck anyways.” Ryoko shrugged. 

 

Chinami agreed. “Yeah, we lose pretty much every game.” 

 

“Xi River is known for our outstanding academics not our sports program.” Ikue put in. 

 

“We can all suck together.” Zirin declared. 

 

“I can’t wait.” Azula grumbled. 

 

“So you’ll join us then!?” Shoko asked. 

 

Azula sighed, the more she mulled it over, the better it sounded. She supposed that joining the team would buy her at least a little more time away from her mother. That alone held an appeal. It would probably do her well to at least try to get back into things. And from the sound of it, she wouldn’t have to worry about looking like a fool alone. Still, the idea of putting herself back on the court in such an out of shape state was daunting. It practically screamed for mockery. “I’ll think about it. I have...things to do after class.” 

 

She certainly wasn’t ready to confess that she was going to therapy. Outpatient had been the decision, with a heavy warning that if she gave even the slightest indication of self-harm she’d land herself a prolonged inpatient stay.

 

“What do you have to do?” Zirin asked. “Coach is usually pretty good at working around schedules.

 

“I’m still trying to get settled at my mother’s ma...place.” Azula lied, also deciding that it was probably better to leave her status out of the equation. 

 

“I’m sure coach can work with you.” Zirin said again. “I’ll let her know that you might be interested.”

 

“Don’t jump the gun, Zirin! She hasn’t said yes yet.” Shoko spoke. 

 

“I know, I know. I’m just going to mention it. No guarantees.” 

 

Ryoko looked to Azula, “did you forget your lunch?” 

 

And so it began. “I did, yes.” 

 

“Want some of mine?” 

 

“I think I can last the day.” She had lasted much longer than that and she would do so again. She looked at her knuckles, the scabs had just begun to flake away and she was going to pick them again. She had to, or else she’d never see her trim figure again. She noticed that the conversation was going on without her. It seemed that way anyhow.

 

“So, why did you transfer to Xi River?” Chinami asked.

 

“I. It wasn’t my choice, my brother ran away from home and the CPS got involved.” She supposed that a half truth couldn’t do much damage. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Chinami replied. 

 

Azula waved her off, “we didn’t get along anyways, I’m sure I’ll see him again some day or another.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

She didn’t know why she was doing this to herself, but curiosity was gnawing at her. She didn’t know if it would be better or worse to know exactly how much damage her hospital stay had inflicted. She searched the bathroom, finding no scale. She wondered if her mother had been informed of her diagnosis. She had to have been. Azula grimaced, now she had no way to gauge if she was on the right track. No way save for a glance in the mirror. A mirror that tells her that she had, indeed, grown even softer since her stay. 

Turning away from the mirror, she stipped off her uniform and tugged on her day clothes. Clothes that fit just the same as they had before she had landed herself in the hospital. She smoothed the wrinkles out of her shirt quickly ran a comb through her hair. 

“Are you sure that you don’t want me to come with you for your first session?” Ursa asked. 

 

“I’m more than capable of doing things on my own.” Her grip on her car keys tightened. 

 

“I just thought that you might want some support.” 

 

“Where was your support when I was in the hospital? Surely they told you how I got there?”

 

“Yes.” Ursa confirmed. “I know that we...I didn’t leave on the best terms with you. I was afraid that showing up would have made things worse for you.”

 

Resentfully, Azula noted that her mother wasn’t wrong. A sudden appearance from her probably would have set her off again. She found herself entirely conflicted. “You could have at least tried.” It stung, in retrospect that she hadn’t. Azula knew that she would have turned her away, but at least Ursa could have used an attempt as proof of care. “It wasn’t worth it to you, was it? You knew that I’d turn you away so you didn’t waste your time.”

 

“Azula.” Her voice is annoyingly level. A stoic demeanor so agitatedly like her own. “I didn’t want to upset you.” 

 

But she had. “I’m going to be late.”  

Not that she was actually eager to get to her appointment. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

It was hard to believe that her therapist wasn’t completely burnt out already. Thirty minutes into their hour and a half long session and Azula hadn’t said a word. They could make her attend, but they couldn’t make her speak. The woman, Yue, was nice enough, but Azula had no interest in spilling to a stranger, what had taken a good while for Teo to pry out of her.  The woman only knew what the other doctors did; that she refused to eat and threw it up when she finally caved. That was all she needed to know. 

She had already tried asking how her first day of school was, how she was adjusting to her new home, and if it was difficult to settle in. She tried asking what had driven her to take the pills and if death was what she had really wanted. It took everything in Azula to not, shout that, of course she didn’t really want to die. And then the woman was bold enough to ask if her struggle with bulimia went hand in hand with the attempt. 

 

Each question struck Azula with more unease and fury. Fury she refused to express so openly. The woman was trying many tactics. She tried firm questioning, she tried kind questioning. She tried telling stories of other patients. She tried speaking of her own experiences. She tried returning the silence. 

 

“You’re a pretty girl, Azula.” Now she was trying flattery. She was only saying it because she had to. Azula resisted the urge to correcter with an, “I  _ was  _ a pretty girl.” She wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. “Can you help me understand why you think that you need to throw up?”

 

Azula hated her bluntness, it made her almost uncomfortable. Evidently she didn’t even know why the woman needed to ask, it was very plain to see. The woman was just taunting her, trying to coax a reaction. She wouldn't so readily give one.

 

“Does it have anything to do with your father? I am aware that child protective services have gotten involved in your case.”

 

That struck a nerve. “It has  _ nothing  _ to do with him!” She might as well have said that it had everything to do with him. Yue’s face told Azula that she knew it too. 

 

“He put a lot of pressure on you, didn’t he?” 

 

She tried to save herself, but she probably only dug herself deeper in. “He didn’t say anything I didn’t agree with.”

 

“So you put pressure on yourself too. Whose idea was it?”

 

“Was what?” Azula scowled, folding her hands over her chest.

 

“Did you make the decision to start throwing up yourself, or did your father suggest it.”

 

She didn’t like that question either. Even less, she liked the implication that she could be forced to do anything she didn’t want to do.  “Of course it was my idea! It was only supposed to be once or twice. I just needed to...fix myself to make the team.”

 

“The team?” 

 

She was saying too much. Maybe she could redirect the conversation. “I was in volleyball.”

 

“Volleyball.” Yue nodded. “A good sport. Which playing position was your favorite?” 

 

She allowed the conversation to drift away from her disorder. “I enjoyed them all. I was good at them all.” She thought for a moment. “I liked being the setter or the outside hitter the most.” 

 

Yue nodded. “I don’t know that much about volleyball, would you mind telling me what those positions include?” 

 

Azula took no issue in discussing this. Ideally she could chip away the rest of the session time. 

She launched into an in depth explanation of the six positions and the game play. Doing so only took up about twenty minutes. Leaving her with a good forty-five left to kill. She tried to think of anything she may have missed. But Yue came up with something faster. 

 

“So you started throwing up to get yourself back in shape for the team? You wanted fast results, correct?”

 

Azula groaned to herself. “Yes.”

 

“Understandable.” Yue replied. “But have you seen any changes since you started?” 

 

At first she was inclined to fess up and say no. She would have rather said no instead of coming to the dreadful realization that, if anything,  she had seen her weight go up. She shifted uncomfortably. Another mistake, Yue picked up on the motion quickly. She loathed her for it, she was just as good with mind games and reading people as Azula herself. She was going to have to tread with more care. 

 

“You’ve probably seen an increase haven’t you?” 

 

Azula remained silent, but at this point, even that spoke volumes. 

 

Yue’s face hardened and Azula knew that she was done playing nice. Kindness, hadn’t worked up to that point. “Throwing up doesn’t get rid of all of the calories, Azula. It doesn’t even get rid of most of them.”

 

Her discomfort swelled and would only continue to do so as Yue kept speaking. 

 

“You do realize that there have been many studies to show that a good number of bulimics reach their highest weights during the cycle.” She paused to let it settle, drawing the quiet out for a good while. “Purging is only an illusion. It makes you feel like you’re preventing something, but that isn’t the case. Is it, Azula?” 

 

She felt her cheeks color. The facts that Yue laid out, leave her feeling naked and helpless. She wondered if coming here was a good idea at all. It certainly didn’t feel like it. Perhaps Yue really wanted to set things in stone because she continued. “Your doctors wouldn’t release any details of your stay. But I imagine that, at some point, your hands must have been swollen. Maybe your ankles and your jaw too. Do you know why this is?”

 

Azula shook her head. 

 

“It happens because your constant vomiting leaves you dehydrated. Your body is trying to cling to the water it has.” She paused again, leaving it to turn in Azula’s mind. “Your throat hurts, doesn’t it.”

 

“Not as--not that badly.” Her unease was making her speech less careful. 

 

“Not as much lately? Do you think that, that could be because you haven’t thrown up recently.”

 

She did, but she wouldn’t say it.

 

“It has only been a little over a week since you’ve last thrown up, and you’re already feeling that much better for it.” 

 

Azula swallowed a lump in her throat. 

 

“You’re lucky the tooth decay hasn’t begun to set in yet. And luckier still that you haven’t developed any intestinal problems. Or heart problems. I’m sure that your doctor has talked with you, at least a little, about electrolytes.” 

 

Lord, was she tired of hearing about those. “Heart problems?”

 

“Among other things, yes. Low potassium can lead to heart problems.” 

 

And lord knew that they had tested her for that in the hospital. She stared at her arm, a faint patch of pink still decorated the area the IV had jabbed into. 

 

“Of course, those are long-term effects. I would guess that you haven’t done any permanent damage yet, but that can easily change. Do you think that you will be able to make the team with an irregular heart beat or kidney failure?” 

 

The question answered itself. 

 

“You wanted instant gratification. You wanted fast results. Do you like the results you’ve seen?”

 

“No.” 

Her head dipped.

 

And Yue’s expression softened. “Of course you don’t. You’re hurting yourself. Do you know what will get you fast results?”

 

Azula looked up.

 

“Exercize.” Yue replied simply. “You enjoyed volleyball, you still enjoy it, right?” 

 

“I think.” 

 

“Pick up the ball again.” Yue replied. “And if you still like the game, then weight loss should come very easily and naturally to you. From the sound of it, you have a very natural talent.”

 

“But I’m hungry all the time.” She couldn’t imagine that, that would do her any favors.

 

“That’s what happens when you restrict your diet. You start to think of what you can’t have, you hold off and hold off until you can’t take it anymore. And then when you do eat, you eat to make up for days of not eating anything at all.”

 

It seemed so simple, she feels like a fool for not thinking of it on her own.

 

“You’ve gotten into a habit, Azula. The sooner you break it, the easier things will be.”

 

“But--” 

 

Yue left her with no room for that. “Right now you’re going to have to rip the band-aid. Typically I go easier on patients, but I feel like babying won’t work on you, will it? I don’t think you want to be babied.” 

 

“I don’t.” She agreed. 

 

“So I will be blunt with you.”

 

She didn’t want any babying, but she didn’t particularly want her to be so straightforward either. Yet, it was what she needed.

 

“I want you to start eating again. Like you used to before…”

 

“I broke my ribs.” Azula filled in. 

 

“I want you to start eating like you did before you broke your ribs.” 

 

It sounded easy enough. It should have been easy. “If I do, I’ll just...” Azula trailed off.

 

She  didn’t need to finish for Yue to gauge the direction. She’d probably seen it dozens upon dozens of times. “ You’ve thrown your body into starvation mode. Right now it is going to cling to everything you put in it. So yes, you’re right, you probably will see another increase in your weight.” At least she wasn’t sugar coating. “Eventually your body will get used to a healthier diet and you’ll level out again. After that, it gets easier--you’ll start to see the drop you’d like.” 

 

Azula’s fingers tighten over her kneecaps. 

 

“I’m willing to say that if you stick to a regular volleyball and workout routine, the gain will be minimal, perhaps it won’t happen at all.” 

 

She didn’t know if she believed that. 

 

“I promise you that if you go back to the very basics, a healthy diet and regular exercise, you’ll see much faster results than throwing up will ever get you.” She paused. “So, let me ask. How do you want to do this? Do you want to take baby steps or do you want to rip the band-aid.” 

 

“I want to rip the band-aid.” 

 

Yue nodded. “If that doesn’t work then we’ll have to take baby steps.”

 

“Fair.” 

 

“Alright then.” Yue clapped her hands together. “We’re running short on time so I’m going to take you through this quickly. I’d like you to join the volleyball team again. Start slow if you have to. I’d also like you to follow a diet plan…”

 

**.oOo.**

 

It was a lot to absorb and that was only their first session. But she had requested tough love. Apparently their next session was going to focus wholly on re-learning nutrition facts. She supposed that, that wouldn’t sting too much, it would do her well to have a more concrete understanding of such. The only thing she had going for her was that she didn’t have the burden of stress-related eating habits. 

 

She fell upon her mattress. It was hard enough handing Ursa, of all people, that night’s meal plan. Granted the woman was in ass kissing mode and eagerly accepted the task of cooking it. Azula rubbed her hands over her face. She was completely unready to face another possible spike in her weight. She was frustrated to the point of misty eyes. She could smell the crisp of chicken, it met her nose so invitingly. Her empty stomach yearned for it. Habit alone left her feeling disgusting for craving it so badly. She sighed, it was going to be a tedious task to sort out what a normal food craving felt like verses the impulsive uncontrollable desire.

Apparently, that was going to be a topic of discussion in the next session as well. 

 

Azula loathed to admit it, but she wanted to see Yue again. The woman was firm with her in a way that didn’t leave her feeling ashamed of herself. She was forceful but she left the final decision with Azula. The woman could talk all she wanted about eating well, but at the end of the day it was on Azula to follow through.  _ “You can make me empty promises if you want. At the end of the day you’re only going to hurt yourself. No matter what you choose to do with this diet plan, I’m going to go home, watch some Netflix, and pet my cats.”  _

 

But something told her that it would hit Yue hard if Azula fell deeper into her disorder. 

 

Ursa shouted up that the food was ready. 

And Azula felt absolutely ridiculous; she shouldn’t feel this nervous about a simple dinner. The kind she used to eat without issue. That’s what she clung to as she ate her share. That she wasn’t over doing it, that this was normal. That this was the amount everyone else ate, a decent cut of chicken with a side of corn and a glass of orange juice. 

 

With an empty plate, she pushed her chair in. She headed back to her room with an impulse to purge. She halted in front of the bathroom and forced herself past it. She attempted to turn her thoughts elsewhere. So she opted to text Teo and TyLee about her first day. And she let Katara know that she was still deciding if she was up for a party.

 

The window between their texts left her with too much time to think. So she stood up again, picking a fight with Ursa ought to do the trick. 

She wouldn’t have done it if she knew her mother was going to just stand and listen. Stand listen, and sometimes agree. 

 

She threw accusation after accusation. “You never loved me.”, “You were selfish.” “You left us behind.” The woman would occasionally flinch. “You didn’t even try to contact us.”

 

“I was selfish.” She agreed, after Azula’s onslaught. “And I was afraid. I was afraid of your father…”

 

“You were afraid of me.” Azula muttered. 

 

Ursa drew in a sharp breath. “You’re a lot like your father. The way you talked to your brother…” She trailed off. “I was afraid of you, yes.” The confession was like a slap in the face. “But I still loved you then. And I still love you now.” She laughed to herself and Azula couldn’t fathom why. “I can’t believe it took me so long to realize that you’re more like me than him. Believe it or not, I have some fire too, Azula.” 

 

Azula furrowed her brows. “Then why didn’t you try to talk to me?” 

 

“I did. You had me blocked. Every time I found your number, you blocked me again.” 

 

The confusion Azula’s her face so closely resembled Ursa’s expression. Because she swore to God, that  she had done nothing of the sort. She hadn’t even blocked Chan and Usha. Much less her own mother. 

 

“I don’t know why I didn’t take you and Zuko with me. It was bad enough hearing that Zuko was in rehab.” 

 

Azula couldn’t tell if Ursa was talking to her still or if the woman was musing to herself. 

 

“And then I find out that you were in the hospital. And with bulimia...what was he doing to the two of you?” 

 

It truly settled in, how dire the situation was. What had he done to her? 

 

“I should have stolen you both away.”

 

“Then why didn’t you?”

 

“I had no money. It was all his, I lost everything in that divorce court. And they weren’t going to award two children to a mother who couldn’t even feed herself.”

 

Azula stole a look around the manor. 

 

“I worked really hard and got really lucky” Ursa noted her glance. “I’ve been working on a novel since I met your father. It just so happened to gain a large following overseas…” 

 

She could fill in the rest. 

 

“It had a movie adaption. It should be released here, some time this year.” 

 

“Why didn’t you come find us then?” 

 

“I thought that you were happy with Ozai.”

 

“I was…” 

 

“Until he wasn’t happy with you.” Ursa filled in. “That’s how it is with that man.” Before Azula knew it, she was in Ursa’s arms, the woman running her hands over her hair. It was such a stark contrast to Ozai’s coldness. 

Azula fought to hold onto her resentment.  


	41. Chapter 41

Jet’s trial was approaching faster than Katara could have guessed. She supposed that, that was a good thing. It meant that the interrogations had gone smoothly. That they had enough evidence for a compelling case. If Katara were being honest, she wasn’t worried for her own trial, between she and TyLee, they had a solid case. 

 

It was Sokka she feared for. No matter the situation, he wasn’t going to get out without a blemish to his record and she still couldn’t help but continue to feel guilty for not being able to protect herself and even more so for being foolish enough to go to a party she knew would end disastrously.

 

“Are you sure you want to throw Sokka a welcome home party?” Suki asked. “To be honest, I don’t think I want to attend another one of those ever again.”

 

“It isn’t going to be a party.” Katara replied. “It’s just gonna be a few of us hanging out on Sokka’s dorm with pizza and some confetti, maybe a few balloons.” 

 

“Who’d you invite?”

 

“The usual, Aang and Toph. But I also invited TyLee and” She motioned to the boy seated at the table’s end.  “Teo. I also told Aang that he could bring Haru along.”

 

“I heard that he and Haru are an item now.” 

 

“We’re going to talk about that at the party.” Katara replied,  thinking over whether or not it would be a good idea to disclose the rest of her guest list. “I invited Azula too.” 

 

“Why!?” Suki exclaimed, drawing a few looks from the other lunch tables. “After everything…”

 

Katara hoped that she was making the right call this time. She had trusted Jet and it had ended so dreadfully. “I don’t know, she’s having a rough time and I thought an invitation to something might help. It doesn’t sound like she wants to come anyways, I probably should have told her it would be more like a get together…”

 

“I just hope that this party isn’t premature.” 

 

Katara sighed, “yeah…” Truth be told she just wanted a distraction from the upcoming trial and a booze and Jet free party sounded like a good enough. After so many rounds of questioning, a nice time was well overdue.  “Would you want to come with me to pick up a few things? I’d like to be ready for this weekend.”

 

“Sure, I can do that.” Suki replied. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Sokka texted her that night, as he did every night. This time his choice topic was complaining about how he still hasn’t caught up with all of his missed school work. Katara had to roll her eyes, he was confined to his dorm, it wasn’t like he had anything else to do save for binging his favorite shows. She replied to him in accordance with her thoughts. 

 

She looked at the clock. TyLee would be at her house soon and she still had to get out of her school uniform. She ruffled through her closet and pulled out her favorite sweater; fuzzy, blue and made of wool with threads of silver tinsel woven in. Perhaps it was a little early for sweaters that heavy, but she didn’t have time to dwell on her fashion choice too much. She pulled on a pair of rhinestone speckled jeans. Her phone buzz and she hustled to it, thinking that TyLee was letting her know that she was almost there.

 

Katara had forgotten that she had asked Azula how her first two days at her new school had went until the girl’s name was on her phone’s screen.  ‘ _ They weren’t dreadful… _ ’ and then came a second message. ‘ _ I joined Xi River’s volleyball team. I think Ursa and Teo are happier about that than I am. _ ’ It brought an involuntary smile to Katara’s lips. Maybe Azula didn’t see it yet, but it seemed like things were going better for her. She peered at the message again before replying. She remembered hearing the name Ursa before, but forgot who exactly it belonged to. ‘Who is Ursa? Do you like your teammates?’

 

Katara moved away from her phone and to her vanity set. The one with the swimming ladies painted on the border in baby blues and pinks. The same one she has had since she was a child. She clipped a few barrettes into her hair. Her phone buzzed again. She stuck the final hairpiece in and returned to it. 

 

‘ _ My mother. _ ’

For a while that was all that Azula responded with. After a few moments she finally added. ‘ _ I’m not sure yet. Zirin talks a lot. Ikue and Ryoko keep trying to get me to dye my hair bright red… _ ” 

 

Katara had to laugh at the image of Azula getting pestered by her friends, it was such a light and mundane topic. She tried to picture Azula with bright red hair and from there, herself  with a bright blue dye job. “Hmmm…” She mused aloud. Perhaps she and TyLee could go to the salon if she could get a little cash from her father. Maybe she wouldn’t get bright blue, but some caramel highlights might be nice. 

Perhaps a haircut too if she was feeling ambitious. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Nice dye job, loser.” Usha 

 

These days, her commentary had no meaning. In the grander scheme of things, she had better things to fret over. Namely that her trial was two weekends away.  She sighed what a way to begin the Christmas season. Katara grabed her textboks for first hour.

 

“Hello-o.” Usha greeted without a hint of kindness. “I just implied that you made a terrible choice in color.”

 

“That’s fine, Usha. You don’t have to like it.” Katara shrugged. If there was one thing Azula’s former harassment had taught her, it was that she shouldn’t give up the things she loved for someone who wouldn’t respect her if she evolved into an entirely different person. TyLee thought that it was an adorable choice, and Aang seemed to like it. That held much more weight than Usha’s opinion. 

 

Usha crinkled her nose. 

Her disappointment was satisfying to see.

 

She found her seat in front of Chan. She made a point of never looking in his direction. His unscathed presence, still brought a boiling to the pit of her stomach. These days he didn’t seem to have much to say anyhow. She did, however, look to the seat next to hers. It was strange not having Azula occupying it. She never thought that its emptiness would leave as somber tickle in her belly. Things could have been so different if she would have reached out to Azula. They could have been trading notes or discussing her new dye job.

At least that desk wasn’t empty in the same way Ruon’s was. 

 

She copied June’s notes until her attention wavered. When it did, she began writing for Kyoshi’s assignment, she enjoyed it much more than math class. She almost found found comfort in it. It was an outlet of sorts that helped her gather her thoughts. 

 

.oOo.

 

_ The music was too loud, it was her favorite song but it came in a muffled, uncanny key. It hurt her ears. The room was too bright and it shifted with eye searing colors from all over the spectrum. She couldn’t get a sense for where she was. But she was bombarded with sensations. Forceful, unkind sensations. Out of the kaleidoscope of neon colors came spectral hands that felt her up and down. Her favorite song blared louder and she screamed louder than even that. _

_ The hands shifted and snaked up her legs, opalescent phanstasmas that she couldn’t see well enough to combat. But she could feel them, slimy and smooth, like jelly. Writhing and twisting into two hands. _

 

_ The moved up the inside of her shirt, pushing it disconcertingly up. She can make out the impression of the hand beneath the fabric of a sequined cocktail dress. She hollered out again and the hands emerged from under the dress at her collar. They slinked and slid to her ears, one cupping the right and the other the left.  _

 

_ A tongue grazed over her left ear and a mumbled drawl filled the right. “It didn’t have to happen this way, Kat.” _

 

She bolted up breathing heavily with tears prickling in her eyes. She could keep her waking thoughts in check, but the nightmares persisted no matter how much effort she threw into dreaming of pleasant things. 

 

Katara pulled the topmost blanket from her mattress, wrapped it around herself, and made her way into her parents’ room. They were sound asleep so she curled herself up at the foot of her bed, something she hadn’t done since she was a child. 

 

She wondered what she had to do to get those horrid dreams to relent.

 

She knew that she ought to go back to sleep, but the thought of it sent ripples of dread through her mind. It was going to be another one of those sleepless nights. The kind where she feared that Jet was going to somehow escape and come back for her, making those nightmares as real as he could manage. 

 

If she let her mind wander far enough she could imagine a guy like Chu-Leng filling in for Jet. Or, more likely, one of Jet’s own friends. Evidently she still didn’t know what they made of their old friend’s actions. 

 

She shuddered to herself and pulled the blankets tighter. 

 

Suddenly she wished that the trial could just be done and over with.


	42. Chapter 42

It was both thrilling and startling to hold the ball in her hands again. Exhilarating and pleasantly daunting, a challenge of sorts. Azula had forgotten how much she enjoyed a challenge. She supposed that getting things back in order was a challenge in and of itself, she had never backed away from a challenge so she would take both of them on. If things went her way she’d have two successes born from one action. 

 

She tossed the ball from one hand to the other, waiting for the rest of her team to assemble in the gym. It would seem that she had even beaten her coach. She was beginning to see why the team was as unskilled as they claimed, they couldn’t even make it to practice on time. For a brief moment, she considered that she had come to the wrong place, she was, afterall, in a new school--she could see the possibility of Xi River having a second gymnasium. But it couldn’t be so, Azula had made sure that she had all of the directions and details clear. 

She was in the right place. 

They were late. 

 

She took the time to readjust her kneepads and elbow pads to her liking. She had gone out and bought them the other day so she would have something to match her new uniform; of course, she had yet to receive the uniform itself.

 

The squeak of sneakers on polished maple wood let her know that the rest of her team, or at least a few of them had finally made it. Zirin and Chinami come to join her. Soon Ryoko was there as well. 

 

“Hey, Azula.” Chinami greeted. 

 

“So have you changed your mind yet?” Ryoko asked. 

 

“In the hour between sixth period and now?” Azula asked. “No.” 

 

“You’re still on about that, Ryo?” Zirin asked. 

 

“Of course  _ we  _ are.” Ikue replied. “I think that we need a splash of bright red in this group. Or maybe electric blue.”

 

“Pink?” Ryoko put in.

 

Azula rolled her eyes. “Why don’t we just dye my hair all three? Hell, let’s throw in purple.”

 

Ryoko’s eyes lit up. “That’s a great idea!” 

 

Apparently, Ikue was feeling extra ambitious, “we can add some green too.” 

 

“I don’t think she’s gonna let cha touch her hair.” Shoko put in. 

 

“I like my hair the way it is.” Azula muttered as their coach stepped into the gym. She was a tall and chiseled woman with chalky brown hair and deep brown eyes. Having only heard it one, Azula tried to recall her name. Ruka, she believed. Truth be told, she had put more focus into discussion matters of her joining the team than investing it in remembering names. It was a pain enough to confess that after this week she’d have therapy sessions every Tuesday and Thursday. Missing two days of five was an agitating prospect. She supposed it would be for the best that way as her body recovered and adjusted to the spike in activity again. Still, she was going to have to get used to playing for leisure rather than competition. 

 

Ruka looked to Azula first, “your uniform should be in by the end of the week.”

 

Azula nodded. 

 

With that out of the way, Ruka addressed the entirety of the team. “Alright, ladies, we’ll start with a warm up--laps around the gym for five minutes and then a couple of stretches--after that you’ll get into pairs and practice our spikes and sets.” She paused. “From there we will have a mock game. I expect the five of you to leave our new member with a good impression.” She gave Zirin a pointed stare. She spoke to Azula more quietly. “If you need a break, let me know. I don’t want to overwork you so soon after your hospital visit.” 

 

The woman meant well, but Azula found herself rather vexed by the coddling. “I’ll be fine.” 

 

Ruka nodded. “I don’t doubt that. I’ve seen you play when we versed Wan High last year.”

And now there were expectations. 

Ruka punched a few buttons on her stopwatch. “Five minutes begins now.”

 

The first minute or so went over rather well, she had a few laps on the rest of her team--which was nothing out of the ordinary for her--but she was growing winded quickly. She held her pace well into the second minute, but doing so was taking its toll. This should have been easy for her. The last time she had done something like this, she could hold her pace for a good ten minutes before becoming only slightly short of breath. 

It would seem that she would have to start slower. Yet she didn’t know how much slower, she found herself completely unaware of her own limits.

How had she become so out of tune with herself?

 

Resentfully, she slowed her own pace. And then slowed it more still, feeling almost dizzy. She had taken herself from first to the last to finish.

 

“You don’t have to run so fast, during the warm up.” Shoko noted.

 

Shoko didn’t realize that what Azula was doing  _ had  _ been her version of a warm up at one point.

 

“Besides, we’re not the track team.” Zirin laughed.

 

It took a very meticulous effort to remind herself that it was an innocent remark. That Zirin wasn’t trying to provoke her. It set in that, perhaps, physical activity wasn’t the only thing she’d have to get reacquainted with. The concept of light-hearted jokes seemed so foreign. 

 

Azula worked through the stretches trying not to think about how strenuous they were juxtaposed against the ease at which they use to come. She tried with even more effort to ignore the way her tummy looked when she bent over. She hoped with just as much vigor that the rest of the team ignored it too. She wondered if this was a good idea after all. She was better off getting back in the swing of things in privet. 

 

She couldn’t help but compare herself to Zirin who was as toned as she used to be. Or to Ikue who was ridiculously tall and every bit as slender. Their stomach didn’t stick out the way hers did. She found it hard all over again, to imagine why they wanted her on the team. She was certainly going to mar their aesthetic. 

 

They worked through a final stretch, one that seemed to drag, and then they broke into pairs. Ikue and Ryoko had ran straight for each other, Azula had no doubts that they would. The remaining three looked amid each other. 

 

“Who wants to work with Azula?” Zirin asked. 

 

“I will!” Chinami volunteered. 

 

_ How generous _ , Azula thought to herself. She supposed that someone had to take one for the team. 

 

“I wanted to work with her.” Shoko mumbled. 

 

“See, I was just asking, to be nice.” Zirin noted. She hooked her arm around Azula’s. 

 

“Oh wow. Okay, Zirin.” Shoko grumbled. 

 

Zirin gave a bursting laugh and then turned to Azula. “I like practicing on that side of the gym.” She lead her to a spot near the right corner. “I’ve been practicing in this exact spot for three years now!”

 

“Congratulations?” Azula muttered.

 

“Do you want me to grab the ball?” She looked to the ball cage. 

 

“I have one.” Azula moved to her duffle bag where she had tucked her ball away. She took it out once again. She took a moment to appreciate the metallic blue material. It was a custom make and she thought that it was a shame that she hadn’t got to use it until now. 

 

“Ooo, fancy.” Zirin snatched it from her hands. She sputtered an apology and handed it back. “Sorry, coach told me I need to remember to ask first. Can I see your volleyball.” 

 

She was going to be hitting it around anyways so Azula handed it over. 

 

“Ikue! Ryoko! Less talking, more spiking!” Ruka barked. 

 

“Oh, shit!” Zirin hissed, quickly spiking it over to Azula. Her reflexes were as sharp as they ever were, but her body couldn’t keep up with them. She managed to return the hit with a bump but managed to pull something in her leg in the process. She winced but powered through it, returning a second spike. 

 

Declaring that everyone should get a feel for working with Azula, Ruka had them go through a full rotation before proceeding with the mock game. By the end of it she was already feeling sore and sluggish. 

 

Zirin tossed her a water bottle.  “Don’t push yourself so hard.” She said softly. “We want you to have fun here.”

 

Azula took a rather greedy sip from the water bottle. “I’m not pushing myself.” 

 

“And our team is going to state this year.” Zirin rolled her eyes. “Seriously, take it easy, I’d feel awful if you got hurt again.”

 

“I’m not going to hold the team back.” Azula refuted. 

 

“Well of course not.” And with more volume she added, “It’s Ryo’s job to hold the team back!” Her lopsided grin was stolen by a ball thumping her on the head. “Ow!” 

 

“Holding the team back is a team effort.” Ryoko insisted. 

 

“Well you’re the MVP!” Zirin insisted.

 

“And you’re the runner up.”

 

“See,” Zirin put a hand at the corner of her mouth and muttered into Azula’s ear, “you’re going to have a lot of competition as far as holding us back goes.”  

 

As comforting as the prospect was, Azula almost felt bad. She wondered what dipped their confidence so low. At least they were good humored about it, unlike her. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko turned the chip over in his hand, admiring the glinting blue. He was feeling better than he had in a long time. And better still, knowing that he’d be getting a second chip--red, like one of the ones Hahn showed him--very soon. As soon as he had the month milestone chip in his hands, they would switch him to outpatient. It was a possibility that both rattled him and thrilled him in equal part. He would be free. But also free to find his way back to heroine. 

 

“You ready for some exciting and wholesome group therapy?” Hahn asked. 

 

“I’m bursting with joy.” Zuko grumbled. 

 

“You better be, because we have to walk all the way to the other end of the building this time around.”

 

“You mean the psych ward?” Zuko asked. “Why that way?” Perhaps he had no room to talk being as he considered himself to be a bit of a basket case but the thought of passing through the section of the facility that housed the more sever of the disorders chilled him. He felt like an asshole for thinking it too.

 

“Pipe broke in our regular room.” Hahn informed. “Bit of flooding going on. Ya know, the usual mishaps. A change of scenery might be nice, ya know?”

 

He guessed that he wouldn’t mind a little kink in the routine. He still wasn’t particularly looking forward to this session. From the sound of it, today they were going to be discussing what had led the to drugs or alcohol in the first place. Zuko’s desire to talk about Ozai was about as real as a flying bison. 

 

Hahn led him down a series of hallways. Even after being in the institution for a little over a month, he still couldn’t get use to the staff personnel who consistently monitored the halls. Their watchful eyes kept him in line.

 

They came to the second floor lobby where many halls conjoined and went their separate ways. This was where the elevator was, they’d be taking it a floor up to where most therapy sessions were held. For the elevators, this area had the most traffic, he scanned the crowd for any familiar faces from his last group session. He picked out a boy named Rin and a girl named Emi. He didn’t know them well enough to approach them. He didn’t know anyone there enough to make a greeting.  

He caught sight of someone walking his way. 

He couldn’t imagine why, so he assumed she was simply walking in his general direction.

 

“Still a little disorienting, huh?” Hahn asked. 

 

“A little.” Zuko admitted, he had always been an introvert but these days he seemed to be sinking further into it. He only really talked to Hahn anymore. 

 

“You’re not dead, after all.” 

 

He jumped. 

 

“And you’re as easy to scare as ever.” Though it was some hoarser than her remembered, he recognized that silky voice. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t recognized her face. But then, it had been so long since he’d seen it. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Zuko sputtered. 

 

“I have therapy too, dum-dum.” She settled a hand on her hip. “Mother sends her regards.” 

 

“Y-you’ve talked to mom? What are you in therapy for.” He didn’t know which he was more curious about. He was going to be late. It didn’t matter, the group could wait. So long as Hahn stuck around, he wouldn’t get in too much trouble. 

 

“It’s a long story, Zu-Zu. After you made your depart, CPS got involved, I’m living with her now.” 

 

He knew it was a lie. He was of age, what he did was no concern of the CPS. He knew that she and their father weren’t exactly on good terms. But, then, he didn’t really expect her to disclose anything about that situation. He had a good feeling that her new living situation and whatever was going on with she and Ozai went hand in hand with the reason for her therapy.

 

“Are you going to be living with her or staying with Iroh when you get cleared?” 

 

“I. I was going to live with Iroh...but…” He paused. “I can see mom again?”

 

“That’s what I said.” Azula rolled her eyes. 

She sounded more like herself than she did before he ran away. 

“She’s worried about you.”

 

“Were you?” He asked. She had to have been, otherwise she wouldn’t have called Iroh.

 

“Absolutely not.” She frowned. He didn’t believe that either.

 

He was worried about her. He didn’t realize it until then, but he was so worried for her with the state he had last seen her in. Quiet and quite visibly unsure of herself. Despite her posture and her high held head, he could see it in her eyes that something was wrong. They were missing their usual spark and he was almost certain that she still wasn’t comfortable with herself. Not entirely. 

 

“Enjoy rehab, Zu-Zu.”

 

He watched her head for the elevator. 

 

“Oh!” He called.

 

He didn’t think that she heard him, but she came to a stop and peered over her shoulder. 

 

“Thank you. For calling uncle.”

 

She waved it off.

 

“Really, I think that you might have saved my life.”

 

“Good to know.”  The elevator doors opened. 

 

“We going inside too?” Hahn asked. 

 

“We’ll wait for the next one.” He didn’t want to draw out some sort of awkward silence. 

  
  


“Really, I think that you might have saved my life.” Hahn mocked as the entered the second elevator. “I didn’t realize you were so sappy.”

 

“Shut up, Hahn.” Zuko jabbed him. 

 

Hahn pulled the door open and motioned him inside. It looked like he was the youngest of the group again. “You’re late.” The session leader noted. 

 

“He ran into his sister.” Hahn vouched. “It’s been a while since they’ve seen each other.”

 

The man sighed, “let’s get into it then. Ki, would you like to start us off?”

 

Zuko tried not to nod off as listened to various addiction origin stories. Ones that ranged from crippling depression to  a friend hooking them up back in high school and still not being able to climb out of it. One story in particular stood out to him, “having children took its toll.” The woman spoke. “I had the first one, thought I could handle a second…” She trailed off. “Drugs took the edge off of the crying and fussing. I wanted to be a good mom, I really did. But I’ve failed as a parent.” 

 

“You couldn’t have failed worse than my father.” Zuko didn’t mean to cut her off, he hadn’t even realized that he’d spoken out loud.  

 

“I take it you’d like to share share next?” The therapist commented.

 

“Not particularly.”

 

“Well you interrupted Mrs. Wansabi’s story so I assumed that you had something to say.”

 

“It’s fine, I was done talking.” Mrs. Wansabi smiled. 

 

“No matter, we still need another person to share and we didn’t here from Mr. Kasai last time.”

 

Zuko gritted his teeth. This therapist was agitating, he was going to have to talk to someone about seeing someone else, before this man made him snap. “You want my story?! Fine! I have an abusive sorry ass excuse for a father. He beat me regularly and heroine took the pain away. It’s not that special.” He turned to Mrs. Wansabi. “At least you’re here and trying. That’s more than my father can say. You feel bad and you haven’t even hurt your kids yet. My father...I think he enjoys hurting me.” He couldn’t help but think of Azula too and that more somber look in her eyes. “Hurting us.” 

 

“So you ran away.” Hahn finished for him. 

 

“It was the best thing I could have done for myself.”

 

“You’re lucky that you ended up here and not in a drug ring.” The therapist put in, unhelpfully. “That kind of impulsive…”

 

Zuko cut him off. “I could have ended up here, like I did. Or I could have ended up dead. Which still would have been better than living with  _ him _ .” 

 

The room fell quiet.

 

He hoped that he hadn’t landed himself an extended stay.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Yue beckoned Azula to sit. “Water?” With a nod from Azula, she filled up a small glass. “How has school been treating you?”

 

But Azula wanted to start with something different. “I ran into my brother today.” 

 

“On the way here?” 

 

“Ursa--my mother told me he was in the rehab sector here.”

 

Yue took a sip for herself. “Was this encounter a good thing?” 

 

Azula shrugged. “It was an encounter.” She paused. “He told me that I saved him.” 

 

“Did you?” Yue asked. 

 

She shrugged again. “Maybe in a manner of speaking. I just called uncle for him.” Yue continued to stare so she added, “he ran away.” 

 

“Your father?” 

 

“I know. It’s hard to believe that anyone would run away from such a compassionate man.” 

 

Yue chuckled. At least someone shared her sense of humor, that joke hadn’t gone so well with her mother who used it as an opportunity for more hugging and tears. The kind of affection that still made Azula squeamish. 

 

“It was probably nice to hear. That you were able to help your brother.”

 

Azula considered. “It’s a start.” It had made her feel like, perhaps, she wasn’t as dreadful of a person as she initially assumed.

 

“A start?” 

 

“He left on bad terms.” She wasn’t entirely certain of this. “Rather, we had some unfinished matters.” 

 

Yue nodded. “Do you want to talk about those?”

 

“Perhaps another time.” It was a subject so layered, that it may have take many sessions to cover. Truth be told, this time, she wanted to talk about her other problems. It was easier to talk to someone she didn’t know very well. Someone who she wouldn’t have to see every day. 

 

“Would you like to tell me how you’re adjusting to school?” Yue asked. “Have you found any new friends.” 

 

“A few.” Azula replied. “My new volleyball team and Nagako--she quit the team.” 

 

Yue smiled. “I’m happy to hear that you decided to join after all!” The woman sound very genuinely thrilled. It instilled some sort of pride within Azula. “Did you have practice already?”

 

“The first one was yesterday.”

 

“How did it go?” 

 

At this Azula’s face fell. 

 

Yue’s own expression darkened. “What happened?” 

 

Azula tightened her grip on the glass. “I couldn’t…” She paused. “I knew that I wasn’t going to be as good as before, I’ve been out of practice for so long…” She trailed off. “I didn’t think I would perform  _ that  _ poorly.”

 

“Did someone say that you weren’t doing good?”

 

“Yes.” Azula mumbled. “I did.” 

 

“I’m sure you performed better than you think.”

 

“You were not there.” Azula held her ground. “You wouldn’t say that if you had been.” 

 

“Azula, you’ve put a lot of strain on your body in starving it. This has nothing to do with your skill set. You made it sound like you were a natural. So let things happen naturally. Treat it right and your body will recover and you will most likely find that you haven’t set yourself as far back as you think.” 

 

It sounded so good aloud. But Azula wasn’t sure if she believed that. Even so it didn’t alleviate the sting she was feeling in that moment. Nor would it lift the burden that came with noticing just how much her figure had changed. Before joining the team, she hadn’t considered how much the stretches would annunciate that. “You don’t understand.”

 

“I would like to. What were you thinking about?” 

 

She didn’t want to say it out loud. It was embarrassing enough in her own headspace. Yet she wanted to say something. She kept quiet. 

 

“Would you like to come back to this subject later?” 

 

Azula almost took her up on her offer. She held her silence until she found a less degrading way to say what was bothering her. “I almost did it again...”

 

“Did what?

 

She set her cup aside and brought her fingers to her mouth. 

 

“What stopped you?” 

 

“I don’t like losing.” She replied. “Not to anyone else. Not to myself.”

 

“What made you want to throw up?” 

 

Another uncomfortable question. She had dug herself into it. “I don’t look the same.” She gripped the edge of her chair. “I got to see myself from many new angles yesterday...”  She would let Yue fill in the blanks. “I don’t look like the rest of the team.” Save for Shoko, but somehow she always managed to gloss over that. 

 

Yue nodded seeming to think things over. “You’re going to have to stop comparing yourself to other people. You are you. They are them.”

 

“I don’t look how I used to.” She was being difficult, but not cunningly so. 

 

“That’s fair.” Yue muttered, leaving Azula quietly flabbergasted that she would agree. “You’re going to have to be patient. I promise you, that you will get there again. Remember when I told you that you are a pretty girl?” 

 

“Yes. So?” 

 

“I’d like to say it again. There isn’t one single way to define beauty. How can there be when there are so many different body types out there?” 

 

Azula swallowed. 

 

“If I may be up front?”

 

Azula waved her on. 

 

“I think you are putting way too much focus on yourself. Your team, they aren’t paying as much attention to you as you think.”

 

“Are you sure? We’ve only had one practice together and Zirin already has a habit of reminding me not to push myself.” 

 

“They aren’t paying attention to you for the reason you think. You are putting a lot of focus on your weight. Your friend seems to be focusing on making sure you don’t hurt yourself. She isn’t thinking about your weight, she is thinking about your well being.”

  
  


Azula considered. 

 

“I’d like you to try something else for me.” Yue spoke again. “I don’t usually say this, but, try to think of how others see you instead of how you see yourself. From the sound of it, they are happy to have you on their team. Do you really think that your weight matters?”

 

She wanted to say yes, but Yue had left her ample time to think and she was struggling to find one concrete example to back that. 

 

“There are more profound aspects of yourself. I’ve seen you only two times now and I can tell that you are strong, determined, and persistent. If you really want to think about the physical, you have beautiful eyes and nice hair.” She paused. “If you want to make this process easier for yourself, you’re going to have to break the habit of valuing yourself based on a number. One that isn’t even that high, all things considered.”

 

Azula chewed the inside of her cheek, determined not to shed even one tear. Yet, that was exactly what she had needed to hear. A solid confirmation that she may have been exaggerating what she saw in the mirror. “I’ll, try.”

 

Yue smiled. “Speaking of trying, have you been sticking to the meal plan?”

 

“I have.” 

 

“You’re doing yourself a very big favor.” Yue said. “It’s refreshing to have a patient willing to cooperate.” 

 

“I want things to go back to how they were.  Your plan is the only one I have right now.” And besides, she had already stated that she would go through with it. Surrender wasn’t a flattering action. 

 

“They will. Sooner than you think.” 

 

Sooner still seemed so painfully long. At least now she was actually doing something. At least being on the team was a way to feel her progress as it happened. And yet, progress seemed so hard to acquire.

 

“It isn’t going to happen over night.”  Yue noted. 

 

But it would happen. Azula decided so. 

Her mind was made up. 

And when it was, it couldn’t be wavered. 


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whad’up bitches, guess who made a new outline!? From the looks of it, we’re getting down to the final 9 chapters, 10 if you include the short epilogue.
> 
> Also in terms of specifics on Suki's pregnancy: She got pregnant in May via prom night. As far as I recall, I didn't mention when the baby was conceived so I wanted to put that out there.

 

Katara hurried to her locker, Suki trailed behind her, struggling to keep pace. Katara slowed herself and let her catch up, it seemed like the girl’s pregnancy was finally putting a bit of a hinder on her physical abilities. But then again, she was nearing the end of her seventh month, it had to have been taking its toll. Heaven knew, Suki had complained over and over again about the onslaught of maternity and labor prep classes that have been consuming almost every hour of her after school life. With a healthy dash of sadness, Katara recalled Suki mentioning that she’d be taking maternity leave starting December. It was probably for the best, she’d have more time for the maternity classes and less anxiety over the possibility of going into labor in the middle of class. 

Still, despite the prickles of resentment, she was going to miss having her around at lunch. At least she would have Teo.

 

“Geez, Kat, you can hold a grudge.” Suki huffed, propping herself up against Azula’s old locker. 

 

“It’s not that.” Katara insisted. “I just forget sometimes. Me holding a grudge is doing things like burning your waffles.” 

 

“You did that on purpose!?”

 

“Yup.” Katara smirked. “You shouldn’t have let me cook our sleepover breakfast.” She put her textbooks away and slung her backpack over her shoulders. This time she had no books to bring home. Usually she wasn’t one to work on homework in class, but she had to make sure her weekend was completely free so that she could throw her get-together without worry. She was going to have to work on homework in class next Friday too. After that, she promised herself that she would never do it again and go back to being the good, rule-abiding student that the faculty loved so much. “Are you able to take a drive with me up to Sokka’s dorm?”

 

“Today?” 

 

“Yeah, as soon as I drop my stuff off and say hi to mom.” 

 

“I’d love to, but I have a check up.”

 

“Another one? You just had one two days ago. Do you mean that you have a maternity class?”

 

“That too.” Suki grumbled. “Since I’m so young, they’re monitoring me super closely now. It sounds like everything is going good though.” 

 

“Alright.” Katara replied, she tried not to let her annoyance show.  _ Leave me on my own again _ , it was more or less an intrusive thought. She shook her head, this time was different. It wasn’t like Suki was running off to drink or have sex. She was going to a check up and a class. She was being responsible this time around. 

 

Perhaps Suki had a sense for it because she added, “I’m totally free on Saturday, I made sure of that. I’m gonna got to Sokka’s welcome home party and we’re going to have a blast, I promise. It won’t be anything like Chan’s party.”

 

“Yeah, because I’m the host.” Katara rolled her eyes. 

 

“Exactly.” Suki beamed. She looked at the clock. “I gotta get going. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

 

“If you want to help with last minute touches, you can come by in the afternoon.” 

 

“I’ll do my best.” Suki replied. “The baby usually has me out until at least 12:00 on the weekends, but I’ll really try.” 

 

Again, Katara found herself fighting off waves of exasperation. She was trying to be understanding, she really was. Suki left her in the middle of a thinning after school rush, thinking about whether or not the girl should be a mom at all. She and Sokka couldn’t watch her at a party and they expected her to believe that they could watch a baby? She startled herself to think about such, but she thought that it might have been tickling the fringes of her mind for quite a while now. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Katara applied a dab of deep blue, shimmery eyeshadow. She smiled at her reflection, she had to say that she looked pretty good for a full-blood nerd. 

 

“You never wear makeup, Kat.” Sokka remarked. 

 

“I used to…” she trailed off. “Before Jet’s rumors.” It was time to reclaim something she liked. If she couldn’t get a handle on her dreamscape, she could at least take back her enjoyment of a touch of mascara and eyeliner. “I want to look nice for your welcome party.”

 

Sokka smiled. “You already look nice, Kat.” 

 

“I want to make this a special night. And we’ll have an even better one after your trial.” She hoped that she wasn’t jumping the gun. She gave the dorm lounge one last once over; the balloons were in place, the snacks and beverages arranged nicely, and the stereo was ready to play music with meaning. Granted, she would give everyone a chance to play DJ so she might have to put up with some less pleasing musical numbers. 

 

Suki re-entered the dorm. “I know you said to pick up a few more streamers--and I did--but, look, party blowers!” 

 

Katara rolled her eyes.

 

“Oh, you know how to please a man’s soul!” Sokka exclaimed picking up a silver one. 

 

“Stop messing around and help me hang up these streamers! Our friends will be here any minute now.” Katara said, passing each of them a roll. For herself she took the deep blue, she gave Sokka the silver, and Suki the gold. She eye’d the pink and green balloons. She probably should have told Suki which color streamers to get. This was going to be the least color-coordinated party ever thrown.

Oh well, she thought, this party was for fun not for some suave, high-end dinner party. 

 

“We have a whole hour, Kat.” Sokka replied, taking the roll anyhow. 

 

A few minutes in, Suki climbed down from the stepping stool with a sharp, “oof.” Her hand clutching at her belly. “Okay, no more streamers for me, I think I pulled something.” 

 

Katara’s face softened. Maybe she had been a little too hard on Suki. It was becoming apparent that she wasn’t just making up pregnancy related excuses. “That’s fine, why don’t you just take door duty.” 

 

Suki gave a weak thumbs up. The hand gesture barely had time to settle before Katara heard a knock. “On it.” Suki stood up. 

 

Katara heard the door open and looked up from her work. “You came!” She greeted. “Aaand you’re really early.” 

 

Azula shrugged. “I wasn’t sure how long the drive would take.”

 

“We’re putting up some last minute streamers.” 

 

“They don’t match.” She noted. “I hope you realize that, that is going to bother me the whole time I am here.” 

 

“That’s why I bought ‘em.” Suki muttered passive-aggressively. 

 

To Katara’s luck, Azula ignored the bait and tugged her coat off. 

 

“There’s a coat rack over there.” Sokka pointed.

 

Katara stepped down from her stool and gave the room another glance. “That should do.” She remarked to herself. She turned back to Azula who was pulling a pair of gloves off and stuffing them into her pockets. “Is it really that cold out?” 

 

“It is to me.” Azula shrugged, tugging her hat off. Her hair fell over her shoulders. 

 

It looked like she wasn’t the only one who had dyed her hair. Granted, Azula’s choice was much bolder, black bleeding into bright red. It was probably one of the best ombre jobs she had seen in awhile. “You dyed your hair too?”

 

“I had to get Ikue and Ryoko to quiet down a bit.” Azula rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t let them dye it completely red though.”

 

“Your friends did that?” 

 

“Ikue wants to be a stylist. But ‘a cool stylist who does edgy haircuts’.” Another, more pronounced,  eye roll. 

 

“It looks nice.”

 

She watched Azula sweep her hands over her hair. “Thanks.” She paused. “Yours suits you.” 

 

Katara hoped that Suki was making note of the conversation. Katara jumped at the sound of the radio coming to life. 

 

“Sorry, guess I forgot to turn it down.” Sokka muttered, rubbing the back of his head. “My dorm mates and I had a pretty wild one before this whole trial mess.” 

 

With the party yet to officially start, Sokka took it upon himself to give them a grand tour of the dorm. Granted, it was mostly aimed at Azula, who had never been there before. But he took the time to point out the brand new hole in the wall made by one of his drunk dorm-mates taking a hammer to it in an attempt to kill a spider. “It was a huge bastard!” Sokka exclaimed. 

 

He led them back down to dorm lounge where they talked amongst themselves until the rest of Katara’s guests arrived. TyLee was the first to show up she hugged Katara first. “How have you been holding up?

 

“As good as I can.” Katara replied. “What about you?”

 

“Same. I think that I’ll do better once all of this is over.” She agreed. Her focus wavered when she caught sight of Azula. Katara watched her dash up to her and throw her arms around her. “Your hair is so pretty!” She ran her fingers through it. Something, Katara was certain that only TyLee could get away with. 

  
  


Toph, Aang and Haru arrive in a group. “Hey everyone!” Toph announced. “I’d like you all to meet Appa!” 

 

TyLee’s eyes lit up. “Oh my gosh! He’s so cute, I love him.” She was grinning from ear to ear. “Can I pet him?”

 

Toph let Appa lead her to TyLee. “Go ahead.”

 

“I didn’t realize you were blind.” Azula remarked. 

 

“And I didn’t realize you were hanging out with us now.” 

 

“It’s a...recent development.” 

 

“Yeah, same.” Toph returned. Appa sniffed TyLee and then Azula before retutrning to Toph.

 

Teo was the last to arrive, leaving Katara to imagine that his father had helped him out of the car. Azula held the door for him. After he had a chance to get situated Azula leaned down to hug the boy. “When are you going to visit me?” And it occurred to Katara that the pair hadn’t seen each other in awhile. It would explain her last minute decision to come. 

 

“How about next weekend?” He offered.

 

While she was on the topic of couples. “Suki tells me that you and Haru are together now.”

 

“We’re testing the waters.” Haru replied as Sokka changed the track on the radio. 

 

“So far it’s going good.” Aang added. 

 

“Better than Moo-Chee would have been.” Katara stated. 

 

Aang’s cheeks colored. “Much better.” 

 

Things progressed rather pleasantly. They played a few rounds of uno, noticing a few rounds in that Toph was just throwing random cards down and hoping for the best. A few more games in and Azula was still the only person to win. Sokka, ever the sore loser, posed a vote to exclude her from the next round. He let her continue with a promise from her to let someone else win. Katara wondered how she would manage that. It humored her to see the girl only utilizing blue cards. She would keep drawing cards until she could throw a blue one down. 

 

Uno turned into truth or dare which Toph mastered splendidly. Katara never imagined that Aang would lick Appa back nor that Teo would agree to a makeover from Toph. Toph dominating truth or dare, the game shifted to twister. Toph and Teo sat that one out, debating over which album should be played next. 

 

After a brief cooldown, Katara offered up slices of cake. Sokka helped himself to a particularly large slice. “They don’t serve this in jail.” He noted. Azula was much the opposite, passing on eating any of it at all. And Katara recalled Teo mentioning her discomfort. She couldn’t imagine that Chan’s party had done her any favors. She did, however, help herself to some of the popcorn. 

 

“I have punch and soda to go with that. I got some water for you, Suki.”

 

Suki waved her off. “No thanks. Actually, I think I’m gonna go to Sokka’s dorm and lay down for a bit.” 

 

“You okay?” Sokka asked. 

 

Suki nodded. “Just a little woozy. I think that I’ve had too much excitement for one day.”

 

“Well if you start to feel better, you can join us again.” Sokka offered.

 

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

. **oOo** .

 

Suki climbed onto Sokka’s bed. Her lower back was killing her, the feeling was almost constant these days. And the belly cramps were from hell. She was beginning to think that she should have mentioned that to her doctors. But then, she might just be anxious because this was her first time. She rubs her belly, trying to coax the baby to let up at least a little. 

 

“Come on, don’t do this now.” She whimpered to herself.

 

She couldn’t help but to think that this was karma for skipping out on Katara at Chan’s party. 

She rolled onto her side, hoping to sleep it off.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, the court scene, it’s 110% accurate. Trust me, I’m a professional, I’ve watched Judge Judy.
> 
> And a content warning here, as this chapter is from the POV of the rapist.

 

Jet scowled, jail time was doing him no good and his lawyer didn’t seem to have much interest in him. None of them did, not when the evidence stacked against him was so concrete. It was the day of his trial and frankly he couldn’t wait to see the face of that whore again. In fact he was thrilled to see both of his little sluts. 

 

It may very well be the end of his run, but at least he could have the pleasure of seeing their discomforts one last time. At least he could rub it in Katara’s face what he had done. Maybe, if he was feeling up to it, he would rub it in that her mature and responsible brother was going to face a punishment of his own.

 

And TyLee. How he couldn’t wait to bring some fond memories to the surface. He had so many words to pick out. He was going to help fill in the cracks, clear any fuzzy surrounding his homecoming party. 

 

Hell, he’d get Chan too if the man showed up. 

Why not remind him of Ruon and how he couldn’t save him? The boy did do a number to Jet’s face. He deserved a good verbal beatdown too. 

 

They removed him from his cell in cuffs. It would seem that he’d be cuffed for the duration of the trial. But that was fine, it was all okay. He didn’t need his hands to make them all squirm and blush. He didn’t need hands to inflict distress.  

 

Katara was already at the stand when he arrived, she looks annoyingly confident with her head held high and her eyes focused on the spot where the judge would soon stand. Behind her was TyLee, looking a little more fidgety. He’d break her, oh yes he would. Next to TyLee stood Sokka with a grim expression, looked like the man had already worked himself into a rage. He could exploit that too. If he was going to jail, he might as well bring someone with him.  Chan looked twice as easy to piss off, but he couldn’t see the man getting into too much trouble between his parents’ wallets and his age. 

Katara’s parents were there too, he could see it in their eyes that they wanted to be standing as close to their daughter as they possibly could. 

 

He stood before the court giving his sworn testimony. He tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth he would, in full and graphic detail. 

Katara was all smug and mighty now, but she wouldn’t be by the time he was through.

 

They led him behind his podium where his defense attorney stood rigidly, looking as though life had dealt her the worst cards. 

 

He listened to Katara babble on and on about how horrible she had it, how he had ruined her life. “I still wake up sometimes and it feels like his hands are on me.” She had emotional appeal down to a tee. He wished that she would skip the bullshit; the court was looking for facts not sniveling. 

 

The judge looked up, her eyes landing on Katara. “Thank you Ms. Nanouk, but I would like you to tell me exactly what happened. I want to know of the events leading up to those nightmares.”

 

Katara nodded, “Right, I’m sorry. It was Halloween, Ch--Mr. Haga was throwing his yearly Halloween party and I decided to go. I was mostly with my friends, Aang and Suki, and I had my brother, Sokka. Every once in a while I would spot Jet in the crowd. He was just staring at me. And every time I noticed him, I went somewhere else. But he would always find me.  And then Sokka and Suki left me and I found TyLee.” She motioned to the girl. “So I thought that things would be okay. But then I started feeling...strange. I think he put something in my drink. But at the time I thought that it was just stress and anxiety, so I tried to forget about it. Around that time, TyLee went to the bathroom and that’s when Jet found me…” 

 

“And what happened after that?” The judge asked. Jet couldn’t help but grin, watching her get all squeamish at the question. 

 

“He took me into a room, I don’t remember what the room looked like. I passed out and then I woke up in the hospital with pictures of me.” She paused, “of me  topless in my phone’s camera roll.”

 

His attorney spoke up. “But you have no concrete proof that Jet removed your shirt, nor that he put something in your drink. What is to say that you didn’t have drink or two and took your own shirt off? It would be easier to claim assault than to deal with people finding out that you had a little too much.”

 

Katara’s mouth opened and closed. It took all of Jet’s willpower to not remind everyone of the slut rumors.

 

“I-I.” She sputtered. “I have three witnesses to say I was assaulted.”

 

“Four if you include my phone.” TyLee spoke up.

 

“Do not speak unless addressed.”

 

“I’m sorry, your honor.” TyLee mumbled. 

 

“Let me see the phone.”

 

TyLee placed it in the hands of the bailiff. He carried it up to the judge who reviews it. “I will present these clips to the jury.” 

 

Jet smirked to himself as the footage rolled. Katara was growing increasingly uncomfortable, doing her best to look everywhere but at the clips. But the sound of his voice on record had her cringing throughout. A satisfactory sight, if he must say.

He hoped that it would haunt her. 

 

The clip came to an end and he half listened to whatever the judge was saying. He saw TyLee step forward and listened to her recount the same tale as TyLee. And then Chan rehashed it as well. Jet wondered just how much restraint it was taking him to not burst in front of the judge--a lot if his grip on the podium was anything to go by. 

Sokka, the dumb bloke, stepped up next. He had a much simpler and muddled recount of the events. A rather useless witness if he had to say. The man hadn’t even been there to catch him toying with his sister.  He just saw Chan and assumed--albeit, correctly--that Jet had done something.

 

“Is there anything else that anyone would like to add?” The judge offered. She waited for a moment. “I would like to hear from the defendant.”

 

Jet’s attorney answered for him, addressing not the judge, but Katara. “You said that you went to a party, am I correct?”

 

“Yes.” Katara confirmed.

 

“And you knew, Ms.  Nanouk that going to the party wasn’t a wise decision?” It was really the only semi-solid argument she had in Jet’s defense.

 

“We-well, yes.” She sputtered. 

 

His attorney cut her off.  “Then why did you go? You knew that you were putting yourself in an unsafe situation, full of drunk teens and some college students.” She spared a glance at Sokka. “My client was just one of many who probably had the same intentions, seeing an innocent girl.” 

 

Katara’s attorney wedged himself into the conversation. “She is a seventeen year old girl. An innocent one, as you helpfully noted. She should not have to think about the possibility of assault when going to a party filled with people she attends school with regularly. If they can go without felony on school grounds, why should she have to mistrust them later? Is every girl supposed to think to herself, ‘but what if I get raped’, every time she leaves the house?” He paused. “And to address your second point. Maybe your client wasn’t the only one with dirty intentions, but he was the one who acted upon them. Don’t think, for a moment, that we  _ would not  _ be here if it was another boy or girl like him.” 

 

“But you did not trust them, did you, Ms. Nanouk?” Jet’s attorney spoke up. “You have been sent various threats. And yet you attended the party anyhow.” 

 

The judge cut in. “I would like you to help me understand why you attended an event you knew would put you in a dangerous position.”

 

“Objection, your honor.” Katara’s attorney spoke smoothly. “Her attendance at is irrelevant. My client had told me that she had contacted law enforcement multiple times--once after Mr. Akunin had shattered the window of her house. It is abundantly clear that he would have found a way to act on his perversions regardless of whether or not Ms. Nanouk attended Mr. Haga’s party.”

 

“Do you have proof of your contact with law enforcement?” The judge addressed Katara. 

 

“I have a few police reports, your honor.”  Katara passed those over to the bailiff. 

 

The judge looked them over. The sound of her half-hum, half-speak as she read hit Jet’s ears in all the wrong way. Honestly, he wished that they’d just cut the bullshit and hand him his sentence or his freedom. Again she prattled on and on about her thoughts on the police reports. It interested him none, he could see it on their faces that the jury had made up their minds the minute the clips had begun rolling. 

 

“Mr. Akunin, would you like to make a statement?” 

 

And because they had already decided he might as well deliver a final blow. “Sure thing. I’d like to confess.” 

 

His attorney pinched the bridge of her nose, he was doing exactly what she had advised against.

 

“I assaulted Kitty Kat.” He started. She was already tensing at the pet name and it drove him onward. “And I had a great time. She made it so easy. She is easy. She’s such a prude, I thought that I’d do her a favor and help her come out of her shell a little. I was nice enough to put up with it for a little while, but you can’t just deprive someone of sex, that’s just cruel. So I figured that we’d have some sex and she wouldn’t die a high-strung virgin.” He turned to Katara. “Come on now, Kitty Kat, live a little. You should thank me for trying to save you from being your prude self.” He let that sit before laying out some details. “You know, just before you went out cold you muttered, ‘please, Jet, don’t do it’ and you gave me the weakest little punch. There’s no bigger turn on than a damsel with some fight, I had to rip your shirt off after that, you gave me no choice, Kitty Kat.”

 

Her eyes were getting misty, another big turn on. He would have made her away of that too if the judge hadn’t cut him short with a, “that’s quite enough, Mr. Akunin.” 

 

Her scowl was enough to murder. But he wasn’t done. “And I’ll save you the mess of a second trial; I raped Boyang too. She was real fun. Those whore tits were just begging for…”

 

The gavle came down thrice. “Enough, Akunin!” Sharp and without the honorific. 

 

Never had he seen a room so full of disgust and loathing. 

He had done his job. 

Soon enough he’d be making himself at home in a jail cell, but at least Kitty Kat would have a lot to think about.


	45. Chapter 45

Zuko handed his chip to Iroh, the old man smiled warmly. “One month, Zuko. You should be proud of yourself.” He handed the chip back. “Jasmine or ginger?” 

 

“Whatever you think would taste the best.” Zuko replied, knowing very well that the man would brew up every type of tea if he had the chance. Especially since he was brewing it in celebration of him having been newly cleared for outpatient.  He watched Iroh bring down his special tea set and his higher end herbal mixes. “You don’t have to do that uncle. I’ve only been a month clean.” 

 

“A month clean is more to celebrate than a year clean.” 

 

Zuko furrowed his brows. 

 

“It gets easier and easier over time. I’ve always thought that it was the first few months that counted the most. Those are the months where you have to truly fight and restrain yourself.” He set the cups out on the table. “So let’s celebrate the strength in that.” 

 

Zuko picked up one of the cups. They had a red class make with a filigree trim of gold that resembled the powerful scales of a dragon. Genuine gold, according to his uncle. That genuine gold trim was inlaid with genuine ruby, table cut. He was almost afraid to pick it up, let he shatter it. He was almost certain that the glasses were the most expensive things his uncle owned, next to the matching teapot; a thing that depicted an dragon unfurling its shimmery wings and puffing out a breath of metallic fire. 

 

It would be at least an hour before the tea would be served. Only Iroh could draw it out that meticulously. But that had to be the reason why his tea was particularly wonderful, with the ability to make him feel wholly cleansed by the last sip. Some months ago he would have been rushing the man, telling him to hurry it up as it was just tea and he had things to attend. Today he was glad for the length of preparation. “Uncle, I have something to talk to you about.”

 

“Anything.” Iroh replied.

 

“I love it here, you know I do.” He paused. “And I know I just got back…” 

 

Iroh moved his tea kettle to the stove. “Yes?”

 

“But I ran into Azula and she said that she was living with mother.”

 

Iroh smiled. “And you want to go stay with her for a while.” 

 

Zuko nodded. Though he was worried at the prospect of staying with Azula again. “How far away does she live?” 

 

“Not very far at all.”Iroh replied. “You could walk there, if you really wanted to.” He turned away from the kettle. “Would you like to bring some tea to your mother and sister?”

It sounded like a plan to him. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Teo, this is my mother.” Azula introduced. 

 

“Good afternoon, Ms. Kasai!” He greeted. 

 

“Ursa is fine, dear.” She smiled. “How did you meet my daughter?” 

 

“Well, there was this one time--I think it was last year--when she threatened to push me out of my wheelchair. You know, typical love at first sight things.”

 

Azula resisted the urge to slap her hand against her forehead. “Keep sharing stories like that and I will push you out of your wheelchair.” She mumbled. 

 

Ursa sighed. “Well I’m glad that the two of you have moved passed that.”  Azula supposed that she appreciated her mother’s efforts to not accuse her of being difficult to care for. “She has been treating you well lately?” 

 

Teo curled his hand around hers. “Yeah, she’s been great.”

 

Ursa moved into the pantry and pulled out some homemade pastries. She offered them to Teo. “Thank you for being there for her when I wasn’t.” 

 

“Yeah, no problem.” 

 

“If you want to give some to your father for raising such a gentlemen, I’d appreciate it.” 

 

Azula couldn’t tell whose face was more flushed, her’s or Teo’s. 

 

“I can do that.” He took the tin. 

 

Ursa turned to Azula. “I have some for Katara and her family as well.” 

 

“I’ll try to remember.” Azula replied. She ought to remember, it would likely do Katara well to have some kind of a treat the monday after her trial. Based upon the silent treatment she was given by both TyLee and Katara, she was willing to bet that it was in full swing. 

 

“Alright, well I have a sequel to work on. If you two need anything, give me a call. And let me know if you plan on going anywhere.”

 

Azula fights back a frown, Ozai had never made her report where she was going. “I was just planning on going around the block.” Between practice and therapy sessions, she hadn’t exactly gotten to explore the neighborhood. That was her plan for the day, the venture would be more pleasant with some company.

 

As soon as she stepped outside, she regretted it. She didn’t realize that the forecast had called for snow. She drew her hood over her head. It was a light fluffy sort of snowfall, the kind that clung to her lashes and the wool of her gloves, but only for a second before they melted away. The ground already had a light dusting of the stuff; it glittered trees and set the windshields of cars shimmering.

 

“Your mom is a nice lady.” 

 

“She’s trying.” Azula replied. Though trying was an understatement. The woman was doing everything in her power to make Azula feel at home. It was almost suffocating, especially when put up against the lack of affection Ozai had shown her. Yet it was as comforting as it was overbearing. She no longer outright dreaded breakfast. She wasn’t comfortable, by any means, but she wasn’t going to great lengths to avoid it either. 

It also didn’t horrify her to bring back a lackluster report card. Ursa insisted that her collection of B’s was perfectly acceptable. Azula disagreed vehemently, agitated that she had let them slip that far. Granted Xi River was in the process of discussing accommodations in light of her transfer, her abuse, and her suicide attempt. Even so, she didn’t want a pity grade.

 

It was a hassle to do so, but she left those thoughts on the back burner for the time; she had promised Teo a real date. In her mind, she flipped subjects to something lighter--her teammates were as awful on the court as they had claimed, but they treated her well. She both hated and loved to admit that Yue had been right, they paid very little attention to her body. Shoko in particular seemed to put all of her attention on simply not getting a volleyball to the face.

“I have my first game next weekend.” The words were accented by small misty puffs that drifted skyward. “Are you going to come?”

 

“Of course I’ll come. What time does it start?” 

 

“It starts at seven.” She replied. “I would be there by six.” Actually she would be there by five if someone had invited her to a game, but she couldn’t imagine Teo wanting to arrive that early. 

 

“I’ll see if Katara and TyLee want to come.”  He came to a stop. “This is pretty nice.” 

 

She wasn’t sure if he was talking about the pond and its snow-speckled cattails or the faded white gazebo overlooking it. She wheels him toward it, only to find that its only entrance had stairs. She hadn’t seen him look so disappointed in a while. With a deep sigh she attempted to lift him out of the chair. She supposed that she could handle carrying him for that short distance. She set him down on the bench built into the gazebo, facing the water. The effort left her terribly winded but his eyes had such a twinkle. She sat herself down to catch her breath. After a few moments, he pulled out his camera. At first only capturing the pond and the snowfall. Eventually he grew board of this and slung his arm around her.

Her cheeks are rosy with the cold. She cold no longer feel her nose. But she let him snap the picture anyhow.

He snatched up her phone and took a second. How wonderful, she would never have to worry about forgetting the time she almost froze her ass off in a gazebo. She shivered.  With her phone back in her hands, she took off her gloves to send Katara a quick text, asking her to let her know how the trial had gone. That alone, left her hands a shade of pink. She shivered with more force. 

 

“You don’t do too well in the cold do you?” 

 

“I have no idea why you’d say such a thing.” She muttered through chattering teeth. 

 

“Do you want to head back to your place?”

 

She didn’t spare it a second thought. She scooped Teo back up and put him in his wheelchair. They hadn’t gotten very far at all, in their walk. She supposed that she would have to explore the place in the spring, or at the very least, on a warmer winter day.  

 

“Whose car is that?” Teo asked. 

 

“I’m not sure, maybe one of mother’s friends.” Using a makeshift ramp, she helped Teo get onto the porch and pulled the door open. Hot air was pleasant on her skin. The smell of herbs was twice as potent as it was prior to her walk. She hung her coat and hat up and made her way into the kitchen, Teo in tow. 

 

“Uncle?” 

 

“Good evening, niece.” He greeted.  “If I would have known you’d have a guest, I would have brought a fifth teacup.”    
  
“It’s fine, uncle. Teo and I can share.” She was trembling and desperate for something to warm her. So much so that she almost didn’t ask him what he was doing there. 

 

“I came to drop your brother off.” He filled her cup and handed it to her. “I hope that you will make things easy for him.” 

 

“He wants to live here?” But of course he did, their mother meant the world to him. It was going to be strange to be in his company again. It had been so long. She brought the teacup to her lips, savoring the heat that rolled off of the liquid and onto her tongue. 

 

Azula heard a drawn out beep and Ursa stood. “The two of you made it back just on time for dinner.”  Iroh followed her into the kitchen, no doubt to give she and Zuko some bonding time. 

 

“Sweet.” Teo smiled. 

 

Azula still didn’t share his sentiments. Two weeks into her new meal plan and it still left her feeling privately ashamed and without the comfort of being able to rid herself of it. For an uncountable amount of times, she reminded herself that the purging didn’t do anything anyways. She swept a curtain of hair out of her face and offered the teacup to Teo. She had taken care to leave it half full. 

 

“Thanks.” 

 

She nodded. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko knew that he would be seeing Azula soon, his mother had told him that much. He hadn’t expected to see her enter, hand in hand with Teo. The last he recalled, she was mocking the boy for his condition. And yet, she had helped him get comfortable at the table’s end, she was sharing her drink with him. It would seem that he had missed a lot where Azula was concerned. Every time she spoke it became more apparent. Granted, she was still much quieter than usual--perhaps it was because he had showed up unannounced. 

 

Physically she was different too. His brief and somewhat distant glance at her in the rehab facility hadn’t been enough time to process it. Since then she had put on a little more weight and it occurred to him that, that was why he hadn’t recognized her right away. He felt bad for thinking so, even if she’d never hear it. 

And her hair, had it been dyed when he first re-encountered her? He could have sworn that it was fully black. But now her hair faded from its natural hue to a deep crimson to a vivid read. It had been trimmed nicely and framed her face well. 

She was wearing makeup again, winging her eyeliner in the way he was use to seeing her wear it. 

The clothing she wore was different as well; stylistically it was the same, but it was much baggier. He didn’t know if he should attribute this to insecurities or to the cold.

 

All in all, she was well put together, as usual. It wasn’t fair that her life could be in such disarray that she needed therapy, and that she could still look as sharp as ever. He wondered if he should vocalize his thoughts but decided against it, not knowing how she would take it. Instead he pulled his chip out of his pocket and set it on the table. “I got my red chip today. Picked it up really early this morning.” 

 

“Your red chip?” Azula asked. 

 

“I’ve been clean for a month.” 

 

“I thought that you were admitted in October.”

 

“I had a relapse.” He replied reluctantly. As soon as he said it, his stomach heaved. He had just given her a huge opening. He was lucky his mother was still out of earshot, he didn’t want to give her another thing to get teary eyed over.

 

**.oOo.**

He relapsed.

Azula supposed that she wasn’t surprised, he hadn’t had many people to support him. She almost felt bad for having people to hold her hand when he had no one until now and most people considered her to be the more unapproachable and unlovable of the two.

 

She could see it on his face that he thought she was going to hold his confession over him for years to come. But she had nothing to say. She was a pound or two away from having a relapse of her own. “Did you have to go through it alone? The withdrawl, I mean?”

 

“No, I had Hahn.” 

 

“Hahn?” 

 

“He’s two years clean and he likes to drop by to help newcomers.” 

 

She didn’t know where to carry the conversation from there and a hush fell over them. Zuko rested his arm on the table, it still bore signs of abuse. Pockmarks accented the length of his forearm and she was almost certain that those scars would remain.

Aside from that, he seemed to be in a much better state. His hair was clean, his face was well-shaved again. He no longer had the look of a man in times of famine. His eyes stood out the most. They were focused and had a spark to them. 

His eyes had life. 

 

It didn’t occur to her just how haunting and hollow his appearance had diminished until, the old Zuko resurfaced.  She picked up the chip. “One month.” She wondered if bulimics got special chips.

 

Zuko smiled, he seemed so proud. He had well and earned his right to be so. She flicked the coin back to him. He caught it and returned it to his pocket.

 

“Wow, you guys are tense.” Teo remarked. She had to ponder upon what his relationship with his brother might have been like. 

 

“So, when did you and Azula become friends?” 

 

“Friendship happened some time in September. Dating started...actually that’s kind of unclear, it just kind of happened.” Teo replied. 

 

“He’s your…?”

 

“Yes, perhaps you should get one.” 

 

“For your information, I already did.” 

 

“You got back with Mai, already?” Azula asked. It brought a dull ache to her heart to think of Mai. The girl hadn’t spoken to her in ages and the thought of reaching out...that window had well and passed. 

 

“No.” Zuko replied. “We were talking about boyfriends. I said that I got one of those.” 

 

“It’s Hahn isn’t it?” His face flushed and Azula smirked. “It is Hahn.” 

She tried not to think about where that was going to leave Mai. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko smiled to himself, dinner had gone so much better than he thought it would. Speaking to Azula became surprisingly pleasant after some of the awkwardness cleared. She, him, uncle, and mother--aside from the absence of a father, it was like a real family dinner. If things with Ozai hadn’t been so rough and recent, he might have made a joke about Teo filling in for their father. But Ozai was one subject Zuko couldn’t seem to make light of. And Azula? She didn’t bring the man up at all. In fact, she still hadn’t reveal anything at all about what had led to her living with their mother. 

Altho, hesitantly, she was eating again. A full and regular meal at that. She made no mention of this either and he felt like he’d be pushing boundaries to ask. 

He would chalk it up to Ozai simply forcing her to fast. That would explain, at least a little, how she ended up at the table with he, mother, and uncle.  

 

After a while, she pushed a mostly empty plate to the side and announced that she was going to be taking Teo home. It was getting late and she had a two hour commute going both ways.

 

Now it was just he, uncle and mother.

 

“Do you want me to get your things from the car?” Iroh offered. 

 

“Please.” Zuko replied. 

 

“While he does that, I can show you to your room.” Ursa spoke. “I didn’t realize you were coming, otherwise I would have gotten you things to decorate with, like I did for Azula.”

 

“It’s okay.” He was just glad to be in her care again. 

 

“Tomorrow we can go to the store and pick up a few things.”

 

That sounded good to him. She led him around the mansion. It was a lovely place with a much warmer and more inviting ambiance than Ozai could have ever hoped to create. With the conversation and his thoughts in a calmer, quieter place, it registered that Ursa had soft music playing in the background. The Chinese harp and a Chinese zither welcomed him to his new life. 

The wallpaper was as floral as her garden. Winter plants, hung in pots by every window. She led him passed Azula’s room. It was as tidy and organized as ever. He noticed that she was displaying her medals and trophies again. Her favorite volleyball, was propped against her dresser. 

 

He didn’t know how he was going to decorate his room yet. A few rock band posters couldn’t hurt. He’d probably place the tea set Iroh gifted to him on his dresser. Other than that, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. He’d probably just collect things to decorate with over time. 

 

“Are you disappointed in me?” He asked.

 

Ursa came to an abrupt halt. “Why would you think that? I haven’t done anything to make you feel that way, did I?”

 

“No.” Zuko replied. “But I feel like having a heroin addict for a son, isn’t something to be proud of.” 

 

“Oh, Zuko.” She took him into a hug. The kind he had longed for since the divorce. The kind that made him feel like he was worth the world. “I’m going to tell you what I told Azula.” She paused. “I’m not disappointed in you, I’m disappointed in your father for driving you to this. I’m furious actually. The court gave you to him, thinking that he’d give you a better life. I let him take you because I thought that he could provide for you better than I would.”

 

“Living on the streets with you, would have been safer than living with him.” Zuko agreed. “Maybe not for Azula, but…”

 

“Zuko.” She spoke firmly.  “There’s a reason I’m fighting for custody over her. I’ll leave it to her to tell you about that, but Ozai was no good for her either. I need the two of you to support each other. If the two of us can work things out with her, your father will have that much less in his favor.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

Teo beckoned her inside. It was already 10:33. She rolled her eyes, “I can’t go in before you, you need me to hold the door, remember.” 

 

“Let me at least pretend to be a gentleman.” 

 

She took hold of the outer glass door and allowed him to pass. The inner door stood open on its own. “Now you can be a gentleman.”

 

“Urge gone.” He replied, wheeling himself the rest of the way in. 

 

“Incredible.”  She muttered under her breath. She hadn’t the time to come inside anyhow. “I have to get going.” 

 

“How long is your drive?” Teo’s father asked. 

 

“Two hours.” 

 

“That is way too late to be driving!” The man declared. “You know, tired driving is as dangerous as drunk driving…”

 

“Dad!” Teo cut him off. “Do you want to spend the night, Azula?”

 

Azula sighed. Well, she was living with her mother now, she might as well give her something classically motherly to worry about. She sent the woman a text, telling her that she would be spending the night at Teo’s house. 

 

“Our picture already got likes.” Teo remarked once they were in his bedroom. 

 

“You posted that!?”

 

“You didn’t say not to.” 

 

Fair point. She still didn’t like it.

 

“Who’s Nagako?” 

 

“She sits with me at lunch.” Azula replied. She opened up her phone’s internet browser. She hadn’t logged into any of her social media pages since her attempt. She hadn’t anyone to talk to. It shouldn’t have been a shock to find new friend requests, it should have been something she was used to. Once upon a time, she had received them daily. She approved Katara, Nagako, and her volleyball team. “This guy seems like a creep, I should block him.”

 

Teo, still looking down at his phone, replied, “yeah.” 

 

She hit the block button. 

 

It took him a few moments. “Hey! Unblock me!” 

 

Her smirk only faded when a message notification popped up. Really, it would do her well to leave it unread. But she was curious. Curious and unwilling to look like a coward.  She unblocked Teo before clicking it.

 

The message was much simpler than she would have thought. ‘Please don’t sue me.’ He was typing again. ‘My parents will kick my ass.’ 

 

All the more reason to go through with the lawsuit. 

 

“Who is it?” 

 

“Chan.” 

 

“What does he want?” 

 

Azula shrugged. “Mercy.” 

 

Her fingers hovered over the phone’s keyboard. ‘I’ll kick your ass myself.’  Against her better judgement, she hit send.

 

‘So will I. I’ve been doing a pretty good job of kicking my own ass, actually.’ 

She had a response at the ready, but he started typing again.

‘Can we talk.’

 

‘We’re talking now.’ She replied before he could begin again. 

 

‘In person?’

 

‘That sounds like a perfectly horrible idea.’ 

 

Another message popped up. Clicking on that one would have been a worse idea still. He was going to have her head for it, but she blocked her father anyhow. The action left her feeling exposed and uneasy. 

 

‘Please.’ Chan persisted. ‘You can bring that Ryoko chick, she looks perfectly terrifying.’ 

 

Azula looked to Teo, “you up for a little...adventure tomorrow?”

 

“Are you asking me if I want to talk to Chan with you?” 

 

“Come or don’t come, I’m rather curious.”

 

“Fine, I’ll go with.” 

 

She turned her attention back to her phone. ‘12:00. If you aren’t there at exactly 12:00, you won’t be seeing me.’ 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko stretched and yawned. The scent of pancakes tickled his nose. It took him a moment to recall that he was in a new bed. A more comfortable one with a foam mattress and a collection of push pillows. The sun streamed through his windows as brightly as winter would allow. 

 

“Did Azula ever come home?” Zuko asked, upon finding only his mother at the table. 

 

“She spent the night at Teo’s.” Ursa answered. “Syrup?” 

 

Zuko took the syrup and poured a generous amount over his pancakes. The smell of coffee adds a friendly tang to the morning. He couldn’t fathom why he hadn’t thought of finding and living with his mother earlier. 

It might have saved him from a trip to rehab. 

 

But then, he had started using heroin before his eighteenth birthday. Even so, he can’t bring himself to wholly regret having started his use. He didn’t think that finding Ursa would have been possible without. Even if that was the case, he wouldn’t have met Hahn. 

 

“These are really good!” Zuko commented. He couldn’t recall the last time he had eaten homemade pancakes. Tastes like the would surely keep him away from heroine. He liked to think so anyways. 

 

“Thank you.” Ursa smiled. “I thought that it would be too late to ever cook for my children again.” 

 

His phone flashed, he picked it up, eager for good morning wishes from uncle or Hahn. Instead Mai’s name glared from the screen. He considered letting it pile on top of all of the other messages from her, he had missed while in rehab. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Chan stuffed his hands into his pockets. He wasn’t looking forward to this one at all. The trial had good and ruined his Saturday, he might as well end the weekend on a sour note. The only good news was that Jet’s collection of outbursts had essentially sealed his fate. But he didn’t condemn himself without collateral damage. The man went on a good tangent about how Chan had, had a good hand in Ruon’s demise. How his parties were trashy and perfect for people like Jet. He had asked Chan if he considered how many other people had been assaulted at his parties, people who didn’t and would never come forward. It turned his stomach. 

And turned it twice over when Jet stated that he had enjoyed hitting Ruon where it hurt. Thrice over when Jet stated that he had laid some unwanted moves on Ruon, just to see him squirm. 

 

The boy was vile through and through, and not the kind that could be helped. Chan had to guess that the boy didn’t want to change.

It was his final words that followed him. “Punch me as much as you want, you killed him too.”

 

He had, hadn’t he? Ruon was dead because everything had been a joke or a party to Chan. It was easier that way, until it wasn’t. 

He could have pulled Jet off of Katara and made something of himself. It could have been an eye-opener, but it was easier to remain blind.

 

Ruon killed himself because he had a friend who was def to his problems. 

He killed Ruon just as much as Jet had. 

He had almost done Azula the same. 

Hell, he probably had Teo teetering close to the edge and Katara as well. 

 

It was frigid and nippy as hell but he made his way down to the beach. She hadn’t told him where to meet her. She didn’t need to. He wandered to the volleyball court, the season had already formed sparkling crystals on the net.

 

12:00 turned into 12:01 and 12:01 turned into 12:02. 

He should have asked for a location. 

 

“You better make this worth my while.” He jumped at the sound of her voice. “You know that I hate this weather.” She was buried beneath so many layers, it was hard to forget. He did try to forget, however, the day he had taken her ice skating and she bundled herself up in much the same way. 

 

“You said 12:00.” He commented lamely. 

 

“Yes, you needed to be here by 12:00. I get to take my time.” Her voice dripped with venom and hate and he was beginning to regret extending the invitation. “Katara told me that you got out of your last trail without repercussion. Why shouldn’t I change that?” She folded her arms over her chest. 

 

It was hard to gauge her expression beneath her layers of hoods. He didn’t need to see it to know that she was unshakably pissed. The biting cold wasn’t doing him any favors. “Do you want to go to a restaurant or something?”

 

Wrong move. 

“What, so you can make more fat jokes?”

Completely wrong move. 

“Do you think I’m as dull as you?”

 

He looked to Teo for help. He knew he wouldn’t get it based on that shit eating grin the boy was wearing. 

 

“I just thought that you’d want to go somewhere warmer.” 

 

“Not necessary, this conversation is going to be quick.” Azula replied. “I believe that it’s already almost over.

 

He groaned, he was going to have to swallow his pride. “Okay, look, I was an asshole.” 

 

“You speak as though you aren’t still.”

 

The girl was merciless. He supposed that it was nice to see fire back on her tongue, he just wished it wasn’t lashing at him. Still, he knew that the lashes were well earned, he had been one of the people to kill the flame in the first place. 

 

“I’m trying to fix that.” 

 

“You’re trying to save yourself from another trial.”

 

“I don’t want to be like  _ him _ .” Chan insisted. “Did Teo give you this big of a hassle when you apologized to him!?” 

 

“Kiss my ass, Chan.”

 

Teo’s snickering didn’t do Chan’s temper any favors.

 

“I’m trying!” He sputtered. “And it is not working.”

 

“Clearly.” Teo snorted. 

 

Azula looked horrifically unamused. She looked down at her phone. “I live two hours away, thank you for your hand in that, by the way. I have to get going. Have fun with Usha.” 

 

“Wait!” Chan raked his hands through his hair. “I don’t even like Usha. I only got with her to bother you.” 

 

“Congratulations, it worked for a while. Good to know that it bothered you too.”  She hit a button on her car keys and he heard the faint pop of the doors unlocking. She turned around. “While I’m here, I might as well ask why.” 

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why did you want to bother me?”

 

“I wanted attention.” He confessed.

 

“You had it.” Azula scoffed. “I want a real reason.”

 

And he had none for her. They’d known each other for years. They had been in the same group of friends for years. Until her accident. He knew that Usha had been sitting there nice, pretty, and waiting for Azula to fall so that she could take her place at the top. She told him that much. But him? Where was the appeal for him?

He couldn’t say why, but it had simply been fun. It was one thing to pick on a nerd and a completely new and interesting experience to pick on someone who had toppled painfully down the social ladder. Was that it? Was that really the only reason he had done it?

 

“I don’t have one.” He admitted. 

 

“I know.” 

 

The snow crunched beneath her feet as she wheeled Teo back up the beach. Between the sand and the ice, it was a task she was struggling with. He reached out. “If anyone’s accidently dumping Teo into the snow, it’s going to be me. You’ve pushed him out of his chair enough.”

 

She wasn’t missing one chance. “It’s good to have you back.” He tried. It was one final attempt at ass kissing.

 

“You do not have me back.” She huffed as she fought to free Teo’s wheelchair from a mound of snowy sand. It would be comical if she wasn’t so frustrated and he wasn’t so stressed. “Not even.” Another huff. “Close.”  The chair was free.

 

“I mean that it’s good to hear some of that sass again.” If nothing else, at least he knew that he hadn’t left any permanent damage to her self-worth. “Can I please help you wheel nerdass...Teo back to your car?”

 

“Nerdass doesn’t want your help.” Teo grumbled.

 

“Neither do I.” 

 

He watched her help Teo into her car and then she climbed into it for herself. It would seem that things were finally going to catch up to him. She turned her keys and the engine wheezes. She gave it a second go and a third. He wasn’t a lip reader, but he knew her well enough to know that she was silently cursing to herself and to Teo.

 

“I have a car and jumper cables.” Chan offered. 

 

“Call the tow truck, Teo.”

 

“Really?” He sputtered. “Now you’re just being difficult.”

 

“Correct.”

 

Chan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look. I’m sorry. Do you want to slap me in the face or something? Would that help?” 

 

He didn’t expect her to take him up on his offer. The sting her hand left reminded him exactly why she had been so good at volleyball. “It helped a little.”

 

“How many slaps will it take to get you to hear me out?” He asked. 

 

“At least one.” 

 

He sucked in a deep breath, “go on.” 

 

She rolled her eyes. “Start jumping my car. We can talk while you do that.” 


	46. Chapter 46

“Wheeee!” Tom-Tom whooped happily. “Higher, Mai, higher!” 

 

She gave the swing another push and his delighted giggles increase in volume and amount. Despite the trouble he has caused her, he was the only thing she had left to cling onto. Especially now that Zuko has moved on. She supposed that it was her own fault. She had broken things off with him, what right did she have to complain?

 

She gave the swing another push. 

Her focus was waning. She had asked him how he was doing and he had told her that he was a month clean. That news had been a thrill, the only good news she had heard in the past few months. Good until it wasn’t. Good until she offered to take him back when he came back to Wan High. Good until he told her that he would be going for a GED instead of returning to Wan High. Good until he told her that he had a new boyfriend. 

There he was sorthing his life out. Overcoming an addiction and years of abuse. 

And there she was with a tattoo and shredded arms. 

 

Not that she had the will to make any changes. She told him that it was fine when he texted, ‘I don’t think that we’re healthy for each other, Mai’. She even agreed. But she had a fresh slash on her left forearm. She said that it sounded fine to her when he suggested, ‘we can still talk, I just think that we should find people we don’t have so much history with.’ Perhaps they weren’t abusive to each other, not on purpose anyways, but they were about as close as they could have gotten to it without being there. And so she had a second fresh slash.

An ‘X’ she had cut into her skin.

 

Tom-Tom squealed sharply and for one horrible moment she thought that he had fallen while her mind had wandered. “Again, Mai, again! Start pushing again!” It would seem that she had let the swing come to a stop entirely, she muttered an apology and initiated the motion again.

 

Her arm had a third slash that morning. She drew it out upon concluding that she was a fair weather friend. Whoever the hell this Hahn guy was, he had taken Zuko through heroine hell and rode it out with him. She had dropped Zuko the moment he suggested drugs. Even when they were in their on and off again state, she had made a point of dodging and refusing to acknowledge his mentions of heroine.

She had done his sister the same. The girl got into one of her moods and Mai had cut her out, in no mood herself to deal with that. She couldn’t have just been an adult and told Azula that she was in an introverted mood. No, she had ignore the problem until it grew. And then she found out about the accident and she didn’t have the guts to apologize for making assumptions. She had cut her friend out entirely, when she needed someone the most.

At least she could say that she didn’t play favorites when it came to the Kasai siblings, they both got the same cold shoulder. The same absent attitude. The same lack of sympathy. 

 

She wanted to believe that there was at least one person she took up a ride or die mentality for. But she had cut TyLee out when the girl stopped acting bubbly and fun. 

In retrospect she didn’t know how she was demanding joy and pep from TyLee when her own mood resembled a thick chilly mist. And, compared to TyLee, compared to Azula and Zuko and Katara, were her problems really so deep?

 

They had so much more to deal with. Much steeper battles, and they didn’t go emotionally blank. They still had fight and spunk, even if that spark had been momentarily dulled, they got it back. 

 

She zoned in on Tom-Tom’s joyful babbles, trying to force herself into happiness. Really, it was a perfect day.  Sunny but enchantingly snow. Winter had always been her favorite season. The snow fell in thick flakes, the kind whose shape one could discern. Tom-Tom was a bundle of excitement, this was the happiest she’d seen him since his accident. The last of the birds chirped pleasantly. 

By all means, she should be happy. 

 

But she wasn’t. She would have enjoyed this and she knew that she would look back on this day and hate herself for not being able to appreciate such a perfect day in full. That even this small moment of happiness was tainted by an undertone of somber. And  that 

made her miserable tenfold. 

 

“I wanna go slide.” Tom-Tom pointed. 

 

“That’s all wet, Tom.” 

 

“I wanna go slide, Mai.” He was tugging at her arm. She winced as the fabric rubbed over her cuts. She took him to the slid just to get it to stop.

 

She let him play until his nose turned red. “Alright Tom, time to go home.”

 

“Not yet.” He sniffled. 

 

“It’s getting cold.” 

 

“I’m not cold.” But the snot running freely down his face told her otherwise.

 

“You’re getting all, snotty, that’s gross and it means it’s time to go home.” She lifted him up, ignoring his protests and the sharp pangs in her arms. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

“I watched Tom-Tom good this time.” She tried. “He had a lot of fun.” 

 

“And you’ll be watching him that closely until the day you move out of this house.” Michi screeched. “Watching Tom-Tom is the only way we can make sure that you don’t go out and get tattoos.” 

 

She wished she had a good pair of headphones, anything to drown the woman out. She was tired of hearing about the tattoo. Tired of hearing about every little thing she did wrong and nothing of what she did right. Has she ever done anything right?

She was beginning to wonder. 

 

She yanked Tom-Tom’s hand much rougher than she had intended. “It’s bath time Tom, and don’t give me a hard time. She let the tub warm before plopping him into the water.

 

“Are you mad at me? I’s sorry.” 

 

Mai sighed. “I’m not mad at you Tom, I’m mad at mommy and daddy.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

How was she supposed to explain that to a toddler. “You know how mommy sometimes makes you pick up your blocks and it makes you angry.” 

 

He nodded. 

 

“Mommy makes me pick up my blocks and her blocks.” Mai explained. “I didn’t even play with them, does that sound very fair, Tom.” 

 

“Mmm mmm, no fair.” He folded his arms over his chest.

 

Mai began shampooing his hair. “That’s why I’m mad at mommy.” 

 

“Ouchies.” At first she thought that she had snagged his hair. It took her a moment to realize that his finger was pointing at her arm. “Why, ouchies?” 

 

That was something she wouldn’t even try to explain, so she lied. “I get ouchies from art class, that’s why daddy doesn’t let you play with scissors yet.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

What an example she was setting for Tom-Tom.

 

She eyed her phone, lucky to have it back in her hands, but at the same time she didn’t have much use for it. Her conversation with Zuko had died away, she welcomed that though. She didn’t have anyone else to talk to. This time she had done a very good job at isolating herself. 

 

For a moment she thought of calling that poser Moo-Chee. 

She wasn’t that desperate. 

 

But she was feeling rather macostistic. So she texted Azula, simple and to the point. ‘How are you?’ 

 

‘Perfect, Mai. Just perfect’. She knew Azula’s texting style well enough to know that it was oozing with sarcasm. 

 

‘What’s wrong?’

 

She replied with a picture of Chan jumping her car, probably sniveling away.  Compared to that man, Mai looked like a true and die hard friend. ‘Why didn’t you just text me?’ Mai asked. She regretted it as soon as the delivered notification popped up. 

 

‘I was under the impression that you didn’t want to talk to me.’ Azula replied. ‘You made that perfectly clear. So why are you talking now?’

 

‘I didn’t want to talk to anyone’, wouldn’t have sufficed; she knew that Azula had seen her chatting it up with TyLee. Truth be told, Azula took a lot of energy to be around, more than TyLee or her lunchmates. She didn’t have an adequate response so she simply didn’t reply.

 

Thirty or so minutes came and went before her phone buzzes again. ‘Really, Mai?’

It was a fair question. She had opened the conversation and let it drop with no warning whatsoever.

 

‘What did you want me to say?’ Mai responded. 

 

Another thirty minutes and she knew that Azula was returning what she had received. 

An hour after that her mother called her downstairs and she braced herself for another lecture and a list of things to do. 

 

“I told you that you weren’t allowed to have friends over.” Michi hissed. 

 

“I didn’t invite anyone.”

 

“I invite myself to places.” Azula stepped inside. “Have you forgotten that?” 

 

Mai groaned to herself. That was exactly why her mother had no love for Azula. 

 

“Forgive me,” she feigned politeness. “It has been a while since you’ve come to visit.”

 

Azula shrugged. The girl had a lot of nerve. “Yes, Mai and I are going to talk about that while I’m still in town.” 

 

“Glad to see you’re you again.” Mai commented when they were safely in her room and away from Michi’s overbearing ears.

 

“I am, more or less.” She seated herself on the foot of Mai’s bed. 

 

Something about her tone indicated that she leaned more towards ‘less.’ “What are you doing here?” 

 

“I was dropping Teo off at home and then Chan wanted to talk about his potential court date so I stuck around.” 

 

“No, what are you doing  _ here _ ?” 

 

“Your text was practically a cry for help.” She rolled her eyes. “I hope you’re better at ass kissing than Chan.”

 

“You know that I’m not even going to try. If you care about me then you do. I’m not going to beg for it.” 

 

“Take a joke, Mai.”

 

“Have some compassion.” She returned.

 

“Not my strong suit.” Azula muttered. 

 

“You seemed to have it for Teo and TyLee...and Katara. Zuko too, probably?” 

 

Azula sprawled herself out on the bed. “Unfortunately, Chan has me in a very…” 

 

“Sassy and sarcastic mood.” Mai filled in nonchalantly. 

 

“Yes.” She admitted. “But I thought I’d drop by anyways. People don’t just start talking to people again unless they’re trying to say something. What are you trying to say?” 

 

She had a feeling that Azula already knew exactly what she was trying to say. She held her arm out anyways. 

 

“You’re doing that again?” Azula’s expression softened. “I thought you stopped doing that in middle school.”

 

“Yeah. And then your brother happened. And you happened. And my mother…” 

 

“A lot happened.” Azula agreed. 

 

“Why does it matter to you?” She asked. Though she didn’t really think that there was anything Azula could say.  As soon as she left, Mai would be leaving too.

 

She scrolled through her camera roll, taking it to the very beginning. She, Azula, and TyLee stared boldly into the camera looking for all the world like nothing could knock them from the top. How very wrong they had been. 

 

“That was a long time ago.” 

 

“It was maybe two years ago. That’s not that long.” Azula remarked, unhelpfully. She wasn’t very good at this comforting thing. But at least she was trying, that was more than anyone else, save for Tom-Tom and TyLee, could say. But Tom was just a kid and TyLee had been putting more focus on Katara and her trial these days. 

 

“Don’t you have a long drive or something?” Mai asked. 

 

“Two hours.”

 

“Then maybe you should get on top of that.” 

 

“And what are you going to do when I leave?” Azula asked. Mai’s stomach crawled. “It isn’t fun you know. It’s not as powerful and glorious as they make it seem. You’re a mess and you can’t breathe. It hurts and it isn’t as quick as they make it out to be. You have time to think about it. To  _ really  _ think about it. And suddenly you want to take it back.”

 

Mai gripped the bedspread. 

 

“And that’s with pills. I don’t know much about slit wrists but I can imagine that it’ll leave you with just as much time to think about just what it’ll do to your brother.” She stood and headed for the door, knowing very well that Mai would pull her back into the room. 

 

“Are you making the call or am I?” 

 

She didn’t leave any room for arguing. “I’ll call myself.”

 

“Your mother better learn to accept me inviting myself over.” 

 

“Nobody is ever going to like or accept that, Azula. Especially not my mom. You can save me every single night and she’d still be pissed that you show up announced.” 

 

“That’s probably true.”

 

“You’ll stay until they get here?” 

 

“I’ll drive you, if you’d rather do that than call.” Azula replied. “It’s along my way.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

The look on her mother’s face when she rolled up her sleeves haunted her. It kept her hushed for most of the drive. It had been a look of complete horror. And her father, she was lucky that he wasn’t home. She was lucky that she wouldn’t be home as her mother struggled to think of how to tell Tom-Tom why the lady was taking his sister away. 

 

“Tom-Tom is probably going to hate you for a while.”

 

“I had an entire school of people doing that. I think I can handle the scorn of a two year old.”

 

“He’s four.” Mai noted.

 

“He’ll get it one day.” Azula replied stoically. 

 

Mai hoped that he would never get it in the way that she and Azula did. Azula up to the institution and found a parking spot. There was nothing Mai wanted less than to go into that building. Azula waited for her to open the door first before opening her own. Apparently she wasn’t going to leave an oppertuinty for Mai to skip out.

That was probably better for her. 

 

“Thanks, Azula.” She mumbled. “I don’t know why you came back for me.”

 

“Because Katara came back for me.” This time her attempts at keeping a flat tone fall incredibly short. It occured to Mai, only then, that she had put Azula back in a moment that she’d rather forget. 

 

“Sorry…”

 

“Don’t apologize.” 

 

She still felt like she should. 

She had a lot to apologize for. 

 

“Not everything is your fault all the time.”

 

She always knew that Azula would be the one to make her cry.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tfw you have to choose between writing a trial scene and a labor scene. Neither are fun. Screeching babies & Pain > Pompous lawyers & Pain.

It was complete and utter agony, the pangs that shot up and down her back. They had gotten worse as the days wore on rather than better. There was nothing she can do but ride it out. The baby seemed to be ramming downward and painfully so. 

 

The doctors said that these were contractions and she didn’t understand how that could possibly be. She was only seven months along, she had two to go. She wasn’t even done with her prep classes! She had scarcely started her maternity leave.

 

She pulled her purse over her shoulder, Sokka’s trial was today and she couldn’t afford to miss it. “Hnnggg, come on.” She winced to herself as she made her way to her car. “No way…” she whispered to herself as fluid puddled at her feet. “Not, fucking now.” She slapped her hand against the car and shouted for her mother. Her mother who vowed that Suki was on her own and that she would have nothing to do with this pregnancy no matter what.

Suki screamed for her mother again, hoping that she would draw a line and at least help her get to the hospital. Though she would love for her mother to stay there with her throughout. 

 

She needed to be there for Sokka. 

She just needed to. 

But the baby had other plans. 

 

And she was no more prepared to have it than she was when she first found out that she was pregnant. She cried out again as another sharp pang rocked her from the pelvis up. She need to support Sokka, but she also needed his support. 

He was supposed to be doing this with her!

 

But she doubted they would let him off the hook because he had knocked up a girl who was still in high school. 

 

She didn’t have Katara either, she was probably already on her way to see Sokka, if she wasn’t already there.  Suki squeezed her eyes shut, what a nightmare!

 

It had taken all too long, but her mother was finally there. “It’s happening.” She winced out, it was all she could manage. Was she allowed to take a pain pill? Would that still hurt the baby? She clutched her stomach, going tense all over. “Don’t make me do it alone, mom.” She couldn’t fight the tears. “Don’t make me...I can’t do this by myself.”

 

“Get in the car.” 

 

“I can’t!” Suki hollered. “It hurts! I can’t.”

 

Suki’s mother drew in a deep breath. “You have to, Suki.” Suki felt an arm slid under hers. “Lean on me.”

 

She put all of her focus into using her mother’s body for support. A bead of sweat trickled down her temple. How the fuck could Sokka do this to her!?

 

**.oOo.**

 

Every bump in the road had been searing. Every stop sign had hindered her, brought her one second closer to having a baby in the car seat. But she was in a hospital bed now and it was no less painful then it was before. They wouldn’t give her the painkillers just yet, apparently offering them too soon would make pushing harder, more prolonged, and--she would imagine--more painful in the long run. 

She clutches at the sheets, wishing that Sokka was there. 

She was alone. 

Her mother had stepped out of the room. 

 

And she resented the woman for abandoning her like that. At least she knew that her mother was an honest woman. One who wouldn’t go back on her word. 

 

“It’ll be over before you know it.” The doctor assured. 

Such pretty words, but she was well aware that he was wrong. 

This was going to be long and rough. It was called labor for a perfectly good reason. 

 

And she would be bearing it alone. 

 

She gasped as another very forceful contraction hit. She wanted it to stop, she needed it to. She needed something to drink. Was she allowed to drink. She asked for a glass of water. 

 

“We’re going to try to limit your eating and drinking.” The doctor replied. 

 

Suki threw her head back, she couldn’t even eat either?  “What am I allowed to eat?”

 

“Jell-O and popsicles.” 

 

What a wide variety. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

“You have to start pushing now.”

 

It was the thing she wanted to do both the most and the least. She gritted her teeth and gave the first. She screamed again, unprepared for just how intense the feeling would be. This was like squeezing a softball through a hole the size of a water bottle.

 

The baby left her feeling heavy and sick. Any second now and she’d be throwing up, she hoped that the doctors were prepared for that. She gave another push, feeling entirely nauseous. She barely registered that her mother had wandered back into the room.

It didn’t settle fully in until the woman’s hand was squeezing her own clammy hand. 

 

She gripped the sheets at the doctor’s instructions to push again. 

 

Her head was a mess of frightening thoughts. She was having a preterm baby. Was it going to make it? Would she actually get to hold a living baby? Or would she push out an infant that didn’t cry. How could a baby cry if it couldn’t breathe properly?  She had heard that premature babies had breathing difficulty. 

 

She pushed again as she contemplated what she did wrong. 

So far the doctors were attributing it to her age and that alone. 

 

She groaned in pain and gasped. 

And she hoped that Sokka’s trial was going less painfully than this.

 

Maybe if she was in labor long enough, he wouldn’t miss the whole thing. 

Or maybe they would throw him back in jail after all and he would miss every single crucial moment in their baby’s life. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

She had barely gotten to hold her baby. She had only a few seconds to press her goopy, slimy, little head to her chest before they took the child from her. “We have to watch her very intensely.”  Informed one of the nurses as though that would make up for taking such a precious moment away. 

In the long run, it would. 

But she wasn’t particularly good at thinking in the long term.

 

As far as she could see, they had taken her Jing-Zao and Sokka hadn’t even gotten to see her. 

He hadn’t gotten to see that squirmy, squishy little thing. 

He didn’t get to touch nor hold her. 

 

She had hardly gotten to do so herself. 

 

Suki wept quietly as they took her baby into neonatal intensive care. 

She hated to think of her baby stuck on life support with tangled tubes and wires. Hooked up to a respirator.  She didn’t know what she was going to tell Sokka. 

Their little girl…

She didn’t deserve to be punished for their mistakes. 


	48. Chapter 48

‘Do you know what you’ve cost me!?’ The message appeared in her inbox on several sites and on her phone. She was very well aware and it satisfied her to the core. Chan had told her;  _ “you got her kicked off of the team, you know?”  _

At the time, she had not, but she was more than pleased to hear it. 

 

_ “And what about you?”  _

 

_ “Yeah, me too. They didn’t want that kind of image for the team.” _

 

For a second she felt bad. But really, what did they expect to come out of nudging and jabbing at her when she was already down? Did they think that she would remain embarrassingly passive for good?  Another message appeared from Usha. The girl was all over Azula’s pages, apparently her lesson wouldn’t be learned until after the trial took her down a couple thousand dollars. At least the others had the brainpower to keep quiet and let Usha fuss alone. Even Kori had nothing to say these days. Azula was under the impression that Kori was well aware that she was in the line of fire and if she stepped on Azula’s toes she’d be in the courtroom too. ‘Fucking bitch!’ Usha seethed from behind a screen. 

 

Azula wondered if Yue would find this to be of any interest. 

 

“Who are you talking to?” Zuko asked. 

 

“No one, Zu-Zu.” Azula replied, slipping her phone back into her pocket. 

 

“Thanks for driving me today.” He smiled. 

 

“Don’t thank me yet. You’re driving me to the next one.” 

 

Zuko laughed, though Azula didn’t know what was so humorous about it. 

 

“I figured that I would be.” He noted. 

 

Truth be told, it was kind of nice going with him to the sessions. It was convenient, it saved on gas money, and she didn’t feel so awkward and alone. Granted, this was only the second time they had driven to the session together. 

 

“What are you seeing a therapist for anyways?” It was the second time he had asked. 

 

“Father.” She said, simply. A safely broad answer. 

 

“What did he do to you?” 

 

Azula stood up. “It’s almost four, I think that you should head to the rehab side.” She caught Zuko rolling his eyes at the timing. But he couldn’t argue because, by all means, she was right. “I’ve got to get to my own session.” She started to walk away, turning around only to say, “meet me back here when you’re done.”

 

She gave Yue’s door two soft knocks and the woman beckoned her in. 

 

“What happened?” Azula asked after taking her seat. 

 

Yue cradled her casted arm. “I was in a car accident over the weekend. It wasn’t too serious, but I’m going to need a new car. I hope that your weekend went a little better.”

 

“It was fine. Zu-Zu, is living with mother and I now.” 

 

“Your brother?” 

 

Azula nodded. “That is his nickname.”

 

“How is that going?” 

 

“Fine, so far. We drive here together.”

 

Yue smiled. “That sounds like a good thing. It looks like your hands are healing.” 

 

Azula looked at the backs of her hands. The scabs on her knuckles had cleared completely. Granted, volleyball had given her a new bruise to take their place. “Yes.” She agreed. 

 

“I take it, you have been sticking to the meal plan?”

 

“I have been, yes.”

“I can tell.” Yue noted. Before Azula had a chance to leap to conclusions, Yue adds, “your voice sounds less scratchy too.” She pauses. “Doesn’t it feel better?”

 

Reluctantly, Azula agreed to that as well. She did feel better, her throat wasn’t sore, her stomach didn’t ache, and she didn’t have to deal with cramping, so long as she didn’t pull something during practice. Practice, which she had the energy for. 

She wasn’t constantly thinking of food either.

 

“It has only been a few weeks and you’ve already made a lot of progress. You realize that don’t you?”

 

It was in the back of her mind, yes, but she hadn’t really had the time to truly consider it. Not until Yue brought it to the foreground. Indeed, she was feeling more like herself. In most regards anyways. “But--.” 

 

She didn’t have to finish for Yue to know. “You’re still worried about your weight, aren’t you?”

At that point, worried might have been an understatement. It was more or less and underlying dread.

 

“Give your body time, remember? You’ll find that the body is very effective at sorting itself out, given optimal conditions.” She drew out a few files. “Based on what your doctor has forwarded me, you are in very healthy condition, all things considered.” 

 

“I know…” Azula trailed off. She can feel that much. 

 

“Let me ask you something else.” 

 

“Go ahead.” 

 

“Has anyone made any comments about your weight?” 

 

Azula thought for a moment. Neither Zuko nor Ursa had said anything. Nor had Iroh. She thought back to her reunion with Chan. The boy made no comments either, but she was almost certain that he was thinking it. “Not out loud.” She finally answered. 

 

“I promise you, that you are the hardest on yourself.” Yue had said that the last time too. Apparently, a reminder wouldn’t hurt. Azula thought that she could use a reminder. “Just give yourself a little more time.” 

 

“How much time?” Azula asked. She liked to think herself a patient person. But she was running low on it. She just wanted to be Azula again. Truly, Azula. 

 

“It’s hard to say.” Yue admitted. “But you are doing very well, I’d say that your body is already mostly used to eating correctly again.” She peered at Azula’s medical files again. “In other words, I’d say you are at the point where your weight is going to flatline instead of increase. If you stick to your volleyball routine, perhaps add a morning jog on the side, an I think you’ll start to see the results you want sooner rather than later.” 

 

It was the most reassuring thing she had heard all week.

 

“Two days from now, I’ll be at my first game of the season.” 

 

“That’s wonderful news.” Yue grinned. “You’ll have to let me know how that goes.” 

 

“We’re going to lose.” Azula replied flatly. “But it won’t be my fault. I don’t think that the rest of the team is trying as hard as they could be…” 

 

“Have you considered that this is a good thing?” 

 

“It makes me feel better about myself, I suppose.”

 

“You need to learn to play for fun before you can play competitively again. I’m under the impression that your father took something you enjoyed and turned it into something that came with a lot of stress. You need to reclaim what you enjoyed.”

 

Azula sighed. Now that she had at least somewhat of a handle on her eating habits, the woman wanted to start talking abuse. “I already have.” She said. “I like my new team…even though they have no hand eye-coordination whatsoever.” Frankly it their dreadful playing almost made her happy. They were less tense, they made jokes and jabs that were actually funny. 

They were comfortable. 

“I’ll give them this first game to mess around.” Azula declared. “But they will learn to play good.” 

 

Yue snickered. “I’m sure that they will.” Her smile faded after a moment. “Can we talk about your father, Azula?” 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko took a seat and took a gander around the room. It was cozy with a shelf of books and a mural of a dormant volcano.  His new therapist sat behind his desk stroking a silvery beard. “Welcome, Mr. Kasai, I’m Dr. Jeong Jeong.”

 

“Zuko.” He returned. 

 

“I do hope that we will get along better than you and Dr. Pakku did.” 

 

“We can’t possibly get along worse.” Zuko replied. 

 

“Alright, so what did and didn’t work when you talked to Dr. Pakku?”

 

“Nothing worked; he never let me finish talking, he always made assumptions, I don’t think that he wanted to work with a former heroin addict.”

 

Jeong Jeong scrawled something down in his notebook. “I will let you talk for as long as you want, Mr. Kasai...or would you prefer Zuko? Just let me know if I have cut you off or have made an assumption, I will do my best to correct it.”

 

“Zuko is fine.” He answered. “And I will.”

 

“Feel free to talk whenever you are ready.” Jeong Jeong prompted. “I would love to know what started your addiction in the first place, so we can cut away the root problem.” 

 

“My family. Especially my father.” Zuko began. “I was pretty young when my mom left, I was about eight years old. Before she left, I always heard them arguing. He would get really loud and I didn’t understand what was going on. I don’t remember what he was yelling about but mother would usually cry. Most of the time, my sister would come into my room because they were being too loud for her and she couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t help because I was afraid too.” He paused. “A lot of the times I think that they fought over me and Azula. About how he was raising Azula wrong and how he was giving her too much attention and giving me none at all. My mother fought him because he put too much pressure on us and we were just kids. I thought that they just screamed at each other. But one day my sister went downstairs--I don’t remember why. I just know that she came upstairs and asked why daddy was hitting mommy…” 

 

Jeong Jeong nodded. “Do you want my input or do you have more to add?”

 

“I have more to add.” He replied. “After that, I started noticing it more. I would listen for slaps and I would have to keep Azula from going downstairs, because I was afraid he would hurt her too. He smacked me when I went down for food while they were arguing.” He was getting a little ahead of himself. “So I stayed upstairs and sometimes I could hear him throwing things. After awhile mother left, I don’t think that she wanted to, because she wanted to protect us. But my father got the divorce papers and they were in court. She didn’t have any money and she couldn’t prove the abuse, father stopped hitting her around when he decided that he was going to take her to court. So he got custody of us. My mother filed for a restraining order and my father let her get it so he wouldn’t have to waste anymore time.” Zuko stopped to let the man finish writing. “After mom was gone he started abusing me instead, and, I think, my sister too. Father liked to get in her head. She liked being the favorite and he got her to help him hurt me. She mostly said things that hurt. Father  _ did  _ things that hurt. I have scars on my back from his belt. I have them on my sides too. A few years ago we were learning about drugs in my health class. I found out that a lot of people use heroin to get rid of physical pain. 

I decided to try it for myself.”

 

Jeong Jeong took all of that down. 

 

“I am done.” He replied. 

 

“Very well.” Jeong Jeong replied. “Have you since taken steps to protect yourself from your father, because that would be a good start. I would also advice accepting that you shouldn’t crave acceptance from your father.” 

 

“But I do!” Zuko burst out. “I hate him. But I do. I want him to value me.”

 

“Do you?” Jeong Jeong asked. “Do you really want to be praised by a man like that? A man who would hit his wife? A man like that will only accept a man who does the misdeeds he does.” 

 

Zuko stuttered to form a defense. “Well…”

 

“Do not defend a man who will not do the same for you. Do not fight to earn the praise of someone who won’t respect you. Do not looking up to a man who looks down on you. Are you getting the picture?”

 

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

 

“That was not my intent.” Jeong Jeong replied. “I do not mean to sound condescending. I was simply trying to tell you that you are a respectable man so you should treat yourself with respect and take less consideration into those who won’t.”

 

His mouth ran dry. “I.” He tried. “I didn’t think about it like that.”

 

“Have you taken steps to distance yourself from your abuser?”

 

“I live with my mother now.” He replied. “And my sister and mother are taking him to court. I plan on testifying.”

 

“Good steps. Wise ones, it sounds like you have a support system.”

 

“My uncle and my boyfriend have been really helpful.” 

 

“And what about your sister? You mentioned that she helped your father abuse you?”

 

“Until this past summer.” He replied. 

 

“And then what happened?” 

 

“She bothered me less when she found out that I was on drugs. I think that she was concerned right before I ran away. She was the one who told my uncle to find me. I think that it’s because he, father, started treating her like he treats me and...she’s different now.”

 

“Is that a good thing?”

 

“I think so. She drove me here today.”

 

Jeong Jeong jotted that down. “I think that what you have going is a good start. Make amends with her. The closer you are to your sister and mother, the less power your father will have. I can get you your file, if that will aid in the court process.” 

 

“That would be great!” Zuko smiled. “The trial is next Saturday, if you can get it by then.” 

 

“That is possible.” Jeong Jeong promised. He looked at the wall on the clock. “For now, Zuko, I would like you to maintain and strengthen your support system. The larger and sturdier it is, the easier it will be for you to stay clean.” He stood up. “And congratulations on one month.” He extended an arm. “You have my respect.”

 

Zuko shook his hand. “Thank you.” 

 

Jeong Jeong nodded. “Thank yourself, Zuko, you have done most of the work. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

 

“You too, Dr. Jeong Jeong.” 

 

“I will see you on Tuesday.”

 

Zuko closed the door behind him. Jeong Jeong definitely suited his needs more than Pakku did. Respect.  _ Self _ -respect. Why hadn’t he considered the concept before?

 

**.oOo.**

 

Azula laced up her shoes and slung her bag over her shoulder. 

The bus was about to leave and she couldn’t get the nervous flutter out of her tummy. She didn’t recall ever having felt so nervous before a game. But then, she had never been so out of shape for one either. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that she was doing this for pleasure, not for competition. At least for now.

 

“You okay?” Chinami asked.

 

“I’m fine.” Azula replied. 

 

She watched Zirin rummage through her backpack, declaring that she was going to finish her homework during the bus ride. Ikue and Ryoko shared headphones, listening to their music loud enough for Azula to hear the lyrics as well. That left Chinami and Shoko for company. Coach Ruka ran through her pep talk and then left them to socialize. Chinami spent much of the ride showing she and Shoko her favorite cat videos. Azula didn’t protest, she could use the distraction. 

 

Stepping back onto the court in front of a crowd was surreal and disorienting. She scanned the crowd and found Ursa. she caught her mother’s eye and the woman waved. She nudged Zuko who gave a wave of his own. She returned it. She caught TyLee wheeling Teo next to them.

It was her first game in ages. 

And the first time her mother and Teo would ever seen her play.

Was she going to lose? Most certainly, but at least it was a game. 

At least she was on the court again. 

 

Azula was to make the first serve. She wished that she could pull off a jump serve. Instead she settled for a topspin serve.  She scanned the court for an opening and hit the ball. The opposing team was a speedy lot, they hit it back with ease. Zirin returned their defensive strike. Azula watched the ball go over the net a few times before it came back within her reach. She bumped it back, aiming for the small spot they left undefended. The ball hit the floor with a satisfying thump.

 

Azula didn’t know who blushed more when Ursa started hollering, she or Zuko. 

 

“Man, I wish my mom loved me that much.” Zirin mumbled, letting the volleyball land on the ground next to her. “Whoops.” 

 

“Zirin, pay attention.” Azula hissed. 

 

“Sorry.” She winced. 

 

They rotated positions and it was Zirin’s turn to serve. She hoped that the girl could at least make it over the net, with her it was always hit or miss. Tonight, seemed like a hit kind of night. Again the ball came in Azula’s direction, a fast hit. Faster than she could manage in current. 

 

The other team made their serve. Another fast strike that evaded Ryoko and Ikue. But Azula wouldn’t let it evade her, not a second time. She spiked it back, throwing just as much momentum into it as they had served the ball with.

 

She managed to score them another point. 

The only other point they managed to steal for the rest of the game. 

 

Azula sighed, that was definitely the worst she had ever done. But at least she had managed to do something. Apparently her teammates begged to differ.

 

“Wow, that was our best game in a while.” Chinami noted. 

 

“Have we ever scored more than one point before?” Ryoko asked. 

 

“I think that there was this one time when we scored three points.” Ikue pointed out. 

 

“But that was the longest, we’ve ever kept the ball from hitting the ground.” Shoko noted. 

 

Zirin came up behind Azula. “You are good at volleyball!” 

 

“I used to be better.” Azula frowned. 

 

“I don’t know, you’re still really fast. I feel like they wouldn’t have scored as much if we were that fast.” Zirin disagreed. 

 

“Thanks.” She replied. “And, don’t worry, you will be.” 

 

“See, now you’re scaring me…” 

 

“Good.” Azula smirked. “We will be practicing on weekends, starting after this weekend.”

 

“We will?” 

 

“I will send all of you my address. You all  _ will  _ learn to score points.” 

 

Coach Ruka laughed. “Azula, stop threatening your teammates with the possibility of success.” And then in a mumble she replied, “trust me, it doesn’t work.”

 

“I’ll get it to work coach, and you will have a team that can make it, at least, to regionals.” Azula vowed. “They’re good at this, they just don’t want to admit it because…” she paused. “Because it’s safer not to. They just need to put some real effort in.” 

 

Coach Ruka grinned. “Please tell them that, they need to hear it. This team, they’ve gotten so used to losing that they just gave up entirely. They have fun and everyone says that that’s what counts. But I don’t think it would hurt to reignite some ambition!” She turned her attention away for a moment but seemed to remember something at the last minute. “Maybe while you teach them to take things more seriously, they can help you learn to play for fun. I don’t want you to make a chore of this.” 

 

Azula nodded. But she did find it enjoyable, the prospect of being able to train a team from the ground up. It was something she didn’t get a chance to do with a group of girls who were so naturally talented. She spotted Zirin conversing with her little brother and her parents. Each of the girls seemed invested with their own families. It appeared that Chinami had a few friends in the crowd, Nagako among them. And for once, Azula had a family to talk to. She wandered over to them. “When did you get here?”

 

“Towards the middle.” Iroh answered. “I would have been here sooner if my tea kettle didn’t boil over.” He looked as though he were on the verge of tears. “I have not overcooked my tea in years.” 

 

Zuko rolled his eyes. “It had to happen some time.” He turned to Azula. “I thought that you said you weren’t any good anymore.”

 

“Perhaps that was an exaggeration.” Azula replied. “Still, I’ve played much better in the past.” 

 

“You did wonderful, dear.” Ursa pulled her into a tight hug. 

 

“Mother, please.” She muttered. 

 

Ursa let her go. “Sorry, I forgot that you don’t like hugs. Congratulations on your first game.” She handed Azula an armful of flowers. Teo and TyLee offered her two more small bouquets. 

 

Though she hardly thought that she had put on a flower-worthy performance the sentiment was nice. “I am going to Zirin’s after game party. I might spend the night there.” 

 

“Alright, just call me before bed. Just so I can sleep easy.” Ursa requested. 

 

“Sure.” Azula replied. 

 

She followed her team back to the bus. They were extra talkative this time around. They were in better spirits. Zirin slung her arm over Azula’s shoulder. “Azula says she’s going to help us win the next game.”

 

“I’m going to try.” Azula replied as Ikue decided to grace the rest of the team with her music. Wan High’s team had never done an on-bus sing along. Azula didn’t think she had ever cringed so hard in her life.  She had certainly never enjoyed doing so. 

She certainly didn’t think that she would cave and sing a number with Zirin. 

 

Their spunk tapered off towards the end of the bus ride, it was getting rather late and the energy spent in the game started to catch up. Shoko was out rather cold, snoring silently to herself. Ryoko and Ikue returned silently to their music and Chinami was nodding off. 

Zirin continued to speak with her until she joined Shoko. 

 

Left to her own thoughts, Azula pondered upon the game. All in all, she supposed it had gone pretty well. She wasn’t in condition for her jump serves nor her more advanced play strategies. But she hadn’t stumbled around and missed any defenses as she had thought she would. 

Perhaps she hadn’t lost as much of her progress as she had anticipated. She just needed to brush up. She would have more than enough time to do that when she began weekend sessions with the other girls. 

She tried to think about that instead of fretting over seeing Ozai again. 

 

The bus pulled into the school parking lot. Chinami stretched and yawned before heading to her car. 

 

“You haven’t been to my house yet.” Zirin noted. “It’s pretty close by here, just follow the rest of us.”

 

Once at Zirin’s home, Azula found a spot to lay her sleeping bag before joining the others in the kitchen. “My mom made cupcakes and we have chips and dip. Oh and, by Shoko’s request, we have brownies too.” 

 

It all sounded enticing, but Azula opted to sit at the end of the table with only a cup of juice. She had eaten before the game. 

 

“Don’t you want anything, Azula?” Zirin offered. 

 

“I’m fine.” Azula replied. 

 

“We just had our first game! Treat yourself, girl.” 

 

Azula sighed. Treats weren’t in her meal plan. She supposed one that brownie couldn’t hurt, she’d just have to keep herself from eating the rest of them. She picked it up and took bite. 

“Good right?” Shoko asked. “Zirin’s mom can cook.”

 

Azula nodded. 

 

“Do you not like, sweets?” Chinami asked.

 

Azula thought of the question for a moment, deciding that she has known them long enough to just come out with the truth. “That’s, basically, the opposite of the problem.” She confessed. “I miss practices on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s to see a therapist for my bulimia.”  

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko was left to assume that Azula’s party had gone well, she was in a pretty good mood when she entered. Zuko was in a decent mood himself save for a bone deep tiredness. Jeong Jeong had prescribed him medication for insomnia, informing him that insomnia, depression, and irritability were all lingering withdrawal effects. Frankly, he couldn’t wait to be free of those. 

 

He made his way into the bathroom and tugged of his shirt. His scars glared at him from within the mirror. He tried his hardest to keep his eyes from wandering to them, it was what Ozai had wanted when giving them to him; to give him a steady reminder of why and how he’d gotten them. 

 

Slipping grades and a lack of natural academic skills. He’d only proven the man right in dropping out. He turned the shower knob and allowed the water to heat back up. It was fine, he told himself, next year he would be going for his GED. And then he could move onto college as he should have done this year. 

 

He stepped into the shower and shampooed his hair. 

He grabbed the bar of soap and lathered his body, taking care not to dwell on the ugly pockmarks on his arms. He hated them almost more than the scars his father gave him. At least the slashes on his torso and back were a sign of perseverance, and withstanding. The small indents on his arms, those were a display of weakness and failure. He wondered if he could find a cosmetic to make them less pronounced. He didn’t want his heroine abuse to be displayed so prominently; who would let a former heroin addict onto their campus? 

 

He turned the water off, stepped onto the floor towel, and rubbed a different towel over his hair. He used it to dry the rest of him and then drape it around his waist. He peered at his phone just on time to see a text alert disappear. 

 

He unlocked the phone, hoping that it was Hahn. 

 

‘You ought not to meddle in things that have nothing to do with you.’ The number was a throw away one, but he had an inkling as to what name he could attach to it. 

Like hell, the trial had nothing to do with him.

 

He wandered downstairs to see his sister putting a bowl in the sink. 

 

“Hey, Azula?” 

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Did you get any texts this morning?”

 

“Two.” Azula replied. 

 

“What were they!?” He demanded. 

 

“You’re intense today.” Azula replied. “Shoko is sending me memes and Katara told me that Sokka is stuck with a criminal record and community service...and that his daughter was born prematurely while he was on trial.” 

 

Zuko blinked. “That family is having worse luck than ours.” It had been such a long time since he talked to any of them. The last time he’d seen Sokka was when the man was threatening to kick his ass for flirting with Katara during an off phase with Mai. It hadn’t been his proudest moment, especially considering how much he used to pester her for being a stony prude. His cheeks flushed. “I haven’t seen them since...you know.” 

 

“Since you were a complete, jackass?” Azula smiled smugly. 

 

He rolled his eyes. “Since when do you talk to Katara? Last time I checked, you were a jackass too.”

 

“True.” She replied. “Anyways, why did you ask about the texts.”

 

“You have your secrets, I have mine.” He wondered if it was safer to let her know about Ozai’s texts or to not give her an extra thing to worry about.

 

“That’s fair.” She shrugged. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Since the game, practices have been coming easily to her. She liked to think that she was getting back into the swing of things. School itself was going well enough. They had worked out a way to transfer her assignments seamlessly. On a few days she had lunch with Hakoda and a few of her other teachers doing mostly makeup assignments to pick her grades back up to where she wanted them. That Thursday she was back in the cafeteria with the rest of her team and Nagako. 

 

“I keep forgetting to ask.” Ikue spoke up. “Was that your brother who came to our game?” 

 

“Yes, why?” Azula replied between bites of food. 

 

“He’s kind of cute.” 

 

“And suddenly, I’m not hungry anymore.” Azula grumbled. “Luckily for you and I both, he’s taken.”

 

“Lucky?” Ikue asked. 

 

“Zu-Zu is...he’s Zu-Zu.” 

 

“Good to know.” Ryoko commented as the bell rang. 

 

Zirin hustled to finish the last of her lunch. “I’ll see you girls at practice.” And to Azula. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow. Good luck with therapy.”

 

After her last class, Azula hurried to her locker. If she was quick enough she’d have enough time to stop at home and get a few assignments done before her appointment. She shut her locker and made her way to her car and to Ursa’s home. Her mother wasn’t home yet so she fixed herself a snack, something to hold her over until dinner time. She used to have snacks, so she’d allow herself one every once in a while. She wondered where Zuko had gone, perhaps to visit Hahn before his appointment. Azula had barely gotten a chance to put her food on the table before she received a text. Pulling out her assignments for the afternoon, she swiped at the screen. 

 

She arranged the assignments from the most tedious to the least tedious and peered at her phone’s screen. It was a clips from her volleyball game. She hit play, hoping to see a recording of her scoring a point. Instead the clip rolled on to remind her of the point she’d let the other team score. It played in a loop, only interrupted by a new text alert. ‘It’s a shame. All of that wasted talent.’ 

 

Azula put her pencil down and swallowed. 

The man wasn’t done with her. ‘You would probably be faster, more efficient, if you weren’t so heavy.’ She pushed her phone and her snack to the side and snatched up the most difficult of her assignments. It left little room to think about anything else. Not like the reading assignment, that allowed her mind to wander. 

 

She was glad that she was alone. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko tried to slip by as quietly as possible. Azula had never cried in front of him so openly, so he knew that she hadn’t noticed him yet. He didn’t know if he should put the fandom merch Hahn had given him away and return downstairs or if he should put it away and stay in his room. Comforting a venerable Azula seemed like a job for mother, but Ursa wasn’t home. 

 

He rubbed his hands over his face. He had no idea what could even be bothering her, she was doing so well since her game. 

 

His phone sounded, a welcomed distraction until he saw the nameless number. He caught only a glimpse before deleting the damn thing. ‘Street trash,’ ‘disappointment’, ‘worthless dropout’. It was nothing that he hadn’t heard before. 

It was the sheer influx of these messages that was getting to him. Every time he blocked the number a new one would appear. Or the number would unblock itself. His father worked with electronics, of course he had the know-how and the resources. 

 

Another text pushed him to approach Azula. He had a good feeling that she had gotten a message or two and he was starting to regret not warning her. 

 

“Azula?” 

She wasn’t crying so hard anymore. 

 

“When did you get here?” She didn’t turn around. 

 

“A while ago…” he trailed off. “I didn’t think that you wanted me to see…”

 

“You are correct.”

 

He looked at the clock, if anything they could finish their conversation in the car. “What did he say to you?”

 

“The same things he always says, Zu-Zu.”

 

“Yeah, he’s been doing the same to me. I tried not to look at them, but I’m pretty sure I got a death threat.” 

 

“I was doing so good…” She mumbled more to herself. 

 

“What do you mean?” In asking he hadn’t expected her to open up as much as she did. He hadn’t expected her to tell him that she didn’t want to go to her appointment because she didn’t want to have to tell Yue that she had thrown up again. “Did you do...that alot?” Was all he could ask. 

 

“Almost daily.” She muttered. 

 

“That’s why they sent you to therapy.” He said quietly. 

 

“That’s part of it.” 

 

“Part of it?” 

 

“They took me away from him because I tried to…” She paused. “I tried to kill myself.” 

 

His stomach lurched. While he was off doing drugs, she had tried to end her life. What kind of older brother was he?  No. What kind of father was Ozai to put the two of them in such places and to try to do it again. “I relapsed too.” Zuko tried. “And I didn’t even need Ozai’s help to do it.” 

 

But he knew his sister well enough to know that even a minor relapse wasn’t acceptable. He didn’t know her well enough to know how to comfort her. “Why don’t we head to therapy, Yue can probably help better than I can.” He wished that it wasn’t true.

 

“Whose turn is it to drive?”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Zuko replied. “I’ll drive.” 

 

**.oOo.**

 

“One time isn’t going to set you back, Azula. Not unless you make it into a habit again.” Yue declared firmly. “Promise me that you won’t make this a regular occurance?” 

 

Azula nodded. She did her best to keep eye contact. 

 

Yue cupped her hand over Azula’s, “do you mind.” 

 

Azula shook her head so Yue kept her hand in place. 

 

“You’re handling this very well. There aren’t many people who broke the habit as fast as you have. I’m not that worried about you?”

 

“Why wouldn’t you be?” 

 

“Because you didn’t try to keep your relapse a secret as some of my other clients have. I can tell that purging didn’t make you feel good, did it?” 

 

“No.” She replied. “It didn’t.” 

 

“Would you like to do it again?” 

 

“Not particularly.” Azula replied. 

 

“Do you want to tell me why you purged again?” 

 

She found it hard, at first, to come out with it. But she decided to rip the band-aid. It was infinitely harder to admit to herself that all the guilt had come crashing down on her with Ozai’s simple message. That she felt bad for treating herself so many times, even if it was just an occasional, perfectly normal thing. The entire session was more uncomfortable than it had been in a long while. She left herself wondering why she had to be this way.

Azula appreciated Yue’s patience and the respect she still gave her. At least she could fall with some dignity. Yue let her go with a promise that she would eat a full dinner that night, perhaps with a desert if she was comfortable enough. 

 

Ursa made it surprisingly easy to feel comfortable.

The woman served stake and ice cream. Azula tried not to think too much about when she was doing, in dipping her spoon into the ice cream. Her mother provided a solid enough distraction.

Her sheer outrage when both she and Zuko showed her the texts was almost comical. 

 

“Just wait until your uncle hears about this.” She muttered to herself. “I swear.” She was pacing and making wild gestures and suddenly Azula knew exactly where Zuko had picked up on that habit. “I will find that man. Did I ever tell the two of you what drew your... ‘father’ to me in the first place?” 

 

“No.” Zuko replied quietly. 

 

“He met me in high school. I was in theater.” Azula couldn’t gauge where the woman was going with this. “He saw me on the stage and said that he had never seen such aggression and passion from one woman.” Ursa paused, leaving Azula and Zuko with enough time to exchange sideways glances. 

 

Azula sucked at what remained of the ice cream on her spoon. 

 

“That aggression was acting. He is about to see real aggression.” The woman sat back down. “Are the two of you enjoying desert?” She asked more cheerfully. 

 

“Yeah, it’s great mom.” Zuko replied. 

 

“Pretty good.” Azula agreed. A bit of an understatement. She did miss vanilla ice cream. She tried her hardest not to let Ozai make her feel bad for enjoying it. But it refused to leave the back of her mind. The trial was in two days and she was going to have to see him in person having made no progress…

No  _ visible  _ progress, she reminded herself. 

She had made a lot of progress otherwise. 

 

“Do you want to stay in my room tonight?” Zuko offered.

 

“What?” 

 

“Like when we were kids. When we heard dad and mom arguing, you used to sleep on the floor…”

 

“I’m already seeing a problem there.”

 

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Fine, I can stay in your room and sleep on the floor and it will be sort of like old times.”

 

“Better.” Azula replied. “Alright, you can stay in my room tonight.” She could use the company. If her thoughts became too much, she could pester him about how his date with Hahn went. 

 

She dressed herself for bed and handed the bathroom over to Zuko, not quite understanding why he just couldn’t use one of the other bathrooms. She had herself draped in blankets when her phone buzzed. She almost didn’t want to look at it, but she picked it up anyhow. 

 

‘So, how many ass-kissing points do I earn if I beat your dad up?’ 

 

Azula sighed, wondering what her father was up to on the social media pages to draw Chan’s attention. ‘Depends’, Azula replied, ‘how and when are you beating him up?’

 

‘I don’t know...honestly, he’d probably kick  _ my _ ass. But I’d try if it makes up for anything.’

 

‘Go to bed, Chan.’ Azula rolled her eyes and set her phone to the side. She hated when he did stupid things like that, things that made her remember how things were before her accident. Things that made her smile when she didn’t want to. 

Not that she wasn’t going to make him grovel and beg a little more. 

 

Zuko entered the room. “You feeling any better?” 

 

“I’ll be fine, Zu-Zu.” At the very least, she would be eventually.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko eyed Azula curiously. She stood with her head held high, looking for all the world, as if she had no fears at all. She held her hands behind her back, the red power suit and heels worked very heavily in her favor to annunciate a confidence she may or may not have. Mother stood closely next to her as they ran through the opening statements. 

 

For himself, Zuko was dreadfully nervous. He liked to think that his suit was just as sharp as Azula’s and that is posture was as rigid and ready. He didn’t think that Ozai stood much of a chance now that Ursa had financial stability. And even less of a chance with the files Jeong Jeong had given him on Thursday. Yue’s presence wasn’t going to do him any favors either. 

 

Zuko let his gaze fall on Ozai. The man met his eyes and gave a smile with all the friendliness of a vampire. The man had even styled his beard for the occasion. Not that Zuko hadn’t done some self grooming of his own. The man looked eerily like Azula in his manner and he thought that Azula might be trying to outshine him...to out intimidate him. 

 

But she was still Azula and he was still Ozai. Azula had warmth in her that Ozai did not, Zuko knew that Ozai could detect it through her cold demeanor. Zuko listened in on their verbal exchange, finding that Azula was every bit as slick as her father. Every bit as smooth and undeterred in her speech. He only knew that she was nervous because she had mentioned it in passing some hours prior. 

 

“Is it true, Mr. Kasai, that, at one point, you had put locks on the fridge?” The judge asked. 

 

“I have.” Ozai confessed. “But not for the reasons you think.” 

 

Of course the man would lie under oath.

 

“What reasons could you possibly have for doing so?”

 

“I have locks for everything, your honor. The fridge was no different. People want what I have. Should someone successfully enter my estate and steal from me, I would at least like to have a meal while thinking things over.” 

 

The plaintiff attorney spoke. “Would you like to tell us when you had the locks installed?”

 

“I do not recall the exact date.” Ozai spoke. “It is a trivial matter.” 

 

“Can you tell us when he had them installed?” The judge addressed Azula.

 

“The night after Halloween. November first of this year.” She paused. “I had gone to a party and binged. It was posted on social media. My father had happened upon it and instilled locks afterward.” 

 

Zuko was surprised at how smoothly, how unwaveringly she recounted it. As though it didn’t bother her even slightly. 

 

“By ‘binged’, you mean…?”

 

“I am bulimic.” Azula replied. “I have a therapist.” She motioned to Yue.

 

“The courtroom would like to hear from her.” The judge replied as she gave Yue a quick once over. “But first I would like to know what led you to see a therapist and what has prompted your case of bulimia.”

 

“I had an accident over the summer. It caused some weight gain.”

 

Zuko hoped that he could be that forward when making his statement. 

 

“Between my father and a few of my peers, I decided that I wanted to lose it quickly. Things weren’t going as I wanted them to. I was hoping for fast results. Father was expecting them. But I wasn’t able to get them. He would make remarks and the like and I would try harder. I would refuse food until I couldn’t anymore. And when I couldn’t resist, I would sneak meals. Halloween was one such time.” She paused. “The morning after, he pulled me out of my room--I hadn’t finished dressing--and made me weigh myself. He installed locks that night. And I overdosed later that week. That is why I started therapy and why I was placed under my mother’s care.” 

 

“On what day, did you make your attempt, Mrs. Kasai?”

 

“Wednesday, the 4th of November.” Azula answered. “I have documentation.”

 

“I would like to see it.”

 

A few hours into the dialogue, the conversation turned to him, “is it true, that a few years ago CPS came to the estate regarding you?”

 

“Yes.” Zuko confirmed. “Uncle...my uncle, Iroh, called them.” Taking a page from Azula’s script he added, “I have documentation of it. Along with the rest of my profile.”  He passed the files Jeong Jeong had acquired for him. As the judge looked it over he continued. “He has been abusing me since I was around eleven years old. I think, maybe even earlier than that.” 

 

“You have a history of running away?” The judge looked up. 

 

“To escape from this.” He lifted his shirt some. 

 

Ozai scowled. “The result of a car accident.” 

 

“Objection, your honor.” Spoke their attorney. “The only record we have of a car accident involving the Kasai family is one that had been thoroughly examined and proven false. There are, however, reports from neighbors and psychologists, of domestic violence and child abuse. Mrs. Kasai has a restraining order filed against her former husband.” 

 

“One I willingly gave her.” Ozai cut in. 

 

The judge bangs her gavel once. “Wait your turn, Mr. Kasai.”

 

Zuko caught Azula’s eye. Something about her composed posture comforted him. Something about her expression, leaves him feeling more secure.

And he recalled that this was how she looked at him just before Ozai jumped in and took her side in an argument. How she looked before scoring a winning point. 

He held his head higher when the judge came back to him, because Azula knew that they were going to win. And because she was so sure, he was as well. 

 

When they did win, he could finally move forward. 

All three of them could. 

As a family. 

Unburdened and unhaunted by a common tormentor. 

 

He would have a real chance to thrive. He and Azula both. 


	49. Chapter 49

Azula studied her reflection, she was still getting used to feeling satisfied by what she saw. She ran a brush through her hair, set it to the side and looked at the time. She still had plenty of it, more than enough to perfect her makeup. First she slipped out of her sleepwear and turned to the mirror again. Yue had been correct--not that it surprised her--she still didn’t have the toned, athletic look that she was aiming for but she was slim to her content and comfort. She found her uniform, her old uniform, and pulled it over her head, savoring, in full, the way it fit her. It was still tight in the chest, not that she had any complaints there, at least she had earned one thing for all of her suffering. She swept her hair over her shoulders, trying to decide if she wanted to wear it loose or wear it up. 

 

“You almost ready?” TyLee shouted, bringinging her moment of self-appreciation to an abrupt halt.

 

“I still have to put my makeup on.”

 

She heard TyLee groan from the other side of the door and she wonders if the girl was beginning to regret letting her live there for the school year. “Can’t I get dressed and then we can put on our makeup together?” 

 

Azula rolled her eyes and unlocked the door, beckoning TyLee in. As she walked passed she muttered. “You already have makeup on.”

 

“It isn’t how I want it yet.” Azula replied.  She leaned against the wall and waited for TyLee to re-emerge. At the sound of the shower turning on she decided that she might as well get breakfast out of the way. These days, it was an endeavor she didn’t put much thought into save for deciding what she wanted to eat. 

 

Since the trial, the rest of the year had been generous to her. She’d slipped once or twice more before fully settling into things. And Zuko had his own share of close calls. But by June, she had gotten herself to a comfier spot. A place where she didn’t mind moving the team practice to the beach. At that point, she thought herself to still be on the softer side. 

But at that point it bothered her significantly less. 

 

A few kind words on her beach photos had certainly helped. Particularly the ones wherein Chan asked for a second chance and Teo threw their relationship status in his face. Such was the nature of their relationship, a steady flow of bickering and testosterone. 

 

As she ate, Azula wished Zuko luck with his GED prep classes and Ursa with her book signing. She ran through her comment feed. Zirin had posted a picture of she and the rest of the team, Nagako with a newly re-secured position. With any luck, they would keep the momentum she had started for them. She hoped to go up against their team this year. 

It had been tricky to explain why she had chosen to leave them. But a few of her goals, required her presence back at Wan High. 

 

Mostly she wanted to feel out what it would be like to live with TyLee before deciding to room with her in college. But a discussion with Yue made her realize that she wanted to wrap up what she began at her old school. She wanted to spend her final year with Mai and TyLee, they way they’d began high school. 

 

“Still want to touch up your makeup?” TyLee asked. 

 

Azula glanced at the time. “We still have to pick Mai up.” She hoisted her bag over her shoulder and drew out her car keys. 

 

“Can I choose the station his time?”

 

Azula was certain that Mai would just love the pop numbers. “Sure, Ty.” 

 

She watched her scramble into the passenger's seat, where she made herself at home. It brought a sense of comfort to open her glovebox and see TyLee’s chapstick and sunglasses again.  She was fairly certain that, one of these days, she’d open it to find a studded bracelet Mai left behind.

 

“Really, TyLee?” Mai grumbled. “One of these days you’re going to have to let me ride shotgun again…” she paused. “And let me chose some  _ good  _ music.” She tossed her backpack into the backseat before climbing in for herself. 

 

“How can you, hate this?” TyLee turned it up a few notches. 

 

“I will jump out of this car and walk.” Mai threatened dryly. 

 

There was a sense of surrealism in setting foot in the school again. It was as foreign as it was familiar with its tri-colored banner and its cringe inducing slogan scrawled in purple, blue, and black, ‘Wan High wolf-bats go, go!’ But what did she expect from a school that used a hybrid-animal as a mascot. 

She ran through her schedule as she wandered down the hall in search of her new locker.

 

Azula snapped her fingers, “find another locker to lean on.” 

 

“Apologies m’lady.” Chan heaved himself away from her locker. 

 

“Don’t you have a locker to get to?”

 

He patted the one he was currently leaning on. 

 

“Of course that one is yours.” She muttered. 

 

“Who do you have for first hour?” 

 

“AP English with Macmu-Ling.” 

 

“Oooo, advanced classes.” He drawled. 

 

“Looks like we won’t be seeing each other very often.” Azula noted. 

 

“Harsh.” He laughed. “I missed you.” 

 

“Well, of course.” Azula replied with a flick of her bangs. It would seem that he would be accompanying her to class. 

 

She stood in the doorway of her classroom and let him finish his spial about how they were letting him back on the volleyball team, so long as he promised to behave himself. “Hey, good luck at tryouts today.” 

 

“Thanks, Chan. But you’ll find that I don’t need luck.” 

 

She found herself a seat at the front of the classroom, nearest to the door and began arranging her pencils and notebooks to her satisfaction. 

 

“You’re attending Wan High again!” 

 

Azula looked up to see Katara who slid into the seat next to her. 

 

“Yes.” She replied. “I’d like to finish high school with Mai and TyLee.”

 

“What about your new volleyball team?” 

 

“If they paid attention to me at all, they’ll be able to manage without me.” She shrugged. “How is Jing-Zao?” The last she heard, the baby wasn’t faring so well. 

 

Katara’s face fell. “I’m still waiting to hear from Suki. I can’t believe she’s missing the first day of school  _ again _ .” She looked over her schedule. “She doesn’t have lunch with me this year anyways. So far, no one I talk to does. But I bet I have Usha.” 

 

“When do you have lunch?” 

 

“Fourth.” 

 

“I have fourth as well. I’m pretty sure that Teo mentioned, he does too.” 

 

“Mai and TyLee?” 

 

“Fifth.” 

 

“With Aang, Toph, and Suki.” Katara noted. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Teo folded his arms over his chest. He still wasn’t happy to be back within the halls of Wan High. Sure, the year had ended decently with Jet and Chan in their places. But that didn’t hinder Usha and Chu-Leng any. In fact, Chu-Leng seemed extra aggressive these days, blaming he and Azula for ‘stealing’ Chan and getting him removed from the volleyball team. 

 

He’d made a point of tossing Teo’s books around the hallway. 

 

He noticed someone picking up his books. She stooped down and felt around until her hands found what she was looking for. “You’re Teo, right?” She asked as she handed him the books. 

 

“Yeah.” He answered. “And you’re the BeiFong kid?” 

 

Toph nodded. “My dad said that he was interested in partnering with your dad’s business.” 

 

“I thought that I heard him mention something like that.” He found himself stealing looks at the labrador panting next to her. “It’s nice to finally meet a promising student.” 

 

“Thanks!” Toph smiles. “Wait a minute, you’re talking about Appa aren’t you?” She laughed. “You’re probably right though, Appa is probably smarter than most of these numbskulls.” 

 

“What class are you headed to?” 

 

“Art.” Toph replied. “To me it’s collage class. I’ll cut up magazine pages, glue them, and hope for the best. Either way around it’ll turn out better than whatever is going on with Kori’s face today.” She paused. “I mean I haven’t seen it, but I’m pretty sure my crafts will look better.” 

 

“You’re setting the bar too low.” Teo said. 

 

“You think I should try to make my pieces look better than Chan thinks his abs look?”

 

Where had this girl been last year? 

 

“Where are you going?” Toph asked. 

 

“Cafeteria.” 

 

“Appa’s favorite place in the school.” Toph declared. “If you run into Spike before me, tell her I said hi.” 

 

“Spike?”

 

“Your girlfriend.” 

 

“Why, Spike?” 

 

“Ya know, spike, like the volleyball thing. Geeze, Teo, Appa coulda figured that one out.” She paused. “Hey, I’ll talk to you more after school.” 

 

With that, Teo showed himself into the lunchroom. He found Azula sitting with Katara and wheeled himself up. If there was one reason he still bothered showing up to this hellhole, it was to see the two of them. With any luck, lunch would be a more pleasant experience this year. In way of a greeting, Azula leaned over and gave him a small kiss.

 

“Toph said to tell you she said hello.” Teo set his lunch down. “I’m pretty sure she wants me to say hi to you too, Katara.” 

 

“She’s back in school again?” Katara asked. “I thought that her parents were still deciding on that.” 

 

Azula shrugged. “I get this feeling that Toph had more say in that than her parents.” 

 

“Did we invite him to our table?” Teo asked. 

 

“He tends to invite himself to places.” Azula replied. But she let Chan take a seat anyhow. 

 

“Good afternoon, ladies and nerdass.” He wrigged his brows. 

 

“Not attractive.” Azula commented. 

 

“Not even slightly.” Teo agreed 

 

Katara rolled her eyes. “You know, I don’t think that I’ve ever met a group of friends who insult each other the way you three do.” 

 

“With mountains of affection?” Teo asked.

 

“With great creativity?” Chan added. 

 

“More like, with great truth.” Azula mumbled. 

 

“Truth?” Teo asked. 

 

“You  _ are  _ a nerdass and he  _ is  _ a dumbass.”

 

“And you  _ are  _ a smartass.” Chan declared smugly. 

 

“Exactly. With great truth.”

 

“Please leave me out of this group activity.” Katara requested.

 

“Are you sure?” Teo asked. “It’s a real good bonding activity.” He unwrapped his sub sandwich. The sound of clicking heels brought his good mood to an abrupt halt. 

 

“You’re really sitting with these nerds?” Usha scoffed. 

 

“As opposed to sitting with yours?” Azula asked. 

 

Usha ignored the comment. “Come sit with Kori and I, where you belong, Chan.” 

 

“I think, I’ll pass.” Chan replied. “I was kind of hoping for a quieter year.” 

 

Usha sniffed. “You’re really going to sit with the fat bitch and the whore?”

 

Teo raised his hand. “And the cripple.” Usha’s lip twitched. “Beat you to it.” He flashed the most shit eating grin he could muster.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Azula listened to her ramble on and on about her supposed better table. She almost felt bad for the girl, she didn’t realize that she had already been dropped. If not, she was about to be, her removal from the volleyball team had cost them state. Azula couldn’t imagine that they had taken well to that. 

Really, she ought to warn her, but she was looking for a little entertainment to go with her lunch. “Do me a favor.” She muttered. “Let the girls know that I’ll be filling in for you.” 

 

Her face bunched up in disgust. “They’re not going to let you back on the team.” 

 

“The choice isn’t theirs, now is it?” 

  
Usha balled her hands and stormed over to Kori.

 

Azula hated to admit it, but the woman had put a question into her mind; did she really want to go back to a team that didn’t particularly want her around? But the school only had one volleyball team. She looked at the ball poking out of her backpack. 

 

“You’re not a fat bitch.” Chan said. 

 

“Not what’s bothering me.” Azula replied, though she appreciated the reassurance. 

 

“What is?” Katara asked. 

 

“Usha took over the team after I left…” She trailed off. They would probably tolerate her so long as she could get them to state where Usha had failed. But it wouldn’t be like the Xi River team. 

 

“Are you considering not trying out?” Teo asked. 

 

“Trying out was never part of the plan.” Azula replied. “Coach already handed me my spot. Try-outs started the week before school started, anyhow. I’m trying to decide how much shit I’m willing to put up with this year.” She supposed that she would attend practice and see which girls made the cut again and go from there. 

 

Whoever they were, she hoped that they would accept her back without a hassle. It weighed heavily on her mind until the final bell and followed her to the gymnasium.  

 

“Good to have you back, Azula.” Coach put a hand on her back. “I’d like you to meet the JV girls. They’re a rowdy bunch and I was hoping you could help me shape them up.” 

 

“It’d be my pleasure.” Azula replied. It was an opportunity. Should the varsity team hassle her, she could spend some time with the JV girls, that is if she could handle the unchecked zeal of a gaggle of underclassmen. 

 

“You look nice today.”  She turned around to see Kori. Of course she was handing out compliments now. That was just Kori’s nature, to suck up to anyone who even looked like they could make it to the top.

 

“I am aware.” Azula replied stiffly. 

 

“Whatever.” The girl grumbled. “Usha looks better.” 

 

“She tries.” Azula muttered under her breath. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Uno, bitch!” Haru threw down his final yellow card. 

 

“Come on dude, let someone else win!” Teo frowned. 

 

“How about you get good!?” 

 

“Long-Shot, tell him to give us a chance.” 

 

Long-Shot looked to Aang.

 

“I don’t think we’re ever going to win, Teo.” Aang replied. “Haru hasn’t lost a game of uno in his life.” He pulled out his iPod, “see.” He pointed to a string of digital tally marks. “That’s my losing streak.” 

 

“Wow, dude. You won’t even let your boyfriend win?”

 

“He needs to get good too.” Haru replied. “In this world it’s wreck or get rekt.” 

 

Teo groaned, Haru was getting to be worse than his dad as far as awful jokes went. He checked his watch. “Alright guys, time to wrap up.” He braced himself for a little mockery and some smooching noises from Haru. 

 

“What, is it girlfriend time already?” He didn’t fail to deliver. 

 

“Come on, Haru.” Aang said sheepishly. “I think we could use some us time too.” 

 

Normally he wouldn’t rush them so much, but Azula promised him that she had something special to give him. Evidently, he was hoping for some comic con tickets and an offer to cosplay with him. One day they’d get there. The doorbell rang and he hurried to the lower floor as fast as he could wheel himself. 

 

He greeted Azula with a hug. Her hair was slightly disheveled and she was still in uniform. “How did practice go?” 

 

She set her duffle bag on the floor. “It went better than I thought it would. Kori is going to be a problem, but the other girls are willing to let by gones be by gones.” 

 

“You look exhausted.”

 

“I had to remind them of who they are dealing with.” Azula shrugged. “Is your dad home?” 

 

“He’s in the garage, why?” 

 

“I was hoping that he could join us.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

She pulled out a slip of paper. “I might have mentioned to my mother than he needed a little help getting his business going.”

 

“Are you serious?” He asked. 

 

She slid the check across the table. “He’s treated me well, your father. Better than mine did.” 

 

Teo wheeled forward and pulled her into a hug. She made herself comfortable in his lap and draped her arm around his neck. He kissed her forehead. He heard a cough from behind. “Sorry, dad.”

 

“No please, continue.” The man said half-sarcastically. “Don’t let your old man ruin your night.”

 

“Actually, dad, Azula has something she wanted to tell you about.” 

 

“Practice went well, I take it!” He declared excitedly. That was one thing Azula could provide that Teo couldn’t; talk of sports. Every other time he invited her over, his father would embarrass him with talk of how football was back in his day.

 

“It went fine.” She replied. “But there are other things that I’d like to discuss more.” She took the check back from Teo and handed it to his father. “It’s for your repair shop. Think of it as a thank you for letting me spend the night and what not.” 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Azula made her way back to TyLee’s house. Hopefully she and Mai would arrive around the same time as each other. She imagined that their first days had gone just as eventfully as hers, and hopefully as well. Her car still smelled strongly of TyLee’s perfume. She turned on her radio, feeling as though things were finally falling back into place. 

Falling back into a comfortable normal where she was comfortable in her skin.

A new sort of normal.

 

A better normal than the one she’d had before. A more natural and effortless sort of normal. The kind of normal where she knew that she was going to get an earful from Ursa for not calling her sooner. The kind of normal where she knew Zuko was going to text her with a new pun from Iroh. 

 

The kind of normal, she didn’t have to fight for. 

That didn’t leave her with the impression that she could lose everything that comforted her in a heartbeat. 

 

She supposed that, for all of the hurt and humiliation, she was glad for the accident. It would seem that it has given her more than it had taken. 

 

She pulled into the driveway to see Mai walking Tom-Tom towards TyLee’s house. It would seem like they’d be stuck catching the midnight show. Not that it mattered, they had always been good at killing time. Perhaps one of these days, she would invite Katara to join them, if the girl had some spare time. She shut her car off and greeted the pair--and Tom-Tom. 

In a few minutes they would be piling back into her car and heading to the mall. Just as they had when they were three years younger. 

 

A new normal. 

Yet a familiar normal.


	50. Chapter 50

Zuko took a step back to appreciate his work. The forest green chip was fixed into the teacup next to one of a bright purple. It had been a pain to not only fit them all onto the tea cup but to get them to stay put. It was a feat that required him to heat each coin up until they were soft enough to bend. More than once he had earned himself a minor burn or two. By month ten, he had gotten pretty good at avoiding that. He set the teacup back on his shelf amid the other knick-knacks uncle had bought for him. 

 

He hurried to dress himself. He could smell the sweet aroma of hot maple splashed with a touch of blueberry. He smiled to himself. She remembered. 

Of course she remembered. 

Blueberry waffles had been his favorite since he was a child. 

 

It was a meal she had cooked for him on his first day of school until she left. “Good luck today.” His mother greeted as took his seat. 

 

“You too.” He returned. Today was the day she’d be holding a signing for her second novel. “I’ll try to swing by if I have time after class. 

 

“Don’t rush, dear.” Ursa replied. “I want you to earn your GED, if you miss my book signing you can always come to the movie premiere, like Azula is.”

 

“Azula can’t come to your signing either?” 

 

“She has school until two, remember. The signing ends at three.”

 

“Right.” Zuko replied. “Well, my prep class ends at twelve so I should be able to make it. I’ll see you then, mom.”  

 

She gave him a quick hug and with a text from Azula, he was on his way. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Is your brother dressed?” Michi called from down the hall. 

 

“He was.” Mai grumbled. She’d left him for about five minutes and he already had his socks and shirt off once more.  “Tom, you’re a first grader now. First graders keep their clothes on.” 

 

He looked up at her with big grey-brown eyes. “Not this first grader!” 

 

“Yes, this first grader.” She forced the shirt back over his head. “You like this shirt, remember? It’s the one with the Brontosaurus.”

 

“It’s a Apatosaurus.” Tom-Tom corrected. 

 

“Right. Apatosaurus.” Mai replied as she led him to the breakfast table. She poured him a bowl of cereal and a glass of milk. “Now, don’t spill it this time.”

 

“First graders don’t spill milk.” He said with Mai. 

 

“Good.” 

 

“I’m gonna get my whole sticker chart full soon.” Tom-Tom declared. 

 

“I’m sure you will.” Mai replied as she fixed her own breakfast. She peered and Tom-Tom and quickly slipped up to her room to stuff the rest of her supplies into her backpack. “Azula is going to be here soon, mother.” She noted on her way back to the kitchen. 

 

“Alright, let me know when she gets here.” 

 

It was progress. Mai still felt as though she was doing most of the hard work when it came to Tom-Tom, but at least her mother was putting in some effort now. It would probably take a few more family sessions to make her understand why she needed to put some more effort into raising her son, but it was a start. 

 

A text appeared on her phone and Mai called up to her mother. She turned to Tom-Tom. “Be good for mom, and maybe next time Azula, TyLee, and I go to the mall, I’ll get you a surprise.” 

 

“Okie!” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up, nearly knocking his milk over in the process. 

 

Mai sighed and headed outside. It was nice to see Azula’s car there again, there was a sense of comfort that came with it. A sense of normalcy. And a bigger sense of that in noticing TyLee in the passenger's seat.   “Really, TyLee? One of these days you’re going to have to let me ride shotgun again…” her front seat odds didn’t look so good, with she and Azula living together. “And let me chose some  _ good  _ music.” She added while she was at it.

 

“How can you, hate this?” TyLee asked as she cranked it even louder. 

 

“I will jump out of this car and walk.” Mai replied with an eye roll. 

 

They parted ways where the hall split. Azula had a locker on the opposite side of the school and TyLee had the misfortune of getting a second floor locker.  Her phone buzzed and she noticed a text from Zuko. She sighed to herself. One of these days she was going to have to talk to him. 

 

She peered at her arm, the slashes on it were mostly healed, some turning to scars. She decided that it was time to let her relationship with Zuko do the same. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

‘Tonight is going to be busy. Does the weekend sound good?’

 

Truth be told, he had plans with Hahn, but he figured that he could put those to the side. Hahn was pretty understanding about things like that. 

 

He texted Mai back with a simple, ‘yes, it sounds great.’ And then he selects Azula’s number. He would tell Hahn about the change of plans in person. He types a small thing or two about how so far things were going pretty smoothly. 

 

For the most part things had been going well for him. They had been since the week after the trial. The first week after the trial was hectic. They had been escorted to Ozai’s estate with a police entourage, so that Azula could gather the rest of her possessions that had been left there.  

 

The man had been oozing with cruel things to say to all three of them as they made their way in and out of the house. Mostly his words fell on deaf ears, it was the ranting and ravings of a bitter soul. The sort of thing that wasn’t worth paying attention to. 

 

The man had broke the terms of his restraining order several times, contacting he and Azula both and Ursa as well. Even Iroh wasn’t spared a nasty word or two. Eventually the messages grew less frequent, and Zuko was left to assume that Ozai was running out of money to blow on fines. The trial was a rather public matter and the outing of how he had led his son to heroine and his daughter to bulimia did hefty damage to his company. One by one, headlines came about various companies breaking their partnership with Ozai’s. 

 

Headline, by headline, Zuko felt more at ease. 

The man was losing his power. 

He had lost his power when Zuko had made his escape. 

 

He stuffed the remains of his lunch back into his lunch bag and hurried to finish the final half of his first day of prep class. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

The rest of her day was quite a drag, save for Moo-Chee making a scene about how he was the dark one and he would have respect. Over the summer, the boy had upped his poser game. Taking it from simply leeching off of the goth scene to pretending to worship the devil. The boy was a constant source of entertainment. He was mostly harmless these days, save for the constant threat of secondhand embarrassment. 

 

Only after she found Azula’s car in the parking lot, did she remember that the girl was staying later for volleyball practice. She made her way back inside. She recalled that TyLee was going for the poms team again. That left her to figure out how she wanted to spend her time. She considered simply going to the gym and watching Azula. 

 

Instead she found herself wandering down the hallway in search of another club. Poetry didn’t sound too awful and they only met on Mondays. It would give her a distraction if she needed one but it wouldn’t take up enough time for her mother to pitch a fit. 

 

Naturally when she stepped into the room, she spotted Moo-Chee. Perhaps she could make the boy a side project. Help shape the boy into less of a poser. 

 

The club members welcomed her warmly and the instructor motioned for her to take a seat. “I am Macmu-Ling, welcome to the Five-Seven-Five society. Right now we are working on introductory poems.” She paused. “Write a little something about yourself in the form of a hiku, and then we will read aloud, what we have come up with.” 

 

Mai nodded. She wasn’t a hiku type of person, but she was willing to give it a try. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Zuko helped Ursa take down what remained of her signing set up. 

 

“Thank you for joining me today, Zuko. How about I treat you and Iroh to some tea and coffee?”

 

It sounded perfectly charming. “I’d love that.” He replied as he packed the last of the books away. He would wait a little longer to text Azula, if he remembered right, she was probably still in the middle of practice. But he was curious as to when she planned on stopping by next. 

 

“You think that this book store is hiring?” Zuko asked. 

 

“GED first.” Ursa said sternly with a dip of her head. 

 

Zuko lifted his hands. “Just asking.”

 

“That’s the last of the boxes.” Iroh spoke. “Let’s brew some tea!”

 

“Would you like to invite Hahn, dear?” 

 

“He’s already on his way.” Zuko hoped that this invitation would make up for cancelling their weekend plans.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Azula had dropped her off at home only a few hours ago. Apparently she had something to take care of before the three of them went to the movies. If she didn’t hurry, they’d end up having to watch the midnight show. In which case, Mai was fully prepared to suggest that they see a horror movie instead. Suddenly, she wanted Azula to take her sweet time. She hadn’t seen a good horror movie since last year. Of course she would be avoiding the body horror sub-genre. She was in the mood for ghosts and demons, a little something to give her insult ammo. She was going to need it if she was going to pursue a friendship with Moo-Chee.

 

She received a text from Azula, stating that she was on her way.

 

“I’m going out, mother.” She called. 

 

“Would you mind taking Tom-Tom with you? Your dad and I have an important meeting tonight.” 

 

Mai sighed, horror movies might be out of the question. “I guess I can, but next time…”

 

“Next time, I will bring him along.” Michi promised. 

 

“Alright, Tom, c’mon.” She picked him up. “Do you like secrets?”

 

“Mmmhmm.” 

 

“If you keep a secret for me, I’ll let you see a scary movie with my friends and I.” 

 

Tom-Tom gasped. “A scary movie!?”

 

“Shhh. Not so loud. If you’re too loud you won’t get to go to the big boy movie.” 

 

“I wanna go to the big boy movie.” Tom-Tom whispered. 

 

Mai smirked. “Great. When mommy asks you what movie you went to see, tell her you saw the one with the dinosaurs.” 

 

“Kay, Mai.” He smiled as she fastened his seatbelt. 

 

She strapped herself in. “Tell me all about your first day of school, Tom.” She smiled softly to herself as her new partner in crime told her all about first grade. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

It was nightfall by the time they reached the cafe. Azula had finally answered his text, she was planning on dropping by either this weekend or the next, stating that she would carpool with Mai. From the sound of it, Mai was doing much better. 

 

It weighed heavily on him to hear that she had contemplated suicide. To think that he might have had a hand in it, though she insisted that it wasn’t his fault. He still felt obligated to make it up to her somehow. 

 

He didn’t yet have an idea of how to do so, he supposed that he would have to just let things fall into place. That’s what Iroh had told him; just let things happen. So far it was a working method. His sessions with Jeong Jeong had left him with similar advice. He had to accept things for what they were. 

 

So he would. He would accept whatever happened with Mai over the weekend. Just like he was accepting that his heroine abuse had happened. He ran his fingers over the small pockmarks, he no longer had a desire to rid himself of them. 

A self-respecting man wouldn’t try to hide such a large and important part of his life. 

 

And Zuko had decided that he was going to be a self-respecting man. 

The sort that would show Ozai that he had completely lost. 

The sort that would earn a GED and make something of his life. 


	51. Chapter 51

She couldn’t believe that she was missing her first day of senior year. Katara was going to kill her for sure, if the stress didn’t get there first. She squeezed her mother’s hand, happy to have it there. For as much as the woman vowed to not get involved with the raising of her baby, the woman was doing a bad job of sticking to her word. 

Not that Suki had an protests there. 

 

Breathing and body temperature problems were an on and off again problem since Jing-Zao’s birth. The baby hadn’t enough body fat to protect her from hypothermia. And her lungs had formed as immaturely as she. 

 

‘How is Jing-Zao?’ Katara texted the question. 

 

‘I’ll let you know when I figure it out.’

 

Suki had been allowed to take her baby home a month after having her but she was right back in the ER almost immediately with some sort of flu. And then a case of whooping cough. They had told her after the third trip that this was the result of a poor immune system. 

 

She would be surprised to find that Jing-Zao’s immune system had failed again. 

They had already been at the hospital for over an hour. She hated having to call Sokka again. He was probably already in the middle of a morning class. 

But their baby was having breathing troubles again. 

 

Over and over again, in her head, she wondered what she could have done to have prevented the preterm birth. But when it came down to it, the only thing she could have done was not have a baby at all. She squeezed her mother’s hand. 

Even going back to Wan High was a better option than this. 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Toph frowned to herself, according to Katara, Suki would be missing the first day again. She was glad she didn’t have babies to deal with, it seemed like such a handful. The only baby she’d have to worry about was Appa.

 

“Don’t let him bite anyone.” Poppy cautioned. “We can’t afford another lawsuit.” 

 

“I know, mom.” Toph grumbled. “Appa’s a good dog, he won’t bite anyone.”

 

Poppy pulled her into a crushing hug. “Don’t push yourself too hard today. If you have any trouble, if they aren’t accommodating…”

 

“I don’t need accommodation.” The less they accommodated, the better. The less changes that were made, the better. “And, don’t worry, I can walk myself to the bus.” Before Poppy could protest, Toph took off. She sprinted down the sidewalk, eyes locked on Aang. 

“Hey Twinkle Toes!” She greeted. 

 

He jumped. 

 

“Any higher and I’d think you were practicing hurdles for the track team.” 

 

“Soccer is good enough for me.” Aang replied. 

 

One of these days she was going to have to find a way back onto the team. “Guess what?”

 

“What.”

 

Toph whipped out a brand new backpack. “Now that Mai’s family dropped the lawsuit, things are getting back on track. I can go to better eye doctors now. The kind that don’t try to mess the whole thing up.” She reached down to hand Appa a treat. “So, Twinkle Toes, what kind of drama do you think Wan High has in store for us this year?” 

 

“Hopefully none.” Aang rolled his eyes. “We got more than enough of it last year. I was hoping to have a quiet year with Haru.” 

 

“A quiet year? With me?  I don’t think so, Twinkle Toes!” She rolled her eyes. “Yeesh, all of that drama, and I missed it.” She had gotten the tail end of it, but it seemed like all of the action seemed to happen when she was gone. Frankly she would have loved to have been around to witness exactly what had led Azula to come to Katara’s party so many months ago. But then again, she couldn’t have promised that she wouldn’t have made an ill-placed comment or two.

 

“Trust me it’s not the kind of drama you would have wanted to be around.” 

 

“Eh...I suppose that I got enough of my own last year anyways.” Toph shrugged. She was just glad to be returning to school at all, especially after so many threats from her mother about being transferred to a specialized school. 

 

The bus pulled into the stop. “Ladies first.” Toph motioned Aang ahead. 

 

Aang stepped onto the bus. “I missed your jokes.” 

 

“You missed my jokes?” Toph replied. “I missed making them!” She missed almost a whole year’s worth of witty jokes and opportunities to be sarcastic. “Don’t worry, I’ve saved up a whole year’s worth of ‘em. Gotta make up for all of the jokes I missed. I’ve even come up with some new nicknames for everyone.” Of course they didn’t know it yet, but they would as soon as an opportunity presented itself.  “Spike better like hers.” 

 

Frankly she was looking forward to getting to know her better, the amount of Usha jokes they could make together...she saw so much potential. Alright, so it was more like, she sensed so much potential. 

 

She hoped that there was as much potential in the partnership her father was considering with Teo’s father. “So, Haru is friends with Teo, right?” 

 

“Yeah.” Aang replied. “Why.” 

 

“I hope he has a sense of humor because, we’re about to get to know each other pretty well.” 

 

“Teo can take a joke.” Aang replied.

 

“Perfect.” Toph grinned. “If I don’t run into him today,” which with Appa as her eyes was a real possibility.  “Can you ask Haru to mention my name?” 

 

“Sure thing, Toph.” 

 

“Knew I could count on you, Twinkle Toes.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

Sokka stepped into the hospital. The commute had taken much longer than he had anticipated. “Hey, Suki.” 

 

Suki pulled him into a hug. “I’m just so tired of the hospital.” 

 

She looked exhausted. Not that he didn’t share her sentiments. But he was only missing move in day. This hospital visit was costing her the first day of school. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to class, I think I can take over this one.” 

 

“It’s just icebreaker and syllabus day. They’re the same every year.” She declined. “I wouldn’t be able to focus anyways, Sokka.” 

 

“She’s gonna be fine.” Sokka assured. “If she’s anything like you then she’s not going to give up that easily.” 

 

Suki sighed. “You’re right…”

 

So far Jing has pulled through everything else. He didn’t see why this case would be any different. He motioned for Suki to sit in his lap and squeezed his hand. “Hey, my days of cleaning up highway and trash and garbage under bridges are almost over. By the time she’s able to get on her feet and walk, I’ll be around to help her do it.”

 

“Well I hope so.” Suki muttered. 

 

The look on her face still said he was in deep waters for making her endure most of the crying over the summer. And her mother still had to warm up to him. “Hey, I promise. I let Katara down, I’m not gonna let you and Jing down too.” 

 

**.oOo.**

 

Aang held his head as high as he could as he walked passed Hide. 

 

“How’s my favorite priss? Did you boyfriend treat you like a princess over the summer?” 

 

“You bet he did.” Haru took Aang’s hand. “With a mustache this majestic who wouldn’t feel like royalty after a kiss.” With his free hand he locked a finger gun on Hide. 

 

“That’s disgusting.” Hide scrunched his nose.

 

“Someone isn’t handling the single life very well.” Chan put in. 

 

“Since when did you play for the geeks?” Hide scowled. 

 

“Since my ex decided to go and be one of them, I guess.” He shrugged. 

 

“Whatever.” Hide muttered. “If you want to let the faeries feel you up, that’s your deal.”

 

“Boy, underclassmen are wild these days.” Chan noted. 

 

“Says house party guy.” Aang interjected. 

 

Haru burst out laughing. “I love you Aang, but I think Toph has a thing or two to teach you about insults.” 

 

“Your mustache is an insult to your face.”

 

“Better.” Haru replied.

 

“I don’t know, I thought that one was pretty clever.” Chan replied propping himself up against a locker.

 

“What brings you to this part of the hallway?” Haru asked.

 

He held up the sheet of paper showing his locker number. 

 

“Looks like we’re going to see each other a lot.” Aang noted, motioning to the locker two away from his. It would seem like luck was on his side this year. Chan was still gorgeous, but this time without the disastrous personality. If he got really lucky, the ex-jock might even act as a line of defense against Hide. 

Heaven knew he was going to need that now that he was in a more open relationship. 

But he had promised Haru that he wasn’t going to let anything scare him away from sneaking kisses in the hallway or on the bleachers during games--that is, if Haru could ever convince him to get near a football match.

“Hey, thanks for sticking up for me.” 

 

“No problem. I’ve decided to put my assholery to good use.” Chan shrugged.

 

“You going to be hosting more parties?” Haru asked. 

 

“Yeah, still hosting the homecoming and Halloween ones.” Chan replied. “Guest list is gonna be more exclusive though. If you and your guy haven’t been traumatized, you can come again.” He paused. “One rule though.”

 

“Yeah?” Aang asked. 

 

“No sheet ghosts allowed.” Chan said. “Gotta be more original than that since we’re going to have less costumes to choose from. Don’t worry, you’ve got a whole month and thirty-one days to think about it.” 

 

“Thirty days.” Haru corrected. 

 

“Whatever, dork.” 

 

“Alright, no sheet ghosts.” Aang replied. He’d have to settle for curtains. 

 

“I gotta get going.” Aang replied. “I heard Zhao is awful.” 

 

Chan visibly cringed. “Good luck little loser. You’re gonna need it.”

 

But Aang didn’t think so, so far everything was going well. If anyone could suck up to Zhao and get a good grade, it was him. He didn’t think he had much to worry about, he had a good feeling about this year.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Jing-Zao squirmed around in her arms. It wasn’t good news, but she supposed it was much better than she had fretted. After hours of monitoring, the doctors had declared that the girl had a case of asthma. Another good hour or so was dedicated to learning all about how to care for the condition. 

 

“I’m going to drive with Sokka, mom. If you want you can take my car.” She leaned in and let the woman hug her. “Thanks for coming today. It means a lot to Sokka and I. Right?”

 

“Absolutely.” Sokka agreed. “Jing would like to have time with two gran-grans.” 

 

Suki rolled her eyes. She had to get him to stop calling them ‘grans’. Granted it was much better than his first idea, ‘the gran squad’. “And two grandfathers.” 

 

Her mother sighed. “He’ll come around Suki. Just keep rocking the baby in front of him and he’ll come around.”

 

Suki didn’t doubt that. He had the same reaction when she’d brought a stray cat home as a child. 

 

Back in the comfort of her home, she tickled Jing’s tummy, relieved and elated to hear the baby’s coo. She was mostly healthy and she was happy. And that had to count for something. Even if she and Sokka had a long way to go. 

A really long way. 

 

She sent Katara a text. ‘Everything is okay with Jing. I’ll be in school tomorrow, mom said she’d babysit.’ She hit send and added. ‘I’m still on for tonight.’ 

 

Granted Katara’s idea of ‘on for tonight’ was a night at home watching dumb chick flicks and laughing at the drama from the safety of their couch. But that was fine by her, it was a baby-safe night out. 

 

“You going to come with us Sokka?” 

 

“I would, but I’ve got some trash to pick up. I’m trying to get that out of the way.”

 

“That’s fine, it was a girl’s night anyways and we have Jing to fill in for you.” 

 

“I’ll be sure to crash girl’s night next time.” Sokka vowed. 

 

“What if we’re inviting guys next time?”

 

“See now you’re making things difficult.” Sokka replied, holding out his arms.

 

She passed Jing-Zao over. She supposed that he could have the honor of rocking her to sleep this time. He beamed down at the baby, booping her on the nose. Suki smiled. They certainly didn’t have it completely together. But she had a good feeling that they’d be able to work it out.


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi y’all, sorry if this one isn’t as on par as the last few chapters. It was one of the two chapters I typed after my car accident as I waited for the tow truck so my mind was in two places, but I still wanted to put type this one up, because I was on a bit of a schedule and couldn’t afford to stray from it. So hopefully this one is still as good as the last few chapters.

 

Katara scrambled to get dressed. She tied her hair into a high ponytail, it was a new year and she was ready to try something new. She buttoned up her uniform and packed up her supplies. She picked up her backpack, the same iridescent teal, seahorse backpack she’d been using since middle school, and put it on. This year she had taken the care to add a few silver pins in the shape of turtles and mermaids. The night before, she and her mom worked to touch it up with a few faux pearls. It was, after all, her senior year and she was planning on making it count for something. 

She sent Suki a quick text asking how she planned to style her hair and do her makeup and went back to the mirror for some final touches. She clipped a few seashell barrettes into her hair and took a deep breath. Maybe her style was still childish but it made her feel joyful. 

She decided at the beginning of summer, that she was going to be unapologetically herself from there on out. 

 

‘I have to take Jing-Zao to the hospital again.’ The message flashed across her screen. ‘Good luck today.’ 

 

Okay, a bit of rough start to the day. She gave her room a once-over. When she was certain that she hadn’t forgotten anything she called goodbye to her mother and made her way outside. It was nice to be able to walk to school again, she missed the the scents of a fading summer and the way the warm breeze rustled her uniform.  

 

The walk to and home from school could once again be the highlight of her day. The outside world was bright and held the promise of a much better year. She waved to Hama and her horde of cats. The woman flashed her a toothy smile. “I haven’t seen you since last fall.” The old woman noted with a smack of her lips. 

 

“You’ll be seeing me around this year.” Katara smiled. 

 

“Wonderful. My girls have missed getting treats.” 

 

“I’ll remember to bring some with me tomorrow.” 

 

Hama was quite a personality. She hadn’t realized that she missed the old woman until then. One day she’d have to drop by and visit the woman’s garden again, maybe she’d get to see Lo and Li too if they weren’t busy with bingo night. It has been a while since  she got to smell lilacs and lavender and rose of sharon. 

 

She sent Aang a text asking about his schedule. By the time he sent a picture of it, she had reached Wan High’s heavy double doors. It would seem that they didn’t have lunch together this year either. She sighed, it was the biggest downside to being close friends with an underclassman. ‘See you after school?’ She asked.

 

‘I promised that Haru and Teo that we’d play card games at his house and probably some dungeons and dragons. You’re welcome to join us.’

 

As fun as that sounded, Katara wasn’t fond of board and card games. She would hit up Suki and see if she wanted to drop by for a sleepover after her appointment. ‘Thanks for the offer Aang, but I don’t really like card games. Do you want to stop by tomorrow?’

 

‘Tomorrow sounds great!’

 

She shut her locker and headed for class. English with...Macmu-Ling. It was a better first hour class than math with June.  She hoped that she’d have someone she knew in her class this year. She entered the classroom to see Azula arranging her things. She had gotten a haircut; asymmetrical, with the right side falling to her chest and the left reaching just above her neck. 

 

"You're attending Wan High again!" Katara remarked.    
  
Azula placed a final pencil and looked up."Yes, I'd like to finish high school with Mai and TyLee."   
  
"What about your new volleyball team?" Katara asked.    
  
"If they paid attention to me at all, they'll be able to manage without me." Azula replied. "How is Jing-Zao?"   
  
"I'm still waiting to hear from Suki.” So far, the last message she had received was the good luck text.  “I can't believe she's missing the first day of school again. She doesn't have lunch with me this year anyways. So far, no one I talk to does. But I bet I have Usha." It was just her luck. It seemed as though principal Roku had it out for her social life.   
  
"When do you have lunch?" Azula asked.    
  
"Fourth."   
  
"I have fourth as well. I'm pretty sure that Teo mentioned, he does too."   
  
Katara smiled. At least she’d have them again. Hopefully this time, she truly get a chance to enjoy having both of them for company. "Mai and TyLee?"   
  
"Fifth." Azula answered.”   
  
"With Aang, Toph, and Suki." Looked liked fifth hour lunch was the place to be. Slowly the classroom began to fill. “Hopefully Macmu is nice.”

 

“I haven’t heard anything about her, so she can’t be terrible.” Azula shrugged. 

 

It was true enough. Katara set her backpack on the table. 

 

“You’re still using that one?” Azula rolled her eyes. 

 

“Wanna swap?” She should have known better than to challenge the girl. She snatched the backpack, dumped hers out and tossed it over. Katara had to admit that it was a pretty nice bag, black in color with golden dragons curling around it. 

 

“I’ll be taking that back tomorrow, enjoy it while you can.” She declared as she put her own belongings into Katara’s former backpack. 

  
  


**.oOo.**

 

Azula waved her off and parted ways.  
  
"I'll see you after class?" TyLee called down the hall.   
  
"Eventually." Azula agreed. "I'll text the both of you."   
  
It sounded like a plan to her. They still hadn't decided what they were planning on doing.Right now it was between going to the Jasmine Dragon cafe for a bite to eat and going to the mall. She supposed that it all depended on when Azula got there. She mentioned something about dropping by Teo's place after practice. For herself, TyLee was going to join poms again and hopefully bring the spirit that she was known for. She wasn't all too worried; she Azula, and Mai were close again, she had new friends in Katara, Toph, Suki, Aang, and Sokka. Things were going well, she was very much in the spirit again.  
  
 **.oOo.** **  
**  
  
"Toph said to tell you she said hello." Teo greeted, causing Katara to give a small start. "I'm pretty sure she wants me to say hi to you too, Katara."  
  
"She's back in school again?" Katara was always the last to know. She probably should have texted Toph. "I thought that her parents were still deciding on that."  
  
"I get this feeling that Toph had more say in that than her parents." Azula pointed out as Chan seated himself next to her.   
  
"Did we invite him to our table?" Teo asked.  
  
"He tends to invite himself to places." Azula raised an eyebrow.She gave no indication of asking him to leave though and she wondered if it was going to be on her to get him to go.  
  
"Good afternoon, ladies and nerdass." He wrigged his brows.  
  
"Not attractive." Azula said for her.   
  
"Not even slightly." Teo agreed  
  
"You know, I don't think that I've ever met a group of friends who insult each other the way you three do." Katara noted.But then she had never had friends quite like the ones she had now.   
  
"With mountains of affection?" Teo asked.  
  
"With great creativity?" Chan agreed.  
  
"More like, with great truth." Azula mumbled.   
  
"Truth?" Teo asked, sounding completely but so falsely offended.  
  
"You are a nerdass and he is a dumbass."  
  
Chan cracked a smile as though he were about to unleash the most clever commentary."And you are a smartass."   
  
"Exactly. With great truth." Azula agreed.  
  
"Please leave me out of this group activity." Katara requested.She didn't exactly what to know which type of ass she was. She didn't think that there were any options left, and she didn't consider herself to be a 'jerkass'.   
  
"Are you sure?" Teo checked. "It's a real good bonding activity."   
  
Katara took notice of the sound of heels clacking behind her. These days it was almost a reflex to dread the sound of those.  
  
"You're really sitting with these nerds?" Usha asked, her face twisted viciously and unpleasantly. Katara didn't know how one girl could harbor so much hatred. Even at her worst, she didn't think that Azula was that bad.   
  
"As opposed to sitting with yours?" The girl in question asked.  
  
"Come sit with Kori and I, where you belong, Chan."Usha brushed the remark off.   
  
"I think, I'll pass." Chan replied. "I was kind of hoping for a quieter year."  
  
"You're really going to sit with the fat bitch and the whore?" The question was followed by an indigent sniff.   
  
Teo, growing more brazen than ever put in, "and the cripple." At this, Usha's lip twitched. "Beat you to it."   
  
Usha continued on and on about how things were much better at her own table. But the more the girl said, the less thrilling her table seemed. It sounded like a cesspool of gossip and drama. She had her fill of that last year. Two faced friends held very little appeal.  
  
"Do me a favor." Azula spoke. "Let the girls know that I'll be filling in for you."  
  
It took a moment for Katara to realize why Usha looked so unfathomably pissed. "They're not going to let you back on the team."  
  
"The choice isn't theirs, now is it?" Azula asked. With that, the girl was on her way back to her own table.   
  
"You're not a fat bitch." Chan said. The words sounded strange coming from him, but she would imagine that they relieved Azula at least a little bit. Even though she seemed mostly passed worrying over that, Katara thought that the remark had to have stung. It didn't seem to deter her eating any.   
  
"Not what's bothering me." Azula confirmed what Katara had thought.   
  
But it left Katara to wonder what was on her mind, "What is?"  
  
"Usha took over the team after I left…" Azula let the answer finish itself.   
  
"Are you considering not trying out?" Teo asked.  
  
"Trying out was never part of the plan." Azula replied. Katara's jaw nearly dropped. She couldn't imagine Azula not giving it a try. "Coach already handed me my spot. Tryouts started the week before school started, anyhow. I'm trying to decide how much shit I'm willing to put up with this year."  
  
That made a bit more sense. She had a strong feeling that Azula would stick with it.   
She, after all, was going to get back into swimming.   
She refused to let Jet take that away from her for good. They could call her whatever they pleased, the water was a second home for her, it helped her find a peace of mind. It helped her think things over.   
  
**.oOo.**   
  
TyLee set her poms down feeling completely and utterly wiped. She it had been a good try-out. She didn't doubt that she would make the cut. She took a drink from her water bottle and picked her poms up. She texted Azula to see if her practice had ended yet. 'I'm already in my car, waiting on you and Mai'.   
  
TyLee climbed into the backseat, it would be a nice surprise for Mai.   
  
"How did everything go?"  
  
"Better than I thought. Kori is going to be a handful, but I think that the other girls and I can work something out." Azula shrugged.   
  
"Were you able to squeeze in a jump serve?" Mai asked.   
  
The self-satisfied smile she gave was answer enough. "What about you Ty?" She asked as she flipped radio stations. "How did your tryouts go?"  
  
"Oh! They went wonderful!" TyLee chirped. "Mio heard that I was coming and she brought me some cupcakes. And I had a lot of fun, they chose my song to do our first routine to!"   
  
"And what about you Mai, you weren't too bored were you?"  
  
"I'm always bored." Mai replied. "I decided to stop by the poetry club. I'm sure Moo-Chee is going to entertain me for a while."  
  
Azula pulled into her driveway. "I'll see you tonight, Mai."  
  
"Absolutely."   
  
The hours went by rather slowly, waiting for Azula to text. She was eager to finally go to the movies with them again even though Mai had her heart set on horror. If anything she'd make her way into Azula's room. 

 

She grabbed her bunny keyring and waited on the front porch for Azula and Mai’s cars to pull up. The air was getting cool, but pleasantly so. She was sad to see the summer out, she had, had a blast. But she was ready for the rest of her year at Wan High. She listened to the chatter of crickets and the last of the birds as they retreated for the night. It had been a kind day and the night held a lot of promise.    
  
Her quiet musing was interrupted by a text alert. 'Tom-Tom is going to be coming with me.' Mai informed.    
That was perfectly fine with TyLee. She missed squishing his chubby baby cheeks...and he might save her from the horror movie. TyLee smiled to herself, she supposed that it didn't matter what they did so long as she had her friends back. It had been a tough run, she would say that they earned one final, kick ass year at Wan High. And if Azula and Mai had any say, they would be making the most of it. 

 

She saw Azula’s car pull into the driveway.    
  
**.oOo.** **  
**   
Katara pulled her swim cap off and headed for the door. Taking back the rest of what Jet had stolen left her feeling satisfied and accomplished. Occasional dreams aside, she was finally free again.    
Soaking wet, but free.    
  
She would have to let the others know that she was back in the water again. Perhaps exchange some sports related success stories with Azula and TyLee.   
  
She knew that Suki would definitely have a lot to share. Hopefully some good news this time. She rushed into her house and peeled off her sopping school uniform. She could do some laundry while she and Suki watched some movies.

 

She and Jing-Zao would be here at any minute. She hurried to tuck her things away as neatly as she could. She pulled out the spare mattress and turned the TV on. She dashed into the kitchen and tossed a packet of popcorn into the microwave, just as the doorbell rang. 

 

“Suki’s here.” Kya called. 

 

“In here!” She called. 

 

Suki found her way into the kitchen and set her stuff down, more stuff than usual. “Hope you don’t mind the baby clutter.” 

 

“Not at all.” Katara smiled. “So how did it go? What was wrong?”   
  


“She has asthma.” Suki sighed. “I was worried that she’d have to go back on the breathing machine…would you mind holding her for a second?”

 

Katara held her arms out. “She’s so cute.” She cooed tickling the baby’s tummy. Jing let out a cooing giggle of her own and squirmed around. 

 

“Yeah, much cuter when she’s not in me and kicking at my ribcage all night.” Suki commented. “So what’s the plan for tonight? Chick flicks and too much junk food.” 

 

“As always!” Katara answered. 

 

Suki was passed out on the sofa, snoring softly. Luckily for the both of them, Jing-Zao was slumbering with an intensity to match her father. The credits roll had long since finished and Suki was still clutching the remote with the hand that dangled off of the sofa. 

 

Looking at the scene she could pretend like nothing had changed at all. 

But she didn’t want to do that. 

Because for better and worse, things had changed. 

Changed and shifted until they settled into a new place. 

 

A better place. 

 

A place where Suki and Sokka could learn and grow and have something to cherish. A place where TyLee had discovered strength and thrived in it. A place where Mai could muster a smile every now and again, even if her thick eyeshadow made it look sinister. A place where Aang could settle into his sexuality. A place where Toph could face the new challenges she craved. Where Azula and Zuko could patch things up and move on as a real family. 

A place where she knew who her real friends where. Where friends came from unexpected corners of her life. Where she knew exactly how far they were willing to fight with and for her. 

  
  
She definitely wouldn’t let herself pretend like nothing had changed. Because  _ everything  _ had. And everything looked promising. 


	53. Chapter 53

It was bittersweet to see Azula leave her office. She had enjoyed her twice weekly conversations with the girl. As much as she hoped that she would see the girl again, she hoped in equal part that she would never fall so far back into her habits that she'd need to come by again.   
  
_ "I told you that things would just fall into place, didn't I?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ She watched Azula smooth her hands over her lithe figure, "You may have mentioned it."  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Yue smiled. The girl wasn’t averting her eyes this time. She wasn’t flustered nor distraught. No, this time she had an air of confidence and acceptance. The kind Yue, speculated that she ought to have. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "I'm going to be going back to Wan High."  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Why is that?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "I thought that I would finish what I started." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "I think that it will do you well to go back and face things. You seem like the type." Yue agreed. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Yes." Azula replied. She paused. "Thank you. For helping me to put things back into perspective."  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "That's my job."  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ "I feel like you did more than just your job." She replied.   
  
And maybe Yue had. She had grown particularly fond of Azula. She watched the girl walk away with a sort of power and confidence in her step. The kind she knew the girl ought to have. The kind that she earned.    
It had been a rough year for the girl but Yue had a hunch  that her next one would go well.

 

In her hands she held a stack of papers. Azula’s handwriting was neat and elegant. Yue skimmed the first few pages. It would seem that the girl had given her a journal of sorts. Perhaps a school assignment. 

 

Yue found herself sitting at home reading it as her dog yapped away at the neighbor’s cat. It was hard to read pages from the girl when she was at her worst, it was such a raw and uncensored version of what she had received in sessions. Almost jarringly so and it made Yue wonder if the girl was truly okay. It was one thing to know that she had received Azula due to a suicide attempt and another entirely to see a note detailing the reasons behind it. To see the shift in her handwriting as the pills took hold. 

Suddenly the prideful yet kind smile she gave that morning and that lively gleam in her eyes mean so much more. 

 

Yue came to a new page and the tone shifted rather drastically. She was no longer reading something draining depressing. There were bits where she could sense some confusion and doubt, but mostly the writing was lighter. Optimistic. 

 

She turned to the last page and found three images. One of Azula and her new volleyball team, taken after their first game, according to the caption Azula penned in. A second image showed she and her family.  The third was she and another group of people; Katara, TyLee, Mai, Teo, Sokka, Suki, Toph, Aang, Haru, and ‘this asshole’, each labeled accordingly. It took Yue a moment to gather that ‘this asshole’, was probably Chan. 

 

Yue closed the journal. 

Azula didn’t know it, but she had been more help than she would ever know. 

 

Yue almost hadn’t taken the girl’s case. The thought of being unable to save another client was horrifying. She was ready to seek a new profession. She clutched the journal to her chest. She hadn’t been able to save Lihao but she had saved Azula. 

And in saving her, she had perhaps saved herself. 


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update today because I had two short endings. This was actually going to be the real ending but I felt like the Yue one had more meaning. But I still wanted to share this version too. Thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed and stuck with these characters on their journeys. <3

Kyoshi flipped through a stack of papers.    
'My Wan High' by Teo Daiami   
'Wan High Woes' by Katara Nanouk   
'Autobiography Assignment' by TyLee BoYang   
'My Autobiography' by Usha Haraku   
'Slice' by Mai Eiko   
'How To Survive W.H With A Baby Bump' by Suki Takayubi   
'Wan to Xi' by Azula Kasai   
'Behind The Ball' by Kori Cho-Diatan   
  
And the brilliantly titled,   
  
'School Assignment Thing' By Chan Haga   
  
The boy had sent her a hasty email with a babbled apology and the real title. She decided to let it slid, at least he had turned his in unlike Chu-Leng.    
  
Each student brought his or her own flavor. It was haunting in a way to see how each of them had recounted such an eventful year. Some of them were painful, raw and uncut looks into their minds. It was no wonder, Mrs. BoYang had thanked her for the assigning the autobiography in the first place. There was one autobiography she had left to read, it sat on her desk glaring at her. It was an unfinished draft, one that he had snuck onto her desk, ripped and uncared for. Scrawled in dark lead was the name 'Jet Akunin'. Kyoshi thought of setting it to the side. But curiosity got the better of her.    
She had, afterall,  wanted to know exactly what each and every one of her students was thinking.    
  
  
"Finish grading yet?" Macmu-Ling asked.   
  
"Not quite." She replied.   
  
"You chose a good year to assign that one." Macmu-Ling replied.    
  
"I wouldn't call it good. But it was eventful." Kyoshi replied sipping from her coffee. She couldn’t help but feeling terrible for not reading them all sooner. Perhaps she could have been of help. “You don’t know the half of what these kids go through.” 

 

“Is that right?” Macmu-Ling asked. 

 

“Sometimes I think that they go through more than we ever will.”


End file.
